RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!)

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!)

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!)

Page: << < prev 2 3 4 [5] 6 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 7:03:17 AM

Pyramus

Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006
more men want sex than women do.

Check!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006
There are many more men in sexless marriages

Check!

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006
plenty are thinking what she looks like under her clothes when they see a woman

Bingo!

Every single thing you wrote was spot on the mark!

(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Profile

Post #: 81

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 7:48:35 AM

subinsilicon

Posts: 108
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
I have an incredibly hard time getting casual sex from those guys if I don't play games and say what I mean.

Being a guy, if any decent-looking woman asked me for casual sex, she'd get it, unless something was amiss.

What could be amiss?

Thousands of things - for example, if I had a business meeting at the same time (although I'd try like hell to reschedule) - or if I thought the woman asking had a disease - or if I thought it was a scam - or if I thought she wanted money from me - or if she was the my best friend's wife, etc.

But, as long as something wasn't amiss ... I'd sure as hell have casual sex with her - and I don't know a man that wouldn't (although PLENTY will decry they would not following this post!).

Note: The reason they would not is the same reason that I would not ... in that there was something amiss - and for some - the 'religious' issue is what's amiss - but that doesn't change my point that men "would if they could".

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 82

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 8:29:56 AM

Subano

Posts: 101
Joined: 1/15/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

It may be what the researcher Hakim calls the sex deficit -

I don't think I've ever met a man who is both honest and who says he gets all the sex he needs in his marriage.

(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Profile

Post #: 83

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 8:38:25 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

FR

I don't know about the rest of you, but I literally can walk into the neighborhood bar showing leg and cleavage, and have a guaranteed lay at the end of the night. And I don't go up asking for sex...a lot of guys are intimidated by that, even if they do seek casual sex. I know if I did that in Oakland, most would absolutely think I was a decoy setting them up for a sting by OPD. Hey, it happens.

Also, I think that we tend to pigeonhole men and women into these distinct categories. Men want casual sex and women want relationships. NOT. Sometimes, I want to sleep with you and drive you back to your car and never see you again. Doesn't make me any less of a woman.

(in reply to subinsilicon)

Profile

Post #: 84

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 8:43:51 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
if I, as a woman, want to have casual sex, the method I need to use to secure it is to be NOT open about it, NOT assertive about it, NOT be aggressive about it, I have to play games, play hard to get, and sit at the bar and allow myself to "be seduced".
Women have an incredibly easy time securing casual sex... unless they're honest and upfront about the fact that that's what they're looking for...

This is an interesting paradox.

My take on the enigma is that, ever since I was a little boy, oh, about 5th grade is when it started I guess, I've wanted sex with females. The females, whether knowingly or not, teased me by having lovely bodies, which most showed off, wearing short skirts, skimpy bathing suits, and low slung tops, which further exacerbated the need for sex. Add raging hormones to the mix, and all I could think about for decades was sex, and more sex.

Most "girls" (and then later "women") that I wanted to have sex with, "played coy games" which drove me crazy. They sent "signals" by what they wore and what they did, but then they didn't back up those signals by having sex with me (from my perspective). The dressing was a game in and of itself. But there was more. Much more. Worse to come. I'd meet a girl at a high-school party, for example, and I'd get to the point of the bases. You know the drill. You get slapped for attempting first base - and ONLY if you're persistent (even to the point of rudeness), you get first base. You then get negative feedback on your move to second base - and again - as before, you lose if you're not persistent to the point of being forceful. Likewise with third base, although if you've gotten to first and second, third is just a matter of sheer persistence and reading the signals that she has felt that she's put up enough resistance that you've been allowed to the third base by sheer dint of effort. It's only the home run where more pragmatic matters play a role, such as "do you have protection" and other mundane, but necessary evils to overcome.

From my perspective, these silly games were simply a ruse for me to prove my insistence - and I - at first being "a nice guy" learned the old rubric that nice guys finish last.

If you don't ask to come in for the coffee after the first date, you often don't get to kiss her in the kitchen, and if you don't push her from the kitchen to the living room, you don't often get any chance to fondle her tits (which, I must interject, you've been fantasizing about since you laid eyes upon her wearing that little flowery dress on the first day of school). And, if you don't attempt to slip your hand "too far" up her thigh, you'll never ever get to taste the lovely nectar of love.

Life goes on like this for decades upon decades, and you finally learn to act like a real man and play exactly the game that the women want you to play. It's only then that you get sex.

Even so, it's NEVER from casual strangers. It just never happens.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 85

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 9:08:52 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat
I literally can walk into the neighborhood bar showing leg and cleavage, and have a guaranteed lay at the end of the night.

