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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 1:24:39 AM

subinsilicon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

I think this should clear it up.

I'm curious how they know the graduate school demographic?
Nobody ever asked me.

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 1:28:03 AM

LadyPact

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I'd take that bet.

Edited...... Sorry. That was in reply to Ishtar.

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 1:48:15 AM

Velho73

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

Ok this is off topic but this is a blatant lie

quote:

That's why women don't spend much time "looking" for casual sex. It is readily available to them.

I spent MONTHS looking for casual sex with a man and I'm a pretty attractive female. The only ones to reply to my queries were so disgusting I'd rather shove salt rocks up my ass than ever give them the time of day. I probably would have had better luck at a bar, but social anxiety prevented me from going that route.

That's true. It's much harder for a woman to find casual sex than people would assume... providing she is actually open, honest and upfront about the fact that she's looking for casual sex... but if you were open and honest about it, going to a bar wouldn't have helped much.

If I go to a bar, and play at not wanting sex, I'll have some guy trying to seduce me within minutes, and I could go home with a different guy every night. However, a couple years ago a friend of mine dared me on an experiment to go pick up a guy in a singles bar, using none of the normal female "seduce me" tricks, and instead, just walk up straight to them and tell them: "I'm looking for a one nightstand, if that's something you're interested in, do you want to discuss it over a drink?"
I was expecting it to be the easiest thing in the world to find a guy interested in a one-night stand like that... turns out it wasn't... at all. I asked over 30 guys, all of them single, all of them turned me down.

The best way for a woman to get casual sex is to give the guy no indication whatsoever she's interested in it.
Guys tend to not be interested in women whom they don't win, and conquer, so they shy away at women who assertively look for casual sex. Whenever you hear guys bitching and moaning about women not being "easy" enough, and how they wish women would be as interested in casual sex as they are, it's all talk... if those same guys actually get faced with a woman like that, they all chicken out.

Now you are mixing you and your friend. Is your friend as beatiful, slim or as sexy as you are?
Then again of cause I agree. Many men likes challenge so likes many womans.
But I bet, if you go yourself to a bar asking straight from a unknown man, if he want's a sex with you. He probaply say yes especially, if he is ordinary man not a singing star or any other very famous.

Then again, of cause you don't do it.

< Message edited by Velho73 -- 3/30/2013 1:58:36 AM >

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 2:21:37 AM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Velho73

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

Ok this is off topic but this is a blatant lie

quote:

That's why women don't spend much time "looking" for casual sex. It is readily available to them.

I spent MONTHS looking for casual sex with a man and I'm a pretty attractive female. The only ones to reply to my queries were so disgusting I'd rather shove salt rocks up my ass than ever give them the time of day. I probably would have had better luck at a bar, but social anxiety prevented me from going that route.

That's true. It's much harder for a woman to find casual sex than people would assume... providing she is actually open, honest and upfront about the fact that she's looking for casual sex... but if you were open and honest about it, going to a bar wouldn't have helped much.

If I go to a bar, and play at not wanting sex, I'll have some guy trying to seduce me within minutes, and I could go home with a different guy every night. However, a couple years ago a friend of mine dared me on an experiment to go pick up a guy in a singles bar, using none of the normal female "seduce me" tricks, and instead, just walk up straight to them and tell them: "I'm looking for a one nightstand, if that's something you're interested in, do you want to discuss it over a drink?"
I was expecting it to be the easiest thing in the world to find a guy interested in a one-night stand like that... turns out it wasn't... at all. I asked over 30 guys, all of them single, all of them turned me down.

The best way for a woman to get casual sex is to give the guy no indication whatsoever she's interested in it.
Guys tend to not be interested in women whom they don't win, and conquer, so they shy away at women who assertively look for casual sex. Whenever you hear guys bitching and moaning about women not being "easy" enough, and how they wish women would be as interested in casual sex as they are, it's all talk... if those same guys actually get faced with a woman like that, they all chicken out.

