RE: A mature submissive? (Full Version)

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sunshinemiss -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 8:13:52 AM)

Sunny Quote of the Day
goes to
Aswad
for

[sm=angel.gif][sm=angel.gif][sm=angel.gif]

it does strike me as somewhat of a potentially harsh learning experience
to bring a thin skin to a place that has a major population of people
who get their jollies making people cry and scream for hours on end.


http://www.collarchat.com/m_4205198/mpage_7/tm.htm



Timonat -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 8:23:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

At age 35 Lance had a "boy" of 65.

It was NOT about age.  Get it?


Here's the view from my side.

I've had a fling with a totally gorgeous 23 year old. It was fun, we enjoyed each other, then ultimately moved on. Would I do it again? maybe. But, the reality is was that it was just kinky sex.

Would I agree to be submissive to a 23 year old? Most likely not. Submission to me means that he has some control over how my life is run outside the bedroom. Most 23 year old guys aren't mature enough and don't have any concept of where I am in my life.

My view is meeting up with someone to have kinky sex while one is in charge and other follows, is just that - kinky sex. For me D/s happens when orgasms aren't happening. It would truly take a special twosome for a woman in her 40s to give control of her life to a guy under the age of 25.




What about an incredibly mature 23 year old, who happens to find that an age difference ads extra spice?



I think it's possible, but it's going to take two very specific people.

For me, I sincerely doubt, that I'd be willing to go into submitting to a 23 year old. I tend to be pretty alpha and to give over control of my life outside of the bedroom takes a lot trust that he's going to make good decisions. Someone a little older will have a history of decisions to show that they can. Most 23 year olds won't, which means that he'd have to prove himself and I don't think that's a good way to have a healthy relationship. My goals, wants and needs at this point in my life are very different from a 23 year olds.

This is just my view point. That doesn't mean that there isn't some woman out there that thinks its hot.


Yes that makes perfect sense and I agree with you 100 percent. But again, it is just BECAUSE of that, that I find it interesting, as it goes against all established "rules" of life.

I also agree that needs at different stages of life are different, and so, compatibility (I mean on all levels, not just sexual) between people of greatly different ages is well nigh impossible. Of course there are exceptions to every rule.

But for the sake of argument (positive and constructive), could I not legitimately say you saying you would NOT be interested in someone because of their age is the same as me saying I WOULD be interested in someone because of their age? It is just from the opposite end of the spectrum and from inverted reasons. You think someone young would lack something you look for, whereas I think someone older would have something I look for.



LaTigresse -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 8:35:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pyschosubmission


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

If you're going to post pictures, I think we've agreed (the women anyway) that we'd prefer a kilt.....



Very well [:D]

This thread is...

[image]https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-QG1Gu06Xh1I/UC8ASplkrII/AAAAAAAAAwo/wLCz72qsYhQ/s500/fabulous.jpg[/image]


Dearest PS, since I haven't the money to travel to Scotland, much to my chagrin, please do not desert the questionable hallowed halls of the Collarme forums for as long as I am a member. You almost never fail to make me smile. I LOVED the llama!

You've got style kid!

LaT



OsideGirl -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 8:35:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

At age 35 Lance had a "boy" of 65.

It was NOT about age.  Get it?


Here's the view from my side.

I've had a fling with a totally gorgeous 23 year old. It was fun, we enjoyed each other, then ultimately moved on. Would I do it again? maybe. But, the reality is was that it was just kinky sex.

Would I agree to be submissive to a 23 year old? Most likely not. Submission to me means that he has some control over how my life is run outside the bedroom. Most 23 year old guys aren't mature enough and don't have any concept of where I am in my life.

My view is meeting up with someone to have kinky sex while one is in charge and other follows, is just that - kinky sex. For me D/s happens when orgasms aren't happening. It would truly take a special twosome for a woman in her 40s to give control of her life to a guy under the age of 25.




What about an incredibly mature 23 year old, who happens to find that an age difference ads extra spice?



I think it's possible, but it's going to take two very specific people.

For me, I sincerely doubt, that I'd be willing to go into submitting to a 23 year old. I tend to be pretty alpha and to give over control of my life outside of the bedroom takes a lot trust that he's going to make good decisions. Someone a little older will have a history of decisions to show that they can. Most 23 year olds won't, which means that he'd have to prove himself and I don't think that's a good way to have a healthy relationship. My goals, wants and needs at this point in my life are very different from a 23 year olds.

This is just my view point. That doesn't mean that there isn't some woman out there that thinks its hot.


