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Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 3:44:44 AM   
enthralled


Posts: 249
Joined: 9/13/2005
From: Nashville, Tn
Status: offline 		To each thier own and all that hoopla .... but I'm genuinely interested in understanding this concept so any explanations are appreciated!

I've seen submissives who have never even met the man/woman they call thier 'Master' and vice-versa... the wearing of a 'cyber-collar'.
I've received (detailed) emails from people making DEMANDS that I do this and that.
I just don't understand how the mentality can be the same (or as strong) in fantasy as it is in reality. . . especially the 'giving of oneself' to a keyboard and an IM box???

Thanks for any replies in advance.
~enthralled

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A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's.-Jean Paul Richter
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RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 3:49:48 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I just don't understand how the mentality can be the same (or as strong) in fantasy as it is in reality. . . especially the 'giving of oneself' to a keyboard and an IM box???

You and me both, dear, you and me both.

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Ha Ha...Charade you are!

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(in reply to enthralled)
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RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 4:12:35 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I'm probably going to be flamed for this but to me it is nuts. I did have something of a D/s relationship online once and I wasn't looking for it but that is another story. I just couldn't get my head round it then and I can't now. However, on reflection I guess it helped this woman indulge her fantasies in the safety of her own home, she could fantasize about all she wanted done to her but was too scared to have done to her in reality. In effect she was a cock tease but I'm going to stop before I rant but I'd love to know what doms see in it, it really seemed a waste of time and effort and thoroughly pointless, looking back.

(in reply to enthralled)
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RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 4:14:34 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I don't get anything out of it, either....  To me, all things D/s basically start with eye-contact which brings the knowledge that your sub will do whatever is asked of her without question, *because* I can see it in her eyes!  Without that r/l eye-contact, it's just cyber geeks playing games as far as I'm concerned; it ain't real!
 
I've certainly flirted with it while chatting online but only with subs who I've had r/l contact with, which means I have knowledge and experience of what her replies might mean....  But definitely nothing serious or heavy because it just reinforces the frustration of not having her in my direct presence when I make the demands I make....
 
And an online collar for someone you haven't even met????  Purrrrleazzeeee....
 
As you said, to each their own etc; I prefer it to be real....
 
Focus.

(in reply to enthralled)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 4:21:44 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I don't see the value either IF it stays cyber.  I met my Dom here on CM...course we didn't/don't do the cyber domination thing.  We do chat online and via email because we don't live close to each other.  We do see each other...not as often as we would like....

I think MC is correct.  Those who are afraid to progress to real life find cyber an outlet for their fantasies.  And, there may be those who are real life but, for various reasons, can only connect via the net.  In fact, there was a dom in Australia who recently posted a thread about this very thing.  I am sure LA knows where it is...LOL.  His thoughts were quite interesting...he is caring for an ailing mother and cyber is all he has right now.  Although I can't see this working for me for any length of time, I am sure it does for others.

(in reply to enthralled)
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RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 4:21:54 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Cyber/online does nothing for me either...

I had to edit to add, if the persons involved in the relationship are unable to see one another as often as they would like but  are involved r/t...online can be a  positive suppliment for them. 

< Message edited by spankmepink11 -- 6/15/2006 4:45:14 AM >

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 4:34:02 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Some people aparently 'get something' from cyber fantasy game playing and seem to think it is 'real'. Bully for them, but personaly it does nothing for me and I can't understand the attraction. If I can't meet her, touch her, hold her in my arms.... then it ain't real!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to enthralled)
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RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 4:46:09 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
It is just another fetish.  We don't have to understand them... it will still exist.
 
Peace and Rapture


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.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to enthralled)
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RE: Cyber Domination/submission - 6/15/2006 4:52:08 AM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		G'morning all:


Cyber d/s is just that, cyber. It's all nonsense. Role playing for the timid. A nice little fantasy they can act out from the safety of their home without the flesh and blood interaction which I find crucial in real time. Don't even get me started on the people using cyber as an excuse around cheating.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to enthralled)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 4:53:50 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		If it's all you have, and all you think you'll ever have, it's better than nothing.

