Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to... - 1/11/2013 12:27:57 PM   
subinsilicon


Posts: 108
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline 		All I know is the protocol in the real world - which is basically, for the first date, the guy asks, the guy chooses, the guy pays.
I realize today there are no hard-and-fast rules, but I ask in the fet world if the protocol is different for a new sub who never did this before.

Case in point is that I cyber met a Domme here on CM who approached me and who taught me how to address her and how to respond to her and she disagreed with my suggestion of coffee saying lunch was more appropriate and then she asked what I like to eat in order for her to pick the time and place.

All fine with me - as I like her being in control of the decisions - but - let me know, in the fet world, who's supposed to pay.

Bear in mind I have never subbed in my life in real time, so, I am unsure of protocols.
I'm sure they vary - but is there a norm?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 12:34:32 PM   
VioletViolence


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline 		I'd go expecting to pay for both of you, but really ask HER. When I go on a first meet I personally prefer to go dutch. The lady you're speaking to might want something different. Just ask.

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 12:36:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I go dutch. There are a lot of people out there who accept or make dates just for the purposes of somebody else paying for the meal.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VioletViolence)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 12:40:08 PM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		There isn't any set protocol.
It's what works for YOU and the person you are meeting.
I would discuss this prior to showing up if you have questions.

For ME, if I ask someone to meet me for lunch I am planning on paying
If someone asks me to lunch I assume they are paying.
I have asked one of my subs to meet me for lunch and I planned on paying, when the waitress set the bill down he simply took it.
I thanked him.

I have also gone dutch in the past, typically do if it is our 1st meeting.
Unless it's a meet and greet requested by someone who wants a pro session with me then I require that they pay for lunch. This is known before hand though.


Like any other time, UNLESS we (me and the person I am meeting ) have agreed that there is a power exchange already between us I don't assume there is one at lunch.





< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/11/2013 12:43:20 PM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 12:46:10 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

No set protocol (such as if she does X, then you do Y, etc). What Id do if I were you is go to lunch with the plan in mind of at least offering to pay for lunch. That way you give her the option of declining to have you pay anything or offering to go dutch with you. I personally meet someone from the internet with the plan in mind of at the very least going dutch with someone. If they decline my offer and elect to pay it all themselves, then Ill be polite and thank them. Worst case scenario and they bail on me...I have the plan in place to pay for it myself

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 1/11/2013 12:47:34 PM >

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 12:51:43 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		I ask him out, I pay.

I'm far more comfortable telling a man precisely how I like my morning orgasms different from my evening ones than discussing finances, but once we have that discussion, we generally go dutch.
Alas, the Catch-22: the biggest cheapskate I ever dated was an international lawyer who always expected me to pay, and the man who would never permit me to pay for him [and consequently we rarely travelled] was a beat cop with alimony, a lazy ex-, two mortgages and four great kids [welllll, three plus another, who I also suspect wasn't genetically his] to support.

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 12:56:02 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		There is no standardized set of protocols across the board in "the fet world" as we all subscribe to different "schools" for lack of a better word, and have different ideas and expectations.

I personally feel the best way for a sub male to behave is to be prepared to pay when the check comes, like a gentleman. If the Mistress wishes to pay, she will, and if she does, to accept and thank her graciously. The key point here, for me, is that he is prepared and expecting to pay, not whether or not he does.

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 1:05:57 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Usually, I'll say let's meet for coffee and I'll pay, unless he offers and then I accept graciously. If I specifically ask him out to dinner then I pay. If he asks me out, he pays. I'd say ask her, because you need to know what she expects, not what we expect.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 2:09:36 PM   
Blankpain


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/20/2010
Status: offline 		You suggested coffee. She suggested lunch. She pays.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 2:46:14 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon

All I know is the protocol in the real world - which is basically, for the first date, the guy asks, the guy chooses, the guy pays.
I realize today there are no hard-and-fast rules, but I ask in the fet world if the protocol is different for a new sub who never did this before.

Case in point is that I cyber met a Domme here on CM who approached me and who taught me how to address her and how to respond to her and she disagreed with my suggestion of coffee saying lunch was more appropriate and then she asked what I like to eat in order for her to pick the time and place.

