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Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 2:37:29 AM   
CmotDribbler


Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline 		Well,

My Kitten left me.
She decided it on Wed. night, and told me Thursday afternoon.
And I am literally feel like I have been ripped into tiny little peices.
Just this weekend she was on her knees before me, reaffirming that she wanted to be my Possesion for the rest of our natural lives.
And today, I may never see her again.
She tried to give the collar back.
I couldn't take it.
What am I going to do with it?
She tried putting it on the table in front of me, and that's when I had to walk away, It just hurt too much.
I already know i'm going to give her all the ropes, and toys,
But what about the collar,
I want her to keep it.
I can't, it doesn't belong with me,
But i'm afraid that she might just throw it out.
I believe in her enough to know she wouldn't do that.
but up until two days ago I thought we would never have to even think about it.
Will she just put it in a box to forget about?
I wish I knew how to ask her, without it hurting me more.

I feel so alone.


_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 2:43:15 AM   
DarkSideOfThMoon


Posts: 117
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Ouch.... Did she say why?

(in reply to CmotDribbler)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 2:43:44 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		First off, I'm so sorry that you are suffering this loss. I've been there. I think it's so much worse when you don't see it coming, somehow.
 
About your question... Is it possible to keep it and put it away for a while and decide at a later time what to do with it?
 
In My tradition, the collar belongs to the Dominant even if it graces the slave/subs neck. It is possible to gift it to her if the break is permanent, but she may need some time to allow the break to heal... as it sounds like you need as well.
 
Consider putting it up for a while if possible, especially if you and she plan to remain friends....
 
I'm sorry once again... ~hugs~

(in reply to CmotDribbler)
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RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 2:57:22 AM   
CmotDribbler


Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSideOfThMoon

Ouch.... Did she say why?


She said she had become unhappy, She didn't like how she felt about herself around me, and she didn't think she Loved me anymore.
I still love her, and i'm afraid that fact alone could seriously jepordize her ever getting back with me.


_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown

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RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 3:11:46 AM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		::Sighs::
First I am so sorry what happend... though I dont see in how then less then a week a person can go from wanting to be yours forever to giveing a collar back and not loveing you anymore... that just doesnt happen... she was lieing to you and maybe herself at some point because those feelings dont change over night..
you have to think about the kind of person she is if she can make such a desition all by herself without consulting you.. without any sighn befor hand showing she wasnt happy. I cant grasp the fact the only a few days befor she was proclaiming she wanted to alwayes be yours... it makes me feel like there was some manipulation going on there...

You need to step back and take a few breaths.. you are hurt and thats understandable but you cant let this make you deside you no longer want to be a Dom.. You say that things may effect her ever getting back with you.. but for your own hearts sake i wouldnt put your heart into thinking that she will... if she was inconsiderate enought to make the desition to give back the collar on her own then she doesnt desearve to wear it....

Everything happens for a reason there is someone out there for you and as far as you should see it maybe it isnt you that has lost something here maybe it is her that has had the big loss in giveing you up... maybe she doesnt even desearve you if she could be so hurtfull about how she broke things off... One day she may look back and realise she made the bigsest mistake of her life.. maybe she wont care eather way you need to take a deep breath take some time to cry and then find something to take your mind off of her do something you really love doing something that will let you thinnk good thoughts something that will make you happy

crying and sadness has its place and like all things a lost love is something you need to let yourself morn for but you cant let the sadness swollow you up remeber there is a light at the end of the tunnle (and no it isnt an oncomeing train)
If you need to talk Im a good listener and Ill be glad to talk one on one with you just leave me a message in my mail box here and if you need Ill even give you one of my SN's

Hugs and kisses

Enigma

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to CmotDribbler)
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RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 3:38:31 AM   
CmotDribbler


Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline 		Enigma:

After thinking about it, I don't think she was lying to me, I think she was lying to herself.
I think at some point, she decided that there was something more that she wanted that i couldn't give her.
And i don't know what it was, and i doubt she does either.

You really made me think about the fact that she took her collar off on her own though. And you are right, that really hurt. She also had a Necklace i had given her for her birthday, she tried to give that back to.
In some way i think her decision hurt her somewhere too. Though i wonder if her taking it off was to try and make herself feel better, or try to make it easier on me, i think the former. *sigh*

I trusted her, and that is part of what hurts the most. I don't like trusting people cause it always ends up with me being hurt.