Now you are mixing you and your friend. Is your friend as beatiful, slim or as sexy as you are?
Then again of cause I agree. Many men likes challenge so likes many womans.
But I bet, if you go yourself to a bar asking straight from a unknown man, if he want's a sex with you. He probaply say yes especially, if he is ordinary man not a singing star or any other very famous.

Then again, of cause you don't do it.

My friend (male) is the one who dared me to do it.

I was 23 at the time. 5'11" 140lbs and dressed sexy but not overly slutty.

I walked up to over 30 guys and straight up asked them if they wanted sex with me and they all said "no".

You may know that guys claim they dream of that sort of situation, and you may think that every guy would say "yes", and you may assume that what I'm telling you isn't true... but the fact of the matter is that when a random guy in a bar is confronted with a beautiful, young, slim, sexy and confident woman who straight up asks him for sex... he chickens out.

I bet I could have had any of the guys who turned me down that night had I just walked into that same place, sat by myself at the bar, and had let them approach me.

I also think that all 30 of those guys are probably still beating themselves up for turning me down that night, but fact of the matter is, that when confronted with the unexpectedness of a woman offering them the casual sex they always claim they want they have no clue what to do.

Edited to add: BTW, my friend had predicted that it'd be as difficult as it turned out to be to get a guy to say "yes". It was a very humbling experience, and a very interesting perspective into what it's like to be a guy, trying to get women to sleep with you (seeing that I was being about as subtle as most guys are when they're trying to get casual sex...) I'm still convinced that I can walk into just about any hetrosexual bar on this planet and get some guy to want to sleep with within an hour tops... but not if I walk straight up to him and ask him if that's what he wants.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 3/30/2013 2:29:57 AM >

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 8:41:20 AM

Inghammar

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I have a friend who is starting to play around on some of those 'sugar daddy' websites. I believe it's for her personal amusement because she's fiercely independent and has trouble accepting anything more than dinner because she doesn't like feeling beholden to anybody. She tells me that the dynamic is much different there and the women use a lot of the language she associated with men such as 'he's way out of my league' and such. It's quite a dating feeding frenzy in the direction opposite of what is usually seen elsewhere.

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 8:43:36 AM

Zonie63

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

I walked up to over 30 guys and straight up asked them if they wanted sex with me and they all said "no".

You may know that guys claim they dream of that sort of situation, and you may think that every guy would say "yes", and you may assume that what I'm telling you isn't true... but the fact of the matter is that when a random guy in a bar is confronted with a beautiful, young, slim, sexy and confident woman who straight up asks him for sex... he chickens out.

There might have been any number of reasons they turned you down. They might suspect something fishy is afoot. Perhaps they think it's a practical joke, or perhaps they think it's a set up to be rolled/mugged. They likely would have assumed some sort of ulterior motive.

quote:

Edited to add: BTW, my friend had predicted that it'd be as difficult as it turned out to be to get a guy to say "yes". It was a very humbling experience, and a very interesting perspective into what it's like to be a guy, trying to get women to sleep with you (seeing that I was being about as subtle as most guys are when they're trying to get casual sex...) I'm still convinced that I can walk into just about any hetrosexual bar on this planet and get some guy to want to sleep with within an hour tops... but not if I walk straight up to him and ask him if that's what he wants.

It might also depend on other factors. I think they might have been just so taken aback that they weren't prepared to respond. It was unexpected.

My general impression is that women tend to expect for men to hit on them, so they prepare themselves for it better. But men may not be expecting it or see it coming - or they might suspect some ulterior motive, since it would seem "too good to be true." Men have to be wary, too. They may have sensed something was amiss.

