limpshorty
Posts: 55
Joined: 8/8/2012
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Being given your very favorite serving task is not submitting. It’s being rewarded. Doing your chores is submitting, but, it’s not something you should be either proud of, or angry about. (Ok, maybe you got so many chores you can’t even finish them. That might call for some respectful and maybe even “out of character” discussion.)
So, we are talking about squicks, and limits, and challenges to those things. But all of it is about knowing who you are, and who your partner is, and that happens gradually, and constantly in a LTR.
If I submit, I make a choice. I want to do what my Mistress wants. Now, take formulaic address. It annoys me. It vanilla annoys me. If it must be included in every utterance, you might as well gag me. If I have to address her as Mistress, and say Yes, Mistress, No Mistress all day, it necessarily means less when I moan out Oh, thank you Mistress, because I hit some very low or high point, and find out just how much I want to be hers. Her insistence on formula takes that away from both of us. Now, I don’t mean slapin’ her butt and saying “Hey babe, been into the Haagendaz, huh?” when I come in. Respect is respect, and I certainly expect to give it always.
Suppose Mistress asks me if I like taking it in the ass. If I answer with a rote submission mantra, it necessarily means less than an actual communication. She is asking me for information, not permission. “No, I don’t actually like it. Do you mean you using a dildo on me? If that would be pleasing to you, I would want you to do it.” If she says, “No, I have a few friends coming over, and some of them like taking a slave that way.” I have a lot of thinking to do, and hopefully she will lead me through it.
I expect to do things I don’t like. Routinely, if they are things she wants. I am hopeful that they will be things that bring her pleasure, and also that I will be rewarded by seeing her feeling that pleasure. All of this is part of submitting my entire self to her. She should be confident that I will stretch my limits, and even my ass, if that is what she wants. If the reason she wants it is that she knows I don’t like it, but will do it anyway, then she should let me know, either subtly, or in plain words, “I want you do this, because you don’t like it. It makes me feel good to own you, and abuse you.” “Beg me to do you with my dildo, every day. On the day that you realize that you actually do crave it, tell me.”
In behavior modification, there is a concept called successive approximation. If skillfully combined with associative reward, and negative schedule aversive stimulus, a willing subject can learn to be very pleased to do things they once found abhorrent. By the way, negative schedule aversive stimuli are those undesired things like wihppings, that are delivered continuously until the desired behavior occurs. Then the stimuli stop, and the associative reward is given. There is a very strong effect of associative reward in the first few iterations of this sequence, and it will cause the subject to try very hard to achieve the same behavior, in the future. If the reward is repeated reliably for several iterations in the beginning, it will work best if it is applied only intermittently in subsequent trials. Using this method, and maintaining it for a few dozen formalized sessions will fairly reliably alter the subject’s behavior permanently, if he is encouraged emotionally, throughout. So, the slave girl who hates being publicly displayed becomes a slut who pulls her skirts up on command just for the amusement of her Dom. And she doesn’t just do it, she loves it.
Giving some on permission, and even co-operation to do this to you is a very profound submission. My dream is that that profound submission will be a great pleasure for her. (ok, there is no her, yet.)
limpshorty
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RE: Emotional Transparency vs. Being Pleasing. - 
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