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Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 2:35:12 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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Warning: self-pity within

I've never been all that happy with my body, but I've always been able to step back and think 'oh well, I am what I am' and not let it stop me having fun.

In January I had a baby by c section, and since then my body feels ruined. Don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am in life. But I just hate my body. I hate the sight of it. I hate having to pick out clothes and I hate catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I had excess fluid when pregnant which gave me a twin-sized bump and horrendous stretch marks, which are still as dark and angry as they were. And the scar combined with stretched out skin has given me an overhang - I look like a deflated balloon. I haven't lost all the baby weight yet either, but even when I do, I know the stretch marks and general bagginess will still be there.

Now my husband, bless his heart, has not said a word about this. He still tells me I'm beautiful, he's still every bit as interested in my sexually, so none of this negativity is coming from him. It's all me. But it is affecting us. I'm forever trying to hide myself and cover myself up while we're playing. I hate to be exposed in front of him and well, I don't have to tell you guys that there's a lot of nakedness involved in what we do.

He's the boss and if he wants me naked I do as I'm told without a fight. but I'm so cripplingly self conscious that's all I can think about. I can't relax and enjoy the play, pain play becomes almost unbearable because I'm in the wrong headspace and I just feel ashamed. Which in turn spoils it for him because so much of his enjoyment comes from my reactions, and I'm not entirely present in the moment. I feel bad for spoiling things but I just don't know how to stop torturing myself with these thoughts.

I know I can't be the only one who has felt like this, so can anyone give me any advice on how I can get over this? I am eating well and exercising as much as I can on very little sleep, but I know some things won't change and I need to sort my brain out as well. I admire anyone who has the self confidence to get naked in public, since I don't even like to be seen fully dressed.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

Post #: 1

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 2:57:43 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

I can't remember her name... But the woman
that played the wife in everyone loves raymond
had a similar thing with stretched skin and stuff,
she actually had surgery to fix it but lost her
belly button in the procedure (no joke).

Just something you might want to read about,
she has talked a lot about it.

-Aries

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 2

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 2:59:55 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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Surgery has crossed my mind, though I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Either way, we're not done having children, and between that and the cost it would be many years before it would be an option. So I will have to learn to live with it, at least for now.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 3

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 3:07:31 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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I can definitely understand where you are coming from and I'm sorry it's hitting you so hard. It does sound as though some of the things like the scar/stretch marks are still fairly new and they WILL get better and disappear more with time. As will many of the other things that you are actively working on. I think it's just going to take some more time. Your man will be there, and certainly has been, for support as you come to terms with how things have changed. Maybe a counselor? It seems as though this is really weighing on you and is a bit beyond the usual poor body image stuff most women have going on.

I'm hoping some of the others have some better suggestions for you, I'll just say I'm truly sorry that you are dealing with this, and for what it's worth, your personality seems like it's worth it's weight in gold.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 4

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 3:37:54 AM

lilmissdefiant

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Joined: 4/17/2008
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Being as small as I am, when I had my son I got really big...like massively big, I still got the stretch marks and loose skin, and I will admit at times I absolutely hate the way my body looks.
I also have severe scoliosis AND three scars on my back, all of which I hate, but I've learned to deal with it, I've had to.
yes at time it seems like I'm the most ugliest person on the planet, but then i remember there are people out there who have it a lot worse than me.
My Owner is helping me with this, he wants me to be happy with the way I look, he loves the way I look because I'm so different and its these differences that make me who I am, which is why my Owner chose me.

You are who you are, your husband loves you for who you are, your child needs to see you as a strong confident person.
Be an Example of how strong you are.

_____________________________

Change what you can and accept what you can't.
He came to me one night. Explored my body, licked, sucked, swallowed! When satisfied, he left & I was hurt!!... Fu*king mosquito!

