Kana
Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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Let 's start off with this:
I play on the edge, not so much now as when I was younger, but I'm still considered one of the more way out there players, both on this site and every local scene I've been in. I play so hard that when I really go out there I don't do it in public because people freak.
And I know how to hit people. I know how to hurt people. Hard and bad. Seven years martial arts and two years weapons combat as well as a few years of full contact fighting. I've lived on the streets, served time in prison.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm no stranger to violence, of the BDSM kind and the real kind.
I've been hurt badly and I've hurt people badly. I'm intimately familiar with pain in all it's many guises.
I'm a sadist. I groove on pain play. I like to make women scream, beg and cry. I like to take them to the edge and then ram them on through their limits, pushing as far as they, and I, can safely go. I like that-it turns me on.
And I've never, as in never ever, struck a woman in anger.
I've never lost control in a scene. Never hit a woman hard enough to make her "see stars."
And I know how to slap. Hell, I like face slapping-it's one of my favorite things.
So I'll say this as simply as I can-Dominants who lose control of themselves in a scene are extremely dangerous individuals. And more so when you are doing edge play.
People like that, run, don't walk away from them.
Because if they lose control once, they can, and most likely will, do it again. Especially men who beat women.
This thing that we do-it's dangerous, potentially lethal. People can die, get maimed for life (I know one gal whose back is forever fucked because of a scene gone bad. I know another who can't fully use one arm because of nerve damage)
And the further out there you play, the more the dangers multiply, geometrically.
When you slap someone hard enough you can break their neck, do permanent damage to the neck and the spine. And seeing stars, that's the brain being smacked around hard enough to concuss-that's why you see stars.
And that ain't cool. Not one whit.
What we do isn't to be trifled with. And it's certainly meant to be done by sane, rational people who know what they are about, who are cognizant not just of what they are doing, but what's going on inside themselves and what's happening with the other person.
The absolute number one sin you can commit in a hard core scene is to lose composure, lose those governors that regulate behavior.
And that your guy can't, or worse won't, (Or hasn't, and don't come at me with promises of future changes. Every abuser always promises to change. And they never do. This is one of those "Once is all we need to see" deals) is why I reacted so viscerally.
That you defend him says little about him (His actions tell us all that we need to know-one of those "I can't hear your words because your actions are drowning them out," things) but tells me worlds about you. There are no justifications that I would ever find acceptable for losing control in a scene. They just don't cut the mustard.
It's on him to be in control, and the instant he crosses that line he's shifted from rough dom to potential murderer, the same way that a drunk passes from harmless funny guy to possible killer when he chooses (Note the word carefully-chooses. Just like he chose to lose control)to get behind the wheel of a car.
So if you think folks here are over-reacting, think again.
They are responding that way because he's crossed a line, and it's a line that nobody in BDSM likes or wants to see crossed.
Because guys who do that, they make us all look bad.
AFAIC, he can wrap it up as many ways as he wants, tie it in pretty bows of rationalization, pathetic excuses, apologies and justifications, but he's more than once put you in harms way, and that's not what Doms do.
That he did so on first play just makes it worse. That he repeated his actions-that says it all. And that you are scared of him, that covers any ground that may have been missed.
Personally, I think you should call a battered woman's help line and do some serious talking, but that's just my opinion. What you choose(There's that word again-funny how that works, eh?)to do is on you. My bet is you stay, because that's what abused women do-they stay way past where any sane person would, and come up with reasons why they should.
Not to be a dick or anything,just being honest, but if you do, in my mind, that makes you far sicker than he ever will be.
And that's really all I gotta say.
< Message edited by Kana -- 11/4/2012 3:40:41 PM >
_____________________________
"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST
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RE: Some advice for a young slave? - 
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