I don't disagree one bit with what you said above!

Let's take that bar scene from "my" perspective (having already discussed being forced to "play the coy game" ever since I was a little boy who, let's keep in mind, just wanted sex and lots of it - every second of the day - if it were possible).

From my perspective (remember, I just want sex), I'm sitting at that same bar that you just walked into. Every guy in the bar notices you. Well, they notice the leg and cleavage, but rest assured, every inch of your body has been analyzed within 14 seconds of your arrival announcement, whether that announcement took the form of following some other guy's gaze, or the click of your high heels, or the waft of your perfume drifting over to our noses - 'something' announced your arrival, and, true to form, EVERY single guy in that bar noticed you.

Now here's the problem (from my perspective). There are 50 guys in that bar, and only, oh, say, 10 women (that's about the ratio most of the time). Of those 10 women, there are about 30 guys (give or take) already crowded around them. No predator prefers the hard prey. It would be rather difficult to pry any of those 10 women away from those 30 guys - but then - Lord of gifts - YOU just walked in the door. Alone! Yes Alone! No guy jealously guarding you. No momma in tow. No bodyguard waiting at the door. Just little old you. And, my Lord, you're wearing that form-fitting dress, with oh so lovely cleavage, and nice buns to boot!

OK. You've set the fish on the bait. I start up off my stool, knowing full well that to wait, is to lose. Unbeknownst to me, two other guys got up (although 40 were thinking of doing so), and, now, I assess myself against those two other guys. This is key. Are they wimps? Or does one of them look like a football player with a Ferrari waiting outside. Again, no predator wants a tough fight. The only predator that can afford a tough fight day after day is a very tough predator. Let's say, for argument's sake, that I AM THAT TOUGH PREDATOR. I keep walking. Now it's me against HIM. He's tough, confident, erudite, handsome, tall, funny, wealthy, well traveled, single, and gregarious. Me? I'm tough, confident, erudite, handsome, funny, wealthy, well traveled, single, and gregarious. I lose. Guess why? I'm 5'9", he's 6'3".

Why did I lose? Women often prefer men based on physical size (it has been proven time and time again, at least for INITIAL filters). I lose. I walk away. (Or scheme to get to her by another way - but not this time - not this day.)

We must take an aside in our story - because I, being an intelligent predator, have already assessed the situation - and have decided the COMPETITION (never ever forget this line) is too great at the moment, so, I adroitly execute a deft left turn toward the men's room as the football player intercepted you almost in front of my eyes. I lost to the competition.

That's what happens because men multiply their presence on forums, and, while they'll all want sex, they must play the game (the men are the ones with the money & power) that the women want them to play (they're the ones with the sexy body) or they lose. There is ALWAYS another man ready to have sex with this woman. Always! And 10 more waiting outside in line to get in the door!

NOTE: This story could have taken any number of twists - so I only chose this outcome to underscore the point. Here is a humorous one, where WOMEN learn to play the man's game at being insistent on delivering COY SIGNALS that match a man's needs!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_0afWepgRI

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

Profile

Post #: 86

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 11:19:24 AM

avox

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/12/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_0afWepgRI

If I ever met THAT woman in a bar - I'd be in love forever!

(in reply to pompeii)

Profile

Post #: 87

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 11:20:26 AM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

Again with the "most women" thing. I don't discriminate based on size. For the most part, I pass over the tall hot guy and go for his shorter, slightly chubby, humorous friend. All women don't have the same standards. Do y'all ask real women about what they think, or do you just read stats? I am genuinely curious about that.

Also, confidence goes a long way. If you think that no woman wants you because of your size -- and 5'9 is tall to a short woman like me, actually -- that reads all over your face and body language. Hard to get me to like you if you don't even like yourself. The shortest guy I dated was 4 inches shorter than me, and for the things we did, he was the perfect size!

(in reply to pompeii)

Profile

Post #: 88

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 11:36:27 AM

avox

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/12/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: njlauren

You have obviously never been at a major sale at a women's clothing store or shoe store

I'm sure you said that tongue in cheek, but it did get me thinking. I don't think I've ever been in a room with more women than men in my life.

Where DO women outnumber men anyway? Certainly not here.

(in reply to njlauren)

Profile

Post #: 89

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 11:39:20 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I agree with you and I am so over men who bemoan their ability to get women because they are short.

I am so sick of men thinking that all women want only tall men.

I don't give a damn how tall or short, hot or ugly, rich or poor you are.

I DO give a damn on how smart, kind, funny and confident you are. Oh, and how interested in ME you are.

