quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
If its real, I still feel a little foolish for thinking my responses on the cmmb will make any difference or that I even know what to say.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

- I did find the forum at Yahoo Answer. If you don't believe me , go to Yahoo Answer, type Active BDSM Forum relationship and see how many times this websites shows up
- I kept coming back because I thought for the first time I can talk to people without being judged
-I'm sorry I didnt take your break up advice. It's not that easy. I sacrificed so much for this relationship soI want to try everything I can to make it work before giving up on him. I know it's strange but I'm not ready to leave him yet..
-I talked to him last night after the dinner. I told him that I was hurt and I didn't enjoy it. He said that I'm stressed out about the move hence I'm over reacting and I can't decide based on one experience. He said it was a such huge turn on when he saw me tolerating the pain for him. I told him that I can never say no to him but I'm asking him to slow down temporary and put it on hold until I'm ready and then maybe try new things one thing at a time. He got really disappointed but said "fine, let me know when you are ready". I thought everything went well. I tried to koss and cuddle with him in bed like we do every night before sleep but he stopped me and said he was tired. Today is his day off and we were supposed to spend the day together. I tried to be playful in the morning and even tried to go down on him but again he stopped me . He took a shower, got dressed and went out. At this point, I'm gonna give him so space so he cools down

The bolded parts are red flags for you (which you will ignore, just like the rest of the thread)

He claims to be a Dominant. Someone in control of himself and his relationship, and in one evening he:

1) invalidated your feelings

2) Was disappointed rather than understanding

3) pouted because you're not doing what he wants

4) Needs to cool down

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't think you love him. I think you feel ashamed that you left everything behind for this man and you're too ashamed to admit it, especially to your own family..your mother who you hate and you say she will say nasty things about you and a father who is not there for you (this is where your daddy issues arise from). I think you're afraid to admit that you made a big mistake.

But ya know...suck it up, leave him and start your life over again. Pick up the pieces. Find a job you enjoy, go back to school and find new friends or move back home if you feel that is what you need. I mean what is there exactly to love about your boyfriend? He's passive aggressive, is a bigot, hates your friends, physically and mentally abuses you. But you said he also hasn't called or come home and you can't reach him. That right there means it's over. I'm thinking he's either not coming back or he's found someone else already or he's sitting in a bar getting drunk which I have a feeling is something he does often, especially when he's mad.

You say you have a college degree so you can't be stupid. You should know all this already. Stop trying to fool yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't think you love him. I think you feel ashamed that you left everything behind for this man and you're too ashamed to admit it, especially to your own family..your mother who you hate and you say she will say nasty things about you and a father who is not there for you (this is where your daddy issues arise from). I think you're afraid to admit that you made a big mistake.

But ya know...suck it up, leave him and start your life over again. Pick up the pieces. Find a job you enjoy, go back to school and find new friends or move back home if you feel that is what you need. I mean what is there exactly to love about your boyfriend? He's passive aggressive, is a bigot, hates your friends, physically and mentally abuses you. But you said he also hasn't called or come home and you can't reach him. That right there means it's over. I'm thinking he's either not coming back or he's found someone else already or he's sitting in a bar getting drunk which I have a feeling is something he does often, especially when he's mad.

You say you have a college degree so you can't be stupid. You should know all this already. Stop trying to fool yourself.

No, I really do love him. I agree we are going through a rough time. And yes he drinks a little extra when he is stressed out. I wrote him a long email last night before going to bed. I guess he read when he came home because he started cuddling with me in the morning and begged me not to leave. He promised to communicate more asked me instead not to judge based on one experience. I told him as long as he doesn't make me bleed and taking it slow I'm okay with it. I also told him if things don't get better by September I'll leave. Hopefully he will stick to his promise. Thank you so much for all your help.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

How's it going with getting the school transfer done and another job?

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ORIGINAL: Sheela22

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

How's it going with getting the school transfer done and another job?

Right now? School starts in September ( well, if I move back I will miss a semester yet again ugh!! ) . I'm currently looking for a new job

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy
I still feel a little foolish for thinking my responses on the cmmb will make any difference or that I even know what to say.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PonyGroom

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine

I'm neither a sock nor a mod, and this sounds real to me. I don't know for sure. But I would rather try to help than ignore what may be a genuine need for help.

It sounds unreal only because it is classic.

1. She meets him online. He is charming, convincing, and very appealing from a distance.
2. She moves a distance and immediately to live with him.
3. She has no one to ask questions of about what he is doing. He knew that would be the case, in advance.
4. She cannot immediately get away from him, and he knows that.
5. His behavior suddenly changes, now he is demanding and controlling, without her consent.
6. She objects.
7. Her objections are overruled. The unwanted behavior continues.
8. She realizes she is trapped in her suffering because of several things: she is attached to him, loves him, and although it becomes slowly clearer to her he does not really love her but played the role for a while to win her heart, he never loved her. This is hard to accept. Secondly, she has commitments to school, work, or other people that hold her in place until she can make other arrangements.

Some people - this happens with the genders reversed too, but not as commonly - at this point bail out. They had a secret plan in case something went horribly wrong. They gather up their things and take a bus ride back to where they came from, for example.

Some people, at this point, go to the cops. Women get raped, or beaten badly, and take it to the police. Severe enough injury trumps all other considerations and she "wakes up". Guys leave behind possessions and hit the road.

Some people ride it out for a period of time, until they can physically leave.

The longer you stay, the more likely you are to become seduced into believing you deserve what you get, or, that this is normal, or, that you really want this abuse, or some combination of these. You come to believe a lie. This is Gaslighting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I always love the crowd that blames the op for a situation and loses patience because she doesn't accept their advice and views. It's been 3 days and some folks expect Sheila to have already flown home to her dad, leaving the man she professes to love.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
I guess he read when he came home because he started cuddling with me in the morning and begged me not to leave. He promised to communicate more asked me instead not to judge based on one experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

If more than the odd one or two people pointed out the obvious to me, I'd mull it over and make a decision very swiftly.
I wouldn't want to be sitting in a boiling pot of oil any longer than I needed to be.
But I guess that's just how I work and I do get very frustrated whern others just don't see it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
I guess he read when he came home because he started cuddling with me in the morning and begged me not to leave. He promised to communicate more asked me instead not to judge based on one experience.

Which is also a typical abusers response. They apologize profusely and swear they'll do better and never do it again.

Please remember that what he says does not matter. His actions are what counts.