Resident Thread Killer

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 5

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 4:17:16 AM

loveseat

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Joined: 6/7/2005
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Dearest Athena,

I feel you. I have had 3 c-sections, so I don't just have a scar, I have an ugly arse scar LOL All my children weighed in about 12lb so I had enormous pregnancy bellies, the deflated balloon belly that I am left with hangs down and covers that nasty scar. The stretch marks will never, ever go away. My body is a road map, my stomach quite literally looks like a snakes and ladders game board. The stretch marks will fade and become less angry, but they will always be there.

It is only because we live in a first world predominantly Caucasian society that we value a sleek unmarred body, that we are proud to look like a model, and ashamed if we don't. If you were born in Africa you would probably care less about how thin you were and care more about how many scars you had as they would be your source of pride, or you would care how big your lips were, or how big a spike you could shove through your nose. If you were born in some parts of Asia you would care about how tiny your feet were. What I am trying to say is that our self image, our own idea of what beauty is, that is not a universal constant, it is dictated by the society and era you live in.

Regardless of which society we live in, we all have feelings about our body image, and for all of us that is bound in our ego, vanity and pride. Some of us have a healthy self image, some of us don't. Although you loved the way you looked and your husband loved the way you looked, I am sure that more than one man on this earth somewhere thought you were ugly because you didn't fit his idea of beauty. Did that thought stop you from enjoying your body?

Ask yourself this... why does how you look dictate what your body feels? Scientifically, it doesn't. Your body is feeling the same sensations it did before the baby, your skin is still just tissue, physically you are still receiving the sensations in relatively the same manner.

My suggestion is this, at this point don't try to love the way your body looks, try and love the way your body receives sensations. Try telling your ego to shut up, I don't believe that it has any place in submission anyway, so tell it to take a break while you relax and just concentrate on the physical sensations. When I am in front of a mirror, or buying clothes, I feel the way you do about my body, but when I am in the arms of my man none of that self consciousness, not a shred, is present. I guess I am trying to say I'm not perfect either, I don't love my body either despite intellectually believing everything I have written just now about society and self image, but I am proof you can get to a place where for just a little while, what you think doesn't matter as much as what you feel.

(in reply to lilmissdefiant)

Post #: 6

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 4:35:25 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi
I'm hoping some of the others have some better suggestions for you, I'll just say I'm truly sorry that you are dealing with this, and for what it's worth, your personality seems like it's worth it's weight in gold.

Thank you, that's such a kind thing to say.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilmissdefiant

i remember there are people out there who have it a lot worse than me.

[snip]

You are who you are, your husband loves you for who you are, your child needs to see you as a strong confident person.
Be an Example of how strong you are.

I know these things to be true, and that's part of my frustration. I'm healthy, my family love me, what does it matter? I feel angry with myself that I can't rationalise these feelings away. It's selfish of me to mope when I'm actually very lucky. And yet, I still do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: loveseat

Ask yourself this... why does how you look dictate what your body feels? Scientifically, it doesn't. Your body is feeling the same sensations it did before the baby, your skin is still just tissue, physically you are still receiving the sensations in relatively the same manner.

Actually I'm not feeling the same sensations at all. Everything feels different. My breasts are super sensitive and even the lightest touch is painful. There's a large section of my stomach with no sensation at all. But I can live with that, somehow.

quote:

ORIGINAL: loveseat

Try telling your ego to shut up, I don't believe that it has any place in submission anyway

Now you've come to the crux of it, I think. How on earth do I stop it? How do I shut it up? I don't think I'm a particularly vain person in general, and I don't expect to be a beauty queen. I've never been drop dead gorgeous so it's not that I'm feeling put out about no longer turning heads. But I do wish I could stand before my husband without wishing I was invisible.

Obviously I'm not submitting to him fully because this is getting in the way of the things he wants. And of course I want to obey and please him, but this mental hurdle is in the way. He can say 'undress', 'stand there', 'do this' and I will, but I can't change my emotions on command. And what fun is a miserable sub?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 7

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 5:18:39 AM

loveseat

Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Actually I'm not feeling the same sensations at all. Everything feels different. My breasts are super sensitive and even the lightest touch is painful. There's a large section of my stomach with no sensation at all. But I can live with that, somehow.