Yes that makes perfect sense and I agree with you 100 percent. But again, it is just BECAUSE of that, that I find it interesting, as it goes against all established "rules" of life.

I also agree that needs at different stages of life are different, and so, compatibility (I mean on all levels, not just sexual) between people of greatly different ages is well nigh impossible. Of course there are exceptions to every rule.

But for the sake of argument (positive and constructive), could I not legitimately say you saying you would NOT be interested in someone because of their age is the same as me saying I WOULD be interested in someone because of their age? It is just from the opposite end of the spectrum and from inverted reasons. You think someone young would lack something you look for, whereas I think someone older would have something I look for.



Some D/s relationships thrive on that uncomfortable juxtaposition of position/class/age/race.

For me, it's a moot point since I'm long married. But, it comes down to what you're looking for. When Master and I got together, I was looking for a long term, spend the rest of my life relationship. From my schooling, I understand that relationships with less than a 10 year age gap have a better chance of surviving. Once you're past that point, compatibility and age based turning points tend to interfere.

If something were to happen to our relationship: At this point in my life, I don't think I'd go back into another serious, TPE relationship and wouldn't be looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with. In that particular instance, I wouldn't turn someone down based on age. I'd turn them down based on compatibility.



GreedyTop -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 8:37:47 AM)

~FR~


*sigh* I'm gonna pretend I am a Mod for a moment... PLEASE trim your quotes!!

*runs to hide from the actual Mods*



LadyHibiscus -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 8:42:05 AM)

Yes and no. It goes back to that definition of dominance we discussed, and what the submissive's needs are.

Did Roch's young lady tell him where to invest his money, what the best next career move would be, or any of that? I don't know, but my *guess* is that her level of control was more in terms of their day to day interaction. To ME, that adds up to kinky play, not dominance. (Words, tricky things!)

There are many very mature young people raising families and getting the job done. I was a mature young person myself. What I didn't have when I was young was *perspective*. That makes a difference in the decision making process.

What you want isn't wrong or bad, Tim, it's just not gonna be easy to get. Pursue your target audience, that's a thing we all do, just don't make it obvious.



sexyred1 -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 9:47:25 AM)

The more I read this thread, the more I think he can get what he wants. It is just a matter of approach.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a mature woman, or older woman. It is the manner in which this is communicated, I think, is what people reacted to.

Look, I have dated a ton of younger men. I was with one for over 10 years. It was not his age that factored into the death of the relationship, it was his sociopathic personality and how he treated me. Chemistry is not enough; we had enough to light the world on fire; but our compatibility and long term goals could have fit into a pin head.

Just as I would not want someone to say, Hey, I never had sex with a redhead, how about it? I would not want someone to only want me for my age and experience. If you do want that, just use finesse. My young boyfriend never came up to me and said, HEY, I want to fuck an older woman! He just approached me on line waiting to buy tickets in NYC for something and just chatted.

All the strong reactions here are based on approach, not judging desires.



Timonat -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 10:00:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

The more I read this thread, the more I think he can get what he wants. It is just a matter of approach.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a mature woman, or older woman. It is the manner in which this is communicated, I think, is what people reacted to.

Look, I have dated a ton of younger men. I was with one for over 10 years. It was not his age that factored into the death of the relationship, it was his sociopathic personality and how he treated me. Chemistry is not enough; we had enough to light the world on fire; but our compatibility and long term goals could have fit into a pin head.

Just as I would not want someone to say, Hey, I never had sex with a redhead, how about it? I would not want someone to only want me for my age and experience. If you do want that, just use finesse. My young boyfriend never came up to me and said, HEY, I want to fuck an older woman! He just approached me on line waiting to buy tickets in NYC for something and just chatted.

All the strong reactions here are based on approach, not judging desires.


Well I never claimed I had the prefect approach. The whole reason I am here, asking all your opinions is to learn from the horses mouth what "you" like and what you don't.

I hear what you are saying about the approach, but is honesty not always the best approach? Sure, you can be honest with sensitivity and style, or just crudely honest (I like mature woman), but, in principal, is it not better I let her know early on what my interest is, rather than basically having a hidden motive? Plus, if she does know the "Motive (god it sounds so sinister hehe), then how can the dynamic work and her enjoy it aswell? I want it to be a MUTUALLY enriching experience, not just me getting what I want by using her unaware. If I wasn't such a decent person i guess it would be a lot easier for me *smiles* :P

Also, I never said I wanted ANY mature woman. Of course personalty and her other qualities (she wants to be judged by) would come into it. I would never want to dominate a woman simply because she is "mature", but, because she is mature, and I like her, and she likes the idea too.






