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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 1:44:19 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		And you wonder why I think you're the scariest person on this board, Jeff? (except for me, of course)

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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 2:33:03 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
And you wonder why I think you're the scariest person on this board, Jeff? (except for me, of course)

ROFL.. if we're taking nominations I'd like to mention... uh... clits... cigars... Kana...

I mean seriously, what's a guy got to do around here to win some scary points?

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 2:43:24 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Kana seems pretty normal to me...

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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 2:52:45 PM   
pyschosubmission


Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline
quote:

I mean seriously, what's a guy got to do around here to win some scary points?


Rawr..Rawr..Rawr..Rawr..

Am I doing right?

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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 2:53:41 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
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Status: offline 		Can you sing purple haze backwards?

Am I doin alright?  Am I doin alright?  Are the mosquitoes gettin black?



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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 2:57:36 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyschosubmission

quote:

I mean seriously, what's a guy got to do around here to win some scary points?


Rawr..Rawr..Rawr..Rawr..

Am I doing right?


RAWR means "I love you" in dinosaur!

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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 2:57:43 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Kana seems pretty normal to me...

*shakes head*
...
*shakes head some more*

I know this is probably obvious, but man you people are nuts. *laughs*

edited to add:
Well yeah, but "RAWR" might also mean, "I'd love to eat you" in dinosaur. Inflection is important in some things.


< Message edited by JeffBC -- 8/10/2012 2:59:08 PM >

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 3:03:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyschosubmission

quote:

I mean seriously, what's a guy got to do around here to win some scary points?


Rawr..Rawr..Rawr..Rawr..

Am I doing right?

Kneel.

It couldn't hurt.


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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 3:05:10 PM   
pyschosubmission


Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus


RAWR means "I love you" in dinosaur!



Damnit! Look I know I can be scary, I just need to warm up is all :P

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 3:19:19 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fallenintoshadow

Anyone out there have any experience with this that they'd be willing to relate to me?


I don't really know if this is applicable, but I'll give it a go.

I've always to some extend changed a part of me in every relationship I've been in. That's got nothing to do with the D/s side of things, or the "training" or anything like that, it's all because of the type of personality I have.

I've often described myself as somewhat of a chameleon, in the sense that I tend to adapt myself to whomever I'm currently with to some extend. That also means that I'm basically a different person, depending on the guy I happen to be dating at the moment.
It's not so much that I loose a part of my identity however, but more that there seems to be a part of my identity that is "in a relationship with X" which remains blank when I'm single. When I'm in a relationship, that part of me gets filled in by the guy I'm with, and his interests. It isn't so much that he can make me into a whole different person, or make me loose my core, but more so that he enhances certain parts of me that have always been there, and brings them out to the forefront more. To give an example: Though there has always been a hint of geek in me, I'm more geek now than I've even been in my life due to my husband. I've been anything from a party girl, to a hardcore slut, to a frigid prude, to a sports fanatic, to a honor-student, to a princess type girlie girl... all depending on the guy I was with... and I'm not of those things to the extreme when single... though all of them at least a little bit.

However, in practice it means that I can be a totally different person with guy X than I am with guy Y, which means that I've been accused before of "losing myself" in relationships.
It also means that it's not something I'm scared of at all, because I know that the core of me is pretty much untouchable, and unchangeable, no matter what the guy trows at me, I know that in the end *I* will stay the same... I'll become a little older and wiser maybe, but my fundamental core is me, and not anything anybody else can just mess around with at will unless *I* choose to let it happen. The fact that I'm very safe and secure in this knowledge allows me great freedom to just let go, and *be* a chameleon to the full extend that I can be. Just to let go, and to let the personality of the guy have it's influence on me, and to take me placed and make me explore states of mind I've never encountered before. I believe that being able to let go in such a way, and to let him lead not just my actions, but who I am has greatly enhanced my life and my experiences, and pushes me to greater heights of intimacy that I could achieve without it.
It sounds all sappy and cliche, but I really become a *we* in a relationship... and I really like it that way.

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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 3:27:04 PM   
fallenintoshadow


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/24/2012
Status: offline 		You all are really great. I sincerely appreciate you sharing all of this with me. Thank you!

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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 3:41:54 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
I've often described myself as somewhat of a chameleon, in the sense that I tend to adapt myself to whomever I'm currently with to some extend. That also means that I'm basically a different person, depending on the guy I happen to be dating at the moment. It's not so much that I loose a part of my identity however, but more that there seems to be a part of my identity that is "in a relationship with X" which remains blank when I'm single.

How interesting that both Carol and I used the same word to describe ourselves and yes, we both see it the same way. I mean seriously, VAST swathes of my own personality have been remade to "better suit her mood". Like you, I don't really see that as losing any part of myself. I just see it as being adaptable. In point of fact, it is that very adaptability that I DO consider a core part of me and to lose it would feel like "losing myself".

