RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go out to lunch

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/13/2013 7:32:49 PM

VerySincere

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

ok, lunch, dinner...whatever..makes no difference. All she changed was the venue.

Yep ...

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/13/2013 7:34:40 PM

VerySincere

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Deleted

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/13/2013 8:06:22 PM

EsotericLady

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
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With all respect to your age Barona...

The OP is close to 10 years older than you are. And I know for sure I'm at the very least 20.
I grew up in a generation that had a TOTALLY different set of principles and values. That's the way things were done back then in the old-fashioned days. (when wheels were just a vision and people were tapping out messages on rock slabs.)
And believe it or not, and you might want to sit down for this one (heh), it was the MALES who asked the women out on dates and paid for everything. Astounding idea, I know.

In the vanilla world, there are some folks who still hold to that practice...and I believe that is what the original OP was referring to. But even as a woman who has not been shy about asking a man in the vanilla world or otherwise for a date for a number of years now, I don't get into trashing people who still follow those practices, nor am I appalled.

I think there's much, MUCH more and better things to be appalled at in this world.
(Thank you)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

How in the world can ANY submissive, (new or otherwise), who is respectful, obedient, and conscientious enough to wish to act in the most appropriate way when in the presence of a Dominant, deserve the comments I just read?

Good manners coming from the "1912 old-fashioned" variety could certainly teach a thing or two to those manners originating from the "2012 it's all about MEEEEEEE" variety!!!

I certainly consider that his concerns reflect "brains and politeness as essentials in a submissive."

(Thank you)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon

.....Bear in mind I have never subbed in my life in real time, so, I am unsure of protocols.
I'm sure they vary - but is there a norm?

First of all, 1912 called and they want their dating manual back. How dare you state it as "fact" that men are supposed to ask for dates, choose the place, and then pay for everything? Are you saying you think the man is also supposed to choose what his date orders from the menu? It's these old fashioned ideas of yours that are preventing you from knowing what to do in this situation.

This is how:

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon

All I know is the protocol in the real world - which is basically, for the first date, the guy asks, the guy chooses, the guy pays.

That didn't bother you? It bothered me.

(in reply to Baroana)

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/13/2013 8:10:03 PM

MissAsylum

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I've felt this way before, but if I felt as if they were wasting my time, I paid for whatever I got. Don't need somebody who I am not feeling anything special for believing that I "owe" them something.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

Sometimes I make them pay because that's the least they can do after wasting my time.

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/13/2013 8:22:57 PM

EsotericLady

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(Elbows her way into this quote)

Umm..PARDON ME?????????

I am not sure if you are referring to female Dominants, or Female Superiority? But you're doing a bit of very unfair generalizing here! Not ALL female Dominants believe in the concept of "Female Superiority entitlement."

I believe we are all first and foremost HUMAN BEINGS. I don't reek of entitlement beyond being treated as a human in the vanilla world, and expecting respect from MY submissive in this world.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA

FemDom reeks of this entitlement mentality - it's so utterly different from the aspirational model for male dominance that I find it impossible to believe the two are even distantly related - let alone different gender expressions of the same thing.
Yet Dommes seem to think they're entitled to this behaviour. Amazing.

(in reply to TAFKAA)

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/13/2013 8:33:07 PM

EsotericLady

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I was just thinking as I read the posts through this thread?

No matter who is going to pick up the tab for any food and beverages....

The coffee is getting cold, the ice in the drink is melting, and the cheese is congealing on the nachos while everyone is arguing. :(

(in reply to EsotericLady)

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Post #: 86

RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/13/2013 8:35:00 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Heh...you could always do like Master and I do sometimes when we go out to eat...whoever grabs the bill first, pays. lol

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/13/2013 9:58:37 PM

Alecta

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Well, the thing is, people can believe what they want, it really doesn't fuss me... Especially when it's someone I don't have any regard for.

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/13/2013 10:17:22 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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OP,
As you can see from the replies in this thread, there is no consensus. As I mentioned earlier in the thread, that's what happens every time we have a discussion about "courting a Domme".

Unlike some, I am very traditional about certain things. I usually pay unless a woman specifically says that she'd like to take me out. It's not because I see a need to "pay tribute", but merely because that's how I was raised. I'm old fashioned, and I freely admit that. Also, I often like to go to nice places, and I never want budget to be an issue, so I remove that from being a stumbling block by paying. I'm fortunate enough that price of a meal will never be a concern for me, but I recognize that it may be a concern for some. So I take care of it.

But clearly, many of the men and women in this thread disagree with my stance.

As was said very early on in the thread, your safest bet is simply to ask her preference.

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/14/2013 8:30:17 AM

littlewonder

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traditional, old-fashioned, chivalrous, gentlemanly men are so hot.

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/14/2013 8:37:24 AM

anaturalsubmiss

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I think men should always pay but that's just me.

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/14/2013 11:56:46 PM

FindommeJinx

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The sub should pay of course... unless the Dom does not use financial abuse and is more of the providing type

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/15/2013 2:31:41 AM

Desdemmonna

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I always go Dutch unless specifically stated beforehand.

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/15/2013 2:31:52 AM

Doomkittie

Posts: 26
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Well if I go to lunch I will pay my own way unless someone else offers to pay. Being a female sub and a total coward I don't ask anyone anything unless asked first.

DK

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/15/2013 8:02:42 AM

LizDeluxe

Posts: 687
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Rule of thumb: offer to be a gentleman, without insisting you be one.

Good call. I like this.

quote:

Think of the difference between a man who holds a door open for a woman to help her and show respect, as opposed to a man who holds open a door for a woman to impose a strong man/weak woman gender role on the situation. Exact same act, but producing very different psychological atmosphere.

Maybe for the door opener. Unfortunately, you have little control over how the recipient perceives your gesture.

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/15/2013 10:14:14 AM

Titaniya

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If I ask someone out, I try to assume I'm paying for both of us. If they ask me out, I try to assume I'm paying for myself. This is obviously money allowing (I'm often somewhat short on cash), but I try to establish it before the date happens if something else should be/needs to be done.

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Post #: 96

RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/15/2013 12:38:18 PM

searching4mysir

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

ok, lunch, dinner...whatever..makes no difference. All she changed was the venue.

She didn't just change the venue. She changed the "meal" as well.

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/15/2013 2:18:01 PM

TenderTorment

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Coming at this from my perspective and hopefully this may be of benefit to the OP in some way.

I met someone here a few weeks ago, we chatted a lot and agreed the next logical step was to meet for drinks. We met in town and spent a great few hours chatting and laughing and parted in the knowledge we would certainly be seeing each other again.

Later that evening she brought up how the fact I had paid for everything (it was only 2 drinks) had made her slightly uncomfortable as it went against her personality, we talked about it and agreed what suits both for future meets.

With hindsight we could have discussed this prior to our first meeting and avoided the situation totally but it's not a major issue for us as we just discussed it afterwards to find a mutually agreeable solution, my point is, communication is king, there may be some faux pa's or small matters of etiquette to tackle along the way from both sides but that's just part of getting to know any partner in any dynamic and if you can discuss these things rationally and honestly then you're half way there.
Good luck

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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/15/2013 2:28:10 PM

ThanisKitty

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And my train ticket home! And the coffee... So three drinks! Lol

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Post #: 99

RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/15/2013 2:49:18 PM

TenderTorment