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Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:18:37 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
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Status: offline 		What do you think when you see a male Dominant that deliberately seeks out the inexperienced female submissives?

I have my view based on what I've seen in the LA community, but I'm curious what all of you think.



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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:19:28 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:24:06 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		yep, I agree with Hibbie.

Now, the exception to that would be if the dom was also equally new.

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:24:50 AM   
JanahX


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Status: offline 		First thing I think is - the mother fucker couldn't get laid in a whorehouse.

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:32:11 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
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Status: offline 		I don't particularly seek noobs but if I find one, I'll teach her.

An interesting note, the masochist I played with last summer is significantly younger than I am but a lot more experienced.
Maybe she was looking for a noob LOL.

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:33:29 AM   
Kana


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Status: offline 		Playing devils advocate here:
-There are guys out there who really like the mentor/teacher role. That may come into play. Also the "rescuer" type
-Then there are guys who just prefer girls who haven't been trained by another. In many cases, it's easier to teach from the ground up than re-teach, and that's not just in BDSM but most things in life.

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:35:16 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Playing devils advocate here:
-There are guys out there who really like the mentor/teacher role. That may come into play. Also the "rescuer" type
-Then there are guys who just prefer girls who haven't been trained by another. In many cases, it's easier to teach from the ground up than re-teach, and that's not just in BDSM but most things in life.



I don't see either of those as a good thing, Kana. You can be a mentor/teacher to anyone, without having to DIRECTLY SELECT for total inexperience.


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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:40:55 AM   
isabelsheppard


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Status: offline 		Personally I don't go for that sort, and didn't even when I was very new because it gives me the heebies. The word "training" does too, but I guess that's another topic.

Maybe they are looking for someone they could mold into the sub they want without the baggage/expectations that comes with previous relationships? Call me a cynic, but I think what they are typically looking for is someone who won't say "but, that's not right".

That's what I always think, and then move on.

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:46:51 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


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Status: offline 		I'm highly suspicious of any dom looking for new meat. Many don't advertise it, they know it sounds bad, but the predatory types know what to look for.

Being inexperienced BDSM wise, recently divorced, deep into sub-frenzy, and easily led, having an overly developed need to help and please others, lacking in self-worth or using relationships to form self worth and lacking in personal boundaries, are just some traits they look for.

Being inexperienced in BDSM is prime, since they can now turn all their negative personal relationships issues into positive D/s issues by saying: "but that's what doms *do* !!

If I had a dollar for every time I saw this or heard about this online when I was DJing, I would be a very rich woman now.

So I have to agree with the Delicate Flower:

quote:

I think lots of things, none of them happy.





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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 8:50:42 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
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Status: offline 		It must be pretty classic for men to want a girl who is a virgin wife. It must be pretty rare these days in some communities.

I felt sub as a very small child and I prefer men who have always been dom as I have never not had a D/s relationship. I could not do vanilla. I am not sure you really train in the inherent sense. Just as a gay man is not trained or led into being gay - he is simply that way inclined so someone fundamentally submissive in her relationships is likely always to have sought those. If she has not she must not know herself or be pretending to be sub just to catch that man perhaps.,.just as plenty of men into a bit of kinky sex will profess suddenly in their 40s to have discovered they are dom - that does not attract me. I have always got on best with men who have always felt dominant and always been so as that seems the best counter foil for my own life long submissiveness.

However people can seek whatever they choose.

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:18:55 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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Status: offline 		I think I'd feel the same way about them as I do about a couple of (presumably) vanilla guys I know that go for teenage girls. They give off the distinct impression that they know no one with any amount of experience (of BDSM/life/relationships) would give them the time of day so they are hoping to 'catch' someone before they wise up; someone with no frame of reference to make a good judgment about them. It comes across as faintly predatory and in my experience tends to be people who are, at best, a bit socially clueless or at worst, dangerous.

There's a big difference between being open to someone new/inexperienced/younger and deliberately seeking someone out on that quality alone.
There's also a difference between:
a)- someone who seeks out newbies in order to introduce them to the group, explain the rules, give them some general advice and be there to ask questions without any type of sexual motive
and
b)- someone who is trying to get into relationship or hook up territory as fast as possible

Sadly B sometimes looks like A to an untrained eye.

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:22:49 AM   
GreedyTop


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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*adores Athena more and more*

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:23:22 AM   
LaTigresse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I think lots of things, none of them happy.