LadyHibiscus -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 10:07:41 AM)

I don't want to sound unkind here, but you sound as if you don't have a ton of experience with women. Or that you're aspie, which is another kettle of fish.

Much social interaction is subtext. If a man approaches me, I really don't care to dissect the 'why', it's more important to me to figure out if I am interrsted in spending any time with him. Our relationship interests and all that will come out in conversation.

So, if you're talking to a kinky older woman, the kink and the older aspects are already taken care of, right? :)



littleone14 -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 11:52:13 AM)

I'm not sure I see the problem with the OPs post. He's not saying his only qualification for a woman is that she be older, just that's a dynamic he wants to explore. While I would be totally put off if he approached me saying he likes older women, I didn't get the impression he was ever planning to do that.



pyschosubmission -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 4:11:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Dearest PS, since I haven't the money to travel to Scotland, much to my chagrin, please do not desert the questionable hallowed halls of the Collarme forums for as long as I am a member. You almost never fail to make me smile. I LOVED the llama!

You've got style kid!

LaT



Dearest LaT,

I solemnly promise I shall remain here for as long as my temperamental router allows. All hail the pixies of the "BT Total Broadband HomeHub 2.0"

Yours Sincerely
Psycho



DesFIP -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 6:00:16 PM)

No matter how mature a 23 year old is compared to other 23 year olds, he isn't going to have any life experience turning a defiant 16 year old around. Because he isn't a parent of one.

Compatibility for me encompasses a lot more than sex and kink. Life experience is much more important. As are shared memories. If your earliest memory does not include the Challenger, we really won't have much in common.

We won't get along with each others' friends. We won't like each others' music. Or taste in movies.Or dozens of other things that not arguing about makes life easier and happier. And that kind of bone deep compatibility isn't really possible on all those levels when your age is so drastically disparate.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/18/2012 6:07:23 PM)

Music...one of my young friends and I did a compare & contrast and let's say our lists did NOT overlap. At all.




MyWay1954 -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/19/2012 9:01:01 PM)

I am ever amazed at anyone who walks into......anywhere really......plops their ass down and declares everyone is wrong and here is how things truly are.

What works in Texas does NOT work in Massachusetts, France or India and vice versa.



LadyPact -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/20/2012 1:56:22 AM)

Still waiting for the OP to mention how successful he has been in this endeavor. How many mature females have contacted him? Played with him? What's his success rate?????



gungadin09 -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/20/2012 2:15:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat
So what is the difference between a submissive getting a psychological kick out of being tied up, and me getting a psychological kick out of dominating a woman who is older than I am?


Nothing. lncidentally, I get a psychological kick out of dating men who are older, bigger, stronger, more self controlled, and more intelligent than me.

Pam



Timonat -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/20/2012 12:08:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Still waiting for the OP to mention how successful he has been in this endeavor. How many mature females have contacted him? Played with him? What's his success rate?????



I have been speaking to a few, now and also long before ever started this discussion. Some of them I consider friends now, although nothing sexual will come of it.

I don't like the term "success rate", it has very shallow connotations. However, my so called "success rate", at this point, is zero. As I said, I have not tried this yet.



Timonat -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/20/2012 12:13:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't want to sound unkind here, but you sound as if you don't have a ton of experience with women. Or that you're aspie, which is another kettle of fish.

Much social interaction is subtext. If a man approaches me, I really don't care to dissect the 'why', it's more important to me to figure out if I am interrsted in spending any time with him. Our relationship interests and all that will come out in conversation.

So, if you're talking to a kinky older woman, the kink and the older aspects are already taken care of, right? :)


You are right, well, in a sense anyway. I have not had much experience with women for quite a while now. I have stayed away, by choice, for reasons that are not relevant to this conversation. My "exploits" and experiences with women before that are not really relevant to this discussion either, so I will not go into them.

I do not think that in any way makes me less "qualified" however.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/20/2012 12:16:24 PM)

That's okay, you're not required to share your life history. :)



gungadin09 -> RE: A mature submissive? (8/20/2012 1:11:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Timonat
You are right, well, in a sense anyway. I have not had much experience with women for quite a while now. I have stayed away, by choice, for reasons that are not relevant to this conversation. My "exploits" and experiences with women before that are not really relevant to this discussion either, so I will not go into them.

I do not think that in any way makes me less "qualified" however.


I admire your composure. Good luck in your search.

Pam



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