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RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/15/2012 8:57:10 PM   
servingyou91


Posts: 22
Joined: 9/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

servingyou91,

Take a deep breath... and gather yourself. Come back and stay in "The Game"... first and foremost you need to believe in yourself regardless of how much experience you do or don't have...(you get the idea).

Self-Belief or Faith in yourself is very important at this stage of the game. You need to find this from within, illregardless of what people say to you.

There's really no need to let this cripple your search.

I've been looking for years. It's time I try something different. I might consider going to a munch. Maybe I'll learn something. But otherwise its like 'LookieNoNookie' is saying. I don't have experience, and I don't think he's talking bdsm experience I think he's talking relationship experience. He did come across as insulting trying to brag about his experiences as an eleven year old (wtf? :P) but he's right about this relationship thing.

Plus where I'm from collarme is a very small pool for a submissive guy. Have to explore other arena's as well.

I do get the feeling though that people here are misunderstanding the purpose of this thread. I am not trying to bag on the dominant woman, I'm not saying or never did say she did anything wrong. I'm not saying I'm in the right here. If you read the rest of the post you'd see that I've actually been suggesting the opposite, saying my eagerness/anxiety is what ruined me. I feel like people are judging me because I made this post, like they feel threatened or something as though I were trying to make dommes look bad :S. Or like I'm some sort of bad guy that deserves to be attacked. This is but one experience I've had in my search and does not reflect all my experiences.

I've had positive feedback from domme's in the past. Not because of my profile, but because when I send them a request I actually show that I read their profile and that I am not intending to waste anybody's time. If they say 'this is my interests and this is what I'm looking for' and I read that and see it's not something I'm compatible with I don't send them messages saying 'oh but I want you to do this, take a chance with me'... I move onto the next profile and look for someone else.

It was this particular response that got to me. Which is why I brought up the thread to see what I can do next time to avoid coming so close and then spoiling it all. Not so I can flare everybody up. I thought I might get some help or some guidance instead I only got bitter resentment.

For now I'm going to fix up my about me part of my profile then put it back up again.

< Message edited by servingyou91 -- 5/15/2012 9:11:50 PM >

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/15/2012 11:52:23 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: servingyou91

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

servingyou91,

Take a deep breath... and gather yourself. Come back and stay in "The Game"... first and foremost you need to believe in yourself regardless of how much experience you do or don't have...(you get the idea).

Self-Belief or Faith in yourself is very important at this stage of the game. You need to find this from within, illregardless of what people say to you.

There's really no need to let this cripple your search.

I've been looking for years. It's time I try something different. I might consider going to a munch. Maybe I'll learn something. But otherwise its like 'LookieNoNookie' is saying. I don't have experience, and I don't think he's talking bdsm experience I think he's talking relationship experience. He did come across as insulting trying to brag about his experiences as an eleven year old (wtf? :P) but he's right about this relationship thing.

Plus where I'm from collarme is a very small pool for a submissive guy. Have to explore other arena's as well.

I do get the feeling though that people here are misunderstanding the purpose of this thread. I am not trying to bag on the dominant woman, I'm not saying or never did say she did anything wrong. I'm not saying I'm in the right here. If you read the rest of the post you'd see that I've actually been suggesting the opposite, saying my eagerness/anxiety is what ruined me. I feel like people are judging me because I made this post, like they feel threatened or something as though I were trying to make dommes look bad :S. Or like I'm some sort of bad guy that deserves to be attacked. This is but one experience I've had in my search and does not reflect all my experiences.

I've had positive feedback from domme's in the past. Not because of my profile, but because when I send them a request I actually show that I read their profile and that I am not intending to waste anybody's time. If they say 'this is my interests and this is what I'm looking for' and I read that and see it's not something I'm compatible with I don't send them messages saying 'oh but I want you to do this, take a chance with me'... I move onto the next profile and look for someone else.

It was this particular response that got to me. Which is why I brought up the thread to see what I can do next time to avoid coming so close and then spoiling it all. Not so I can flare everybody up. I thought I might get some help or some guidance instead I only got bitter resentment.

For now I'm going to fix up my about me part of my profile then put it back up again.


What I was trying to express to you my friend is....most have had even ONE relationship by your age....you've had NONE and you're freaking because some woman you don't know, never met and never spoke to left you at the altar before you've even memorized the phrase "I do".

