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RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:27:51 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Babyslave90

I am relatively new to the life style and my boyfriend and I absolutely love it. But this is the second time in our relationship that he has fucked my face up. Mind u we have only been together for about 3 months. I have only ever had one master before and he was not anywhere near as extreme as my current. I am 5 ft and 115 lbs very petite. And he is 6'1" and 240 lbs very muscular. I am afraid when he goes that far with my punishment. It causes problems with my family and friends and makes me terrified to say or do anything to make him angry. The whole right side of my face is swollen, black eye, my ear is even purple and swollen. Is there any advice out there I can utilize in my relationship so this won't happen any more?

Whoa!!! Back the train up!!
Need some explainations before I go on a rant that might make even my head explode:
-what is your dynamic as far as dating/ married? Sub/slave?
-what are your limits as face slapping, punching & marking are concerned?
-how long have you known this gem?
-you say "punishment" left these marks...what did you do? How did crime to "punishment" play out?

My world, play that involves marks should be consented to & located as to avoid the appearance someone beat the fuck out of you! Punishment & hitting even consentually should be seperate. Meaning last sub punished was begging for a caning because he thought that would hurt less than the emotional torture his infraction & punishment produced.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 21

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:28:45 PM

Babyslave90

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline

No it's not just with one hit that marks he slaps me a lot of times in about the same place that's y it marks most of them are normal every day slaps just enough to wake me up but then one or two will be so hard my ears ring or ill see stars.

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 22

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:30:32 PM

soldierlvr

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/14/2012
Status: offline

I also agree with the person who said you jumped into the M/s relationship too fast. I was in training under my Master for over a year and a half before he collared me. M/s relationships require more trust than any other relationship out there, even marriage. You barely know someone after three months. Being a slave means you have goven yourself 100% to your Master, that is just not possible to do when you barely know someone. Especially someone who is hittig you out of anger. When I am punished, I am usually put in a room alone until his anger subsides, then if he feels i deserve to be spanked or caned he will do it when no longer mad at me. And he does it on my back/butt/thighs...not my face.

(in reply to VioletViolence)

Post #: 23

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:30:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Get out now. You are in an abusive relationship. He's not a Dom, he's an abuser. The moment you start being afraid of your man and he hits you and you are afraid of him is the moment it turns from bdsm to abuse. If you are afraid he will find you, there are women's shelters out there that will help you.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 24

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:33:12 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Have either one of you done ever even thought to look up how to do what you want to do safely or the consequences of it? Have either of you put any thought at all into what can happen to you with your daily activity? I'm going to assume the answer is no, so please google dangers of face slapping or something similar and spend a few minutes reading.

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 25

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:33:14 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake

Uuuhhmmm... Baby. That was Kana.

heh...sure, if she liked it but she doesn't. Definitely not Master. He doesn't leave face marks, not because I don't like them but because he doesn't. He would rather I be able to attend classes, visit with friends and family and not look like like an abused woman. I don't think he'd appreciate people approaching him, calling him an abuser.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 11/4/2012 12:36:47 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

Post #: 26

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:37:27 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Babyslave90

We talked about it last night after it happened. He said he'll never hit me that hard again but he doesn't realize how hard he is doing it at the time. We made a rule that he can't punish me angry anymore to prevent this. He needs to cool off before punishment can start from now on.

What part of THIS IS NOT PUNISHMENT do you not iunderstand?!? If you're kinky spanky spanky is fun, sex & giggles (even if you consentually were chained & bloodies) both sides consent to or enjoy spanky slappy. This is soooooooooo not that!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 27

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:42:29 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Let's for a moment look at you Babyslave. You say he is the best boyfriend you have ever had and treats you like a princess outside the bedroom. So basically you have a history of boyfriends that haven't treated you well and you have nothing in personal experience to gauge whether what your current boyfriend is doing is good. You have never had a good boyfriend or relationship. You are not the best at determining what is what because you are confused and not willing to walk away from someone that is clearly abusing you.

You need to educate yourself on what abuse is and what the patterns of abuse are. There is a great deal of information out there if you will only access it. It is up to you to determine what happens. Most in love with the best guy they ever met, don't do this. You will find that every couple of minutes a woman is abused. Would you care to know how many are seriously damaged by men who don't know their own strength and hold their lady after they abuse them and say they are sorry? Or how about how many must hide or protect other family members or end up dead or killing their abuser? Would you care to know about that?

YOU ARE NOT WITH A DOMINANT MAN. A dominant man knows his strengths. He knows his physical strength before you must cry and say... please don't do that. He knows what your family or the public will see or know and the position that puts you both in. He knows the damage he can do with punishment dynamics and calling something what it is not.

Now... as a submissive/slave and a woman of this current age, I expect you to stand up and not just tell him what you don't like, but to go out and educate yourself or... continue this pattern, enable him and disable yourself. It is up to you... YOU... not him.