This.

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:27:16 AM   
culareD


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I'm highly suspicious of any dom looking for new meat. Many don't advertise it, they know it sounds bad, but the predatory types know what to look for.

Being inexperienced BDSM wise, recently divorced, deep into sub-frenzy, and easily led, having an overly developed need to help and please others, lacking in self-worth or using relationships to form self worth and lacking in personal boundaries, are just some traits they look for.

Being inexperienced in BDSM is prime, since they can now turn all their negative personal relationships issues into positive D/s issues by saying: "but that's what doms *do* !!

If I had a dollar for every time I saw this or heard about this online when I was DJing, I would be a very rich woman now.

So I have to agree with the Delicate Flower:

quote:

I think lots of things, none of them happy.







Sooo, does anyone have any thoughts on what a Dom such as is being discussed would look like?

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:36:23 AM   
Hillwilliam


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quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD



Sooo, does anyone have any thoughts on what a Dom such as is being discussed would look like?

I can't tell you what they look like. Heck, they look just like anyone else.

I can tell you what they act like tho.
They move quickly. It's almost like when you toss a worm off the dock and the bluegills race to see who can eat it first.
If you go to your first munch and someone comes over and immediately starts acting in a posessive manner, RUN. It's a Noobhunter.
Note, this is different behavior from the guy (or gal) who leads you around and introduces you to everyone if he senses a 'wallflower'.
The former person will try to isolate you from others to make him the best possibility you've met (because you havent met anyone else).
Early overt posessiveness is your key.
Beware the guy who talks to you for 5 minutes and then acts jealous if you talk to someone else.

BDSM relationships are like nilla relationships. The best ones begin as a friendship and gradually grow to something more intimate.
If someone contacts you and in their first email, they assume some kind of ownership of you, laugh your ass off and then ignore them.

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:36:58 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
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Status: offline 		I don't see the big deal. A lot of adoptive parents like the idea of raising children from babies through adults - why not Doms with their subs?



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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:39:50 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
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From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD
Sooo, does anyone have any thoughts on what a Dom such as is being discussed would look like?


It's a little hard to describe. It generally shows by their questions and how they respond. If the majority of their questions are about your newness and/or fantasies. If they react a little too enthusiastically to your newness. They speak of "training" new submissives. If the majority of their "relationships" have been novices. Most of them tend to be "insta-doms" although some have learned to be slicker than that. They also desire someone that hasn't been to munches or attended local events. They tend to move very quickly and will try to isolate you from talking to other sub or Dom/mes.




< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/29/2012 9:41:36 AM >

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:40:03 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
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From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD
Sooo, does anyone have any thoughts on what a Dom such as is being discussed would look like?
Heck.. it's not hard. An awful lot of them even label themselves conveniently to make it easy. Were it me, I'd look for labels like "trainer" or "protector" as a pretty good indicator.

Of course, by that measure poise and Ishtar fall into that group since they are my protectors :)

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:40:57 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		hmmm it's difficult to say what they would look like since it's more of a feeling they give off.

I would be wary of anyone who:

-Talks reeeeal big about how experienced/skilled they are (unless of course you've witness first hand their awesome skills)
-Talks down everyone and anyone else, to show how knowledgeable/awesome they are in comparison
-Latches onto someone and tries to keep them away from others - ie pushes for a fast commitment, discourages mixing and learning, any type of isolating a person even if it initially appears flattering. This is a big one, because it speaks of trying to prevent others giving you any kind of advice which might put them in a bad light. If you only ever see how he does things, you might not realise he's incompetent or irresponsible.
-Talks very badly about their exes. I know we all have a bad relationship in our past, but it's a big red flag if they can't wait to tell you all the ways they've been wronged and how they were never at fault. This makes me think they are trying to discredit anyone who might warn you away and the common denominator in those crash-and-burn relationships is him
-Claims to be an expert at everything that comes up and never admits they are wrong



hmm there's probably more...

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RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 9:41:37 AM   
masterdebaucher


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline 		I personally like the fact that I can mould the sub/slave to my ways. In this relationship, it is important that the sub/slave understand what her master wants and needs. This can only come with spending time with each other over a long period of time and understanding each other without having to say. IMHO having to undo someone else's tainign and redo yours is quite a tedious job.

Cheers

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