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BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 12:54:27 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Seriously..., I had the most awesome sexual marathon over the weekend with a vanilla man, it was non-stop vanilla sex for 3 days, only taking breaks when we fall asleep or need to eat. We couldn't get enough of each other, and by the end of it, I was in tears and overwhelmed with all the emotions I felt, because he treated me so preciously. Instead of being called "slut", "whore", I was praised to high heaven about how perfect every part of my body was, and how beautiful and precious I was.
And it was an emotional and moving experience, I felt we somehow spiritually connected as well.

But.... despite how wonderful it was...., and I admit I had to imagine he was raping me and using me as slut to get even more off on the whole experience. His totally vanilla, he refuse to use any derogatory words, cause any pain, even though I told him he should and could and I enjoy it. He said he doesn't believe in treating women that way.

I know this board always have experience timers saying vanilla sex and bdsm sex is exactly the same thing. One isn't necessarily deeper. But I don't understand how could it not be?

Despite how wonderful this was, it still is not near the earth shattering moments, soul wrecking moments of a full D/S scene, where I was degraded, treated like slut.

And the vulnerability involved in a D/S scene just adds so much depth to the whole experience and sensations, it's like soul deep.

I do feel a D/S experience is just so much more intimate, so much more baring of souls and giving everything, it just feels alot more intimate than a vanilla session.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 1:05:02 PM   
DaddySatyr


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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Seriously..., I had the most awesome sexual marathon over the weekend with a vanilla man, it was non-stop vanilla sex for 3 days, only taking breaks when we fall asleep or need to eat. We couldn't get enough of each other, and by the end of it, I was in tears and overwhelmed with all the emotions I felt, because he treated me so preciously. Instead of being called "slut", "whore", I was praised to high heaven about how perfect every part of my body was, and how beautiful and precious I was.
And it was an emotional and moving experience, I felt we somehow spiritually connected as well.



I thought we had agreed not to talk about the weekend, publicly?

LOL



Peace and comfort,



Michael

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 1:05:16 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I know this board always have experience timers saying vanilla sex and bdsm sex is exactly the same thing. One isn't necessarily deeper. But I don't understand how could it not be?



I would say it was deeper for you personally, because you are wired that way. For you, vanilla sex doesn't embrace all the facets of your sexuality. If I had to guess I'd say it feels deeper because it touches those parts of you which you don't necessarily share with the rest of the world.

On the other hand, if you weren't wired that way, that wouldn't be true.

I wouldn't say BDSM sex is deeper than vanilla sex in a general sense, but rather the 'best' sex will always be what presses your own unique set of buttons. Both are equally valid expressions of lust and/or love. I think often we say they are the same in response to someone complaining that someone else is 'too vanilla' - it implies that person's tastes are somehow less than ours because they're not kinky. In reality, their vanilla sex is every bit as deep and exciting as your BDSM sex. That doesn't mean that for you BDSM isn't much deeper.

Man, I'm tired, I hope that made some sense.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 1:09:24 PM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


I wouldn't say BDSM sex is deeper than vanilla sex in a general sense, but rather the 'best' sex will always be what presses your own unique set of buttons.


That's the best way to put it.

Quite frankly, some of the best sex we've ever had has been vanilla and some of the best sex we've ever had has been savage and animalistic. (I don't like being degraded or treated like a slut)

What makes sex deep for us is our level of intimacy and the connection we share. That deepness can absolutely exist in a vanilla relationship.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 1:29:34 PM   
Greta75


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quote:


I thought we had agreed not to talk about the weekend, publicly?
LOL
Peace and comfort,
Michael


LOL!!! That means you're vanilla!

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 1:37:49 PM   
Greta75


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quote:


If I had to guess I'd say it feels deeper because it touches those parts of you which you don't necessarily share with the rest of the world.

Yea, I feel extremely secure in vanilla sex, like crazily confident, but in D/S, there are alot more uncertainties, maybe more range of emotions and feelings, which add super dimensions. It's like facing more fears and getting through them, has a certain empowerment and freedom. Like I am actually terrified of pain, and am a baby about it and yet I crave it in bdsm.

In my partner's word, you trusted me with your sexuality and I can truly say, I have met very few women with the self confidence to do that so openly.



