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RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 10:17:22 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
The first time I joined collar....I was approached by a couple of Doms who told me I wasn't submissive because....I found some of the things they required to be out of my chracter...again ...I was new....I had no idea what my interests were or limits....but them saying "I wasn't a true sub...didn't change who I was...their opinion...and they were intitled to it...I was just not what they were looking for....so instead of understanding this...they judged me....but I'm submissive...just not their type...as could be the case in the "he's not a Dom"....just not that person's type of Dom....

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 12:51:24 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

But the wife couldn't take it and out of nowhere one day they said it was over and that they didn't have the time to train me, that my service had been horrendous and that I had embarassed them in front of their friends.


Some people just have this overwhelming need to justify... don't they LA? I'm sure the girl that was here did the same thing as they people you mentioned... only there was no happy ending. I felt justified when the next couple she went to contacted me and told me what she did to them... I almost felt special... a part of a select group... lol
 
Despite what others choose to say or think, we've remained open to the lifestyle and will continue to share our experiences if for no other reason other then to let others know that they are not alone... just like you LA.

quote:

Wow I thought you and the "gang" were just going after me because I made an easy target.  Now I know it's just your delightful nature.  And it IS very delightful, trust me. 


Today is one of those days when the block button is a friend. By the way... how goes the move? Getting together may still be a possibility... I have a daughter in that neck of the woods.
 
Jewel

< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 6/14/2006 12:52:46 PM >


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Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 12:58:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
I felt justified when the next couple she went to contacted me and told me what she did to them... I almost felt special... a part of a select group... lol

Yeah, the difference being that we simply moved on by taking responsibility for the mistakes we DID make, and being better prepared the next time.

Although there is some pleasure in beng justified.  The ex-couple collared another chick within a month after me, and then that ended bitterly as well a few months later.

quote:


Despite what others choose to say or think, we've remained open to the lifestyle and will continue to share our experiences if for no other reason other then to let others know that they are not alone... just like you LA.

It's only because we're half insane.  I can't imagine anyone consciously CHOOSING to do this.  But it's just what's right and there's no changing that.

quote:

By the way... how goes the move? Getting together may still be a posibility... I have a daughter in that neck of the woods.

Jewel

In theory it's going fine :)  We got the application approved and the set-up is all ready.  But nothing much physically is going on now.  Kick start packing this weekend and get all the "family goodbye stuff" which is the hardest.

See what happens once we get all settled- already a trip to Kansas in the works, then Austin Rope Symposium, then Las Vegas, then back home for Black Rose.  But always a free weekend in between.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 2:18:22 PM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Thanks, CreativeDominant.  I understand what you're saying now.  And yes I agree with that.  I see a lot of criticism about Dominants who - heaven forbid - want to teach a submissive something new!  (((gasp!))).  I see a lot of submissives saying "Take me as I am; I am not changing for anyone" which is basically saying the Dominant must conform to them (at least that is how I read it).  If not, he/she gets the bashing as being unfair, unyielding, and too harsh.  I can understand there are a lot of submissives who have been burned or mislead along the way, therefore there is a tendency to be extra cautious or judgmental about the Dominants they encounter or hear about.  But these relationships of ours are about both parties, and not just about the submissive. 

I see that statement made by submissives all the time...and that's cool, they have that right.  What I always wonder though is this:  If life is about growing through always learning...and D/s is about growing through always learning with the dominant as the 'guide and teacher' and the submissive as the 'follower and student'...where does that leave these submissives in either the vanilla or the D/s world?  (BTW, I hold this to be true for those of my fellow dominants who think they have nothing to learn about BDSM or D/s).

I've been in practice for 23 years (my "real" career) and I'm still learning.  Hell, the laws of most states where I would choose to practice expect me to.

And yeah, your last statement speaks to that idea that this is a 2-way street, not a 1-way thoroughfare.  I agree with it.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 2:32:59 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kimera

And Shifted Jewel -- so you and your "co Master" fucked up and got taken in.  BIG SUPRISE.  Now you are whining to the world about it?  Maybe instead you need to assess exactly what you and "Scooter Trash" (oh how apt is THAT name?) are doing, recruiting women for your oh-so-perfect hillbilly Dom heaven.  You laid yourselves open to be taken, you got taken, now suck it up and deal. Don't go teaching the rest of us from your sad errors.



