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RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 7:00:03 AM

Englishcrumpet

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/28/2012
Status: offline

FR.

this is the kind of thing id expect to read from someone in a new LTR with a Master who thinks putting his kinks first by asking for irresponsible, arbitrary requests in order to enforce his dominance is more important to him than his submissives livlihood.

if all he can do is keep throwing empty threats at you to do as he asks then actually, how much control does he have here - and im not reflecting that back at you OP, there are plenty of ways to maintain a protocol of control at home without needing to risk youre job and im sure there are plenty of opportunities at weekends and evenings to go and find guys to have sex with.

as it is he is ignoring youre responsibilities at work already by taking up so much of youre time on the phone.

it seems he thinks there is only value in youre obedience if youre risking losing the respect of youre co-workers and youre job, thats selfish

personally i dont see this man as someone who has taken the responsibility of ownership fully to heart here.

shrug..., for what its worth id keep my job and if he wants to go back to vanilla id wish him adieu and find a guy who does take the position of Owner more responsibly.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 61

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 7:00:13 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I agree with Greta, that first post was all about poor little you and how big, bad and unreasonable he was. When people responded as expected you get your knickers in a twist.

Why did you start this post? did you really want us all to chastise you?!?!

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 62

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 7:08:17 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

You might find this helpful: Is the Dom/Master always right?

My ex Dom in Florida was too cheap to let me fly back to Massachusetts for my divorce hearing and too cheap to let me give my lawyer a retainer. She didn't require one, which no doubt contributed to her not feeling the need to show up at my hearing. The value of my share of the equity of house was thus based on what it was at the time we separated in 2000 (his position) rather than when we got divorced in 2005 (my position), which cost me around $50,000.

Since then, orders go through reality check filters.

(in reply to Stephanie72)

Post #: 63

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 8:25:28 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRJ72
He is right in the fact that this type of thing does happen in the work place on a regular basis.

Never in any place that I have been employed did sex in the work place happen on a regular basis. Regardless of whether it's with co-workers or not, it could effect her employment in the future.

One of the things I expect from a Dominant is to not do harm. Because of the long reaching ramifications of this order, it falls under "causing harm".

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MasterRJ72)

Post #: 64

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 8:36:52 AM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72

..........Master is now insisting that i have sex with other men during work hours. i don't want to do that and risk losing my job.

Ask Master if he plans on replacing your income and retirement for when you get fired. If he says yes, get it in writing and have at it.

(in reply to Stephanie72)

Post #: 65

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 8:46:20 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

YOu sound like such a sweet person.

THese things this man asks you to do, how does that protect you and evolve you? Jeopardizing your job for his own sadistic living on the edge at your expense. THese are not steps forward, these are steps backward.

THese things effect you, your whole life.

Words are very powerful especially when you want to believe them but look at the reality. It can be truly painful but necessary. To me a master enriches your life, is that the path he is leading you down?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 66

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 10:06:11 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

The thing is, the OP's Master never said it had to be a guy that she'd fuck at work. What he told her was that if she couldn't figure out another place to do so, that other people have had sex where they work. It's the OP who has said that is the only option for her because of the hours that she works, doesn't drive, lives at home, etc.

It seems to Me that this thing could totally happen because the OP does see the Master frequently. Why couldn't it happen at his place? Why couldn't it happen on the weekend at a hotel? Maybe the OP has a male friend who is local to her who would be happy to be a part of the arrangement? The only person backing themselves into a corner insisting that the only place that this could happen would be at work is the OP.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 67

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 10:54:43 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Tell him that you will do what he asks if he signs over an amount of money equal to what you will earn there until retirement, plus benefits.
That's fair. You cant afford to lose your job so if he wants to do this, then he needs to make sure you don't lose anything. Does he have half a million to compensate you for the loss of a lifetime of earnings? If not, then he shouldn't demand this.

Basically, why do you want to marry someone who wants you to be living on the streets? If your parents find out why you lost your job, you won't have a home. Without a job, you can't afford to live on your own. He needs to pay for this or not ask it.