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 9:36:04 AM

Missokyst

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I can tell you from experience it is more likely that submissive females seeking ads are likely flagged and pulled. It is remarkably difficult to post an ad as a female with ANY clues of submissive enclosed. A group and I took turns putting in ads on craigs and each of us was pulled within 2-3 hrs. Dominant females didn't have that same rate of failure. And regular vanilla ads were also occasionally flagged but not in the same numbers.
So it's not that they are not out there, it is more likely that there is some prejudice against them posting ads.
Beats me why. I saw a huge number of male seeking ads that were quite graphic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyramus

quote:

ORIGINAL: intellisubbear
When I search for "submissive" in the sfbay Craigslist personals, I run into tremendously more male-seeking ads then women-seeking (where the difference is hugely revealingly apropos to your thread intent).

I just ran that search (see image below).
sfbay.craigslist.com, search all personals, for the keyword "submissive".
Results:
Two thousand three hundred percent MORE male-seeks-something than female-seeks-something ads popped up!
Specifically:
12 female-seeking-something ads with 'submissive' in the ad
281 male-seeking-something ads with the same keyword

Lesson learned?
[I]Time to start looking for a submissive MILF when I drop 'my' kids off at school![/I]

Large image: http://www3.picturepush.com/photo/a/12528946/img/12528946.png
Small image: http://www3.picturepush.com/photo/a/12528946/640/12528946.png

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 12:58:55 PM

ClassAct2006

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It's always supply and demand. Rich men and very pretty girls always have a lot of choice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Inghammar

I have a friend who is starting to play around on some of those 'sugar daddy' websites. I believe it's for her personal amusement because she's fiercely independent and has trouble accepting anything more than dinner because she doesn't like feeling beholden to anybody. She tells me that the dynamic is much different there and the women use a lot of the language she associated with men such as 'he's way out of my league' and such. It's quite a dating feeding frenzy in the direction opposite of what is usually seen elsewhere.

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 1:03:25 PM

ClassAct2006

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It may be what the researcher Hakim calls the sex deficit - that in most cultures more men want sex than women do. There are many more men in sexless marriages who are concerned about that than women. I don't like writing that. I'm a feminist and into equality but I suspect it is so. So fewer women than men will be on BDSM or any kind of sex website and huge numbers of women want all pornography banned and think writing about sex is absolutely disgusting. Now you don't see that on here as the women on here clearly are not likely to share that view but they are in the minority of women. Also most men double the number of partners they say they have had and women half it. Men sometimes boast about affairs to other men. Women rarely admit them. There is no equality much in these issues yet at all although perhaps eventually we will move to that.

I don't agree that it is hard for women to get sex. Just about most men who contact me on BDSM or vanilla sites are probably up for it, even with me at my age (not 20s). I only do relationships but I am pretty sure if they meet plenty are thinking what does she look like under her clothes when they see a woman and many women on that first date are sitting their fantasising about the wedding. Of course I generalise and there are exceptions nd plenty of men want a loving partner, not just quick sex but they may be happy to take the quick kinky sex whilst they are waiting.

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 2:06:09 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

I walked up to over 30 guys and straight up asked them if they wanted sex with me and they all said "no".

You may know that guys claim they dream of that sort of situation, and you may think that every guy would say "yes", and you may assume that what I'm telling you isn't true... but the fact of the matter is that when a random guy in a bar is confronted with a beautiful, young, slim, sexy and confident woman who straight up asks him for sex... he chickens out.

There might have been any number of reasons they turned you down. They might suspect something fishy is afoot. Perhaps they think it's a practical joke, or perhaps they think it's a set up to be rolled/mugged. They likely would have assumed some sort of ulterior motive.

quote:

Edited to add: BTW, my friend had predicted that it'd be as difficult as it turned out to be to get a guy to say "yes". It was a very humbling experience, and a very interesting perspective into what it's like to be a guy, trying to get women to sleep with you (seeing that I was being about as subtle as most guys are when they're trying to get casual sex...) I'm still convinced that I can walk into just about any hetrosexual bar on this planet and get some guy to want to sleep with within an hour tops... but not if I walk straight up to him and ask him if that's what he wants.

