|
PeonForHer -> RE: The dreaded "Gift of Submission" debacle (8/21/2012 11:00:58 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
My reaction would be "stop being pretentious", something you want to do for yourself is not a gift, you don't consider the money you give pay for a pint a gift, you want the pint, I don't consider cooking a nice meal a gift, because I do like cooking, it's for my own pleasure.
Nup. You know that the centuries-old debate about giving being selfless hasn't yet been resolved. If I give a birthday present to my nephew, I know for sure that I'm doing it partly to see his little face light up (awww, etc.) When I donate to my fave charity, I get an easing of conscience and an overall feeling of well-being at having done something good. There are some who maintain that all so-called 'generosity' is actually selfishness in disguise. Me, I think that line's bollocks, personally: it's nearly always some combination of various levels of altruism and selfishness. You don't get to be black or white about this wider selfishness/altruism debate in any other context; I don't see why D/s is somehow an exception.
Various disconnected thoughts: firstly, at one level, giving one's submission is of course a gift, by definition. The thing that one has 'given' is called a 'gift' - the verb and the noun are part of the same family. But by the same token one could talk of the gift of dominance.
Me, I *am* a romantic. I don't use the phrase 'gift of my submission'. Versus some others here, apparently, I've always considered this to be part-and-parcel of the 'commodity idea' of human relationships. This would have it that the human body (and mind) is something to be bought and sold and if neither of those, then it's a freebie - a gift. Romantic types don't (in my book, anyway) think in terms of partnerships either in terms of cost or being 'free of cost' - they don't think in such terms at all. Yuck. 'Gifting oneself' in that sense goes hand-in-hand with 'paying tributes'. These are terms that don't fit into my worldview of relationships.
On the other hand, I doubt that many would leap on my back if I were to say, 'I see my femdom's dominance of me as a gift from her'; just as I doubt that many would pounce on a Dom for saying, 'I see my femsub's submission as a gift from her to me'. Actually, I think that a lot of people would see two such statements as quite admirable. I would, myself. When my all-time favourite loving couples turn up here - people such as Otters and Sthrn, for instance - each talks about the other's love for him/her as though it is a 'gift'. The person on the receiving end of said 'gift', though, will protest and say that he/she is in fact the one who is receiving the gift. Both sides feel 'gifted', basically.
Following from that: I have to say, if I read a view in a femdom's profile that said anything like 'I see a man's submission to me as a gift from him' - I'd instantly feel warmer towards her. It would say good things to me about her kindness, thought, understanding and so on. Sorry, but there it is. Perhaps more femdoms value submission than actually say it - but, sometimes, it can seem quite rare. Whatever, it's a prerequisite for her being in my 'A list'.
If I then make a gift of my submission to such a woman (to use a phrase that, again, doesn't readily come to me), then it'd be something that I'm giving that has a consciousness behind it of giving some major thing to her for *unselfish* reasons. Of course there'd be selfishness involved - I want reciprocation - but I'm aware that my role is to give up something that to a large extent is free of strings. A portion of my power. She, on the other hand, giving me something in return by taking that portion of my power under her control as her responsibility. Both make an effort; neither role is easy, I'd say.
So, in short: use the word 'gift' in the right way, and I think it's a very good thing. Use it the wrong way, and it's a bit squalid at best.
Your mileage may vary. However, if you disagree with me, I shall gift you a bunch of fives. [;)]
|
|
|
|