Exactly why is it a big surprise that Scooter Trash and Shifted Jewel got taken?

Maybe unlike the vast majority of misanthropic  jaded fatalistic nay sayers of the of the good within all mankind they believe in the incorruptibility of that elusive immaterial force within every human being that dictates decorousness and propriety dictate the seemliness of their behavior.

Recruiting women for hillbilly heaven, my dear, I am a woman and a slave in their house. It is located in a quaint piece of Americana where common folk still do not lock their doors at night and your neighbor will stop by to share homemade candies of fresh grown offerings from their garden.

Hillbilly heaven, as you would label it is a over 300 square foot early 1800’s Victorian home filled with tiger oak, a grand entryway, a library, a billiards room, a bar and gentleman’s dart area, a music area, a formal dining room,  a gourmet kitchen with double ovens, two sinks, a six burner stovetop, a guest bath, a main bath that is probably larger than most peoples bedroom, including a shower for four, a huge Master suite, a huge guest room,  a computer room that contains two six foot desks(theirs and one eight foot desk(mine) complete with custom built computer for each, faxes, printers, and cabinets, a room of my own is currently under design including a private bath and  turn of the century soaking tub for me.

Our Garage is larger than most homes, we hillbillies own two Bradlees a 1960’s muscle car, a Dooley, an everyday sports car, 3 Harleys are theirs, 4 Harleys that are mine, plus a motor home and my race trailer and race bikes, oh and I almost forgot a fully electronic state of the art bass boat.

Best of all, every last piece of it all is paid for. No mortgage, no payments, period.

They laid themselves open to be taken. How dare you! They rescued someone from what they were given to believe was an untenable situation, paid for their transportation, offered them an environment where they were not required to work out of the home, where they would be nurtured and cared for.

They have done this before, there are people of both sexes here on collarme who can and will testify to the fact that Scooter and Jewel saved their lives. No strings attached either.

Sure they could have allowed this to sour them on mankind as a whole but they have not. Both still willingly open this house to fellow lifestylers as a place to stop on their travels or just to say hello. Numerous are the wonderful and diverse slices of humanity they have befriended in this fashion, including friends from the U.K. AND Canada. Most of whom where so awed with the hospitality of this pair they have returned as often as possible. 

Scooter Trash, a euphemism for biker. Apt, hell fucking yeah. He is a biker, as am I, as is Shifted Jewel, as are many here on these forum boards.

Using the name in a derogatory fashion, not a good move, not here on these boards, not in the real world, NOT EVER!

Proud to be scooter trash in every sense of the word, yes that describes my Master in that he is one of the strong, the proud, the free, one of those unquenchable untamable wild souls who has tasted the sweetness of the wind on a wild summers night, one whose has been touched and drawn into the aggregate of diversity that solidifies into the unity that is the oneness of brotherhood we call scooter trash.

As to the man himself, you are unworthy to have his name touch your lips. Scooter is a kind loving soul, he is a brilliant man with a genius I.Q., he is a college graduate, a high level executive engineer, a hard worker who earns more in a week than most do in a month, he provides for both Jewel and I exceptionally well, asking only that we are here when he comes home and we are happy. He is an activist, a veteran, a father and a grandfather, I have yet to meet one person who could say he not a man of strength and honor.

He is the best of Master’s. At his feet I find love and understanding, those days that I still cry for my lost lord he has nothing but comfort for me. I may go to him and he will always hear me with an open mind before deciding which course of action is in my best interest. He is sweet yet firm with me, he sees to it I have only the best of everything.

Insult this house? Question the veracity of Scooter or Jewel’s actions? Insult either of them? Better get your facts straight! There are too many here on cm who know them personally who can testify as to who and what they are. Who are you and where are your references?

 


_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Kimera)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 4:28:56 PM   
twicehappy


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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

Hillbilly heaven, as you would label it is a over 300 square foot early


Sorry that would be 3000 square foot.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 4:38:57 PM   
feastie


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Rather than allow little kimmie to control the thread...

