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RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 9:48:12 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm not an exhibitionist at all. I don't really like being naked in public spaces and I'm definitely not a voyeur but we go to dungeons from time to time because they have equipment there that we do not have. He just throws a hood or blindfold on me to relax me and he does what he wants. It doesn't matter if I'm comfortable or not. He actually kinda likes that I'm not most likely. For us it wouldn't matter if others were there or not. He just likes to be able to use stuff they have available and a bigger space to do what he wants that we can't do at home because of the space. He also likes watching the more extreme acts others are doing so it sparks ideas in his own head.

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Post #: 101

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 10:09:48 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
SO can you buy tickets and popcorn there? LOL

Most of the time, there is a door fee for a public play party, unless the cost is being defrayed by the host. Some are held in private homes, while other groups have to rent a space. There is usually something to snack on in whatever social area has been set up.

It all varies according to where you live and what the group or host allows. There's a reason why many places ask that if you are going to do a consent/non consent scene that you alert the DM in advance. Take downs they ask that you do the same. Some places will only allow fire or electricity if they are certain you know what you are doing and/or have proper equipment. Dress codes can vary, too.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 102

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 10:17:02 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
There's a reason why many places ask that if you are going to do a consent/non consent scene that you alert the DM in advance. Take downs they ask that you do the same.

Yeah, the take downs tend to freak out everybody that doesn't know how the people involved play.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 103

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 10:42:15 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Yeah, the take downs tend to freak out everybody that doesn't know how the people involved play.

Really? perhaps this is just me again having worked through these issues in order to get where I'm at from my original very vanilla starting point. But honestly it seems pretty implausible to me that some sub could hook up with some dom, end up at a public play space in front of 10 gazillion people, and then end up in a truly non-consensual situation. I'd naturally assume the force play was "play" because... you know... it's a "play" space. Sure, that might be the wrong assumption but it's gotta be right WAY more often than wrong.

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Post #: 104

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 11:03:10 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Jeff, you have to remember that you have done that work. Some people don't do that. You don't hear the term very often any more, but there is a certain category of folks who go to a BDSM club who are often known as "tourists". Meaning, they haven't been before and have no clue of what they will see when they get there. Mix tourists and edge players in the same space and you've got a chance of somebody freaking out.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 105

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 11:03:33 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Yeah, the take downs tend to freak out everybody that doesn't know how the people involved play.

Really? perhaps this is just me again having worked through these issues in order to get where I'm at from my original very vanilla starting point. But honestly it seems pretty implausible to me that some sub could hook up with some dom, end up at a public play space in front of 10 gazillion people, and then end up in a truly non-consensual situation. I'd naturally assume the force play was "play" because... you know... it's a "play" space. Sure, that might be the wrong assumption but it's gotta be right WAY more often than wrong.

You'd think that, but you'd be surprised how many people try to stop other people's scenes because they allow their own dynamic and prejudices to determine what goes too far.

With my friend, it pretty much happens every time they play at an event because it looks like something out of a domestic abuse movie. I can't watch it and end up leaving the room, but I've come to the conclusion that it's consentual, it's negotiated, they're aware of the risks, and it makes them happy.

We have another friend that long ago was approached by a submissive and they have an agreement that if they're at the same party, they'll do a really hardcore single tail scene. To the point where he puts down plastic sheeting. The submissive is extremely vocal and blood flows. Every time, I've witnessed them play.....someone has tried to stop the scene.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 106

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 12:49:26 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Jeff, you have to remember that you have done that work. Some people don't do that. You don't hear the term very often any more, but there is a certain category of folks who go to a BDSM club who are often known as "tourists". Meaning, they haven't been before and have no clue of what they will see when they get there. Mix tourists and edge players in the same space and you've got a chance of somebody freaking out.

This in part is why I don't go to clubs. I know myself pretty well. I know in certain types of play, I wouldn't freak out in a visible manner, but I would inside and would have to leave. I am not willing to put myself in that situation. I am more likely to go to a small setting where I know what to expect and trust the people there. A friend described something that upset him at a club in Canada and how he wanted to beat the dom down and had to leave and this is a dominant man that has been around for a very long time and had a great deal of experience. The same scene, would have had me freaking out inside and rushing out. I could handle whips and canes... needles and even the blood, but the punching, choking or basically a take down... I could not watch. I would know it was consensual, I still couldn't watch it and that would be my history at play.