_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 3:55:01 AM   
Brosco


Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		It seems to me that you are more worried about a shattered ego because of a material/symbolic  item (the collar) than you are about her.  I don't know you, but she did for a reason and it takes 2 to tango.

Brosco

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to CmotDribbler)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 3:57:56 AM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		her takeing the collar off was a symbol of her takeing herself away from you takeing your power back by takeing off the symbol of your owning her she just showed that you never owned her to begin with because if you ever did own her she would not have done that if you owned her she should have shown the respect of letting you take it off of her it was yours to give and yours to take back.

what she did was not very submissive or respectfull to you

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to CmotDribbler)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:00:03 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CmotDribbler

Well,

My Kitten left me.
She decided it on Wed. night, and told me Thursday afternoon.
And I am literally feel like I have been ripped into tiny little peices.
Just this weekend she was on her knees before me, reaffirming that she wanted to be my Possesion for the rest of our natural lives.
And today, I may never see her again.
She tried to give the collar back.
I couldn't take it.
What am I going to do with it?
She tried putting it on the table in front of me, and that's when I had to walk away, It just hurt too much.
I already know i'm going to give her all the ropes, and toys,
But what about the collar,
I want her to keep it.
I can't, it doesn't belong with me,
But i'm afraid that she might just throw it out.
I believe in her enough to know she wouldn't do that.
but up until two days ago I thought we would never have to even think about it.
Will she just put it in a box to forget about?
I wish I knew how to ask her, without it hurting me more.

I feel so alone.



Hello CmotDribbler,

Never a nice place to be......While your feelings are so strong and painful, it may not be the best time to ask pertinant questions, such as ...*why?....and when? and how?*.......but at some point you might like to know the answers, to makes sense of this and future situations........though there's never any guarantee that you'll get any helpful answers.

As for the collar.... it seems significant right this moment but in it's physical form, it really isn't.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to CmotDribbler)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:01:11 AM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

It seems to me that you are more worried about a shattered ego because of a material/symbolic  item (the collar) than you are about her.  I don't know you, but she did for a reason and it takes 2 to tango.

Brosco


Honestly did  she show she cared much for him... she left him hurt so at this point why should he think of anything but how much she hurt him

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to Brosco)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:05:31 AM   
CmotDribbler


Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

It seems to me that you are more worried about a shattered ego because of a material/symbolic  item (the collar) than you are about her.  I don't know you, but she did for a reason and it takes 2 to tango.

Brosco


I"m sorry that I have come off that way here.
I am very torn up about this, and I really needed to try and talk parts of this through.
It's 5 in the morning here, I haven't slept since Wed evening. I needed to talk and I thought I would try expressing myself here.
But due to the fact that this is a BDSM forum, I tried to pick an aspect of this breakup that I could use as an anchor point, something other people may be able to relate to, or have experiance with.

I realize she did for a reason, and I realize part of the problem is apparently I didn't notice this reason.
All I wanted was for her happiness. Thankfully her choosing to be submissive to me made her happy. I know that the break up did not stem from any BDSM reason, but more relational ship issues that are grounded simply between two peoples chemistries.
The collar is, and was only a symbol, but it was a powerful one, and one I can try to use to understand my own thoughts on the whole issue.



_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown

(in reply to Brosco)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:06:14 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		Observation 1: You always risk being hurt - you do it on purpose. If you hold back you aren't putting enough of yourself into the situation for it to work out anyway (the self-fulfilling prophecy of failure always comes true). You trust people because it serves you to do it. It isn't about them at all.

Consider: http://www.collarchat.com/m_254441/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#254441

Observation 2: Poseurs abound. Women are taught to be pleasers and will try to conform to anything you may try to make them into. Eventually, they revert back to themselves again. Some people enter into this life thinking it's really want they want and then merely rediscover all of the same problems in themselves that they have had in every other walk in life except without the stripes on their ass.

So fuck that girl! There are billions more like her or even better, perhaps with greater fidelity and less emotional roller-coaster bullshit. There are plenty of fish in the sea...

Observation 3: Self-knowledge is the reason for living. Learn yourself, the rest follows. Keep training yourself into the man you want to be (this process never ends). In time, it shall all come to you like a horn of plenty bursting open and never ending.

This next comment usually starts a shit-storm of flaming but...You're young. Don't expect success for a while. Maybe you're still a big dope who has a thing or two to learn.

