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RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 5:31:24 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		I have a few single friends who love it when a guy asks them out to dinner since it means a free dinner. After they eat and spend a few hours talking they decide if there will be a second date.



Last spring one of my best friends called and said she had to run to this tattoo parlor then to this fettish shop and did not really want to go alone and asked if I was free. Well my husband was working late and my mom was here to watch my daughter so what the hell. We went by so she could look at different piercings she was thinking of then the fettish shop. After that we decided to go eat. Another friend texted and asked what I was up to. I told her I went to a sex shop with this friend and now we are eating dinner together at KFC, I wonder if that means we are on a date. She told me she about died laughing and yes that has to be a date. I showed the friend I was with and we were still laughing when my husband called on his dinner break. I told him where we had gone and how I was told that is considered a date. He was quiet a second and finally said, You are going to take pictures right. LOL So according to a friend I have that even paying your own dinner is still a date.

< Message edited by Moonlightmaddnes -- 1/20/2013 5:39:55 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 141
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 6:02:29 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I don't see how you got from the OP:

quote:

I cyber met a Domme here on CM who approached me and who taught me how to address her and how to respond to her and she disagreed with my suggestion of coffee saying lunch was more appropriate and then she asked what I like to eat in order for her to pick the time and place.


to this:

quote:

Her moves in this little vignette already have the taint of a greedy, grasping personality looking to take advantage. I would contend that a male sub prepared to enter into such an arrangement is just as broken as a female sub prepared to be pimped out for money and used as a cum-dumpster. Simply saying "But that's what they want" is the argument of an immature personality devoid of ethics.


I'm with Alecta:

quote:

There really isn't a significant enough price point difference between going to Starbucks and going to lunch to warrant that kind of hostility, IMO.


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Profile   Post #: 142
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 6:17:00 PM   
lmpishlilhellcat


Posts: 500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Heh...you could always do like Master and I do sometimes when we go out to eat...whoever grabs the bill first, pays. lol





I've tried that one or two times... okay maybe every time. Mine tends to get sneaky about or just rips the bill out of my hands. I have to start getting creative.

But for us we have a "household" account and personal accounts. So in the end it doesn't really much matter.



On our first date he turned to me and said you can leave your purse in the car, unless you feel like you need to have it on you. I'm telling you right now that I've got this and you aren't paying. It was very matter of fact.

< Message edited by lmpishlilhellcat -- 1/20/2013 6:30:01 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 143
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 7:03:37 PM   
TAFKAA


Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I don't see how you got from the OP:

quote:

I cyber met a Domme here on CM who approached me and who taught me how to address her and how to respond to her and she disagreed with my suggestion of coffee saying lunch was more appropriate and then she asked what I like to eat in order for her to pick the time and place.


to this:

quote:

Her moves in this little vignette already have the taint of a greedy, grasping personality looking to take advantage. I would contend that a male sub prepared to enter into such an arrangement is just as broken as a female sub prepared to be pimped out for money and used as a cum-dumpster. Simply saying "But that's what they want" is the argument of an immature personality devoid of ethics.


I'm with Alecta:

quote:

There really isn't a significant enough price point difference between going to Starbucks and going to lunch to warrant that kind of hostility, IMO.



A) He's not HER sub yet and she's already demanding protocol and forms of address. Isn't this something you're PERPETUALLY advising female subs to never tolerate?

B) She's escalated from coffee to lunch. You can sure as shit bet it's not because she wants to splash out her dime on a sub she doesn't know.

C) She wants to pick the time AND the place. Thus he has absolutely no idea what he's up for financially. What's the bet she orders lobster.

D) She approached him.

So basically we have a Domme who approaches a male sub, tells him "Call me Goddess and by the way you're buying me lunch at a place of my own choosing."

And you seriously think there's insufficient evidence for my comment? I'd suggest you're merely demonstrating the anti-male hypocrisy of which most women here are guilty. If a male Dom approached a female sub in this fashion, you guys would be up in arms telling her what a bad guy he was.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 144
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/20/2013 7:14:12 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lmpishlilhellcat

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Heh...you could always do like Master and I do sometimes when we go out to eat...whoever grabs the bill first, pays. lol





I've tried that one or two times... okay maybe every time. Mine tends to get sneaky about or just rips the bill out of my hands. I have to start getting creative.

