Andalusite
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Joined: 1/25/2009
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I don't think that people are stupid for clarifying, but to me, a "hard limit" means, "I'll do anything else with you, but not x, y, or z, to any degree, under any circumstances." If someone wanted to kill or dismember me, or make me have sex with children or animals, or rob a bank, I'd be out of there so fast the sonic boom would shatter windows for miles around. I wouldn't let *that* person do anything else with me, even things I normally enjoy.
Most things can be done in a way that is far beyond my pain tolerance or otherwise would harm me, or could be done in a way that wouldn't damage me, and I would do my best to comply, even if I thoroughly disliked it. I generally think that most people with a bit hard-limits list suffer from a lack of imagination. ;)
Before I was first single-tailed, I was very nervous about the prospect. Now, it's one of my favorite activities. The way I put it back then was, "I don't think I'm ready to be whipped with a single-tail right now, but I figure you can be creative about it if you want to incorporate one. You could longe me with a bit in my mouth and blinkers and hooves on my feet, cracking it behind me to make me run faster. You could flick my nipples with the popper. You could spank me with handle or do thuddy impact play with the pommel/tip of the handle. You could tie me up with the lash."
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ORIGINAL: Delilya
I will question them on different scenarios, not death, kids, animals, but on things such as branding, needle play, being cut, chained to a tree overnight,pimped out, etc.
I don't consider branding or cutting to be a hard limit, but I would want permanent marks to be discreet (able to be covered with normal business clothes at least, preferably able to be covered with a swimsuit), and artistic enough that I wouldn't hate seeing it on my skin every day for the rest of my life. Being chained to a tree all night would be fine if I were staked out in a way that let me lay down, and I had a sleeping bag or some such to keep me from freezing. I like needleplay, so that wouldn't be an issue. Casual sex is a hard limit for me (the only one I can think of that's both categorical and specific enough to express as a hard limit that still fits my definition), but they could conceivably come up with a role-play situation that incorporated "pimping out" but that I could cope with.
quote:
ORIGINAL: JeffBC
The reason Carol & I are "No limits" is not that there aren't any theoretical limits (see above). It's that our heads just don't work that way. We aren't looking to protect ourselves from each other.
I agree that it feels like it's getting off on the wrong foot for a D/s relationship to focus on a laundry list of "but I won't do that."  I've run into a couple of people who seem to specifically use "hard limits" as a "Hmm, how can I push them to prove their submission?" To Do list instead, and I think that discussing it can lead to a bit of guardedness. On the other hand, it can be useful to discuss things that make me feel vulnerable and scared, things I've reacted to poorly in the past and why, and so forth. I think it depends on how you go about the discussion. If I have concerns and fears about something they want me to do, I want to focus on "how can I get to yes?" "are there enough other areas we are compatible in that it won't be an issue if I keep struggling with this for an extended time, or if I find I just can't manage?" "what is their projected approach to the issue, and is that approach likely to work for me or scare/hurt me and put me off the idea more firmly?"
< Message edited by Andalusite -- 8/21/2012 7:27:39 PM >
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RE: Just an issue of communication? - 
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