Sorry, I didn't factor in the post pregnancy differences. The section of your stomach will remain numb for a while yet, but over time you will regain your sensations, for me now its just the scar tissue itself that has diminished feeling. Your body will settle itself down, and the sensations will be more or less the same as they were before the baby.

Also, something I didn't factor in but could be a HUGE influence on you atm is post partum depression. I suffered from this for 2 years after each child, and it's not something to take lightly. If you think this is a factor, please go see a professional about it.

quote:

Now you've come to the crux of it, I think. How on earth do I stop it? How do I shut it up? I don't think I'm a particularly vain person in general, and I don't expect to be a beauty queen. I've never been drop dead gorgeous so it's not that I'm feeling put out about no longer turning heads. But I do wish I could stand before my husband without wishing I was invisible.

I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that is what I thought of you. I don't think you are vain, I think you are normal for feeling this way.

How do you shut the ego up? I wish I knew how to gag it permanently! I started getting mine to shut up in a couple of different ways, but your mileage might vary and these suggestions might not be applicable in all situations but here goes...

Have sex in the dark, that way you can't be distracted by seeing your own 'ugliness', one of your five senses it totally removed, which might force you to focus a little more on what your body can feel rather than what your eyes can see.

Have sex with earphones on and stream in loud music. I love Perfect Circle for this purpose, whenever the 'voices' in my head are being destructive some loud thumpy thump drowns it out.

Have sex with yourself. It has been said that the very act of masturbation is a way of setting aside the ego and I tend to agree, but it will also get you used to feeling sexual pleasure without the shame and embarrassment of being viewed by another.

Have a glass of wine, but do be careful if you are breastfeeding and don't try to drown the ego's voice with alcohol, alcoholism is not the answer, just a little can quieten it down.

quote:

I know these things to be true, and that's part of my frustration. I'm healthy, my family love me, what does it matter? I feel angry with myself that I can't rationalise these feelings away. It's selfish of me to mope when I'm actually very lucky. And yet, I still do.

Stop that bullshit right now, it's self destructive. You have every right to feel what you are feeling. If we are going to wave the "there's other people worse off than you" bat around we should all go off ourselves right now because as people living in first world countries when compared to third world countries we do have no right to complain. But we are human beings, we feel what we feel, repressing that because there is genocide in Rwanda isn't healthy for you and won't change the atrocities going on in that country.

If you feel badly about how fortunate you are in comparison to others then do something constructive and give to a charity, or spread awareness, but don't flog yourself with the guilty stick and don't tell yourself you have no right to your feelings. Here's a big hug for you (((HUG))).

< Message edited by loveseat -- 9/20/2012 5:29:32 AM >

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 8

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 5:27:43 AM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

Hi Athena,

I don't know if this will help any or not .. but I'll try. After 3 kids (1 c-section), my body definitely shows signs of wear and tear and I went through the exact same thing you are going through. Many times, I was reminded that my body was his and not mine. He had to get involved in my head space about my body for me to finally let go and realize that my body was even more beautiful to him after all the kids than it was before. He would usually wait until after he had left some kind of bruises or marks (temporary) so he could use them in his dealings with me and my thoughts about myself. He loved to recreate how a mark or bruise got where it was, and then tell me that a particular stretch mark came from our baby girl stretching or one of the boys kicking a football. Or carassiing my oversized breasts that ached when nursing and tell me that he could sit and watch me nurse for hours. Of course I know that a particular stretch mark didn't come from a particular kick, but it did wonders for me to hear him tell me the way he saw me. It made me see me in a different light.

Now after getting older, kids are all grown, husband died, weight up and down (now going down again) been through a couple of relationships that haven't lasted ... I can fall back into that same head space about my body, but his words still echo in my head. I can make it somewhat better ... stretch marks fade, skin tightens some with exercise .. but my body reflects who I am and what I've been through.