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Post #: 107

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 1:08:55 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

fr

Beat downs can be brutal and disturbing and even when you know they are consensual they can touch you on levels you weren't aware you had until they were accessed and the same reasons that some might find them disturbing can be why others find them intensly hot.

Honestly, if you have never witnessed a take down/beat down can you say one way or another how you would react? I put it in the category of 'you had to have been there'.

We engage in occasional fp and being 'in' it is a very different animal than viewing it. Being in it doesn't seem like a big deal at the time it's happening and, often, it's only the resulting end with evidence of blood and bruises on the parties involved that tell the tale. I can well image that it might be very disturbing to others to watch such but I do say, from the bottom of my heart, I adore it, I'm having a fabulous time in the midst of it.

That said, I'm not a huge fan of watching others get beat down though because it disturbs me and brings out my protective side so when I see someone being 'hurt' I have to just remind myself that I shouldn't be protective.. just jealous that it's not me.

Oh yeah.. and interrupt my scene and you will be subject, first hand, to a beat down. I have weapons.

That's a joke.. sorta.

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 6/22/2012 1:09:17 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 108

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 1:36:42 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL Bita! Thank you for that post. I do believe that at some point I will venture out... somehow, but don't feel I am ready yet. I think that one sentence you posted about reminding yourself not to be protective, might help me balance it all. I just spent too many years being the protector and one trying to deal with those abused domestically... and then having my own experience with being choked multiple times... add my son... and yeah... I am not there yet! lol

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 109

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 1:52:00 PM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

Yay Jeff! (This is why it's worth reading others' posts before writing your own.)

I agree 100%. I don't know what it is that cumlover is trying to accomplish. I have no political aspirations here. United we stand.. divided we fall... how are we falling?

What I do in the bedroom is my own business. There are some kinks that gross me out, and some kinks here that I think it's a joke people call themselves kinky. For the life of me I can't see why I would feel the need to stand by those people.

We are not a "cause" for heaven sakes. We just have preferences that differ from others. Some of us are like June and Ward Cleaver. Others end up in jail (and rightly so).

What purpose is unity here?

I hope there's a better answer than "can't we all just get along", because the answer to that is "no". Being kinky or into d/s doesn't mean I find you likeable as a person, or that you've done anything to earn my respect.

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What you permit, you promote.

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Post #: 110

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 1:54:41 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

quote:

This in part is why I don't go to clubs. I know myself pretty well. I know in certain types of play, I wouldn't freak out in a visible manner, but I would inside and would have to leave. I am not willing to put myself in that situation.

This is me exactly!! I have never been to a club or play party, not because I have issues with what I will see but fear at how I will react.

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Post #: 111

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 3:14:16 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

FCL - thank you for starting the thread. It turned into a rather interesting discussion.

I'm thanking you now because I sense 'awaiting approval' in your future and then you'll probably disappear but there were some posts here which were of interest to me so I will acknowledge that good and as I try to actually live my life, at least in regard to common courtsey as described in the opening post, I'll just leave it at that and hope for the best for you. My time is limited though, so, regretfully, I won't be adding you to my reading list.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to FemalecumLover)

Post #: 112

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 3:40:09 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

LOL Bita! Thank you for that post. I do believe that at some point I will venture out... somehow, but don't feel I am ready yet. I think that one sentence you posted about reminding yourself not to be protective, might help me balance it all. I just spent too many years being the protector and one trying to deal with those abused domestically... and then having my own experience with being choked multiple times... add my son... and yeah... I am not there yet! lol

I totally understand that.. there are places that I feel the same way about and might never get to but that's okay. If I miss a few it's because I'm going to be walking some place different and just embrace and cherish 'those' experiences. I figure as long as I'm walking, I'm still winning. :D

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 113

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 7:07:31 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

so far i think, when i've used the word "respect", it's as-in i try to respect people and treat them respectfully, even if i disagree with them, or they have some kink that's squicky for me. i.e., i respect their right to their kink. and, i treat them with the same respect (i hope) they show me.