You're asking to be strapped to a Saturn V rocket without having ever even WATCHED a video on bottle rockets, let alone played with any.

You are a 5 year old in a sea of vultures.

Get some experience in the water wings section before you ask to go surfing in the big waves!

(in reply to servingyou91)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 7:05:58 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		Servingyou91,
I apologize for being late to this thread. But now that I've read it, I have a few thoughts to share with you.

1) I'm not sure that starting out with kink/BDSM is the best approach for you, since you state in your profile that you've never had a vanilla relationship. IMO, it might be better for you to spend some time with a nice girl your age just hanging out, going to the movies, going to parties, and doing the things that people your age do. Learn how to simply date a woman. Learn to be comfortable with women. Learn how to talk to them. Learn how to "make the first move". Learn how to be a "good kisser". Learn how to unhook a bra. Master foreplay. Learn how to "put it in" without her having to say "That's not it". These are fundamental relationship skills. More importantly, they're a part of growing up. You seem to want to run in the Olympics, when you haven't even learned how to crawl yet. Slow down young man. Take things one step at a time.

2) Once you have some relationship experience, then you may decide to give BDSM a try. When you do, don't do it on-line. I know that some people here will disagree with me, but I'll say it again, "Don't do it on-line!". Instead, go to a munch and meet real people in a face-to-face setting. Talk to them. Get to know them. Ask them questions. And when you think you're ready, attend a "play party". Don't play yourself. Just watch others play. Learn how things work. See what others are doing. Learn the rules of the organization/club. And be friendly. Smile. Introduce yourself to people and start conversations with them. Don't hit on the women. Just start normal conversations with them. Tell them that you're new, and that you're there to learn about BDSM. Then ask them how long they've been a part of the group. Don't ask about their sexual or kink activities. Keep the conversation vanilla. Leave it up to them to bring up kink. If you do this, you'll begin to feel comfortable with the members, and they'll begin to feel comfortable with you. Make sure that the leaders know that you want to learn and that you don't have a partner. If you make people comfortable with you, it probably won't be long before someone ask you if you'd like to "play". Of course, if you act weird or behave like a crazed stalker, you'll probably never be asked to join in the fun.

3) Should you decide to continue searching on-line, I'd suggest taking a less active approach. Instead of bombarding women with e-mails, try spending more time here on the message boards. Read and learn. Remember, since you don't have any experience, gaining knowledge is important. So read as many threads as you can, and try to learn from others on the board. Participate in conversations in a friendly, non-combative way. Let people see that you're a normal, intelligent, likeable guy. Start an account on Fetlife and do the exact same thing over there. Eventually, you'll find that you don't have to write to women any more. They'll write to you. Believe it or not, there really aren't that many male subs here who are real, sincere, and sane. So show the women that you're one of the few who are.

Heck, I never write to anyone, and I never send friend requests. But I get messages from Dommes all the time. In fact, I keep my profile hidden here on CM because I just enjoy participating in threads, and I don't want anyone to contact me (that's right, I sometimes get too many unsolicited messages from Dommes). But over on Fetlife, there isn't an option to hide your profile (or if there is, I haven't discovered how to use it), so I get unsolicited messages from Dommes almost every time I participate in a thread. So despite what most male subs seem to think, it is possible to get Dommes to respond to you.

Bottom line: Be patient, and just act normal. Don't act desperate. Don't spam every Domme on CM and Fetlife with cut-and-paste messages. Believe it or not, normal, semi-intelligent, non-desperate male subs are pretty rare on-line. So if you can be one, you'll stand out from the large crowd of creepy stalkers and "do me" subs.

I hope that helps. Good luck in your search.
-Roch

(in reply to servingyou91)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 12:33:32 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		I have to sincerely agree with RochSub on his second point.

Take away the kink, what do you have? A regular relationship like everybody else has. What are you going to do with you aren't playing? Watch paint dry?

It is definitely wise for you to date and learn how to be in a relationship.

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 3:07:42 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

I have to sincerely agree with RochSub on his second point.

Take away the kink, what do you have? A regular relationship like everybody else has. What are you going to do with you aren't playing? Watch paint dry?

It is definitely wise for you to date and learn how to be in a relationship.


What exactly is a regular relationship anyways.. LOL I think this is perhaps stretching it a bit far. Because of the element of D/s involved many people's relationship (which ain't about kink either). Mind you, there's a lot of experience and things he can learn and take away from more 'Vanilla' involvement with the opposite sex.