New baby, new routines, not enough sleep ... all of that will play into how you feel about you as well. You seem like a fantastic lady inside and out ... that's who he loves ... see yourself the way your husband does ... his wife, his sub, the mother of his beautiful baby, the woman who gives him all that and more.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 9

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 5:32:09 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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You are all so kind, thank you for taking the time to share your experiences, it really does help. Kallisto, that's such a nice way of thinking of it.

loveseat- I didn't think you were calling me vain. But I do have mummy friends who were very image focused party girls who struggled with been seen as 'mum' types when they were used to being the hot girl in the bar. I was just trying to say I don't think that's me - I never really gave my body much thought one way or another before, it just was.

And you are right about beating myself with the guilty stick. I do that with lots of things to be honest.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to kallisto)

Post #: 10

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 5:53:41 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I can definitely relate. For many years I quite effortlessly had the perfect well toned small tight body. I gained lots of weight when pregnant (I had gestational diabetes), but lost it and got back to a size 6 both times. Then I hit 46 and started going through peri-menopause.

And everything changed. It didn't matter what I ate, or what I didn't eat. It didn't matter how much I exercised. I was walking an hour a day and sticking with a low fat and low carb diet and gained weight. Now, I was on some meds that were lowing my metabolism, and that didn't help.

But yeah, I can certainly relate to having a bad body image.

Ten years later I have been on all kids of medications, most of which have slowed down my metabolism, and none of which have helped the weight gain issue. Which means I have had to accept the fact that there is a remarkably good chance I will never be a size 6 again.

For someone with my ego, this has been quite a challenge.

I suggest the following.

First, be the best you that you can be. So do something about those stretch marks. Palmer's Cocoa Butter can be found in any Walmart, and it's cheap. I learned about it from my PT after I had surgery, it does lighten the marks and it's great for your skin.

Work on toning yourself. I know you have kids. So I know someone telling you, well gee take some me time, is just going to make you laugh. Er right, as soon as the maid and the nanny show up, you'll get right to that, I'm sure. So, for now just think about things you can do that you can incorporate into your already busy life, which would help tone and strengthen your muscles.

When you are up for it, work on slow changes to your diet. Nothing drastic, but moving to less carbs, less sugar, less fat. It all helps.

Second, I gave you the first few things, because I think they will make you look better and be healthier, but more importantly, b/c they will help you feel better about yourself. But here's the biggest thing, and I think many, most especially the men, will agree.

If you took a cross section of female bodies of your age, and took pictures of them, you would see, that you don't look that bad. You have a poor self image, based on your own view of what you think you should be seeing. (Just like me, who thought I should be seeing a size 6.)

You do not have to be perfectly fit and perfectly toned to be quite gorgeous in the body image department. But that, I know, is a really, really, tough one. It took me a good five years to find that acceptance in myself.

So do what you can where you can, and then give yourself the time to find the acceptance. You will, from your posts I can tell you are a brilliant person.

Best, CP

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Post #: 11

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 6:01:54 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I had excess fluid when pregnant which gave me a twin-sized bump and horrendous stretch marks, which are still as dark and angry as they were.

If you are considering laser stretch mark removal, this treatment is most effective now while they are dark. If you are considering trying a stretch mark removal cream, make sure you get one with a good money back guarantee and check to see if it should be used while breastfeeding if you are doing that.

My sister used Weight Watchers to lose weight after her first pregnancy and myfitnesspal for her second. I've lost 23# with MFP too. It's easy and free!

I know it's hard to exercise when you are sleep deprived...do you have a good stroller for taking the baby for walks?

I would see a therapist about post partum depression.

Seeing lots and lots and lots of naked bodies during the 7 years I frequented the nude beach in South Florida helped me with self consciousness. (For the most part, the South Beach bodies stayed to the South.)

Alas, I have no way to teach you this trick, but when He instructs me to get naked, I start to slip into sub space and lose my self consciousness completely.

_____________________________

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(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 12

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 7:23:22 AM

Duskypearls

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Athena, perhaps you would consider assessing/looking at your body less for how it appears, and more for how well it has supported you and your functions. Basically in a more utilitarian way. A shift of focus.

