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RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 3:11:38 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72


Do you normally make a habit of juding someone without knowing the facts or do you just see what you want to see and disregard the rest.


The thing is, none of us know you or your master. You ask for advice and all we can go on is the information you post. People have no choice but to make assumptions about the rest. And when you put your situation out there on a discussion board, people are going to give you their honest opinions. A lot of people here are going to strongly disagree with the scenario your master proposes because of the risks to you financially. A lot of people, both dominants and submissives, feel strongly that a responsible dominant should not give orders with the potential for having a hugely negative impact on the sub's life and what you describe sounds like it definitely has that potential - these people think he is failing as a dom. A lot of other people feel that when you agreed to his conditions and then changed your mind several times, you were being dishonest - these people think you are failing as a submissive. Most people here seem to think you are incompatible. You put that out there for people to discuss, and that's what they are doing.

If there's more relevant information that you think we need to know, by all means share it. Is there a safety net in place for if you lose your job, for example?


You're unhappy but you don't like any of the suggestions posted. I think you want someone to say that he should stop asking this thing of you and you should otherwise continue in a dom/sub relationship. But only he can agree that for you. It doesn't sound like that's an option - he's saying 'do this, or go vanilla'.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 3:25:26 AM   
Stephanie72


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/10/2012
Status: offline 		Relevant information? i work for the federal government. It's nearly impossible to be fired from my job unless i actually commit some type of crime. But depending on the situation and how it happens i could get fired for sexual harassament just as a man could. i can't make others approach me and ask for this, but if i suggest it then i am put in that position.

Yes, i do have other things to fall back on. My dad owns his own business so i won't really be put in a position where i am homeless or anything like that, but my parents won't always be around. Though i will most likely inherit the business along with my sister.

Master knows that i have eplipesy and has stood beside me for years. He hasn't given up on me as many others have. He doesn't run from my medical problems. When i had to have brain surgery because of my eplipesy he was there.

He doesn't need my income as others in here have suggested.

< Message edited by Stephanie72 -- 6/11/2012 3:44:27 AM >

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 3:46:46 AM   
MasterRJ72


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/10/2012
Status: offline 		Just as I had said before, there was a lot of things that were left out in the original posting.

(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 4:26:45 AM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72

<snip> i work for the federal government.


'Nuff said. Walk into your boss' office and screw him on his desk. You'll likely get a promotion. Promise done, good submissive Steph.




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(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 4:37:39 AM   
merge9


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/11/2012
Status: offline 		Are you familiar with the military concept of an unlawful order?

"the justification for acts done pursuant to orders does not exist if the order was of such a nature that a man of ordinary sense and understanding would know it to be illegal."

In the BDSM world, there should be a complimentary concept of a stupid order.

"the justification for acts done pursuant to orders does not exist if the order was of such a nature that a woman of ordinary sense and understanding would know it to be stupid."

IMO, being ordered to have sex at work falls under this umbrella.

Officers who give unlawful orders are not worthy to be followed and the same is true for Doms with stupid orders.

(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 4:38:49 AM   
merge9


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/11/2012
Status: offline
quote:

He has been telling me that we should just drop Master/sub from our lives and lead a vanilla life since there is nothing in our relationship that is the least bit like a Master/sub relationship.


He doesn't want a vanilla relationship. This is emotional blackmail.

(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 4:55:43 AM   
Stephanie72


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/10/2012
Status: offline 		How can it be considered an unlawful order when i agreed to it before the we became Master/sub and told him many times after that, that i would do anything he wanted?

(in reply to merge9)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 5:16:03 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		In theory, s-types are expected to obey their d-types no matter what.

BUT

Steph sweetie, do you see that BIG BUT up there? No s-type is obligated to obey an order that will endanger her life, or HIS. Expecting you to endanger your job is a great big red flag to those of us who have years of experience in these types of relationships. No, we don't know your master, we only know what you have told us. But from what you have told us, he's an immature asshole. Sorry, but there is no reason to sugar coat it.

Your personal situation in that you spend hours on a bus and live at home and all is unfortunate and regrettable. But he knew all this going into the relationship, now didn't he?

And yeah, I agree with what some others have said, the way he is dealing with this is emotional blackmail. This does not endear him to me.

A word about sharing your sub. Here's the deal. I'm a switch, and have two relationships, one with himself my dominant, and one with my boykin my sub. My dominant would never share me out, he doesn't WANT to, and further I don't want him to. We are totally compatible in this way. So no sharing in that relationship, period.

Now with my boykin, he has made it abundant clear many times that he LOVES to be shared. We purposefully pursue situations so that this can come about. Our ideal would be that I would have another male sub and could share both of them out with each other. Now, I am up for that as well. I love male on male. So yep, sharing in that one is most definitely ON.

BUT....the huge difference in these two relationships is that the sub wants to be shared out and loves it. In my mind, if sharing is something that your sub doesn't love but has agreed to, I'm not saying the dom shouldn't do it, but it should be approached with patience, caution, and great delicacy.

It should NOT be used to emotionally blackmail your sub. Which is what he is doing, saying you are not being obedient, so not his slave, b/c you won't do this at work.

These are just my opinions Steph, do with them what you will.

Best, CP





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(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:10:45 AM   
merge9


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/11/2012
Status: offline
quote:

How can it be considered an unlawful order when i agreed to it before the we became Master/sub and told him many times after that, that i would do anything he wanted?


