cravelizzybabe
Posts: 10
Joined: 2/4/2013
Status: offline
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I've been dating this guy he's 24 for about 7 months now. We've met two times, and i got accepted into a school right by him actually. I really love him, I pictured us actually getting married eventually, as we've talked about it.
He's from a different culture, met him on a kinky website, so I thought he understood D/s and BDSM. Turns out, in his culture women are just very submissive and men call the shots. At first I liked this, being submissive and all, but I noticed (and have asked him and he has also said this is true), that BDSM doesn't get him off, he doesn't know much about it, he just thinks a woman should be submissive. This bothers me in itself because I believe it's my lifestyle choice and I do it to give me gratification and I feel content because yes it's how I'm wired and it turns me on. We are coming from two different points of views.
I knew he really wanted sex, and I remember our first meeting I told him no for sure, I remember I had to talk to him for like an hour about this. Then there was the condom issue, I'm not ready for a baby,but I am on birth control. I had to talk to him for like 2 hours about how we need to do both, he eventually was okay with it. I told him if I liked him then probably the second time we could have sex .
I said this to make him happy, and I really thought I'd be ready for it. Especially after our first meeting, I really liked him and fell in love with him too. I do want to say this is partly my fault. I thought when I saw him again I'd be ready and I told him I was excited to have sex too.
So , I saw him again last weekend. We both slept because I got in super early, and then after a few hours of sleeping he got kind of aggressive and started taking off my cloths and i just said " no.. I'm not ready" like I started to freak out. He kept trying to get at it and I kept saying no, I really thought he was going to do it... eventually he stopped and I told him I just wasn't ready. So I could tell he was frusterated and he put me to my knees and made me give him a bj.. which I wasn't ready for that either.
After we talked about it and he was worried I wasn't attracted to him, I said that wasn't it at all (I am attracted to him). He said eventually after I talked to him about it for like an hour more no joke, that it was okay and we could even wait till marriage. Well, the next night we are on the couch and he makes me start to give him a hand job... I wasn't sure if he wasn't going to try to forcefully make me do a bj.. and he asked " are you not comfortable with this? " I said I don't know.. I mean ... we just talked the other day. So he let me stop.. I felt guilty then and asked him to let me give him a bj and he said " no, I'm turned off now."
I've only seen him two times. WE talk on skype for like 2 hours a night, but seriously it through me for a loop seeing him in real life, I do have feelings for him and love him very much, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. He takes care of me though, and is very sweet to me.
We were talking about it over text once I left I tried to explain to him that in order for me to want sex the man has to control my mind and do bdsm things, and he just said " well until we have sex why should i learn about bdsm?" Which made me see he doesn't get training AT ALL. He doesn't understand it and how I need my mind to be involved . If it is then I CRAVE sex. He said things like " is this temporary ? " and asked that like 3 times.. I mean fuck I've seen him TWO times, it's not fucking temporary. He then went on to explain what the difference is between a girlfriend and a girl you have as a friend only, and I explained things like connection, energy, trust, a spark, intimacy ... He said and intimacy involves sex. And, yes it does eventually (and no I'm not a virgin, but a man has to get inside my mind for me to want sex)
I asked if he was mad and he said " well i get upset i'm not happy about it and i'm a man i can't control it i'm not going to lie and say i don't want it. I want it but you're right to say no and i'll wait till your ready." And that's fine, but he keeps saying his feelings about how much he wants it.. and I feel so pressured to be honest that it's turning me off ... A LOT. He says he is telling me his feelings and he lets me tell me his so he should be allowed to say his feelings. I agree.. and I feel bad, but his feelings I feel do put pressure on me.
I just don't know if me feeling frustrated about this is sensible. I'm getting so frustrated. Not everything is about sex .. and he doesn't know about real dominance in BDSM and power exchange, it's just that the woman is below the man.. and that doesn't turn me on at all either.. and then it's like he says it's okay not to have sex, but his feelings say something different. He truly was okay with not having sex and really understood it then why would he still have such strong feelings?..
Also, he's told me guys can't control their testosterone .. which is a huge turn off to me because I believe a boy can't, and a man can. So I asked him " if you can't control yourself, how can you control me?" he got mad and said he control himself and he proved that over the weekend... but really...did he really?
Sorry this was long, any help would be so appreciated.
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Is it wrong I feel so pressured? - 
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