Your body has been faithful to you in so many ways during your life, for which you rarely recognize or give it honors. Your back has been upright through all these years, allowing you to sit, stand, lay, walk and run. Your legs were strong and dependable enough to take you where you wanted and needed to go. Your arms were tireless when it came to cooking, cleaning, working, holding and loving others. Your hands and fingers served you in writing, perhaps playing an instrument, creating art, creating a craft or performing a task. Your eyes have gifted you with the ability to see marvelous, colorful things in life. You nose has let you smell some of the sweetest and not so sweet aromas/fragrances. You ears hear music, sweet words, and the loving voice/voices of those you love and admire. Your voice has allowed you to express opinions, sing and give love and support to others. Your skin has managed to keep your bag of bones and meat all in one package, and allowed you to enjoy sensation. Your body has miraculously healed itself from illness and injury. You digestive system has worked hard to keep you alive and well, even when you did not feed it well. Your kidneys and urinary system effectively removed toxins from you so you stay alive. Your lungs, which allow you the breath of life and spirit, without which you'd be lost. Your reproductive system has created, and given you, the miracle of life. Your mind that allows you to think, create, solve problems, and feel love, hate, pain, gratitude, etc. Your conscience that's allowed you to be good and fair to others, even if you are not that for yourself. Your heart which tirelessly works to support it all.

Your magnificient, sturdy body has been more than good to you. It has served you honestly and well, and without much in the thanks department, from the moment it was born. Does it not deserve recognition, thanks, appreciation and love? If your boss treated you as badly as you treat your body, would you stay with, or respect, him?

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 13

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 7:38:12 AM

SlipSlidingAway

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Two c-sections here, and I got a nasty skin infection while in the hospital with the last one that, not only nearly killed me but left me with some ugly scars in several places. So, I am definitely on board the pity within express...

Some days, I'm fine. I just say hey, it is what it is, and there's not much I can do about it.

Other days? I am so depressed and miserable that it's all I can do not to cry about it.

The thing I have found though? Nobody else seems to see exactly what I see. I suppose, if I were to be naked in front of strangers, it might be different. But, in my life? The people that see me naked love me for a lot more than the condition of my skin. As a matter of fact, it's really never mentioned, and it's not like anyone is cringing or pitying me. Well, ~I~ am, but nobody else.

So, I can completely understand where you are coming from. I guess that I don't have much to say in way of advice, other than to accept that if we are still beautiful to the people that love us, maybe we need to try to see ourselves through their eyes instead of our own.

_____________________________

"...ethical behavior should be based...on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. " —Albert Einstein

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 14

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 7:46:16 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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No C-section, just a scar there from ladybit surgery... but I grew up with a deformed face, and I know how it is to just not like what you see. Add to that the thrill of prednisone, and not being the solid thing I was, and yes, I understand.

If you're planning on having more kids, you're kind of stuck for now, but vit E oil does help with the stretch marks, and there are some creams that help while you are carrying to diminish all that.

~~just offering sympathy~~

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 15

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 7:47:25 AM

DNAHelicase

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Joined: 7/5/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

He's the boss and if he wants me naked I do as I'm told without a fight. but I'm so cripplingly self conscious that's all I can think about. I can't relax and enjoy the play, pain play becomes almost unbearable because I'm in the wrong headspace and I just feel ashamed. Which in turn spoils it for him because so much of his enjoyment comes from my reactions, and I'm not entirely present in the moment. I feel bad for spoiling things but I just don't know how to stop torturing myself with these thoughts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

quote:

ORIGINAL: loveseat

Try telling your ego to shut up, I don't believe that it has any place in submission anyway

Now you've come to the crux of it, I think. How on earth do I stop it? How do I shut it up? I don't think I'm a particularly vain person in general, and I don't expect to be a beauty queen. I've never been drop dead gorgeous so it's not that I'm feeling put out about no longer turning heads. But I do wish I could stand before my husband without wishing I was invisible.

