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LittleMissAndrea -> RE: The worst Dom you've ever met (2/10/2013 9:56:25 AM)
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I read this entire discussion last night and didn’t comment, but after a little more reflection, I decided to brave the waters of the boards.
quote:
ORIGINAL: dea2542
the worst so called "Dom" i ever met was actually my first experience in the lifestyle ever. i met him thru an ad i had placed online. we began emailing & instant messaging for a few weeks. he said all the right things & i soon felt comfortable enough to meet in person. he said out first meeting would be in a public place, to see if there was a mutal attraction & to see if we wanted to continue. if we both agreed to continue, then we would discuss the 'details' as far as rules, protocol, what he expected, what i expected, etc.
so, we met at mcdonalds (very public). i arrived first & was sitting in a booth in the corner, so i saw when he entered. he was very nicely dressed, very professional looking, clean shaven, manicured nails ~ so far so good. he walkes up to the table & says, "let's go for a drive so we can talk privately." i say ok. we walk to his car ~ a nice car. he's very soft spoken, appears to be a successful businessman, very well mannered & polite. so far so good.
so, were driving along, he's asking the standard questions ~ how long have i known of my submissiveness? why do i want to be a slave? do i think i can handle it? etc, etc. he gets on the freeway & we're still talking (i'm getting a little nervous). we drive about 20 minutes, he exits the freeway & says he needs to stop by his office to pick up some papers, it'll just take a minute. (still a little nervous but i'm kool).
we pull up in front of 'his office' ~ it's like 8 or 9 pm, no one is around. from the outside everything looks "normal". there's other business around, although closed. so he parks by the front door & i figure i will wait in the car but he comes around opens my door & says he wants to show me his business. ok, kool. he unlocks the door, motions me in first. it's dark but i can see a little reception area, so i relax a bit. he guides me toward another closed door. as i get closer, i see his name on the door (ok, this must be his office). i figure we'll go in, he'll grab whatever we came for & we'll leave ~
so, he opens the door, i walk in, it's dark, i hear him close & lock the door. he turns on the light ~ i almost shit . . . . he's basically got a dungeon/bedroom/living room in there!!!
suddenly, he is a different person. he grabs me by the back of my head & sits me down on the couch. he is no longer soft spoken, now he is yelling at me. TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES & SOCKS! i do. TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES & HURRY UP!! i do. i'm standing there naked, TURN AROUND SLOWLY!! i do. BEND OVER THE BACK OFF THE COUCH!! i do. as i'm doing these things, he's inspecting every inch of me. LAY ON YOUR STOMACHE ON THE COUCH!! i do. he starts hitting my ass, my legs, my back, the bottom of my feet with something hard and leather. COUNT OUT LOUD AFTER EVERY HIT!! he stopped at 20.
he cuffed my hands behind my back, stands me up, pushed me towards the bed. SO YOU THINK YOU CAN BE MY SLAVE? i say yes sir. he hits me across my legs & says FROM NOW ON YOU CALL ME MASTER DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? i say yes master.
he blindfolds me, hogties me & for the next three hours "shows me what it's like to be his slave" . . . .
I think that this Dom deserves the distinction of the worst. I read and considered the opinions expressed, including that which was made by the poster in which she said that the experience was enjoyable.
Enjoyable though it might have been for the woman who experienced it, the Dom in question is bad news. That was the poster’s FIRST experience, and any good Dom would have known better than to move that fast with a newbie. The other posters are right- she never said no. However, any Dominant worth their salt is aware of fear response cycles, especially in someone that new who is put in a position where it is almost impossible for her to say no.
This man took a newbie to an undisclosed location, restrained her, and had his way with her, under the pretext of “Domination.” It is not Domination, it is rape. MOST women (and men) would have reacted in the exact same way as the poster, even if they were 100% non-consenting. When you’re locked in a room with someone who intends to sexually victimize you, survival and cooperation are well-documented responses. We won’t even touch on the power dynamics involved in the event that took place, because that adds a whole new layer onto the poster’s reaction (hint: An inexperienced sub is even more likely to yield to a Dom whom she believes to be experienced and in a position of authority over her).
Touching even more on the fact that this occurred when the poster was brand new- those of you who so easily made the jump to victim-blaming and rape apologism really turned my stomach. Yes, she made bad decisions, but WE ALL HAVE. It’s highly unlikely that one can be counted among us who has never once been a little cavalier with our safety, especially right at the beginning. Besides, her poor-decision making has no bearing on the fact that no Dom should have treated a newbie in the way that this man did. He is either completely oblivious (which makes him a bad Dom for not caring enough to be informed on the nature of D/s dynamics) or he purposefully preyed on her ignorance in order to have a completely passive and terrified toy.
The comment that asked if he had a knife or gun to her was particularly unenlightened- even if people can only be raped under threat of deadly force, I think being locked in an unfamiliar dungeon qualifies. Protip: No such threat of force must exist for an encounter to be non-consensual.
Anyway, there’s my two cents on what will likely be my first and last trip to the boards.
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