It might also depend on other factors. I think they might have been just so taken aback that they weren't prepared to respond. It was unexpected.

My general impression is that women tend to expect for men to hit on them, so they prepare themselves for it better. But men may not be expecting it or see it coming - or they might suspect some ulterior motive, since it would seem "too good to be true." Men have to be wary, too. They may have sensed something was amiss.

Rationalize it any way you want.
Sure it was unexpected for them, and unusual, and they may have suspected something was wrong, or it was a joke, or whatever... fact remains is that after all the pissing and moaning I've heard (from those same type of guys) about how they wished women would be looking for casual sex like them, and how they wish women would stop playing games, and how they wish women would have the balls to say what they meant... I have an incredibly hard time getting casual sex from those guys if I don't play games and say what I mean.

I doesn't really matter why they turned me down... the point is that if I, as a woman, want to have casual sex, the method I need to use to secure it is to be NOT open about it, NOT assertive about it, NOT be aggressive about it, I have to play games, play hard to get, and sit at the bar and allow myself to "be seduced".

Women have an incredibly easy time securing casual sex... unless they're honest and upfront about the fact that that's what they're looking for...

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 2:26:11 PM

MstrPBK

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

I walked up to over 30 guys and straight up asked them if they wanted sex with me and they all said "no".

You may know that guys claim they dream of that sort of situation, and you may think that every guy would say "yes", and you may assume that what I'm telling you isn't true... but the fact of the matter is that when a random guy in a bar is confronted with a beautiful, young, slim, sexy and confident woman who straight up asks him for sex... he chickens out.

IF someone were to proposition me point blank the first thing in my mind would be: "Are they vice-squad or not?"; the second thing would be "If they are (vice-squad) they can lie all they want and still get me arrested on THEIR 'legitimate grounds'- that's not worth it."

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 2:38:44 PM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrPBK

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

I walked up to over 30 guys and straight up asked them if they wanted sex with me and they all said "no".

You may know that guys claim they dream of that sort of situation, and you may think that every guy would say "yes", and you may assume that what I'm telling you isn't true... but the fact of the matter is that when a random guy in a bar is confronted with a beautiful, young, slim, sexy and confident woman who straight up asks him for sex... he chickens out.

IF someone were to proposition me point blank the first thing in my mind would be: "Are they vice-squad or not?"; the second thing would be "If they are (vice-squad) they can lie all they want and still get me arrested on THEIR 'legitimate grounds'- that's not worth it."

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

This was not in the USA, it happened it Belgium, a country where prostitution is legal, so none of the guys could have worried that I was a cop, or that it was a sting. Belgium doesn't have a vice-squad which runs stings. Their prostitution enforcement is sending IRS guys to make sure the girl is paying her taxes and getting herself checked for STDs on the mandated schedule, if she works in a location where there is such a mandate.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 3/30/2013 3:29:36 PM >

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I am the dirt you created
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And your whore
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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 4:04:15 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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I think we all know, that in everyday life, there aren't more men interested in relationships than women.
I think it is fair to say, that when it comes to sites that seemingly offer sex, with different flavors, there are a vast number of men, who think "easy lay, without that courtship crap, I'm in!" Needless to say, many are disapointed that there are still human beings, seeking relationships on the other side, than comes the frustrating part, with accusations of fakeness, etc.. M

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 8:25:56 PM

njlauren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Etruscano

quote:

ORIGINAL: thezeppo
so if someone could tell me the obvious answer

The obvious answer is that men are absolutely nothing like women, and, as someone just stated, it's all because of a single thing. Testosterone.

You never see marauding bands of young women terrorizing the town, do you?
Do armies of women pillage, rape, and plunder throughout history?
Do bar fights typically have women slashing each other with fists and weapons?

Men are hunters. They are ALWAYS on the hunt. Always seeking prey.
Nobody is looking (for the most part) for men. They're on their own.