From what you've described, it sounds like you might be looping--that's when your mind fixates on a single thought and keeps thinking it over and over, paired with a great deal of anxiety. You could try some relaxation techniques immediately before anything that involves getting naked or any other activity that tends to trigger the thoughts. For example, a quick relaxation technique you can do anywhere is to sit straight up with your hands palms down on your thighs. Shut your eyes. Take in a deep breath slowly through your nose. Exhale through your mouth slowly but deeply, and as you do, relax all the muscles in your body. You might be surprised how much tension you're carrying. Repeat this a couple of times until all the tension is gone, focusing solely on your breathing, and then keep breathing in and out deeply a few more times still focusing everything on the breathing. The whole thing will only take a couple of minutes and while it won't solve anything, it can help with anxiety and tension by ratcheting things down a few notches. There are a lot of methods to deal with anxiety which might be helpful to quell these thoughts, at least short term (I can send you links to more if you want--I've been battling anxiety my entire life). You'll need to deal with the underlying cause of it to make it really go away, though. For that, I second lizi's suggestion of a counselor, or perhaps a support group of other new moms if you have something like that in your area. You could start by asking at the place where you gave birth--they probably have a list of counselors and groups available for new moms.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 16

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 7:58:20 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

2 yrs ago my bowel ruptured and I almost died, in fact in ICU they couldnt get a BP for awhile, but this circumstance resulted in emergency surgery that left me with a huge horrible zipper scar on my abdomen and a colostomy for 6 months. 6 months later they reversed the surgery and left me with more very ugly scars. But hey I am alive!!!!! In the next year or so Ill probably have to go back in and get another surgery on my abdomen because it left my muscles so damaged and weak I am developing a hernia.

The point of my story is, this was so hard for me, I was always very proud of my stomach even after two kids, no stretch marks and flat, 42 and still looked really good in a bkini.. But these surgeries left my stomach a mess and lop sided due to the zig zag scar. I used to not be able to look at it without thinking OMg this is so damn ugly , self pity etc etc.
But a few months ago I decided to start telling myself IM beautiful, and of course I didnt believe it, but every day I would tell myself that while dressing, and now I have started belieivng it.
I tell myself to love these scars because I could have been left with a permenant colostomy. I can raise my kids. ANd frankly my husband seems immune to these scars. I was self conscious too but now, since I have this confidence back and good attitude.......those words I spoke and didnt believe I do now.
Ive thought about surgery, but nah IM good. All about the power of the mind! Damn hard to get there, painful even, but it does work!

(in reply to SlipSlidingAway)

Post #: 17

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 10:52:11 AM

Alecta

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Joined: 1/19/2010
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Instead of focusing on negative details, look for positive details about your body that you like. It could be any combination of features you're proud of and details that you enjoy. Next time you obsess about the negative details, force yourself to focus on those instead. When you feel down about the parts that aren't perfect, go out and treat the parts that are.

Remember constantly to look at yourself through your loved ones' eyes and not your own.

Talk to your gynie clinic about getting your body back to where it was and about your moods. See what they have to recommend in terms of exercises and treatments or routines to reduce the marks and staying healthy. Be careful of course of putting any strange chemicals or hormones into your body at this stage because everything you take can be passed to the baby through breastmilk. When your baby is weaned and if it still bothers you that much, it's absolutely forgivable to consider cosmetic surgery as long as you're sensible about your decisions surrounding it such as choosing a credible clinic and being honest about how much you really need it.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 18

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 11:31:34 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I have no kids, so I have nothing to offer in that category. But I have something to say about scars. And y'all can think I'm weird but, I think scars are hot. Seriously, I do. To me, when a person has scars, no matter what they are from, it shows that life tried to kick their ass, but they fought back and won. The body is an awesome thing. I also just think they are hot to look at as well. I have a friend who was in a car wreck, she dies twice before they were able to actually get her stable. She has a scar going from her lady parts to her sternum. She hated it at first. HATED IT. She is one of the Marilyn Monroe looking chics. Anyway, after some time and some reassurance from her husband, she actually doesn't even see them. They are just something that is there. I'm not saying she grew to love them, but it is what it is.