But for us we have a "household" account and personal accounts. So in the end it doesn't really much matter.



On our first date he turned to me and said you can leave your purse in the car, unless you feel like you need to have it on you. I'm telling you right now that I've got this and you aren't paying. It was very matter of fact.



I learned the hard way to never grab the bill and shove it down my shirt thinking we are in public he wouldn't... Oh he would and did.

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Profile   Post #: 145
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/21/2013 9:56:17 AM   
Madamecarameluk


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/22/2010
From: LONDON
Status: offline 		You both pay.....share bill x

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Profile   Post #: 146
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/21/2013 4:45:08 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		So dude, I would assume you two have met now. How about coming back and letting us know who paid and how that came about. Thanks. Inquiring minds wanna know.


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Profile   Post #: 147
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/21/2013 5:21:25 PM   
StefanandLucinda


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/27/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blankpain

You suggested coffee. She suggested lunch. She pays.


This^^^^^^^


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Profile   Post #: 148
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/21/2013 6:58:50 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

A) He's not HER sub yet and she's already demanding protocol and forms of address. Isn't this something you're PERPETUALLY advising female subs to never tolerate?

I agree that this is a red flag which I believe others have addressed but it does not support your case that she is greedy or grasping.

quote:

B) She's escalated from coffee to lunch. You can sure as shit bet it's not because she wants to splash out her dime on a sub she doesn't know.

Perhaps she's like me and has limited time and needs to eat a meal at meal time.

quote:

C) She wants to pick the time AND the place. Thus he has absolutely no idea what he's up for financially. What's the bet she orders lobster.

Speculation.

quote:

So basically we have a Domme who approaches a male sub, tells him "Call me Goddess and by the way you're buying me lunch at a place of my own choosing."

And you seriously think there's insufficient evidence for my comment? I'd suggest you're merely demonstrating the anti-male hypocrisy of which most women here are guilty. If a male Dom approached a female sub in this fashion, you guys would be up in arms telling her what a bad guy he was.

If the search feature didn't suck I'd be able to find several of my posts saying I thought a male sub was being treated differently than a fem sub would be in the same situation. I wouldn't universally call different standards anti-male, though. I have different expectations for women with whom I am in relationships because a Ff relationship has different dynamics than and is not identical to a Mf relationship.

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Profile   Post #: 149
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/22/2013 1:49:28 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Then again, if he can't afford a few dollars he may not be ready to get involved with someone until his finances are better.


Indeed.
Yes, and the same goes for her.


I totally agree.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon
It's not about nickles and dimes - it's about protocol.

I don't see this as a protocol situation. I see it as an attitude and personal preference situation. Even if it were a protocol situation, different people follow different protocols.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subano
To me, if a Domme is a 'real' Dominant, they pay.

You know, I don't buy that anymore than the idea that the man automatically pays. Either one is making ASSumptions. That statement is just another instance of the "real and true" mindset. There is no one real and true way to do things. It depends on the people involved.

Me? When I meet someone for the first time, I will say either "Let's meet for coffee" and I'm prepared to pay or else "Since this is a first meet, let's meet for lunch and go Dutch." That way there's no way to misunderstand and no assumptions are made. Hell, before I stopped being a switch, my last Dom/sub relationship was always a matter of going Dutch the entire time.

NBMG

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Profile   Post #: 150
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/22/2013 3:51:33 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		fr

Rather than make anyone out to be the victim, as some are prone to do due to gender specifics, I like to think that all parties are reasonably intelligent (a stretch perhaps) adults and understand the phrase "Buyer beware".

If I asked someone out for coffee, they changed it to a full on meal and I didn't clarify that I wasn't going to buy them dinner on the first date and get stuck with the bill, that's on me. If I clarified and that person then declined to meet with me because I wasn't prepared to buy them a lobster dinner, their loss, not mine. In my mind. It's part of the weeding process.

If the dude's dick is so desperate to hook up with a woman, in hopes it will get some action......shit's on him.

Relationships are all about what we are willing to give for what we hope to get. As Red said (I believe) the one with the power is the one that is willing to walk away. If the guy is willing to pay whatever for his odd chance at dick success and she is willing to walk away if he doesn't meet her demands, the woman has the power. If he is willing to walk away from the situation because he doesn't like her demands, or his perception of her demands, he has the power.