_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 3:11:49 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		lol regular relationship in which two or more (i consider poly normal) parties care and relate to each other in a romantic nature, being partners, yada yada.

point being, at the end of the day, you have to talk to each other.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

I have to sincerely agree with RochSub on his second point.

Take away the kink, what do you have? A regular relationship like everybody else has. What are you going to do with you aren't playing? Watch paint dry?

It is definitely wise for you to date and learn how to be in a relationship.


What exactly is a regular relationship anyways.. LOL I think this is perhaps stretching it a bit far. Because of the element of D/s involved many people's relationship (which ain't about kink either). Mind you, there's a lot of experience and things he can learn and take away from more 'Vanilla' involvement with the opposite sex.







_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 3:43:32 PM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		I developed an interest in transgendered women starting about 10 years ago precisely because I determined that a monogamous relationship with a dominant "real" woman was simply unlikely. Not impossible, just unlikely, and I wanted to be a realist. They nearly all want "tributes." They say they want the tributes only to prove you're serious. Hah! What a crock of shit!! They're just internet prostitutes. Or insecure women who display old pictures of themselves to see how many men they could attract if they actually were "dominant" and 15-20 years younger.

Look, the "dominant" woman on CM are a complete waste of time and, for the most part, are really men trying to cop some money or "professional" dommes (e.g.: prostitutes) trying to drum up some business. Or real lifestyle dominants who already have what they want and simply aren't looking for any new partners.

Don't get me wrong. I like this site. I come here almost every day. But the femdom here sucks to the point of being laughable. It's bullshit, and mostly about money. Once you understand that, you can navigate more efficiently.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 3:49:32 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		Do you need an icepad for all that butt hurt?
quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22

I developed an interest in transgendered women starting about 10 years ago precisely because I determined that a monogamous relationship with a dominant "real" woman was simply unlikely. Not impossible, just unlikely, and I wanted to be a realist. They nearly all want "tributes." They say they want the tributes only to prove you're serious. Hah! What a crock of shit!! They're just internet prostitutes. Or insecure women who display old pictures of themselves to see how many men they could attract if they actually were "dominant" and 15-20 years younger.

Look, the "dominant" woman on CM are a complete waste of time and, for the most part, are really men trying to cop some money or "professional" dommes (e.g.: prostitutes) trying to drum up some business. Or real lifestyle dominants who already have what they want and simply aren't looking for any new partners.

Don't get me wrong. I like this site. I come here almost every day. But the femdom here sucks to the point of being laughable. It's bullshit, and mostly about money. Once you understand that, you can navigate more efficiently.



_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 3:51:36 PM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

Do you need an icepad for all that butt hurt?
quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22



Ice pad? Butt hurt? Huh?? What are you on about??



< Message edited by dink22 -- 5/16/2012 3:53:35 PM >

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 3:54:33 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		I truly feel sorry for people which believe CM is the only and best route to go in finding somebody.... (God, I myself have had some horrid experiences interacting with bat shit crazy submissives... or submissives with an extraordinary amount of issues and drama in their life). This site is not something for anybody to put a lot of faith in.

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to servingyou91)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 3:59:49 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		You are expelling your personal hurt and disdain.

Things haven't panned out as you would have liked, and you are essentially whining about it.
quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

Do you need an icepad for all that butt hurt?
quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22



Ice pad? Butt hurt? Huh?? What are you on about??





_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 4:01:13 PM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

I truly feel sorry for people which believe CM is the only and best route to go in finding somebody.... (God, I myself have had some horrid experiences interacting with bat shit crazy submissives... or submissives with an extraordinary amount of issues and drama in their life). This site is not something for anybody to put a lot of faith in.


I agree totally. Just trying to pass that along to the OP. And maybe you dominant ladies have had similar issues with male submissives. And I apologize for making it one way. Though on the whole I think I'm correct, it's just that I look at it from a submissive male's point of view and, to whatever extent you may be frustrated with the sub/slave males on this site, I think any REAL dommes would have to admit, if they really took a look at it, that there's a RIDICULOUS amount of fakery/scamming aimed at sub males on CM.

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 4:05:01 PM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

You are expelling your personal hurt and disdain.