I hope you feel better :)

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 19

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/20/2012 11:36:34 AM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

Athena,

Firstly, I'm not a woman and ergo I've never had a baby. But I do have body issues that I'm also self conscious about, or was.

*deep breath* It's hard to share my faults with strangers, but here goes. I'm chubby. Actually, I'm fat. At 5'4'' (which makes me woefully short for a man), I'm at 170 pounds. I'm working on it, but I have a belly. I'm also balding. I cut my hair really short so its less noticeable until I'm bald enough on top to rock THE POWER DOUGHNUT. I have a kind of messed up big toenail that becomes ingrown when it gets long. I have a skin tag where the right leg meets the hip. My dermatologist said its no big deal, and it could be removed in a somewhat painful snip, but its there. And I'm very embarrassed by it. *blushes in shame* my umm... other hole.. has a scar from a fissure that I suffered. Interestingly, it had nothing to do with sex in anyway, you perverts. I have a calcium deposit right in the middle of my big tooth (the left major incisor, front and center of my mouth). I still get pimples from time to time, usually having 1 visible on any given day. I also have big aerioli, I think. The pink spots around the my nipples are about an inch wide, making them more in line with women of my height than men. Also, my back hair grows asymmetrically, favoring the left shoulder. To top it all off, if I grow facial hair, it comes out red, so I'm a closet ginger. My erect cock is six inches long, one inch thick - making me average at best. I tend to be the smallest my lovers have ever had. Yay.

Why do I share all this with you? Because you asked what makes it so hard to stuff our egos back into the bag? It's because we compare our raw footage to everyone's highlights real.

I'd like to shake you into reality so you can know how beautiful you really are, but just saying it won't work. Telling you to to magically realize that you're pretty will also have limited results. What might help is giving you context. Deep down, we're all crumpled toys. Because I've just put all that out there, I feel ugly and self conscious. But when I come out swinging with my strengths, I feel loved, likeable, and powerful. I don't approach life weaknesses first. I cover my weaknesses (by shaving them, clothing them, etc.) but that isn't enough for the mind. I OWN my weaknesses. I take the sting out of things. If I feel like I'm being judged for my height/weight proportions I'll slap my belly and say "oof, put down a big meal for a little guy, eh?" When the topic of penis size comes up I take comfort knowing I can buy a dildo the size of a horse willy, or scoff about how prudish she is for not realizing we can bring a big cock into the bedroom as a human dildo.

But what really makes me OK with my weaknesses is not my ability to focus play toward my strengths and play off my weaknesses. My real strength is this: I compare my overall weaknesses (mainly aesthetic) to the overall weaknesses of others. So am I really that unappealing compared to the next guy? Who might be an Adonis, but is a womanizing, egotistical, manic depressive, serially divorced alcoholic? We are all crumpled toys covering our shame.

You know the adage about public speaking, picture them naked? Don't. I learned this interviewing for jobs: Picture them at home. His wife hates him, he's guilty because he loves his son, but is inexplicably furious that his son is probably gay. He hates his wife and the sex is underwhelming, predictable, and short. She's cheating on him online, but he just doesn't care. The bills are always pretty close to the income, so nothing is saved, which makes him feel nervous about being able to retire. He knows that if nothing changes he'll have to work until he dies on the job. The pain he feels getting out of bed every day reminds him of his own mortality. He regrets in his life not doing so many big things... Why didn't he try being a chef... He loved cooking so much.... Suddenly the hiring board seems a lot more human and approachable.

Thank you, Athena, for sharing your weak spots. But also our strengths. You have a husband who loves you. Friends who adore you. (Also you can bake, what is in that pink cupcake on your blog? I want that...) You're insightful and caring. I still sometimes silently nod my head when I think about how well you read me. (Most notably when you posted about how I feel pressure about performing when I service top). To achieve such wisdom at a young age is remarkable. I'm proud of you, think you're beautiful, and most importantly know that in the grand scheme, in reality (not compared to models in pornography) you rank pretty high in there. I'd fuck you. <3

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<3

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 20

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