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lizi -> RE: many of you western men like asian girls,I want to know why (5/7/2012 5:24:30 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Alecta
It's funny how some of the best threads are often started by one-hit OPs.
It's very rare, from my recollections of my mother's generation, that they would criticise another woman for being manipulative or conniving... only when she fails at doing it successfully, or if in doing so they've harmed another woman, but it seemed also an unspoken disdain towards the woman who've allowed herself to be victimised by another woman. In some ways, I think a good deal of Asian women tend to be very isolated outside of their families because of the pronounced rivalry, not necessarily in competing for men or position, but in the "oh I wouldn't have done it like that" way; and to an extent, form fairly unhealthy/abusive relationships with their Mothers, sister, daughters etc for the same reasons, although this same element of dysfunction becomes a strength in the relationship that on the one hand, you are forced to take the abuse, but on the other, it means you will never, ever, find yourself alone.
I don't know if this is true amongst North American and European women as well, but I've always wondered.
Ok, I'll give this a shot seeing as how I've had both experiences of being an intimate part of an Asian family, and then of course I grew up in my own North American family.
You're absolutely right, Asian women admire other women for successful manipulative handling of matters. It's seen as being the consummate family person, you are watching out for your family. Even if it's a personal success, it reflects on the group as a whole. If a woman fails then she is somehow less of a woman and not obtaining what she set out to do, which makes her an object of derision. After all, she failed her family too, not just herself. I do think the unhealthy aspect comes in with not being able to speak up about things (definitely frowned upon) and just having to accept status quo. As you said though, you get the admiration of your peers if you shoulder your burden and carry on and you get to keep your place in the group. It would feel like death amongst Koreans I think to be alone, I've just never seen my in laws spend any significant time alone - there is always someone around and something to do. I'ts hard as a Western woman to understand this great need to be part of the group as we don't do things that way.
Western women are more independent, they don't need the spot in the group so much, therefore they are freer to do as they like. Which means they are more free from having to accept abuse from others. Western women can be more discriminating and live life on their own terms. They don't have the support however. I think it comes down to what you were brought up with. I think Asians do need their social network, and I think Westerners are quite fine without it.
But...think of it this way. If you are alone as a Western woman or have a smaller social group, you also have less help when you need it. I think in general Asians pay more of a price all along their lives to put up with things that may be difficult and if they falter they have help. If a Western woman falters she gets what paltry government help is available and that's it. No one is there to pick up the pieces with her. Asian families would die rather than have a family member go without, Westerners do it all the time- we figure you got yourself into the mess you can get yourself out of it. An Asian never stands alone. Westerners do all the time.
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