I will make use of what the collarme gods gave me...anyone who wishes to join the picnic is welcome

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 4:57:08 PM   
mistoferin


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Joined: 10/27/2004
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twice.....you forgot the hottub!!!

kimera....you just barked up the wrong tree. As twice said, there are those of us here on collarme who are very familiar with the Scooter, Jewel and twice....and who can attest to everything that twice has just spelled out for you. I'm not sure why you felt that you had to attack people you clearly don't know....at first I thought maybe you were just having an off day and someone had pissed in your Cheerios this morning...but after reading the few posts that you have left on the boards that the Moderators didn't axe, I've come to conclude that your tone is most likely indicative of your nature. I'm sorry you are so bitter and vengeful....it must really suck to be you.

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 8:41:34 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
I'd like to say that was a rare occurance but it wasn't. It happens a LOT. Self proclaimed submissives and slaves that are only it it for self gain. Male and female.
 

Thanks for pointing out the other side. Obviously, I do not see or experience that side.  Nor do I even fathom it since it is so off the charts as to anything I would do.  I do recall when Master and I were to first meet face to face, I jokingly asked, "How do I know you won't go psycho on me and kill me?"  He replied with, "How do I know you won't, either?"  His point was made, and taken.  I appreciate your story, although it is unfortunate such a thing happened.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 8:48:43 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
What I always wonder though is this:  If life is about growing through always learning...and D/s is about growing through always learning with the dominant as the 'guide and teacher' and the submissive as the 'follower and student'...where does that leave these submissives in either the vanilla or the D/s world?  (BTW, I hold this to be true for those of my fellow dominants who think they have nothing to learn about BDSM or D/s).


To avoid the risk of posting something unrelated to this thread, I posted a few replies to such a question in another thread:  "Untrained slaves - a blank canvas?"

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 8:55:01 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
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Twicehappy, every post of yours that I read is impressive. 

As for lobbing insults around, I was telling someone recently that every time I get that "mightier than thou" attitude and criticize another's stupidity, I end up eating crow, by doing something even dumber.  Must be Karma.

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 9:26:01 PM   
badpaliden


Posts: 96
Joined: 4/18/2005
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That 'a girl twice..here let me hold your coat.!!

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/14/2006 10:20:21 PM   
Darkhumour


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

In reading the PC thread that is on the boards I began pondering over an observation that I have made for some time. It seems that it is rather common to see a response on the boards to a submissive or slave who is asking about an experience or potential mate that is along the lines of "He's not a Dom"....or "He sounds like a wannabe or an HNG"....or "Just because he calls himself a Dom or Master doesn't mean he is one". This seems to be rather accepted and generally doesn't raise a lot of questions or flames from others.

So if this is okay....why then is it that if someone even ELUDES to the fact that someone may not be a submissive or slave it generally starts a bashfest?

Is it because the criteria for the roles of Dominant/Master is clearer? Is it because we feel that Dominants/Masters have to be more evolved in their roles at the onset and that the positions of sub/slave have more flexibility and can be adapted to with time under the direction of a Dominant or Master? Is it because we feel there are actual qualifications to be met for Dominant/Master but none really for submissive/slave?

I am not looking to get into the definitions of the labels or what your own personal criteria is for any of these roles, so PLEASE don't respond that way.

I am sure this will make some people angry, but here goes.
 
A general feeling I get sometimes is that Masters/Doms, because of their 'position' ( and yes, I know that is a poor choice of word ), are a bit more able to 'take the harsh criticism' that we lay on them. That simply because they are Masters and Dominants, they are somehow more capable at handling being 'bashed'.
And yet, slaves and submissives, are somehow more delicate, and have to be protected and defended.
 
Just a general feeling that I get when reading those kind of threads/posts.


Actually I totally agree with this. It seems there is this huge accepted flexibility for a females submissives needs but Males are forced to follow some strict code or they are auto assumed to be fakes. To be honest though I think even more of it comes from Male - Male bashing, jealousy etc, when talking to a girl, to say the other one she is talking to isn't "real" or a "fake".