But he isn't thinking farther than his dick. He sure as hell doesn't care about what happens to you. If he did, his orders would be to your benefit, not detriment. I strongly urge you to rethink why someone like this is all you deserve. Why you don't believe that you could be loved by someone who wanted your life to be wonderful instead of awful.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 68

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:10:26 AM

Stephanie72

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/10/2012
Status: offline

Well none of it really matters any more at this point. Too much has happened since i posted this question and now the relationship is completely over. i told Master about the post and what everyone hadi said and how everyone here said that he was wrong and i should not have to do these things. He came in and read all of the posts and siad i would not have to make a decision as to whether or not i would obey orders. He would make the decision himself. He called off the wedding amd told my parents that it had been called off.

As to what many of you were saying. Many of your suggestions while good could not happen the way you were saying due to conflicting hours. We have completely different days off. He asked me some questions that none of you bothered to address. How can i be a submissive if i only do what i want, when and where i want? The only places that i am ever at is either at home or at work. We have 2 week-ends a month where we are both off and i had him promise me years ago that we would not do any of this on our days together since we had so little time together and it was to be our time, just for us.

Now my parents are completely mad at me. Many of our friends don't understand what happened and this isn't something i can tell them about. Wedding gifts have to be returned. i won't ever get married, i won't ever be able to have children. i wish i had never asked that question.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 69

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:17:01 AM

Deliena

Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72
i won't ever get married, i won't ever be able to have children. i wish i had never asked that question.

Whilst I can understand you being traumatised right now by this guy's reaction to this debate on an online forum. Trust me when I say he is not the last guy in the world. I haven't given up looking for mine and I'm "comfortably middle-aged" and already a single parent of a teenager. Mine's going to have to be a special snowflake to make it work and I'm going to have to work some too. It may feel like the end of the world, but it's not. It's just a horrible, shitty day and *HUGS*

(in reply to Stephanie72)

Post #: 70

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:17:43 AM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

You did this to yourself dear. You came in here wanting us to validate that you didn't have to follow orders (regardless of promises to do so), that he was being unfair, and then shoved it in his face. Regardless of how I feel about him as a Dom, I would have let you go too.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to Stephanie72)

Post #: 71

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:19:31 AM

Stephanie72

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/10/2012
Status: offline

i wish it was all as simple as you seem to think it is. i would not even have this job if it wasn't for him. He paid for my part of the expenses of my brain surgery. He paid my expenses when i was unable to work while recovering from the brain surgery. He made sure i got to all of my doctors appointments. He sold his house in Missouri and found a job here so we could start arranging our future lives.

i wasn't thinking straight when i made this post and now everything is ruined. i was so concered with the fact that i didn't want to do this that i forgot everyhing he had done for me and did to take care of me. My parents had to remind me. Since i had the brain surgery i have a tendency to forget things at times.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 72

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:27:16 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

Own your actions and choices, you are an adult. He has to own his own choices and actions, he is an adult. Not all fault falls on one side or the other. Take time to hurt and grieve and then put on your big girl panties and live your life. The ending of a relationship hurts believe me I know, it sucks, been there done that.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to Stephanie72)

Post #: 73

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:28:37 AM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72

i wish it was all as simple as you seem to think it is. i would not even have this job if it wasn't for him. He paid for my part of the expenses of my brain surgery. He paid my expenses when i was unable to work while recovering from the brain surgery. He made sure i got to all of my doctors appointments. He sold his house in Missouri and found a job here so we could start arranging our future lives.

i wasn't thinking straight when i made this post and now everything is ruined. i was so concered with the fact that i didn't want to do this that i forgot everyhing he had done for me and did to take care of me. My parents had to remind me. Since i had the brain surgery i have a tendency to forget things at times.

If he cared so much about you, he would have taken this as an opportunity to discuss your fears and worries, not dumped you. If he would allow one thread on a website to cause this, good riddance I say.

That said, I am beginning to get that feeling that something smells fishy about all of this. I could be wrong, it happened once or twice before.

Anyhow, good luck to you. I would say work on getting you together before you get involved in another relationship.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to Stephanie72)

Post #: 74

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:30:01 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72
How can i be a submissive if i only do what i want, when and where i want?

