RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing.

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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 8/19/2012 4:45:37 PM

Salinedion

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If you want them to do it, and they will do it -even if they don't want to- then haven't you reached the basic S+M pinnacle and isn't it time to pop a champagne cork?

99.9% of the world wants to be 50 shades of one side or the other of this non-dilemna. Whoopee! Great to be you.

But.....but.... you want her to want to do the bad thing too? 'Time to play "you can't always get what you want" -loud.

Maybe she'll get into it. Mine did with bootlicking. Maybe she won't. Mine still doesn't take an ass pounding well, and you know what? It sort of put me off it. I'm working with mine on a sexier walk. She hates it. Tough darts, I can live with that. To quote the memorable George Bush, I'm the decider.

It's up to you, it's good to be king. If her being put off by X kills your pleasure a bit, it aint the saddest story I ever heard. Negotiate or don't, depending on what makes your dick hard and what's healthy for the love affair.

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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 8/19/2012 7:45:26 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

Seems to me that would come under the heading of "play", not "lie". Sort of like when doms use ice and tell blindfolded subs that its a redhot knife.......

Kana sez" This is pretty much my response, verbatim

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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 8/19/2012 7:55:43 PM

UllrsIshtar

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LOL, Kana's taking more and more advantage of being served by a pretty obedient slave girl... now he doesn't even type for himself anymore.

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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 8/19/2012 10:02:02 PM

littlewonder

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like Master says, that's what a slave is for. If ya got one, use it.

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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 8/19/2012 10:10:39 PM

Kana

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Nah-that's me on her computer. I just like to clarify...though, now that you mention, I do like your idea...and the lilone does have secretarial skills....

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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 8/19/2012 10:24:05 PM

littlewonder

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yay! Another way I get to be helpful and useful.

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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 8/23/2012 5:55:10 AM

limpshorty

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/8/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Yeah, and that's the thing about a mind fuck. See, I can't stand them, others love them.

To me they are dishonest and cause me to lose trust very quickly. For reasons I will never understand, they bring others closer.

Anyone have another perspective on this?

I must agree that deliberate lies, which is what they are, seem very destructive to me as well, but there is room in the mix for deception. In the terror of being offered a choice, as every order is, between loosing everything, and clinging to the hope that your dominant really does treasure what he makes you become, at the place that makes you doubt it the most.

A dominant who does this is either a totally self centered fool, or an invested, and dedicated master of an entire person. However, the sub doesn't get to find out without a huge risk. Sadly, there are more fools in the world than we might hope. That doesn't change the triumph of knowing the depth of the bond between the two that really do make it work.

I am jealous.

limpshorty

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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 8/23/2012 6:16:29 AM

culareD

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

<---- does not fake it.

To me, there's a big difference between "doing it for him" and being seriously unhappy about it. I've done lots of things I'd ordinarily be neutral about and enjoyed it because he enjoyed it. Hell, I enjoy picking up smelly socks in the context of a D/s relationship.

I was obviously unhappy about swing clubs, my ex didn't care; he's my ex.

Nicely put, and FAKE really is no good in the long run.

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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 8/23/2012 7:44:23 PM

Karmastic

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Joined: 4/5/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Karnikula

Another topic fetched from Carolyn (I suppose it IS the Carolyn you know).

Situation:

Dom tells sub to do X.
Sub doesn't like doing X.
Sub does as told but is obviously unhappy about it.
You only enjoy X if the sub appears to enjoy it.

Do you decide not to order sub to do X, be disappointed and have your sub be unhappy about not being pleasing ? (lose-lose)

How do you fix this problem?

Tell your sub to ACT as if enjoying? (tie-tie)
Try to enjoy X without your sub enjoying it? (tie-tie)

Can there be a win-win situation?

there's no good or right answer to your question. ultimately, it's one more "card in the deck" where you don't match. you can vary which option depending on your mood. and hopefully, too many cards don't stack up and fall over.

btw - i love your avatar!!!

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