Anyway you made sense. I think it's clearer what you guys mean. I always say bdsm sex is better than vanilla sex all the time, but of course, that is only true to my own experience, and I really believe in it. May come off as "holier than thou" to people who prefer vanilla sex, although that's not my intention but just my passionate response to my deep feelings of the matter.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/28/2013 1:39:29 PM >

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 1:51:25 PM   
angelikaJ


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Status: offline 		My thinking is that for you BDSM seems "deeper" because it is how your brain is wired.
Being degraded and treated like a slut involves your mental processes and that gets you all fired up.
For you, without BDSM, only your body is being stimulated, and you need more than that; considering that our largest sex organ IS the brain, it makes sense to me.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 4:40:02 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
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Status: offline 		It is a hard thing to admit...society does not think much of us..and it is a big part of what brought me here. I have always had to defend why, for me , there must be a physical attraction to my Dom/master. Like you, I can & have had great vanilla sex but it is kind of like great Chinese food...no matter how satisfied you are...you will be hungry again very soon. You stated it perfectly "earth shattering, soul wrecking" but Athena is also correct...it is a unique set of buttons but I think once they have been pressed...you can never imagine a life where they are NOT pushed.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 4:49:32 PM   
kalikshama


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quote:

But.... despite how wonderful it was...., and I admit I had to imagine...


Ya, even if what is happening is fantastic, I have to run another script mentally in order to have an orgasm. I'm playing around with staying in the Now, while not being attached to the outcome.



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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 5:57:42 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


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Status: offline 		I won't get involved, even for casual sex if they are not kinky.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 6:56:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't need kinky sex to be happy. I don't need for it to be called bdsm. I don't even need to think of a bdsm fantasy in my head during sex. I can be just as happy with "vanilla" sex as "kinky" sex. For me it has nothing to do with the type of sex and everything to do with the connection I have with someone and I can feel that connection be it "vanilla" or "bdsm".

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 7:05:11 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'll go with it depends on how a person is wired.

With the Mister and I, the two most intense sexual moments I can recall were:

1. When I really didn't want sex and he took it anyway, rather roughly, in fact.
2. When we stared each other in the eyes the entire time, and I was overwhelmed with love and care.

But in both cases, there was never a second where I didn't know and feel he had the upper hand and was in charge of me. That's a key part of our connection. So yeah...wiring for me too, about the type of connection we have.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 7:50:42 PM   
youdneverknowit


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/21/2012
Status: offline 		It's weird... in vanilla... I like to be the top (so to speak). When on the other side, I would rather allow a woman to be the top. However, a big factor for me is age. No matter what, I have a hard time with the idea of a female younger than me having any kind of top role with me.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 7:51:24 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
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Status: offline 		Both are fun. At this point in our lives anything is fun. We get the kids asleep and run to our room and hurry before one wakes up and pounds on the bedroom door yelling what are you doing in there. You know that is an instant mood killer. Then there is times the grandparents have the kids and you would think we would get all wild. Oh yeah we strip crawl into bed and watch tv in total peace and quiet. :D

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 8:04:14 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		haha. Sounds like Master and me these days. We usually crawl into bed and just fall asleep. We're both just too tired to do much of anything. The older we get the less energy it seems we have.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 8:07:20 PM   
Greta75


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I don't need kinky sex to be happy. I don't need for it to be called bdsm. I don't even need to think of a bdsm fantasy in my head during sex. I can be just as happy with "vanilla" sex as "kinky" sex. For me it has nothing to do with the type of sex and everything to do with the connection I have with someone and I can feel that connection be it "vanilla" or "bdsm".

wow, really? I'm surprise. So either way, you could feel happy with a vanilla man for the rest of your life, if that's what you fall inlove with? Even though you are experience and deep in the bdsm segment of your life?

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 8:09:54 PM   
Greta75


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Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

haha. Sounds like Master and me these days. We usually crawl into bed and just fall asleep. We're both just too tired to do much of anything. The older we get the less energy it seems we have.

I got to say, I love cuddling, cuddling and falling asleep with a master you love is pretty awesome, even if there was no plays or sex for weeks.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 8:20:18 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


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Status: offline 		We tried throwing some kink in but in my third month I had some pretty heavy spotting. The doctor wasn't worried but it scared us both enough we went vanilla for the rest of the time. It was still fun. We went a long time with no sex. Towards the end of my pregnancy my blood pressure was high. Even though the doctor never said not to we didn't want to take a chance.

< Message edited by Moonlightmaddnes -- 5/28/2013 8:24:11 PM >

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 8:28:05 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes

We tried throwing some kink in but in my third month I had some pretty heavy spotting. The doctor wasn't worried but it scared us both enough we went vanilla for the rest of the time. It was still fun. We went a long time with no sex. Towards the end of my pregnancy my blood pressure was high. Even though the doctor never said not to we didn't want to take a chance.

Woah, pregnancy and kink. Depends on the kink, gotta be really careful there.

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RE: BDSM sex versus Vanilla Sex - 5/28/2013 8:48:11 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I have to say, that ever since I started having sex, it was always of the rougher variety, even with vanilla partners. I think that somehow, I just conveyed without even saying anything, that I was up for that. So, even if they were unaware of what I was into, it somehow was still good for me.

However, it is far better and more intense when my partner is fully aware of and an enthusiastic participant of BDSM.

Even better, is being in love with them.

So the levels of intensity and satisfaction in sex depend on the above for me.

(in reply to Greta75)
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