You want to play foolish girl in love... go for it, but lets call it what it is. Foolish girl in love. Get smart or pay with maybe your future.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 28

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:43:38 PM

Babyslave90

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline

We r boyfriend/girlfriend, Dom/sub. I like it when he slaps me in the moment. You know? And I usually only get punished for sexual things like we r also swingers so if I do something with someone that I wasn't instructed to do I'm in trouble. We have a safe word but it doesn't matter bc we both get so into it at the time that we don't notice the damage till he's come. And I cry after bc I will not give him the satisfaction during. We r young and still adjusting to each other I was just looking on some older wiser Dom/sub pov. Bc we don't know any other Dom/sub couples there arnt many our age.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 29

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:44:30 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Babyslave90

He said he'll never hit me that hard again but he doesn't realize how hard he is doing it at the time. We made a rule that he can't punish me angry anymore to prevent this. He needs to cool off before punishment can start from now on.

So, basically, you're saying that he lacks control. He needs to stop until he learns control.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 30

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:49:21 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Babyslave90

No it's not just with one hit that marks he slaps me a lot of times in about the same place that's y it marks most of them are normal every day slaps just enough to wake me up but then one or two will be so hard my ears ring or ill see stars.

Ok you need to pack your stuff now, cmail me if you need a ride back to your family!!!!! Slapping awake in my world would be enough to leave...that's not normal, its what alarm clocks were invented for.
Ringing in your ears is literally from your brain shaking around inside your skull, seeing stars is brain damage.
Take a shelled egg, put inside jar & shake, this is what he's done to your head. This IS NOT KINK!!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 31

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:55:23 PM

Babyslave90

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline

I guess I'm saying we are still learning both of our limits we discuss everything we do I've been in abusive relationships and this isn't abusive. I've had the shit beaten out of me every day for absolutely no reason and that had nothing to do with sex. I do like it rough just everyone has to make trials and errors .

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 32

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:55:56 PM

Titaniya

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/9/2012
Status: offline

If the problem is that you two don't know what you're doing, you need to go lighter on the play until you learn what you're doing.

Seriously. This stuff can be fun, but it can also be dangerous, and while you're doing it, you both need to be aware of what's going on. You need to get better at using your safe word, and when you use it, he needs to be able to stop. And that's true even when you're both very into what's going on.

It might be beneficial to switch off to a safer location on the body (think lower on the buttocks) until you're better at those things.

I can't see your profile, so I don't know where you're located, but I highly suggest you and your Dom get out into your local community and find someone who can show you proper/safe(r) techniques firsthand.

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 33

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:56:22 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Babyslave90

We r boyfriend/girlfriend, Dom/sub. I like it when he slaps me in the moment. You know? And I usually only get punished for sexual things like we r also swingers so if I do something with someone that I wasn't instructed to do I'm in trouble. We have a safe word but it doesn't matter bc we both get so into it at the time that we don't notice the damage till he's come. And I cry after bc I will not give him the satisfaction during. We r young and still adjusting to each other I was just looking on some older wiser Dom/sub pov. Bc we don't know any other Dom/sub couples there arnt many our age.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 34

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:58:01 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

How do you change an abuser into a fucking dom doing it right? These are classic signs of an abuser not a dom and no abuser should be encouraged to learn to do it right until he fucking knows what abuse is and that he is abusive.

My god.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Titaniya)

Post #: 35

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 12:58:02 PM

Babyslave90

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline

He doesn't slap me awake like I'm just asleep and he wakes me up I ment like when we r playing he'll smack me enough to give me that little burst of energy sorry I worded that wrong

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 36

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 1:02:02 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

JELLY BEAN!!!! I can't watch this train wreck anymore

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 37

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 1:03:19 PM

Babyslave90

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline

We r in Houston TX we have looked around for other couples like us but a lot of them are old and fat and Half of the time they arnt really Dom/sub they r just pretending for shits and giggles.

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 38

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 1:04:46 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Babyslave, please attempt to get this right: This man is an abuser. ANYONE who punishes while angry is an abuser. ANYONE who hits w/o knowing how hard they are hitting is an abuser. ANYONE who leaves marks they did not intend to leave and then apologizes for them later is an abuser.

What about this aren't you getting? Go ahead and make all the excuses you want for this man, he's young, you are just getting used to each other, whatever, it's all bull shit which is why you posted here. You know this is wrong.

Now get off your ass, grow a spine, and leave him before he causes permanent harm. (You *do* realize face slapping can cause permanent damage to your eyes and ears, right?)

If you can't leave, seek counseling to help you. B/c it really is that important.

_____________________________

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 39

RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 11/4/2012 1:04:56 PM

Dominant4ever

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

All I can say is.....WOW!

GET OUT!

(in reply to Babyslave90)

Post #: 40

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