As I noted to Peon though, in a personality like Carol's that same thing has WAY fewer safety nets and breaks on it. She correctly convinced me that her concerns were at least somewhat more valid than mine. Where they become incorrect is in that little question of "my intent". So yeah, Carol'd be totally screwed if I were not me. Then again, if I were not me I wouldn't be her husband either.

I think, especially on these boards (less so in MAsT meetings) there is this huge prevalence of what I call "dominant personalities choosing to submit". I get that. I understand it. I understand it really well because I'm dominant myself. I also think it's important to remember that there are also submissive personalities that submit and their issues/challenges are different. I had no way to safeguard Carol in the event that I died and she needed a new husband. She'd be equally at risk with anyone she married whether or not anyone ever mentioned BDSM. My best plan has been to train her in leadership so that she is able to accurately spot good leaders. In her case an ounce of prevention is definitely worth any amount of non-existent cure.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 3:42:24 PM   
pyschosubmission


Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline 		Kneel? :S

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/10/2012 10:33:05 PM   
onceshattered


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

I've often described myself as somewhat of a chameleon, in the sense that I tend to adapt myself to whomever I'm currently with to some extend. That also means that I'm basically a different person, depending on the guy I happen to be dating at the moment....

It also means that it's not something I'm scared of at all, because I know that the core of me is pretty much untouchable, and unchangeable...


I can sooo relate! Thank you muchly for writing this. I have pretty eclectic tastes, hobbies, interests, etc. so it's very easy for me to adapt and change my focus depending on who I'm with. I remember a few times my family or friends looking at me funny and later asking why I was changing myself for "some guy." Usually I would just tell them I wasn't really changing, I was just engaging in things that he liked. It seemed a very simple thing to do and I didn't realize until much much later that not everyone does this kind of thing. I think it's pretty handy, I can usually have a good time with just about anyone because of this "chameleon ability."

I'm really glad the OP posted this question, I'm really learning a lot here as well. Thank you so much to everyone who has replied.

- OS

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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/11/2012 8:05:05 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
ROFL.. if we're taking nominations I'd like to mention... uh... clits... cigars... Kana...


Oh Ko-Thanks for the thought, but I'm gonna defer to my betters.

I strongly suspect RS has gone beyond what I'd do, and I know for a fact that MariaB has gone waywayway beyond some places I've been.(Which is good. A man needs role models, people who inspire and raise the bar higher and higher give me something to aim at, forces me to continue to learn and grow,) And I'm pretty sure that there are some seriously sick fuck folk who lurk and don't post, or downplay the intensity with which they scene, but they get out there too.
I am only an egg.


Or, as a friend once said, a nice guy in mean skin.


(edited to add that point of fact-I think Maria is farfarfar and away the scariest person here. This woman teaches ritual scarification classes for Gods sake. And Maria, I truly mean this as a vast compliment)

< Message edited by Kana -- 8/11/2012 8:14:58 AM >

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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/11/2012 10:24:51 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Wow! Not one but two unexpected gems in this thread.

A) "Scary is highly personal"
OK, that's definitely in the "Gee Duh!" category but it does help snap it into focus to just say it that clearly. Yup, there's this one thing I do with Carol that for a lot of folks looks "extreme" or "something they would hate" and so it's scary. For Carol and I it's just how we love each other and so it doesn't even remotely look "scary" to us. It looks like "love". So then I look at that freakazoid Kana and his smoking habits and think, "No way! THAT is scary!" And Kana immediately points me to Maria and her ritual scarification.... which doesn't even begin to raise any squick hackles for me.

B) I finally know what my CM tag ought to be:
"247th scariest person on CM" -- LOL. That oughta leave newbies wondering.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/11/2012 10:30:14 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

freakazoid Kana


I might be needing a new tag too. That shit is funny

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HST

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/11/2012 10:32:05 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

then I look at that freakazoid Kana and his smoking habits and think, "No way! THAT is scary!"



Ssshhh....don't tell him I told ya, but he's just a big ole cuddly softie.

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/11/2012 10:38:33 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Ssshhh....don't tell him I told ya, but he's just a big ole cuddly softie.

LOL.. the funny thing is that's pretty obvious to me. And because I am so "love oriented" and because the love you two hold for each other is just so blatantly obvious all the weird shit just gets occluded in my mental view by "Awww, what a great couple." The actuality is you two make me laugh more than freak me out. You have a great relationship and a great love affair which really is all that matters to me.

OK... here's my new tag plan (gee, maybe I am an emotional sadist). We wait till the next school break when all the new masters and slaves are showing up and we get the admins to pick the 30 most common posters and arbitrarily number then 1-30 in scariness. Then we spend a month fielding questions about it just like the ice cream cone questions except we allege there's some sort of post monitoring algorithm they have which assigns these things... Oh yeah. That oughta keep the school kids busy.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 8/11/2012 3:58:47 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Did my part to help y'all out: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4202617/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4202617

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