As stated, if you simply take away the raging hormones, men become more docile, more likeable, more like women.

You have obviously never been at a major sale at a women's clothing store or shoe store, talk about rampaging, or a group of teenage girls in school, gang is the good word for it.

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/30/2013 8:33:08 PM

njlauren

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I think there are a lot of reasons. A lot of women still feel self conscious placing personal ads and such, and with BD/SM they also may be somewhat hesitant to admit they are into it, and a lot of that is cultural, girls don't do that and such. More importantly, at least IMO, women don't have to go out and search, they generally can find things without the personal ads and such (ymmv). Men are used to trolling through various things, men tend to use the quantity approach, fish through 300 fish in the tank until you find dinner (I apologize for using the term fish, I mean literal fish, not the negative term some gay men use for women)....

More importantly, women are a lot more conscious of safety, I realized that myself when I was in transition, it is very, very different being a woman then a man. Men don't think twice about ads online, ads on craigslist, because they don't think of the safety, women are a lot more conscious of it.

The other thing with BD/SM is women tend to be a lot more secretive about those kinds of things IME, they tend to feel a lot more uncomfortable 'being out' about their sexuality, or especially with something different. This is just based on my experience, but for every semi out BD/SM woman I have known, I have gotten to know a lot more who do it but are not open about it, lot more as a percentage than women IME.

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 2:47:03 AM

Zonie63

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

Rationalize it any way you want.
Sure it was unexpected for them, and unusual, and they may have suspected something was wrong, or it was a joke, or whatever... fact remains is that after all the pissing and moaning I've heard (from those same type of guys) about how they wished women would be looking for casual sex like them, and how they wish women would stop playing games, and how they wish women would have the balls to say what they meant... I have an incredibly hard time getting casual sex from those guys if I don't play games and say what I mean.

I doesn't really matter why they turned me down... the point is that if I, as a woman, want to have casual sex, the method I need to use to secure it is to be NOT open about it, NOT assertive about it, NOT be aggressive about it, I have to play games, play hard to get, and sit at the bar and allow myself to "be seduced".

Women have an incredibly easy time securing casual sex... unless they're honest and upfront about the fact that that's what they're looking for...

The point is, for whatever reason, they suspected that you were not being honest. They may not have known that it was an experiment on your part, but they figured something was up. So, they weren't taking it as an honest offer.

I'm not sure if the results would be any different in the United States, although it's possible. Someone else mentioned a "sex deficit" and "supply and demand," so it's possible that the situation is different in Belgium.

Maybe the men there have far more options available, and your offer was just one of many they received that night. I believe you when you say that men wished that women would be looking for casual sex just like them, but perhaps in Europe, those men have already gotten their wish. If that's already the case, then your offer may have been seen in a completely different light. Europeans seem to be more sophisticated, open, and upfront about sex in general, as opposed to Americans who are often seen as prudish and provincial. It may explain why some American men go to other countries to have their sexual needs met, since they can't find what they're looking for in the United States.

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 3:06:02 AM

UllrsIshtar

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

The point is, for whatever reason, they suspected that you were not being honest. They may not have known that it was an experiment on your part, but they figured something was up. So, they weren't taking it as an honest offer.

Oh it wasn't an experiment in the sense that I would have turned them down after they agreed. It was a genuine offer.
I talked to several of them for a while beyond the point where I first asked, and their refusal remained, despite the fact that I'm convinced that I very clearly convinced at least some of them of the fact that it was a very genuine offer.

I even told some of them of the fact that, at the time, I had frequent one night stands, and a male friend had challenged me that night to secure one without using female seduction technics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

Maybe the men there have far more options available, and your offer was just one of many they received that night.

They don't. As far as I can tell, it's as uncommon there for the average male to secure a one night stand as it is here.

I think you're absolutely wrong on your analysis on why I got turned down.