This shit isn't rocket science.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/22/2013 3:52:45 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 151
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/22/2013 12:36:55 PM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		OP,
Did you meet for lunch?
Did you have a good time?
Who payed and did you discuss it before actually meeting?

quote:

ORIGINAL: TAFKAA

A) He's not HER sub yet and she's already demanding protocol and forms of address. Isn't this something you're PERPETUALLY advising female subs to never tolerate?

B) She's escalated from coffee to lunch. You can sure as shit bet it's not because she wants to splash out her dime on a sub she doesn't know.

C) She wants to pick the time AND the place. Thus he has absolutely no idea what he's up for financially. What's the bet she orders lobster.

D) She approached him.

So basically we have a Domme who approaches a male sub, tells him "Call me Goddess and by the way you're buying me lunch at a place of my own choosing."

And you seriously think there's insufficient evidence for my comment? I'd suggest you're merely demonstrating the anti-male hypocrisy of which most women here are guilty. If a male Dom approached a female sub in this fashion, you guys would be up in arms telling her what a bad guy he was.


A) In away I think we all demand how we are addressed by those we interact with. I demand people call me by my name, the only time that isn't the case if we discuss it and I give someone specific permission to call me something else (specifically). Even if my primary partner called me something like Pookie Bear, I'd take that as disrespectful and he and I would have issues.

You are right, demanding someone call you Goddess or GrandLordPuba even in their initial contact is a red flag. Hell laughable to ME. However, it seems as the OP and the domme negotiated and discussed this. He agreed.

B) Perhaps she doesn't drink coffee, tea or other things offered at the typical coffee shop.

C)What if she is like myself and many others. She eats at specific times and eats only a specific type of food?





< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/22/2013 12:38:26 PM >

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(in reply to TAFKAA)
Profile   Post #: 152
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/22/2013 5:44:59 PM   
lmpishlilhellcat


Posts: 500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes


quote:

ORIGINAL: lmpishlilhellcat

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Heh...you could always do like Master and I do sometimes when we go out to eat...whoever grabs the bill first, pays. lol





I've tried that one or two times... okay maybe every time. Mine tends to get sneaky about or just rips the bill out of my hands. I have to start getting creative.

But for us we have a "household" account and personal accounts. So in the end it doesn't really much matter.



On our first date he turned to me and said you can leave your purse in the car, unless you feel like you need to have it on you. I'm telling you right now that I've got this and you aren't paying. It was very matter of fact.



I learned the hard way to never grab the bill and shove it down my shirt thinking we are in public he wouldn't... Oh he would and did.


Mine gets this look and he says in a very low voice.. Give it here now!!!!

Who can argue with that?


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Profile   Post #: 153
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/22/2013 9:13:31 PM   
seekingOwnertoo


Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

But, there is a difference between paying for the first date and paying for dates throughout a relationship. By the time you are comfortable talking about each other's salary, you should be comfortable enough to say 'I don't have a lot of disposable income, so either we do things that are free or you're going to have to foot the bill for our dates'.



Indeed .. I do know one Lady who makes more than I do ... yet, She still expected the sub to pay on the first, get to know you dates. Five, She told me ...

But that is the key point ... the first get to know you dates.

The same Lady I am referring to above, also told me, if a relationship develops, the whole dynamic changes, because She is in charge.

Conversely, if You don't have a lot of money (and salary inequitity is a prominent issue for many) than clear discussion should lead a sub who is ... interested .. into you .. or whatever ... To Want To Pay in order to please You. No?

That is NOT Fin Domme .. that is reality .. and it mirrors the real world.

Just develop good communication ... that is all you need ...

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Profile   Post #: 154
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/22/2013 9:39:50 PM   
Bishop1984


Posts: 13
Joined: 4/30/2011
Status: offline 		Itt: people insisting that modern men without either the social privileges or financial advantages associated with the antiquated title "gentleman" behave as if they were still in full possession of both. :)

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Profile   Post #: 155
RE: Protocol question: When a Domme asks a sub to go ou... - 1/23/2013 3:44:40 AM   
lmpishlilhellcat


Posts: 500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Status: offline 		I make more than my husband does. I have a higher education and as a result a lot more debt than he does (he's 100% debt free). He still insists on paying for a good majority of the household expenses.

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Profile   Post #: 156
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