Reread my post. Unlawful applies to military members. Stupid orders apply to BDSM.

Requiring you to be naked at home when you live with your parents is another example of a stupid order. Has he accepted sleeping naked as a compromise or is being naked when your parents could walk in still an issue?


(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:13:34 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I would tell him to go to hell. But, I am sometimes a bitch.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:14:28 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		only sometimes?

_____________________________

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(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:14:47 AM   
merge9


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/11/2012
Status: offline
quote:

i don't drive so i have to take a bus to work everyday. The bus ride is 2 hours or more each direction on an average day.


What prevents you from driving?

(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:18:04 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

But that still doesn't change the fact i am not willing to risk losing my job over this. i still have to depend on my job and my retirement if this doesn't work out.
Tell him that. It really is that simple.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:21:18 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

only sometimes?

Well, fuck. I am outed.

Wait, I aint a bitch when I am on my knees with a cock stuffed in my mouth! So, neener neener, only sometimes!

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:40:43 AM   
Stephanie72


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/10/2012
Status: offline 		Master knows that i have eplipesy and has stood beside me for years. He hasn't given up on me as many others have. He doesn't run from my medical problems. When i had to have brain surgery because of my eplipesy he was there.


If you read all of my posts before replying then you would know

(in reply to merge9)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:45:09 AM   
punisher440


Posts: 4122
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72

How can it be considered an unlawful order when i agreed to it before the we became Master/sub and told him many times after that, that i would do anything he wanted?

If you hold yourself to the standard that every order issued by your Master has to be obeyed to the letter,why are you asking total strangers for advice? Just obey him.As for me,I would never ask,command or try to force my slave to do something I knew wasn't in their best interest or to help in their growth or development.No matter how many times you keep telling us or yourself that this is a great relationship,it is not and once more you are well aware that it isn't.Some parts might be,but deep down in the core of it,you have a serious problem.And this is not going to get better when/if you get married.

(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:45:14 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It's your life/job/mental state/health you are endangering. Not his.

There, how's that for a cogent fast reply?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:46:45 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

But that still doesn't change the fact i am not willing to risk losing my job over this. i still have to depend on my job and my retirement if this doesn't work out.
Tell him that. It really is that simple.



^^^^^
This

Someone trying to order me to do something that could jeopardize my livelihood and that of my family is a deal breaker. I don't care how much I would want a relationship, no one is worth that.

You need to figure out your priorities and stick to them and work to not jeopardize them. If your job is a major priority then don't do something you know will jeopardize it, if he is the bigger priority then obey him. Tell him straight out if you are unwilling to do this and stick to it. Doesn't sound like he has your best interests at heart if he so badly wants you to do something he knows would cost you your job if you are caught.

I would rather be single forever than be in such a relationship myself. My family comes first. I am responsible for their well being and support and needs. Anyone who wants me to jeopardize that so he can get off on something isn't worthy of my time or submission because his wants matter more to him than the needs of my family and myself. I've been desperate before, but I've never been that desperate and never will be. There are some things I will not compromise just because I'm lonely and want to be in a relationship and no one else will have me. I deserve better and I won't settle. I'm worth more than that.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:48:47 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72

Its hard for me to accept your advise since you seem so determined to just see what you want to see. You are making judgements about a man that you don't know at all and thoroughly putting him down. If he was as evil as you and others are saying do you really think i would have stayed with him all of these years and plan to marry him. He has many many good qualities. No one is perfect. Just because i don't agree with one thing he wants doesn't make him a bad person. I have met many on here who are much much worse. I've know some of those in real life.


This is a weird turn of events. Stephanie, you made your master sound like an assholee2C and now you are getting mad at people who thinks his an asshole.
When you were the one who gave this impression with your very first post about him.
Maybe it needs to be balance with what's the pros about him in the beginning, so we're just not reading his bad points.

I actually sympathise with your post. I had similar issues with my very first dom and the only dom I ever had. He was experience, I was ignorant and extremely inexperience. I did not know what was included, the full extent of what bdsm was !bout before I even agreed to things. He expected things that would seriously damage my self-esteem. And of course my reluctance to do this sort of emotional self-harm was seen as disobedience.

In the end, there was alot of pain, as obviously I was inlove with him, and we were also planning marriage and children and all and were living together throughout our time together.

We came to conclusion that I cannot give him what he wants, and I rather be apart than give him what he wants, and save my self-esteem and so we parted.

In your situation, your dom has given your ultimatum.
Your choice is either submit to his requests, or go vanilla. But vanilla never works out for dom person, it's as good as the end of the relationship.
I don't know what you hope to find here. The way I see it, he will not continue being with you unless you agree to his demands. As his that type of dom who gets insecure about his control and authority over you if you deviate from it. Basically, by disobeying him, you have hurt his self-esteem of himself of his ability to control you. So he will have no choice but to move on to some other sub who can give him total obedience to soothe his self-esteem.




(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 6:53:13 AM   
merge9


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/11/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72

Master knows that i have eplipesy and has stood beside me for years. He hasn't given up on me as many others have. He doesn't run from my medical problems. When i had to have brain surgery because of my eplipesy he was there.


If you read all of my posts before replying then you would know


It's legal in your state if you've been seizure-free for 90 days. I didn't want to assume; hence, I asked.

(in reply to Stephanie72)
Profile   Post #: 60
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