I think that for men, sex if very closely related in the brain to "hunting". A man wins over a female, seduces her, secures her, conquers her.

When I went into "predator" mode and approached them aggressively instead, they were confronted with a totally new, totally unexpected, startling, surprising situation. Their reaction to the surprise and "aggressive" way in which I approached them made their brain go from "conquerer mode" to "be prepared to flee cause something unexpected happened mode", taking them completely out of a sexualized headspace. I believe that, by using a male manner of approaching them, their brain reacted to me more like they would have reacted to a potentially dangerous rival male approaching than how it would have reacted to a the approach of a female, despite my visually very obviously being female.

I have no biological proof for this, other than observation, but I believe that I got turned down because their brain was literally unable to process the request in a sexualized manner, because it instead switched to "survival/apprehensive mode" due to my aggressive, unexpected, startling, male-like approach... even AFTER they realized that my request for sex was genuine.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 4:12:36 AM

Zonie63

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quote:

ORIGINAL: njlauren

quote:

ORIGINAL: Etruscano

quote:

ORIGINAL: thezeppo
so if someone could tell me the obvious answer

The obvious answer is that men are absolutely nothing like women, and, as someone just stated, it's all because of a single thing. Testosterone.

You never see marauding bands of young women terrorizing the town, do you?
Do armies of women pillage, rape, and plunder throughout history?
Do bar fights typically have women slashing each other with fists and weapons?

Men are hunters. They are ALWAYS on the hunt. Always seeking prey.
Nobody is looking (for the most part) for men. They're on their own.

As stated, if you simply take away the raging hormones, men become more docile, more likeable, more like women.

You have obviously never been at a major sale at a women's clothing store or shoe store, talk about rampaging, or a group of teenage girls in school, gang is the good word for it.

Another example might be with rock stars or concerts. Mobs of girls and young women worked up into a frenzy. I've seen how women can be quite aggressive if it's something they really want - or if they're protecting something they already have. It seems more of a female vs. female aggression which can also be seen in the animal kingdom.

Likewise, the male aggression described above is/was mainly directed at other males. As someone else mentioned about supply and demand, what better way for a man to increase his chances of getting laid than to eliminate some of the competition? That's where all the looting, pillaging, and plundering come into the picture.

(in reply to njlauren)

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Post #: 78

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 5:49:15 AM

Zonie63

Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

The point is, for whatever reason, they suspected that you were not being honest. They may not have known that it was an experiment on your part, but they figured something was up. So, they weren't taking it as an honest offer.

Oh it wasn't an experiment in the sense that I would have turned them down after they agreed. It was a genuine offer.
I talked to several of them for a while beyond the point where I first asked, and their refusal remained, despite the fact that I'm convinced that I very clearly convinced at least some of them of the fact that it was a very genuine offer.

I even told some of them of the fact that, at the time, I had frequent one night stands, and a male friend had challenged me that night to secure one without using female seduction technics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

Maybe the men there have far more options available, and your offer was just one of many they received that night.

They don't. As far as I can tell, it's as uncommon there for the average male to secure a one night stand as it is here.

I think you're absolutely wrong on your analysis on why I got turned down.

I accept that I could be wrong. I'm not entirely certain that I'm correct, I'm just thinking about a few possibilities. Obviously, I wasn't there and you were, so I'll defer to your explanation and interpretation of the events you're describing. However, I'm still not sure that one can make any generalized conclusions about men overall.

quote:

I think that for men, sex if very closely related in the brain to "hunting". A man wins over a female, seduces her, secures her, conquers her.

A valid point. I know this is true for a lot of men, in that they feel that it's not the kill, but the thrill of the chase.

quote:

When I went into "predator" mode and approached them aggressively instead, they were confronted with a totally new, totally unexpected, startling, surprising situation. Their reaction to the surprise and "aggressive" way in which I approached them made their brain go from "conquerer mode" to "be prepared to flee cause something unexpected happened mode", taking them completely out of a sexualized headspace. I believe that, by using a male manner of approaching them, their brain reacted to me more like they would have reacted to a potentially dangerous rival male approaching than how it would have reacted to a the approach of a female, despite my visually very obviously being female.

