JeffBC
Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fallenintoshadow
Nslavu, it wouldn't funny if there weren't some truth in it. Never having been this deep before, I do not know if it's even possible to lose ones self at all. Hence what a lot of this discussion is about or at least what prompted it.
You know that is EXACTLY the return question I asked Carol when she expressed this concern. But a quick look at her face convinced me I needed to take the whole thing more seriously. I needed to empathize with how different the view is from the passenger's seat. Of course I know what I intend for Carol and therefore I know that there'll be no losing of her self. But she couldn't know that and I was asking for some pretty serious entree into her "self".
quote:
Thank you for extending the stonecutter metaphor. I like your notion of polishing facets in this context and your hint as how they can relate to "self".
*nods* I can't see how it could be any other way assuming a more or less normal relationship. Despite myth, every time I've seen any question about love and M/s relationships, the answer OVERWHELMINGLY comes back that love is a key part of the relationship for most people and most masters love their slaves all to pieces (and I'm talking the long-term successful couples... obviously a lot of idiots do a lot of idiotic things and those relationships don't go so well). I love Carol enough that I look at her and say, "Sometimes I look at you and you just look like a Carol shaped hole someone cut out of reality and what is shining through the hole is a miracle." I tend to say that in random moments like I just came around a corner in the house and she was sitting in a chair reading or something mundane. Really... if that's how the master is looking at the slave, you can pretty much bank on the fact that adjustments are going to be made carefully because... you know... I LIKE my miracles :)
The big issue in my mind is over-committing. Someone gets all hot & bothered suddenly by the idea of TPE or slavery or whatever and so they need a master... RIGHT NOW. And when they find one it doesn't occur to either one of them that perhaps a bit of "walk before you run" -- especially if you're carrying a running chainsaw -- is probably wise. So rather than doing something sensible like... you know... extending control carefully and checking how things are working they go right into the deep end of the pool. Things like actual honor, actual trust, actual respect, etc. are replaced by what I call "BDSM trust". That's the slave who just met her master over the internet last night in yahoo chat and now she "trusts him completely". Real trust takes time to accrue... as does real respect. But man, that's not any fun and doesn't sound like instant gratification so who'd want to do that?
If it helps you any fallen... my general observation has been that M/s couples I've seen represent the best and worst both of relationship structures. When it works, it tends to work really, really well. I DO think such a steep authority dynamic can be used very nicely to enhance and promote things like trust, respect, etc. So in the hands of two honorable people that becomes a very sharp sword. But it's a very sharp two-edged sword. I think your fear of losing yourself is misplaced. What you SHOULD be fearing is your own self or your brand new shiny master causing you to do stupid stuff in the name of instant gratification and fantasy-chasing. A lot of people build a lot of M/s castles in the sand then act all surprised when the inevitable tide washes them away again.
edited to add;
Holy crap. Congratulations to SLV. I have never in my life even thought there'd be a possibility of me hiding a poster on their second post. Nor have I ever before actually said when I've hidden someone. But since I've recently gotten some shit for this now others can see how one gets hidden by me. Much as I'd like to access that book knowledge, anyone who invalidates the entirety of experience, knowledge, and worldview of people who are actually doing this shit can't really have anything useful to say. Wait... maybe he's awareness reborn?
< Message edited by JeffBC -- 8/12/2012 11:41:02 AM >
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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd
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RE: Loss of individuality when entering slavehood - 
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