Once you get experience in r/l, it doesn't work so well.  But for a lot of people who can't connect in r/l for various reasons, it's a lifeline.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 4:59:41 AM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		It really doesn't matter one bit whether you get it or not but it DOES matter
whether you are tolerant of the activity.

Whether intended or not the overall tone of the posts I've read comes across
as latent intolerance.

You don't have "to get it" and you most likely never will. If it's not your kink move on

If you want people to accept your kink it's a good idea that you accept theirs.

Just for the record a lot of people in IRC channels don't do cybersex and a lot
of channels don't allow it but if that's what floats your boat you can find channels
to cater to that.

I lived in SF for a number of years and there were 2 channels specifically for
the area that held munches and parties. It was a good place to find out what
was going on AND meet a prospective partner in R/T.

The advantage of IRC or othre chatrooms is it is in R/T. Discussions can get
very lively. A lot of channels have a discussion topic of the day in their header.

Forums are nice but it can take days for a discussion to run it's course but
it can take just a few minutes in R/T. There's more to cyberspace than sex.

Hurray! I finally made kinky!


< Message edited by MrrPete -- 6/15/2006 5:01:22 AM >

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Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 5:08:09 AM   
sabswife


Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		i have to agree-- i think the internet is a great tool for a D/s couple that HAS met irl and know each other.  my Dom and i knew each other EXTREMELY well when W/we met for the first time but He will tell you that He didn't realize how submissive i really was until real face to face interaction. 

in fact before W/we met W/we hadn't even discussed anything to do with D/s at all, beyond how we both felt very "traditional" in the ways of how a relationship should work between U/s.  He then introduced me to it, as frankly He has been involved in it for nearly as long as i have been alive.  now it just makes sense because its who W/e both are.  all W/we did was label who W/we already are.

i am heading off topic at this point, but what i feel is that just can't have that completeness without meeting and without the intent of being together irl, i honestly don't see much of a point either, mostly because i couldn't fathom it... there is no chance i could spent my life away from my Dom.

but hey if thats your thing, thats your thing, if i can't understand it or take part in it myself isn't the point i suppose, if it makes them  happy so be it :)

< Message edited by sabswife -- 6/15/2006 5:11:37 AM >

_____________________________

"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."


(in reply to MrrPete)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 5:13:32 AM   
wytchywoman


Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enthralled

I just don't understand how the mentality can be the same (or as strong) in fantasy as it is in reality. . . especially the 'giving of oneself' to a keyboard and an IM box???



Well, the answer for me is that it can't come close to being the same. On the other hand, many people begin their relationships through exploring via e-mail and instant messengers. To me the only purpose that serves is if both people find they're compatible and have intentions of going real life with the relationship.

Beyond that, I can't see the sense in attempting to maintain a purely cyber relationship that is never going to go beyond a keyboard. Others have made valid points about people sometimes being restricted to that venue for one reason or another, so if that is the case and it's satisfying to both parties, then at least they have something to get them through the day. All usual ad nauseum dislcaimers apply here.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


(in reply to enthralled)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 5:14:44 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		One hears so much about dead dom syndrome, players, fakes etc. etc. It is important for naive people to realise what they are indulging in is an illusion. I was once naive enough to believe this woman meant what she said, she didn't hide her real ID, sent me presents and everything but always had a reason why we couldn't meet. If I was a little more up to speed on such things I would have asked myself pertinent questions but I was gullible.

Cyber is an illusion, if you are awre of that fact it is harmless game playing, if you are naive and gullible, it can have terrible results. Illusions go POOOF!!!