The above is what makes YOU sexy to ME.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

Profile

Post #: 90

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 12:05:28 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat
Do y'all ask real women about what they think, or do you just read stats? I am genuinely curious about that.

Notice the author of this thread which was posted in 2009:
- Does size matter? (physical height, not cock length)

Yup. It was me. So yes, I DID ask real women. And the answer is clearly overwhelming. I didn't LIKE the answer; but it is what it is, and always will be.
It's not women's fault they overwhelmingly prefer taller men (I wish it weren't so); but read the thread. Or just read all the profiles which state it outright.
You'd think it weird if I, as a man, stated in my profile not to bother responding if your boob size is 36C or lower - but many women think absolutely nothing of saying not to bother writing if you're 5'11 or under.

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat
Also, confidence goes a long way.

Let's be clear that I was using height as a simple example (which I thought I was clear about) to show that, with competition, men have to compete against many factors with MANY other men (which was in keeping with the theme of this thread.
Since not every man can possibly win every competition - and - more to the point - since almost all men (except super heroes) must, by sheer numbers lose most competitions - the point was that men multiply themselves in an attempt to win over against the competition.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I am so over men who bemoan their ability to get women because they are short.

Please do not misinterpret my simplistic example. This thread has nothing to do with height. What I was using height for was a competitive edge that it gives men, who, are forced into a competitive situation by nature - which - keeping to the point - is why men so vastly outnumber women in sex-related theme areas such as at this web site. Men compete by other means! One of those means, for example, is to have multiple profiles. Another means is to spam the whole world. The other means is to place hundreds of ads.

Going back to the example posed by absolutchocolat, which I absolutely agree with, my POINT, which used height as one factor, was that MEN are forced to compete for her (given her example), and, if all me won all the time, then life would be lived on a different planet.
Specifically, height would not be a factor; nor would confidence, money, looks, charm, etc.

But - what you need to understand is that the world we live in isn't anywhere near the same planet for men as it is for women. On this planet, where math holds the truth, mathematically speaking, with the HUUUUUUUGE amount of competition for, say, the pretty girl with cleavage at the bar that absolutchocolat exampled has nearly 100% chance of getting laid should that be her goal, while any one man at that same venue, has a 1 in 50 shot, even in the best situation.

The factors are so stacked against any one man, that factors wholly out of his control (e.g., his height) are CLEARLY and OVERWHELMINGLY stacked against him (or for him, as the case may be) - in this world - the world of competition.

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat
Do y'all ask real women about what they think, or do you just read stats? I am genuinely curious about that.
I don't give a damn how tall or short, hot or ugly, rich or poor you are.

If that is true, then all I can say is that I've never in my life met a woman like you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat
I DO give a damn on how smart, kind, funny and confident you are. Oh, and how interested in ME you are.

I do agree, intelligence and humor are weighting factors that help us - but my key point was that all men can't win all the time - so because the competition for any one woman is so fierce, men MULTIPLY themselves in any way they can. Maybe in their profiles they add a few inches here, or talk up their ability to fly you to their polo match as an extra inducement. But, to the point of the thread - men and women live on different planets where the math works differently (inversely proportionally, in fact).

(in reply to sexyred1)

Profile

Post #: 91

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 12:21:52 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

Ooops. I think I accidentally misquoted who said what above - so I apologize.

But what I was 'trying' to say to the height question was that I personally asked here if height matters, and 200 posts later, the answer was yes, it overwhelmingly matters for most women.
Too bad for me.

Now, does cock size matter?
(see this thread, with about 100 posts, also from 2009, titled "Does size matter?").
It turns out, the fact is that cock size doesn't matter (to women) all that much. Again, too bad for me because, while nature didn't bestow height upon me, it did endow me magnum XL length.

To put the whole thing in perspective, I remember trying to dance with the girls at frat parties. The few girls there were (men again outnumbering them 50 to 1), were on the "dance floor" section of a room, with the guys crowded all around. I could barely 'see' over some of the lacrosse and rugby players, but that was what I was competing with. Of course, I did better in the classroom, and in graduate school, men again overwhelmingly outnumbered the women 300 to 1 (engineering and sciences) - but at least there the women had a chance to use non-physical factors to decide.

My key point, with respect to this thread, is that women are surrounded by different math than men are when it comes to venues for seeking the opposite gender. The mathematical odds are astoundingly different.

(in reply to pompeii)

Profile

Post #: 92

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 12:48:55 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

I think when you stop worrying about the odds of getting laid, you'll get laid. Just my two cent s. Of course, if numbers help you rationalize why women choose other guys, by all means, use them.