Bottom line: Keep your head high. Keep at it. You're going to be perfectly alright. Truly!

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to CmotDribbler)
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RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:07:06 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

her takeing the collar off was a symbol of her takeing herself away from you takeing your power back by takeing off the symbol of your owning her she just showed that you never owned her to begin with because if you ever did own her she would not have done that if you owned her she should have shown the respect of letting you take it off of her it was yours to give and yours to take back.

what she did was not very submissive or respectfull to you


That's incredibly subjective.......What an awsome insight into someone elses motives from so little information.

agirl

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:10:02 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

It seems to me that you are more worried about a shattered ego because of a material/symbolic  item (the collar) than you are about her.  I don't know you, but she did for a reason and it takes 2 to tango.

Brosco


Honestly did  she show she cared much for him... she left him hurt so at this point why should he think of anything but how much she hurt him


Parting for whatever reason hurts.....quite often BOTH parties......The reason for thinking of other things besides why HE'S hurting is that little happens in isolation.

agirl

(in reply to enigmabrat)
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RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:10:14 AM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

her takeing the collar off was a symbol of her takeing herself away from you takeing your power back by takeing off the symbol of your owning her she just showed that you never owned her to begin with because if you ever did own her she would not have done that if you owned her she should have shown the respect of letting you take it off of her it was yours to give and yours to take back.

what she did was not very submissive or respectfull to you


That's incredibly subjective.......What an awsome insight into someone elses motives from so little information.

agirl



all I was saying was the gesture had estremly powerfull symbolic value
I dont know why she did it all i know is that that is what her actions say to me

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:12:13 AM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		I should really read these things more clearly

< Message edited by enigmabrat -- 6/16/2006 4:33:54 AM >

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:14:13 AM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

It seems to me that you are more worried about a shattered ego because of a material/symbolic  item (the collar) than you are about her.  I don't know you, but she did for a reason and it takes 2 to tango.

Brosco


Many years ago my Master died unexpectedly in a car accident. I was at the hospital with him when his family arrived from where they lived two hours away. Apparently they had stopped by his house before coming to the hospital and discovered his dungeon in the second bedroom. When they got to the hospital and found me there, they threatened to have security take me out...
 
Here I was, hurting desperately, and when he passed, they refused to allow me into his house to get any of my stuff that I'd left there. They refused to allow me to get his toys, or my collar (it had broken the week before and he was going to get it repaired). To this day, the thought of my beloved collar rotting somewhere in a landfill almost crushes my heart.
 
Please, Don't judge people by their feelings about a collar. To some, they are simple props or fashin statements... to others, they are sacred treasures that, once given, take on a meaning that is hard to ignore if something goes wrong.... 

(in reply to Brosco)
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RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:18:49 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

(wonders why a girl came to this thread if all she wants to do is pick apart my replies and cant help but notice she never adressed the OP)


 I did address the OP......I also remarked on your post.....And wonder no longer..I browsed the thread out of interest, certainly not for your postings.

agirl

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:28:34 AM   
aellea


Posts: 91
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		it's human to commiserate with those that offer a problem publically and to dis the one that is not around.  lets think on the other side, maybe when the girl commited to him the previous week she was full of emotion, on a high of hope and endorphins, we don't know the circumstances.  maybe she had been having thoughts of leaving or quitting previously and got carried away with the moment.  after thinking things through, she decided she couldn't stay and did what a lot would do, make a clean break of it instead of dragging it our or the worst possible scenario, just leaving and not telling him personally (like so many do on here!).
i think the girl, for whatever reasons, made a decision and did the honorable thing of telling him, returning the collar as she thought she should and the necklace gift also and leaving.  isn't that what we are all taught to do in that situation?  i could be wrong but seems she only did what was correct in a situation that was no longer sustainable.  only they will know the details and that's how it should remain.

< Message edited by aellea -- 6/16/2006 5:09:00 AM >

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RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:32:05 AM   
Brosco


Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:


Please, Don't judge people by their feelings about a collar. To some, they are simple props or fashin statements... to others, they are sacred treasures that, once given, take on a meaning that is hard to ignore if something goes wrong.... 


Yes - I can understand that - but here we have a 'brokenhearted dom' pining about a symbol rather than the person - I guess, to me at least, it shows the priorities.


_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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