RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side"

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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/4/2013 9:09:03 PM

EsotericLady

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline

I received this last week from a VERY OBESE male:

I'm 33 . Im from kentukcy . Im looking to be taken and made into a full time live in slave . I am married and yes i have kids . But i have a need to be a slave more than i have love for my family. Im a bigger man but i don't let that get in my way . I would be a great slave and i would give you my mind heart body and soul . I want to drop off the earth and never be found by anyone i know ever again . i want to my owner happy and do anything they ask of me ... anything ... please think this over please and message me back if you interested ..

(in reply to theshytype)

Post #: 461

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/4/2013 9:10:09 PM

EsotericLady

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline

And yet today...

hello Mistress how are You?

would You like this obedient puppy slave tied naked by its nuts on a leash to a pole on cam for You?

(in reply to EsotericLady)

Post #: 462

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/5/2013 12:02:05 PM

EsotericLady

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline

And yet this morning from a 56 year old married male....

"Good morning. I am 56 so if that is too far out of your age range I understand.
Once in a galaxy far far a way there was an intelligent, erudite, demanding Domme. She was tired of the all of the slaves that wanted to do what they wanted and call it submission. She looked high and low and couldn't find one intelligent slave that understood that. Then one day she found this slave and she couldn't believe that he was a slave. he was intelligent and thoughtful and articulate. He enjoyed good conversation but with the raise of an eyebrow or a whisper he understood that Her suggestion was the same as a command. ...."

I'm starting to feel sooooooooooooooooo special in receiving such creative messages! (EXTREME EYEROLL AND LAUGHING)

(in reply to EsotericLady)

Post #: 463

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/5/2013 3:10:18 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

This gem:

"I wanna suck that ass!"

Um, ewww, and hell no.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to EsotericLady)

Post #: 464

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/5/2013 3:14:53 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

And yet today...

hello Mistress how are You?

would You like this obedient puppy slave tied naked by its nuts on a leash to a pole on cam for You?

LOL, I gotta make a Domiatrix profile.

Yeah buddy, I got a couple of minutes. whats your moms number?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to EsotericLady)

Post #: 465

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/5/2013 3:22:42 PM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline

Compared to some of yours, mine is paltry...

"into listening to us fuck? :)?"

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 466

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/5/2013 3:25:10 PM

Switcheroo1983

Posts: 238
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

This gem:

"I wanna suck that ass!"

Um, ewww, and hell no.

Now how could you say "no" to such heartfelt, romantic words?

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 467

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/5/2013 7:34:05 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

It was hard to do. I'm a sucker for poetry.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Switcheroo1983)

Post #: 468

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/5/2013 7:52:40 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Hmm poetry, how bout...

"Your badonkadonk belongs in my bunk along with
the rest of your junk, so I can slam-dunk my spunk."

That came out really good!
Pick up line gold.

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 469

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/5/2013 8:04:39 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

tosses high end panties to the stage

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 470

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/5/2013 11:03:38 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

See, now that's what I'm talking about!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 471

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/6/2013 8:55:22 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I got this beauty in response to a forum post:

Hello! I think that you have forgotten just how MANY USERNAMES have been used! I have tried to be kind, politically correct (lol) but found that if I can stick to my true desires (pounding pussy, tying up women, and giving them few options except to orgasm and scream in passionate delight) I have failed in my true aim for even trying to get on these stupidly ordinary websites! Most of the womeen write things that give a guy an instant erection (e.g. I want to be beaten, raped, and humiliated) That was from Bondage Match- I wrote her and got the following, "fuck off, u perv!" So PLEASE, don't judge me for what I say, but rather , think about HOW YOU POST!!!!! You are giving men idea's to utilize your desires, and so they have to follow what you have started! I do not want to cruise for women- I got tired of bars and drunken skanks years ago! I need a gal who is adult, knowledgable in the bedroom, and willing to play in a manner that compliments my own needs and wants! I don't force anyone to meet me, so if you're offended by my style, just skip me!

I think I need a translator, because it doesn't make a whole heck of a lot of sense.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 472

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/9/2013 12:54:32 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Ya know, I cannot sleep and I should be. So instead I am online.

I guess this must be the witching hour on CM because a 35 year old guy wrote me and asked me why I hated him. I told him I don't since I don't know him. He said we have chatted, but I did not recognize him, his profile or his photos.

So, we start to chat and it was getting slightly intriguing from a cerebral standpoint and then, he sends this:

Love to have a gorgeous mommy bitch like you strapped to my crotch...

