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Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 2:09:06 AM

Englishcrumpet

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... between kinky sex and BDSM and can someone explain to me why a kinky sex relationship feels different to Ds and/or Ms

im more aligned to Ms than kinky sex but im having a problem understanding why im finding it hard to align to a kinky sex relationship when kink is what we all do anyway.

it might be that my submission hasnt kicked in and without it im not so willing so submit to certain things (rimming being a specific) or endless BJ's - frankly it gets boring after half an hour!

as an Ms type im finding the lack of submission and resistance to certain things undermining my willingness which is undermining my submission. so a mismatch i agree, but im still a bit confused why kinky sex feels so different to Ds or BDSM perse.

Post #: 1

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 2:30:00 AM

Scala

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Hi Crumpet
For me the difference has always been that kinky sex has a beginning and an end. Afterwards both go back to being normal vanilla people and lives. In a Ds or Ms relationship the feeling of "not being equal" is there all the time. It may not be visable but its felt by both. Where the level of submission is concerned my experience has been that a D/S relationship is often no different to any other. There's a high level of activity at the beginning and then it sort of settles as both grow into it.

(in reply to Englishcrumpet)

Post #: 2

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 2:49:40 AM

Englishcrumpet

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yes, that makes sense.

as an Ms type i will anyway offer defferance but if that defferance isnt looked for or even noticed except during play and even then its really just submitting to the kink, not the guy. even if that guy is basically dominant in personality that doesnt actually mean that he is tuned into the Ds or Ms.

thanks, thats made it clearer in my head and i realise that whilst ive been attempting to defer the Ms focus just isnt in there. the focus is on kink and the rest of the time we go back to 'normal', and thats why im not feeling the submission.

(in reply to Scala)

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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 3:28:32 AM

Focus50

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Well my bdsm encompasses much more than sex, kinky or otherwise. I have rules and expectations of her and her behaviour which she agrees to honour in following my lead, choices and decisions. We are each complementing the other's greater D/s relationship needs for mutual fulfillment. And "kink" implies bedroom only, rather than the greater relationship....

Like probably many, I began with vanilla partners with an open mind to kink. Many vanillas play with bondage, for example.... But it was always a means to an end (spicing up sex) whereas I enjoyed doing the tying as a means of physical control - which didn't always end well when I was reluctant to untie a vanilla partner after....

With bdsm, she gets untied when I'm ready. It's all about who's in charge. Lol, I can understand your disdain for "endless BJ's". I prefer oral service to oral sex as it's more an act of domination than sexual release, to me. I once had a sub tell me she could do it "better" if I untied her hands and I just laughed. The girl had no idea what "better" is; that I revelled in her being all bound and helpless etc. Besides, I tend to think the woman's in charge when allowed to use her hands, and we can't have that.... ;)

Focus.

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(in reply to Englishcrumpet)

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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 6:22:24 AM

JeffBC

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Wait, let me get this straight. You expect me to define "sex", "kinky", BDSM, Ds and M/s and describe the differences between them? Really?

If I was going to try to answer your question, I would say that kinky sex feels different than Ds because one is kinky sex and the other is Ds. I have no idea what BDSM per-se is.

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(in reply to Englishcrumpet)

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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 7:19:15 AM

OsideGirl

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BDSM is bondage, discipline, sado-masochism.

There are people that participate in BDSM that never engage in D/s. There are people that participate in D/s that never engage in BDSM.

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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 7:50:11 AM

kalikshama

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Lol, I think the OP and I have very different definitions of "kinky" so I'm not even going to attempt this one.

(in reply to Englishcrumpet)

Post #: 7

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 8:10:32 AM

Madame4a

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M/s and D/s tend to have a power exchange or power dynamic as part of the foundation..

kinky sex may or may not.. and it might be very temporary...

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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 8:47:32 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet
can someone explain to me why a kinky sex relationship feels different to Ds and/or Ms

D/s and M/s are about power exchange and kinky sex may or may not be. You can have either or both but they are not the same thing.

NBMG

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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 9:08:28 AM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet

Whats the difference between kinky sex and BDSM and can someone explain to me why a kinky sex relationship feels different to Ds and/or Ms

Kinky sex isn't a relationship, it is a physical action between 2 people, and ends when one or the other (or both!) calls uncle.
D/s and M/s relationships are an emotional mindset between 2 people, and isn't reliant on physical action to exist.

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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 9:12:24 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Lol, I think the OP and I have very different definitions of "kinky" so I'm not even going to attempt this one.

Using a feather is kinky...using the whole chicken is perverted?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 11

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 9:25:45 AM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Lol, I think the OP and I have very different definitions of "kinky" so I'm not even going to attempt this one.

Using a feather is kinky...using the whole chicken is perverted?

. . . then chaining your slave to the chicken coup is BDSM?

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Post #: 12

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 9:38:01 AM

kalikshama

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Blow jobs aren't kinky unless you are chained to the chicken coop at the time.

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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 9:43:35 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Blow jobs aren't kinky unless you are chained to the chicken coop at the time.

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken"...but it can be kinda hot in a degrading sorta way :-)

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Post #: 14

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 9:49:37 AM

sweetcreamsub

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Using a feather is kinky...using the whole chicken is perverted?

Oside girl--- Made my day :) funny

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 15

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 10:12:13 AM

ResidentSadist

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about this chicken... I believe it has to be wearing a leather outfit to truly be kinky.

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 16

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 10:26:30 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Can someone explain to me what kinky sex is? kthx.

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RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 10:28:32 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Can someone explain to me what kinky sex is? kthx.

The way I always heard it the definitions go like this.

I'm sexually sophisticated.
You're kinky
He's perverted.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 18

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 10:36:52 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Hm. Arent you the VANILLA dude? Should I be trusting your definitions?

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Post #: 19

RE: Whats the difference - 4/23/2012 11:07:24 AM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Can someone explain to me what kinky sex is? kthx.

A demonstration, like a picture, is worth a thousand words. Now put your hands behind your back and close your eyes . . .

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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Post #: 20

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