Here's the thing: As submissives we trust Dominants to not put us in situations that will cause us permanent harm. Submitting even when you know that it can cause you permanent harm isn't being submissive, it's just being foolish.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Stephanie72)

Post #: 75

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:31:49 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephanie72
How can i be a submissive if i only do what i want, when and where i want?

Here's the thing: As submissives we trust Dominants to not put us in situations that will cause us permanent harm. Submitting even when you know that it can cause you permanent harm isn't being submissive, it's just being foolish.

BINGO!

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 76

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:37:44 AM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

FR-

answers in bold...

What i want to know is this. Am i obligated to obey his orders if i am uncomfortable with them even though i knew about this from the beginning and have repeatedly promised to obey every order whether i like it or not?
No

Am i the one in control and taking control away from him?
Yes

Is the saying that "without obedience there is no submission"really true?
Yes

Do you think i should give in and obey his orders about having sex with other men during work hours even if i am uncomfortable with it?
No, I think you're incompatible with him, and your remote (long distance) relationship is the only reason I can fathom you haven't split before.

edit: Stephanie, sorry, i haven't read this thread, it's just too long. i did just read your last post. there's nothing in the world that he could do for you, that would make it 'okay' for him to ask you to do something that you so profoundly do not agree with.

< Message edited by Karmastic -- 6/11/2012 11:39:42 AM >

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 77

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:40:36 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRJ72
He is right in the fact that this type of thing does happen in the work place on a regular basis.

Never in any place that I have been employed did sex in the work place happen on a regular basis. Regardless of whether it's with co-workers or not, it could effect her employment in the future.

One of the things I expect from a Dominant is to not do harm. Because of the long reaching ramifications of this order, it falls under "causing harm".

I think he's wrapped up in the "Story of O" dynamics, has not given true thought as to what he truly wants verses some fantasy crap which he's allowed to take over his mind. He's a Drone! Fully programmed and driven by BDSM porn. Master Drone Bot. But hey, this is the way he wants to Roll. It's his way after all (or is it?)

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 78

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:54:09 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

If he cared so much about you, he would have taken this as an opportunity to discuss your fears and worries, not dumped you. If he would allow one thread on a website to cause this, good riddance I say.

That said, I am beginning to get that feeling that something smells fishy about all of this. I could be wrong, it happened once or twice before.

I agree with JAS that if this is true, you are better off without him and a lifetime of emotional blackmail and abuse. How dare he call your parents!

My fishy detector is also going off - this could be someone trolling in response to the "Is Dom/Master always right?" thread.

quote:

i wish it was all as simple as you seem to think it is. i would not even have this job if it wasn't for him. He paid for my part of the expenses of my brain surgery. He paid my expenses when i was unable to work while recovering from the brain surgery. He made sure i got to all of my doctors appointments. He sold his house in Missouri and found a job here so we could start arranging our future lives.

1. You've been seeing him for 6 years but he found you the job you've had for 16 years?
2. He sold his house but didn't move close enough for you two to live together?
3. He's close enough to get you to your appointments but not close enough to see him regularly?

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 79

RE: Questions and advice - 6/11/2012 11:56:00 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

If he cared so much about you, he would have taken this as an opportunity to discuss your fears and worries, not dumped you. If he would allow one thread on a website to cause this, good riddance I say.

That said, I am beginning to get that feeling that something smells fishy about all of this. I could be wrong, it happened once or twice before.

I agree with JAS that if this is true, you are better off without him and a lifetime of emotional blackmail and abuse. How dare he call your parents!

My fishy detector is also going off - this could be someone trolling in response to the "Is Dom/Master always right?" thread.

quote:

i wish it was all as simple as you seem to think it is. i would not even have this job if it wasn't for him. He paid for my part of the expenses of my brain surgery. He paid my expenses when i was unable to work while recovering from the brain surgery. He made sure i got to all of my doctors appointments. He sold his house in Missouri and found a job here so we could start arranging our future lives.

1. You've been seeing him for 6 years but he found you the job you've had for 16 years?
2. He sold his house but didn't move close enough for you two to live together?
3. He's close enough to get you to your appointments but not close enough to see him regularly?

Also: If helped her get the job, wouldn't it reflect badly on him if she was found to be having sex at the workplace?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 80

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