I told him he ruined a budding relationship by using the word mommy. Oy.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 473

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/9/2013 4:44:36 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I got this beauty in response to a forum post:

Hello! I think that you have forgotten just how MANY USERNAMES have been used! I have tried to be kind, politically correct (lol) but found that if I can stick to my true desires (pounding pussy, tying up women, and giving them few options except to orgasm and scream in passionate delight) I have failed in my true aim for even trying to get on these stupidly ordinary websites! Most of the womeen write things that give a guy an instant erection (e.g. I want to be beaten, raped, and humiliated) That was from Bondage Match- I wrote her and got the following, "fuck off, u perv!" So PLEASE, don't judge me for what I say, but rather , think about HOW YOU POST!!!!! You are giving men idea's to utilize your desires, and so they have to follow what you have started! I do not want to cruise for women- I got tired of bars and drunken skanks years ago! I need a gal who is adult, knowledgable in the bedroom, and willing to play in a manner that compliments my own needs and wants! I don't force anyone to meet me, so if you're offended by my style, just skip me!

I think I need a translator, because it doesn't make a whole heck of a lot of sense.

Yer wish is my command.

Hello! I think that you have forgotten just how MANY USERNAMES have been used!

Must refer to the forums post you made.

I have tried to be kind, politically correct (lol) but found that if I can stick to my true desires (pounding pussy, tying up women, and giving them few options except to orgasm and scream in passionate delight) I have failed in my true aim for even trying to get on these stupidly ordinary websites!

I have no social skills whatsoever, and expect that women on kink sites are all sluts and enjoy having me speak crudely to them in a first message. I think that I'm noble for being my true, rude self.

Most of the womeen write things that give a guy an instant erection (e.g. I want to be beaten, raped, and humiliated) That was from Bondage Match- I wrote her and got the following, "fuck off, u perv!"

Women want a kink activity. I assume that means they want it with anyone, and don't need a connection of any sort.

So PLEASE, don't judge me for what I say, but rather , think about HOW YOU POST!!!!! You are giving men idea's to utilize your desires, and so they have to follow what you have started! I do not want to cruise for women- I got tired of bars and drunken skanks years ago! I need a gal who is adult, knowledgable in the bedroom, and willing to play in a manner that compliments my own needs and wants! I don't force anyone to meet me, so if you're offended by my style, just skip me!

Basically, a variant of "the way she was dressed, she was asking to be raped." You're on a kink site and said something that made him horny, and he figures you're fair game as a result. Note that he didn't bother to read your profile because you've got "TAKEN" plastered all over it.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 474

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/9/2013 4:47:24 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

I received this last week from a VERY OBESE male:

I'm 33 . Im from kentukcy . Im looking to be taken and made into a full time live in slave . I am married and yes i have kids . But i have a need to be a slave more than i have love for my family. Im a bigger man but i don't let that get in my way . I would be a great slave and i would give you my mind heart body and soul . I want to drop off the earth and never be found by anyone i know ever again . i want to my owner happy and do anything they ask of me ... anything ... please think this over please and message me back if you interested ..

Sorry to say this, but you're not special. There's a group on fet where posters share exceptionally awful messages and the guy from KY who wants to ditch his family to be a FT slave is mentioned regularly. He's been going for years with no takers and no clue.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to EsotericLady)

Post #: 475

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/9/2013 11:27:21 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Basically, a variant of "the way she was dressed, she was asking to be raped." You're on a kink site and said something that made him horny, and he figures you're fair game as a result. Note that he didn't bother to read your profile because you've got "TAKEN" plastered all over it.

The email was in response to a forum post where I pretty much called him an idiot.

I was trying figure out the part about how what I post causes erections since I don't put anything provocative in my profile and, while I discuss generalities about our relationship, I don't post the details of our sex life in the forums.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 476

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/10/2013 8:57:10 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You're female on a kink site. In his teeny mind, that's all that is required to be provocative.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 477

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/10/2013 9:39:51 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I don't even have a tit pic!

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 478

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/12/2013 12:30:31 AM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline

The latest two:

into listening to us fuck? :)

and

I am the Lord, I am 28 years old, bdsm'm already 8 years ..I will accept Slave for 247 slevory!!Will take off all your document so you will be nothing in my contry!

< Message edited by Duskypearls -- 2/12/2013 12:31:26 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 479

RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 2/12/2013 5:25:24 PM

Shininglight23

Posts: 1336
Status: offline

This is from FL... but I felt compelled to share it here. This is a 52 year old man who has noooo clue. I don't even understand what he's saying.....

Love to know everything, likes and dislikes. Im brand new to this site and getting my feet wet for the first time. I read different profiles and I say ohhhhhh I want to do that or this, but I like being a daddy and at time maybe finding a mommy. I guess when I took this test I was a switch. Yet, im up for anything for the right person or persons. Would likes friends, but if something developes then it is a bonus.

Allie

_____________________________

Membership Co-ordinator, ProSubs"R"Us

Lead with love, live with love, leave with love.

(in reply to Duskypearls)

Post #: 480

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