All fine with me - as I like her being in control of the decisions - but - let me know, in the fet world, who's supposed to pay.

Bear in mind I have never subbed in my life in real time, so, I am unsure of protocols.
I'm sure they vary - but is there a norm?



First of all, 1912 called and they want their dating manual back. How dare you state it as "fact" that men are supposed to ask for dates, choose the place, and then pay for everything? Are you saying you think the man is also supposed to choose what his date orders from the menu? It's these old fashioned ideas of yours that are preventing you from knowing what to do in this situation.

< Message edited by Baroana -- 1/11/2013 2:47:17 PM >

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 2:51:20 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

There is no standardized set of protocols across the board in "the fet world" as we all subscribe to different "schools" for lack of a better word, and have different ideas and expectations.

I personally feel the best way for a sub male to behave is to be prepared to pay when the check comes, like a gentleman. If the Mistress wishes to pay, she will, and if she does, to accept and thank her graciously. The key point here, for me, is that he is prepared and expecting to pay, not whether or not he does.



Like a gentleman, AND like someone who is a grownup and had his shit together. I always offer to pick up the whole check, and I'll tell you. If he doesn't do the same, I count it against him. There's just something wrong with that when you're a thirty something.

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 3:35:35 PM   
TAFKAA


Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline 		The question is not protocol but common sense.

You suggested coffee, she escalated to lunch. Dude, she wants to dine on your dime. This does not bode well.

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 3:52:29 PM   
anaturalsubmiss


Posts: 49
Joined: 12/26/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA
You suggested coffee, she escalated to lunch. Dude, she wants to dine on your dime. This does not bode well.


And she wants to pick the place to do so!

(in reply to TAFKAA)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 3:56:22 PM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: anaturalsubmiss


quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA
You suggested coffee, she escalated to lunch. Dude, she wants to dine on your dime. This does not bode well.


And she wants to pick the place to do so!


Are we READING the same OP?
I didn't read him state she demanded that he pay for her.

Perhaps she simply doesn't drink coffee or hot tea.
Perhaps she wants to pick the place to go for safety reasons.
Only meeting in a place she is familiar with.
Perhaps she wants to pick the place they eat because she wants a certain type of food option (healthy vs fast food).



< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/11/2013 3:58:01 PM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to anaturalsubmiss)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 4:09:22 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA

The question is not protocol but common sense.

You suggested coffee, she escalated to lunch. Dude, she wants to dine on your dime. This does not bode well.


I suspect this is the case.

Go and be prepared to pay for it. Offer, and see if she counteroffers to go dutch.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to TAFKAA)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 5:22:12 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If she invites you, she pays or you both go dutch

If you invite her, you pay or you both go dutch.

Or you both do whatever you two agree to.

This isn't rocket science.

There are no protocols or rules except for in your very own relationship that you both agree upon. Otherwise it's whatever you want it to be.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 5:24:08 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I go dutch. There are a lot of people out there who accept or make dates just for the purposes of somebody else paying for the meal.




heh...I admit I've done that when I was single. If a dom invited me to meet him, I just always figured it was a free coffee or meal so hell...why not? I figured I've got some free time to kill lol.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 5:37:32 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		If I had suggested meeting for coffee and the women said no lunch is better. I would assume she was paying for herself. I would still make sure I had enough cash in case I was wrong. But if I was it would probibly be the last time I met with her.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to subinsilicon)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 5:40:51 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA

The question is not protocol but common sense.

You suggested coffee, she escalated to lunch. Dude, she wants to dine on your dime. This does not bode well.


I suspect this is the case.

Go and be prepared to pay for it. Offer, and see if she counteroffers to go dutch.



That's my suspicion in this, too.

TheLilSquaw: No one said she "demanded." She said lunch is more appropriate. I'd bet money that she's expecting him to pay.



_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/11/2013 6:36:03 PM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline
What an excellant idea! I couldn't agree more! :)

(Thank you!)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

I personally feel the best way for a sub male to behave is to be prepared to pay when the check comes, like a gentleman. If the Mistress wishes to pay, she will, and if she does, to accept and thank her graciously. The key point here, for me, is that he is prepared and expecting to pay, not whether or not he does.


(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094