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How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 12:19:41 PM

caged221

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Often I'll notice a sort of assertive/bratty look and assume the girl is dominant but later it turns out that things are completely the opposite.

Even more so, sometimes things will come up on the first date / at a bar and she'll actually say explicitly that she's a domme, but of course this was a ruse... probably to see if I was dominant. That specific girl (who said she was a domme) was later crawling around with beers in her hand (???) no real explanation given or asked for. I just feel this is always the way it goes. Maybe I'm attracting the wrong people?

If you had to give a percentage, how many girls would you say are actually dominate and not just using it as a hook?

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 12:21:50 PM

OsideGirl

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If you had to give a percentage, how many men would you say are actually dominant and not just using it as a hook?

You're trying to make this a female thing and it's not. There are always people that will claim to be something they're not. Sometimes it's an outright lie, sometimes they confuse some behaviors for something they're not.

There are a lot of men that claim to be Dominant because they have problems with people skills or think it's an easy way to get kinky sex.

There are a lot of men that think because they want to have kinky things done to them, that they're submissive.

There are a lot of women that claim to be Dominant because they think it's an easy way to get what they want.

There are a lot of women that claim to be submissive because they can't take responsibility for their own lives.

Sometimes that person just isn't the right person for you, but is the right person for someone else.

None of this negates that D/s does happen on a daily basis with people that are exactly what they say they are.

Yes, you will have to wade through people, but good things come to those that bother to put in the effort.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/6/2013 12:28:40 PM >

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 12:32:36 PM

caged221

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

If you had to give a percentage, how many men would you say are actually dominant and not just using it as a hook?

You're trying to make this a female thing and it's not. There are always people that will claim to be something they're not. Sometimes it's an outright lie, sometimes they confuse some behaviors for something they're not.

There are a lot of men that claim to be Dominant because they have problems with people skills or think it's an easy way to get kinky sex.

There are a lot of men that think because they want to have kinky things done to them, that they're submissive.

There are a lot of women that claim to be Dominant because they think it's an easy way to get what they want.

There are a lot of women that claim to be submissive because they can't take responsibility for their own lives.

Sometimes that person just isn't the right person for you, but is the right person for someone else.

None of this negates that D/s does happen on a daily basis with people that are exactly what they say they are.

Yes, you will have to wade through people, but good things come to those that bother to put in the effort.

Well what defines a dominant or a submissive? Is it something that they want 100% in the bedroom or how they behave when outside of it? When you ask if a man is submissive are you asking if he's totally, 100% submissive or would only become that way for you.

But to the former, I do think men lie to and wasn't suggesting that it's only women. But obviously those are my experiences.

< Message edited by caged221 -- 8/6/2013 12:43:22 PM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 12:42:41 PM

myotherself

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It could always be about the 'energy' between you.

I know quite a few dominant men through kinky parties and events. None of them made me feel even slightly submissive.

Yet Master makes me feel extremely submissive, purely because his dominant energy clicks with my submissive energy.

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 12:47:04 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caged221

Is it something that they want 100% in the bedroom or how they behave when outside of it?

BDSM is Bondage/Discipline/Sado-Masochism. Engaging in BDSM does not indicate Dominance or submission. It merely indicates Top or Bottom in kinky sexual activities. D/s is dominance and submission. You can be involved in D/s and never engage in BDSM, by that criteria Dominance or submission is based on personality and behavior rather than individual acts.

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 12:48:04 PM

caged221

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quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

It could always be about the 'energy' between you.

I know quite a few dominant men through kinky parties and events. None of them made me feel even slightly submissive.

Yet Master makes me feel extremely submissive, purely because his dominant energy clicks with my submissive energy.

I think you're on to it really, I know that i don't put off a submissive energy. But doing that is what really excites me, perhaps this goes to what OsideGirl said as well... I bet the girl who I was speaking of thought I must have been disingenuous or even lying.

Of course maybe it's me and I'm a switch or something. I don't know how to define these things, really.

(in reply to myotherself)

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 3:19:20 PM

Damacis

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Very difficult to tell strictly from brief social interaction. She might be dominant in her personal/work life but love to submit in bed. Conversely, she may seem shy and innocent but then love to take control once she lets her hair down. Unless she's intentionally giving off vibes to probe you, you'll just have to get to know her the old fashioned way.

(in reply to caged221)

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 3:22:22 PM

NothingIsTaboo4U

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If you hold the door for her and she cusses you out, she's dominant.

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 3:35:12 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NothingIsTaboo4U

If you hold the door for her and she cusses you out, she's dominant.

Please tell me you're being facetious.

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 3:43:23 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Damacis

Very difficult to tell strictly from brief social interaction. She might be dominant in her personal/work life but love to submit in bed. Conversely, she may seem shy and innocent but then love to take control once she lets her hair down. Unless she's intentionally giving off vibes to probe you, you'll just have to get to know her the old fashioned way.