Of course from what other females have told me about how they get talked to on here or the way men handle rejection I can see where a lot of bashing is justified. Like getting called fat because you don't respond back in 10 minutes and other crap. Anyways, that is mostly the internet and doesn't matter what site you are on.

(in reply to Tikkiee)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/15/2006 3:52:46 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: badpaliden

That 'a girl twice..here let me hold your coat.!!


BP good to see you again, nice beard by the way, have to love a goatee on a man.

Thank you for the kind offer, i could not get Realone to accept a race challenge so i doubt Kimera would respond to a challege of axe handles at 10 paces or modified broadsword melee' either, sigh, nobody wants to play with me.

Thank you also to mistoferin(are you well enough to go to the ABATE Boogie yet?) and ownedgirlie. 

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to badpaliden)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/15/2006 1:06:17 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
What I always wonder though is this:  If life is about growing through always learning...and D/s is about growing through always learning with the dominant as the 'guide and teacher' and the submissive as the 'follower and student'...where does that leave these submissives in either the vanilla or the D/s world?  (BTW, I hold this to be true for those of my fellow dominants who think they have nothing to learn about BDSM or D/s).


To avoid the risk of posting something unrelated to this thread, I posted a few replies to such a question in another thread:  "Untrained slaves - a blank canvas?"


Thanks, ownedgirlie.  I will go check out that thread. 

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/16/2006 3:16:23 AM   
funfornm


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline
I am relatively inexperianced as a dom.  My first sub thought that I had had more than a few.  What ever the name is not about fullfilling the other persons and your fantasies?

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/16/2006 5:59:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kimera
You know, I'd be more impressed if you didn't fuck these people for a living, and if you didn't live off of them.  Hmmm...where I come from that's a WHORE.

No, *I* am a whore- personal sexual services in exchange for currency.

She is a cherished house slave.

Huge difference.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kimera)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/16/2006 6:30:17 AM   
MrRodgers


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Once again, I like what LA had to write. Also, many doms are rejected for just the kind of action or behavior that as many other women (sub/slaves) want. but also I'd like to add that to suggest this "He's not a Dom"....or "He sounds like a wannabe or an HNG"....or "Just because he calls himself a Dom or Master doesn't mean he is one" simply means that the forum is allowed to stereotype the doms like that but we do not do so with sub/slaves when the poseurs are probably pretty close percentage wise in both cases. Back in the day, we never spoke of collars, tops (sadist) or bottoms (masochists). It was D/s for play whatever that play might be and a M/s relationship was always...always a 24/7 live-in affair. If not, it was a D/s affair that may or may not be on the way to a M/s relationship.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/16/2006 6:41:49 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kimera


You know, I'd be more impressed if you didn't fuck these people for a living, and if you didn't live off of them.  Hmmm...where I come from that's a WHORE.  Your reply to me confirmed it...you are a sycophant (look it up, if your stupid Indiana education taught you to use a dictionary).


Try again, you will notice that four of the Harleys are mine, plus the race bikes, trailer and truck. I retired(well off) at 38 years of age from a fulfilling career in nursing(i graduated from John Hopkins School of Nursing) sold a beef farm, still do quite well off race proceeds and building one ups. And i relocated to Indiana to be with my pair because i wanted to.  

And again i ask where are your references?

And thank you greatly LA, though whore is not a description of you i would use.

< Message edited by twicehappy -- 6/16/2006 6:43:51 AM >


_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Kimera)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Why is "He's not a Dom" okay???? - 6/16/2006 6:42:01 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
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Not having ever contacted any sub on the internet to initiate a relationship and having no intentions of doing so I can only go on what other people have talked about on the threads and subs stating their wants and needs. It has always amused me that many women say they want a certain behaviour from doms but then bash doms on the threads for offering to provide it. It seems to me they want a domesticated dom that they can control which has always baffled me. Though I guess it is not baffling. They want someone they can trust and feel safe with so they can act submissive or be a slut to, which to me is being neither, to me it is just acting the part, which is fair enough. Whatever floats your boat.

(in reply to MrRodgers)
Profile   Post #: 100
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