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UllrsIshtar -> RE: The dreaded "Gift of Submission" debacle (8/21/2012 12:30:01 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
If I give a birthday present to my nephew, I know for sure that I'm doing it partly to see his little face light up (awww, etc.) When I donate to my fave charity, I get an easing of conscience and an overall feeling of well-being at having done something good. There are some who maintain that all so-called 'generosity' is actually selfishness in disguise. Me, I think that line's bollocks, personally: it's nearly always some combination of various levels of altruism and selfishness. You don't get to be black or white about this wider selfishness/altruism debate in any other context; I don't see why D/s is somehow an exception.
quote:
gift [gift] Show IPA
noun
1.
something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.
2.
the act of giving.
3.
something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift.
When you give a birthday present to your nephew, you are not expecting payment or effort in return. You are hoping that his reaction will fall in line with what you where expecting, so that you can derive the expected satisfaction from the occasion, but if he doesn't react the way you had anticipated or hoped, you don't suddenly snatch the gift back out of his hands and take it back.
He gets to keep the gift, regardless of whether or not he makes you feel satisfied about giving it.
Same thing with the charity, or with giving to a homeless person.
If you gift a bum on the street 5 buck because he said he was hungry, and he instead of thanking you tells you yours a fucking retarded asshole and buys crack instead, you don't take back the $5.
In neither of these situations there is an unwritten contract of "I will provide you with X, as long as you provide me with Y" like there is in a D/s relationship. Instead, the gift giving is "I gift you with X because I anticipate deriving satisfaction from doing so".
That difference is why people in any type of relationship who don't feel their partner is giving them the Y that was demanded in return for the X so often end up screaming at each other -they feel cheated because they don't think they received what was owed to them- and why sane people don't end up screaming at their nephews when his reaction to a birthday present wasn't what they expected.
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