Things haven't panned out as you would have liked, and you are essentially whining about it.
ORIGINAL: dink22


Absolutely incorrect. Evidently you fancy yourself some sort of psychoanalyst. Please don't market yourself as such. I'm obviously trying to advise the OP about the reality of this site. How you missed that is beyond me, but people read interpretations into statements that they want to believe, for some reason know only to them, are true.




< Message edited by dink22 -- 5/16/2012 4:16:38 PM >

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 4:09:48 PM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, and I noticed, you're a "pro" domme. In other words, you want money for what you do. I rest my case.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 4:23:00 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22
I agree totally. Just trying to pass that along to the OP. And maybe you dominant ladies have had similar issues with male submissives. And I apologize for making it one way. Though on the whole I think I'm correct, it's just that I look at it from a submissive male's point of view and, to whatever extent you may be frustrated with the sub/slave males on this site, I think any REAL dommes would have to admit, if they really took a look at it, that there's a RIDICULOUS amount of fakery/scamming aimed at sub males on CM.

Actually, the only time My attention is called to it is when people bring it up on the boards.

However, wouldn't that precise thing make the suggestion of getting off of the internet all the more valid?  Do you know how many of the males who have checked that submissive box have never been to a munch or explored the lifestyle community as opposed to how many just want to 'create a fee account' and think that it's just going to happen? 

Remember something about that.  If there was no prey, there would be no predators.  It's the very fact that so few are willing to put effort away from the computer screen into finding a Dominant woman is the very reason that so many folks are here to reap the benefits of that.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 4:25:20 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		I'm also lifestyle.

Your case is null and void.

and fyi- i don't fancy myself as a psychoanalyst. call it presumptuous if you like, but when there are 50 some threads and posts here weekly that are just short of verbatim as you've typed- you see a pattern.

if you aren't angry, don't present yourself as such.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22

Oh, and I noticed, you're a "pro" domme. In other words, you want money for what you do. I rest my case.



_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 4:31:12 PM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

I'm also lifestyle.

Your case is null and void.

and fyi- i don't fancy myself as a psychoanalyst. call it presumptuous if you like, but when there are 50 some threads and posts here weekly that are just short of verbatim as you've typed- you see a pattern.

if you aren't angry, don't present yourself as such.



If there are 50 threads per week that are almost verbatim like that, then obviously I'm right. DUH!! And I don't think if you state my case is "null and void" it makes it so whatsoever. You have to provide real, actual evidence. Every "domme" prostitute on here claims she's "also lifestyle." It's laughable. And even if they were, so what? They still make their living selling sexual favors. Like you.


< Message edited by dink22 -- 5/16/2012 4:34:38 PM >

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 4:36:00 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		evidence...of what?

My living? Ha. my money goes to providing a safe and clean play space and equipment.

PS, flaming is frowned upon the boards.

If you are going to insist that I and others simply suck dick with a whip in hand, please- provide your evidence.

< Message edited by MissAsylum -- 5/16/2012 4:37:49 PM >

_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 4:49:28 PM   
dink22


Posts: 171
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

evidence...of what?

My living? Ha. my money goes to providing a safe and clean play space and equipment.


And rent and food, no doubt. How expensive can a "space" be?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
PS, flaming is frowned upon the boards.


I'm not "flaming" you any more than you flamed me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
If you are going to insist that I and others simply suck dick with a whip in hand, please- provide your evidence.


Huh??? Exactly where did I do that?????????

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Just got rejected by a dominant woman - 5/16/2012 4:57:37 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		oh 750 a month in a decent neighborhood with security, throw in professional cleaning services, plus equipment. oh and add the classes I take for techniques. i also do background checks on people- but that's just for fun, rather than my safety.

calling somebody a prostitute whilst having no concrete evidence of such activities is flaming.

all i did was look at your postings and see a bit of a twisted fellow who lumped everybody into one category.

and implying that i doled out sexual favors for rent money is insisting that i am a "domme" prostitute. Your words.


quote:

ORIGINAL: dink22


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

evidence...of what?

My living? Ha. my money goes to providing a safe and clean play space and equipment.


And rent and food, no doubt. How expensive can a "space" be?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
PS, flaming is frowned upon the boards.


I'm not "flaming" you any more than you flamed me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
If you are going to insist that I and others simply suck dick with a whip in hand, please- provide your evidence.


Huh??? Exactly where did I do that?????????



_____________________________

I hate when I'm wearing my apple bottom jeans, but i can't find my boots with the fur.

(in reply to dink22)
Profile   Post #: 100
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