This. Of course, so many people think that being into BDSM frees them from the old fashioned way of actually getting to know someone as a person first. Everyone thinks you can categorize everyone into a box of their "role" within D/s and that is crazy. There is no black and white here.

As others have said, it is the energy that develops between two people that defines THEIR particular relationship, not just any Dom/Domme and sub will do.

(in reply to Damacis)

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 3:45:59 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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I could think of worse places to try to meet women who are into BDSM than bars, but I'd have to work at it really hard and if I wanted to be working really hard right now, I wouldn't be fucking around on these message board.

The BEST place to meet women who are into BDSM is in your local BDSM community. Unfortunately, I can't tell you where that is, because according to google maps, San Juan, Maryland doesn't exist.

I can tell you that the best way to find your local BDSM community is on Fetlife, under "Places."

That's about all I'm willing to do for you here, as it will soon start to seem like working. You'll have to make your own effort.

(in reply to caged221)

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 9:42:11 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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lol That was funny, Harry.

Actually, OP, people can seem entirely different in social situations than their D/s role. In a regular social situation, I highly doubt that I "appear Dominant." Add to that discrepancy the fact that many women - and men too - try to appear a certain way to get what they want. When I used to be sub, I had "Dominant" men write to me and, over time, say they wanted me to Dominate them.

You will have much better luck just meeting and getting to know women the old-fashioned way. Also, like Harry said, go to Fetlife and check out "Places." While you're there, Check out "Events" and then click on "Near You." Links to all the kinky stuff happening in your area will pop up.

NBMG

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 10:12:24 PM

imogenempire

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Joined: 8/3/2013
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True dominance doesn't need to be advertised. It will emerge as the relationship progresses. I would be wary of anyone who randomly announced "I'm a domme!" without being explicitly asked. Maybe they want to create an image, or maybe they just learned the word, but either way, they don't sound like they're on top.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 10:14:33 PM

seekingreality

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Joined: 8/11/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: caged221

Often I'll notice a sort of assertive/bratty look and assume the girl is dominant but later it turns out that things are completely the opposite.

Not surprising if you are making assumptions on such flimsy information.

quote:

Even more so, sometimes things will come up on the first date / at a bar and she'll actually say explicitly that she's a domme, but of course this was a ruse... probably to see if I was dominant.

More likely it's a joke or flirtation rather than a test.

quote:

If you had to give a percentage, how many girls would you say are actually dominate and not just using it as a hook?

Depends how you define dominant.

(in reply to caged221)

Post #: 14

RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 10:47:07 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caged221
That specific girl (who said she was a domme) was later crawling around with beers in her hand (???) no real explanation given or asked for.

Regardless of which side of the kneel that specific girl resides on, it sounds to me like she has alcohol issues. Are you sure you'd want to get involved with that anyway?

NBMG

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/6/2013 10:58:33 PM

LadyPact

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How to tell if a woman is Dominant.

Tell her she's not and watch her not give a damn about your opinion.

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 1:01:58 AM

metamorfosis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

How to tell if a woman is Dominant.

Tell her she's not and watch her not give a damn about your opinion.

Sunny Quote of the Day?

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 1:09:10 AM

Gauge

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They all carry Twue Dominant ID's. When they are asked by anyone if they have one they must show it to the person asking. If they do not have one then walk away.

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 1:31:13 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

How to tell if a woman is Dominant.

Tell her she's not and watch her not give a damn about your opinion.

Sunny Quote of the Day?

I'll "Second" that.

(in reply to metamorfosis)

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RE: How to tell if a woman is dominant? - 8/7/2013 5:24:36 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caged221

Often I'll notice a sort of assertive/bratty look and assume the girl is dominant but later it turns out that things are completely the opposite.

So you're not reading them right. Gotcha.

quote:

Even more so, sometimes things will come up on the first date / at a bar and she'll actually say explicitly that she's a domme, but of course this was a ruse... probably to see if I was dominant. That specific girl (who said she was a domme) was later crawling around with beers in her hand (???) no real explanation given or asked for.

This bothers me a LOT. Not only was she confused and/or misrepresenting, but that she "switched' so readily. I'd suspect that she took cues from you, which you may not have been aware of. Also, that the change took place with no communication - why didn't you ask her what was going on? Finally, you assume this was a ruse to flush out whether you're Dominant - the way you talk of it implies that women do that kind of trickery regularly.

quote:

I just feel this is always the way it goes. Maybe I'm attracting the wrong people?

If I understand you correctly, you assume that deception is the natural course of events, based on a single occurrence?

quote:

If you had to give a percentage, how many girls would you say are actually dominate and not just using it as a hook?

Again, you assume that numerous women deliberately misrepresent as Dommes. That bothers me a lot.

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