(in reply to MrrPete)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 5:14:55 AM   
Brosco


Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Well, I don't see the value either IF it stays cyber.  I met my Dom here on CM...course we didn't/don't do the cyber domination thing.  We do chat online and via email because we don't live close to each other.  We do see each other...not as often as we would like....

I think MC is correct.  Those who are afraid to progress to real life find cyber an outlet for their fantasies.  And, there may be those who are real life but, for various reasons, can only connect via the net.  In fact, there was a dom in Australia who recently posted a thread about this very thing.  I am sure LA knows where it is...LOL.  His thoughts were quite interesting...he is caring for an ailing mother and cyber is all he has right now.  Although I can't see this working for me for any length of time, I am sure it does for others.


I am assuming you meant this one:
http://www.collarchat.com/Going_from_reallife_to_an_online_relationship/m_421410/tm.htm

Although I fully understand that many see cyber relations at a fantasy game, roleplaying or just cyber wanking, I wish to assure you that for many it is far from it.

I have no idea of the percentage use of each of the communications tools available :emails, messenger, voice or cam so I can only talk for me.  I use all of the above with the exception of cam.  I advise any one that will listen against using a cam for such relationships unless they are part of a long term reallife relationship and used while seperated for a period.  The dangers of images being captured and spread all around the net in some form of petty revenge after a breakup are just too high.

quote:

To me, all things D/s basically start with eye-contact


This would imply to me that a blind person could not have a fullfilling d/s relationship - and I know for a fact that isn't true.

Without sight, you learn to 'read' the same things from voice.

quote:


Those who are afraid to progress to real life find cyber an outlet for their fantasies.


There probably are some that fall into this category, but there are many other reasons why people are in cyber - one example being my case that is documented in the thread referenced.

quote:


I've received (detailed) emails from people making DEMANDS that I do this and that.
I just don't understand how the mentality can be the same (or as strong)



To be perfectly honest, I can't either - I would find it very hollow without voice, but then, many can't see how that can be enough for me, so I shouldn't judge that emails and messenger would not be enough for others.


quote:


I just couldn't get my head round it then and I can't now.


Yep, and that would apply to many people - it just wouldn't work for them, but that doesn't mean that it won't work for others.  Just the same as I can't get my head around poly relationships, but for those in them, they may find mono relationships unfullfilling.


Online is not for all and while it may be little more than fantasy and roleplaying for some, there are plenty of people in reallife that call a bit of kinky bedroom bondage D/s also.    There are  'real' practicioners of D/s both off and online.

Since I have been in r/l D/s relationships most of my adult life, I can attest that I can have a satifying D/s relationship online and know what I am missing in this mode - and if you bother to read the thread mentioned, also know what I am gaining from online.

Brosco





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Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to bandit25)
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RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 5:15:10 AM   
wytchywoman


Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrrPete


Hurray! I finally made kinky!



Congrats, MrrPete!

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


(in reply to MrrPete)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 5:29:35 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		Here we go with another "cyber means nothing" thread.  For some people who can't experience D/s in real life (for a variety of reasons), online interactions can be fulfilling.  Some may not see it as fulfilling as a real life relationship, but isn't that for the person to decide?
 
Be well,
Julie

(in reply to enthralled)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 5:31:54 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

One hears so much about dead dom syndrome, players, fakes etc. etc.


color me naive.....but...."dead dom syndrome???"   i'm almost afraid to ask....

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 5:48:48 AM   
Brosco


Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		Dead Dom Syndrome: faking one's own death or very serious illness (heart attacks, etc) to justify an unexplained period of no communication and usually to end a relationship rather than giving an honest reason.

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission - 6/15/2006 5:52:42 AM   
wytchywoman


Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

Dead Dom Syndrome: faking one's own death or very serious illness (heart attacks, etc) to justify an unexplained period of no communication and usually to end a relationship rather than giving an honest reason.


It's also not uncommon for them to reincarnate under a new screen name.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


(in reply to Brosco)
Profile   Post #: 20
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