Still disagree with you. I understand the way you are using it and using it in the same context that you are using it, I don't respect everyone respectfully even if I disagree with them. Some things that I disagree with will never ever be respected in any way whatsoever. I don't respect some people's kink and their "right" to it. There are some that squick me to the point that I morally find it wrong. The only reason I don't make a big hoohah about it is because I'd probably be chewed out and/or beat to a pulp for my moral views. And I don't care one tiny bit if anyone else respects my kink.

sigh.

you're kinda taking my concept to the extreme and then disagreeing, so let me be even more explicit.

i treat everyone with respect, and return the same level of respect they treat me with.

of course, if i think something is morally wrong, i usually speak up. and i certainly don't respect their kink (or whatever it is that i disdain). and i'm certainly not all pal-sy with people that i have disdain for.

but yeah, i guess we strongly disagree in that, for me, there's absolutely no reason and no gain (only loss) for me to be the initiator, to treat someone disrespectfully. in fact, spewing out that vitriol and anger is a loss - an unhealthy exercise.

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If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

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Post #: 114

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 7:10:29 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

for all CM members ... I respect you all

Looks like the OP is full of bs!

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Post #: 115

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 7:23:35 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So, OP, you quoted an article that couldn't even get the origin of the definition of BDSM correct, and we're supposed to jump up and down?

(My other half just looked at Me and said, "ut oh, here it comes".)

The fact that you like to fuck in ways that might be different than the average person just ain't that great. I honestly don't care what your particular kink is. Having that kink, or even acting on it, doesn't get you kudos in My world. It's laughable that you think that earns you respect in some way.

When you learn that how you fuck really isn't the tantamount of who you are as a man, THEN you might earn My respect. Until then, you're just some horny fuck who doesn't see that sexual appetite isn't all that important.

And, yes, it does stand for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. That D/s bullshit was added later by people whining about feeling left out.

Yeah, he seems to have missed that point earlier.

I also find it funny that he's praising the two people with no experience. Neither one knows how they would react if they walked into a room and confronted with a kink that horrifies them.....because they've never been in that situation. Until put into practice, it's just lip service.

i don't really know if you're talking about me or not, he did, as you called it, "praise" me.

i find it truly offense if you are talking about me. you have no idea what experience i have, and you incorrectly presume i haven't personally seen kinks that horrify me. under that circumstance, i knew to shut the fuck up.

if you're talking about me, then that's what you should do. if not, then please accept my apology in advance.

now, cut to the resident stalker troll to quote me saying i'm a noob. show us all you still have no clue what i'm about, and cannot fathom the concepts of modesty, privacy, and none of your fucking business what it is that i do, unless i want you to know that.

show us all how much your self loathing insecurity drives you to try and feel superior to someone who doesn't appear to pass your bar of accredited BDSM experience.

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

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Post #: 116

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 7:28:16 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

quote:

Karmastic, I am not clearing anything up so that you might understand me. I have no need to be understood by you.

as soon as i read this, i knew not to read the rest of your reply. i apologize, but it's just too hard for me to try and have an intellectually stimulating and beneficial conversation with anyone that seems to have that much hurt in their heart.

bless you lockit, if you're the religious type. take care for now and peace.

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

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Post #: 117

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 7:35:44 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

ROFLMAO!

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Post #: 118

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 7:38:16 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
agree. that list goes well beyond kink or BDSM, and deserves no 'respect'.

*chuckles*

So does that mean that I only got to wear my "yes I'm kinky" button for a few weeks and now I'm "well beyond kink" and into "horrific"?? Damn, it was sweet while it lasted.

lol! uh, what did i miss? what's on the "bad list" that you do? honestly, i'm not even sure what all is on the "bad list. i just know it's a few thing sensationalistic "bad things" that a few people thought up, like no consent and children.

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

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Post #: 119

RE: Kink With Respect - 6/22/2012 7:47:05 PM

punisher440

Posts: 4122
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline

FR

There is an old saying,if you throw a rock into a pack of dogs,the one the yelps is the one that got hit.Sounds like that was a nice sized rock.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 120

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