I don't see that we have any disagreement here. I think you're absolutely correct in that the men in question became wary and apprehensive, believing that there was some ulterior motive behind the offer.

Where we might disagree is over the assumption that men are always looking for casual sex or that's what they really want. Your initial premise was that the men were wishing that women were looking for casual sex and wanted women to be as direct and forward as men. I don't know if that's the case with all men or even most men, even if men say that that's what they want. Men say a lot of things, and I think that society influences us and programs us to a certain line of thinking. Our perceptions of the opposite sex don't always seem to fall in line with actual reality.

quote:

I have no biological proof for this, other than observation, but I believe that I got turned down because their brain was literally unable to process the request in a sexualized manner, because it instead switched to "survival/apprehensive mode" due to my aggressive, unexpected, startling, male-like approach... even AFTER they realized that my request for sex was genuine.

I'm not sure that biological proof would be of any help anyway, since this seems more of a sociological/psychological question than anything that can be answered in the realm of biology.

While I was writing the post just before this one, I was recalling a documentary I saw which followed the activities of a certain pride of lions. There was a part where they showed a stray lioness approaching the male lion of the pride, but she was ultimately driven away by the other females in the pride, who attacked the advancing female with a vengeance. This was true even though the male lion was pretty much a jerk, as he was eating up all the food caught by the females and leaving nothing for the cubs.

I once saw an interesting scene at a zoo. There was an enclosure with two mountain lions, one was a neutered male donated by someone, and the other was a female in heat. The female definitely wanted it, howling and rearing up her behind, making it rather obvious as to what she wanted. The neutered male wanted no part of it. He was just trying to ignore her and move to another part of the enclosure. Kind of a sad scene, in a way.

Of course, the human animal is quite a bit more complicated than lions are. I don't think we operate solely according to biology or like packs of wild animals (even if we might tend to act that way from time to time).

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

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Post #: 79

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 6:41:12 AM

Pyramus

Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I can tell you from experience it is more likely that submissive females seeking ads are likely flagged and pulled.
A group and I took turns putting in ads on craigs and each of us was pulled within 2-3 hrs

It might be the way you constructed your experiment.

I'm a scientist and have done quite a lot of experimentation on both Craigslist and Collarme, and have been honing those experiments for decades.

I can expound upon the results at a later time ... however ... one thing I can tell you, is that the flagging process is relatively predictable.
I've had something like 100 ads flagged, yet, thousands not flagged - and I can tell you there are multiple elements inherent in the flagging process.

With respect to your experiment, one element that is sure to get an ad flagged is the combination of "eyeballs" with no response back.

So, for example, "eyeballs" are the number of people looking at your ad per time period, e.g., if I'm posting as a guy trying to find a woman, it really won't matter WHAT I write (explicit or not) because nobody is really looking at my ad with any caring (as it's one out of a million anyway).

However, if I'm posting (as you apparently did) as a submissive woman looking for a guy, I am guaranteed that MANY eyeballs will be LOOKING at the ad in the first hour, and, if you don't respond in a timely manner, THOSE EYEBALLS will flag the ad as fake!

DISCLAIMER: You didn't explain your experimental conditions, so I must ASSUME (and you know what that means) that you didn't respond in a timely manner - and, I am only generalizing the algorithms utilized by both the users & Craigslist - but you can trust me that I have the flagging process for my experiments very well controlled - so what I state is based on experience - and I am merely providing one possible reason for the results you seem to have received.

In summary, men's ads can break all the rules because nobody is even looking at them - while the female ads get a LOT more scrutiny and therefore need to better abide by the rules.

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Post #: 80