(in reply to pompeii)

Profile

Post #: 93

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 1:42:36 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii
My key point, with respect to this thread, is that women are surrounded by different math than men are when it comes to venues for seeking the opposite gender. The mathematical odds are astoundingly different.

And I think your perspective is astonishingly screwed. As I read your posts you make it sound like women are outnumbered by men in the dating game. That seems implausible given that women are half the human population. You also make it sound like finding appropriate partners is easy for women. Were that true then there'd be a lot less single women in the world bemoaning the fact that "all the good men are taken".

Your theory only holds water if by "seeking the opposite gender" you meant "... for some NSA sex".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to pompeii)

Profile

Post #: 94

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 2:54:46 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Actually I kind of see your point. When I was younger I kept to a strict standard, 6'2" eyes of blue. Nearly ever man I dated was some shade of blond, some light range of eye color and always over 6 foot. It was what attracted me in my shallow youth and that stayed with me until I gave up dating for over a decade. Of course finding that man over 6 ft was considerably limited here in my county where men seem to average 5'7". Becoming older, wiser, and without the lingering desire to produce offsping has changed my outlook. Consider upping your target range.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to pompeii)

Profile

Post #: 95

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 6:24:40 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

The point is, for whatever reason, they suspected that you were not being honest. They may not have known that it was an experiment on your part, but they figured something was up. So, they weren't taking it as an honest offer.

Oh it wasn't an experiment in the sense that I would have turned them down after they agreed. It was a genuine offer.
I talked to several of them for a while beyond the point where I first asked, and their refusal remained, despite the fact that I'm convinced that I very clearly convinced at least some of them of the fact that it was a very genuine offer.

I even told some of them of the fact that, at the time, I had frequent one night stands, and a male friend had challenged me that night to secure one without using female seduction technics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

Maybe the men there have far more options available, and your offer was just one of many they received that night.

They don't. As far as I can tell, it's as uncommon there for the average male to secure a one night stand as it is here.

I think you're absolutely wrong on your analysis on why I got turned down.

I think that for men, sex if very closely related in the brain to "hunting". A man wins over a female, seduces her, secures her, conquers her.

When I went into "predator" mode and approached them aggressively instead, they were confronted with a totally new, totally unexpected, startling, surprising situation. Their reaction to the surprise and "aggressive" way in which I approached them made their brain go from "conquerer mode" to "be prepared to flee cause something unexpected happened mode", taking them completely out of a sexualized headspace. I believe that, by using a male manner of approaching them, their brain reacted to me more like they would have reacted to a potentially dangerous rival male approaching than how it would have reacted to a the approach of a female, despite my visually very obviously being female.

I have no biological proof for this, other than observation, but I believe that I got turned down because their brain was literally unable to process the request in a sexualized manner, because it instead switched to "survival/apprehensive mode" due to my aggressive, unexpected, startling, male-like approach... even AFTER they realized that my request for sex was genuine.

Strange because im a 5'7 fat chick and the line .. "Hi Im Kitten Would you like to fuck" has never failed me in the few dozen times ive used it....

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 96

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 6:48:00 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

Strange because im a 5'7 fat chick and the line .. "Hi Im Kitten Would you like to fuck" has never failed me in the few dozen times ive used it....

That's really really interesting... I'm 5'11", at the time I wore a size 4. And the line didn't work for me at all.

I'm not trying to brag (really, just laying cards on the table to trying to figure out what's up with these results) but at the time, most guys in that bar would have considered me to be "out of their league" beauty wise.

Which makes me wonder if the negative reaction was completely a "too good to be true" kind of thing, and if the results would be different if I had looked then like I do now (40lbs heavier and nearly 10 years older).

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Profile

Post #: 97

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 7:01:42 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

I'll meet you both round back.

Pompeii made a good point about pressing forward; I didn't do that once, I had strong feelings about the woman, and my failure to pursue at the right time cost me.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 98

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 7:03:48 PM

SpiritedRadiance

Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

I dont know, i just know every time ive approached a man for casual sex, ive never been turned down when asking.

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 99

RE: Why are there so many more men? (not a moan!) - 3/31/2013 7:04:11 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

if numbers help you rationalize why women choose other guys, by all means, use them.

Ok. I get your point. But let's stay on topic for examples that explain the OP's original question - which goes something like this (paraphrased):
QUESTION: Why are there (apparently) many more men sending collarme messages than women?

My suggestion as to the answer was that there are more men than women by far, so any particular man finds HIS WAY of competing ... with the result that many men (not me, mind you) compete with sheer volume of collarme mail messages ... the result being that their recipients (women, we will assume) will get a LOT of collarme mail from these men who are competing for that particular female.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)

Profile

Post #: 100