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RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 9:17:06 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

In fairness, I should read other posts of yours and find out the other things this guy does.


Here ya go:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4515266/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4515266

quote:

Hi everyone. I'm sheela. Sorry if my post seems very dumb but I honestly didn't know who else to ask. I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. He is much older than me which is okay by me ( I'm 24 he is mid 40) and I'm crazy for him. About a month ago he told me that he enjoys bdsm and wants me be to be his sub and stuff. I never ever even heard of it. When I asked what it means he said "from now on , you have no saying and I'm in charge". I'm a very shy and geeky lol so I thought it shouldn't be a big deal. We had what he calls a "session" on Friday and he loved it but to be honest my body is still sore and I didn't enjoy it at all. I was just following his orders and it was incredibly painful . Is there a way for a "sub" to actually enjoy it or you just have to take it because your Dom said so? He is not good at communicating ( he gives general explanations like no whining no crying but screaming is ok, or if i ask questions in the middle i get punished ..) and hates it when I ask too many questions so I just shut up...Thank you very much for reading my post


quote:

He did do warm up for a few minutes ... Worst part was using the belt on me and anal after that . He has no lube policy so for anal he pushes until its in. I don't wanna complain and nag but I bleed after that...


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 9:27:52 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		A wannabe master that is in reality an abuser.


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 9:37:39 AM   
getoutnow


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/5/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

A wannabe master that is in reality an abuser.



Yeah and exactly. Yes sheela22 its me commenting on another one of your threads. What do I have to say, OMG. This guy is a total jerk. Why havent you figured it out yet?

I'm TPE. When I get a sub, I lock everything down. But guess what, I prefer to see my sub flourish, be happy. I've never needed to lock away my sub away from the world, like she is a prisoner like you are becoming.

I've been to weddings with subs, I've been in parties with other friends. I've made sure my sub always had constant contact with family.

When I get a sub, she is always walking on cloud 9. Always happy, always smiling. She steps out of line, gets put in her place. But its something that was agreed when we met up.

Lets put this in comparison with you.

You are not submissive.
You didn't seek out your current Dominant.
You entered into a vanilla relationship, giving up everything you had for some loser.
He suddenly proclaims himself Dom, you slave and you need to do all he says. Because you gave up everything for him, you feel you have to go with it.
You don't seem to get any sort of gratification from this relationship.

He calls you Panda probably because you constantly cry your eye liner down your face.

I find this whole situation deplorable.

I just wish I knew where you guys lived. I'd call the cops, I'd call his work, I'd call the social services. I'd out this guy as an abuser and screw his life up totally. Womens rights groups would be all over this guy like a rash.

He's a jerk simple. I just wish you could see it and walk away. Any life is better than the one you have now.

< Message edited by getoutnow -- 8/12/2013 9:38:23 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 9:45:37 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: getoutnow

You are not submissive.



I disagree. I think she has a submissive personality. She's not A submissive and she's not submissive in a good way.

She has not figured out how to set boundaries and stand by those boundaries, which means that she will continue to find men that treat her like a doormat.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 10:29:08 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

He did do warm up for a few minutes ... Worst part was using the belt on me and anal after that . He has no lube policy so for anal he pushes until its in. I don't wanna complain and nag but I bleed after that...



Oh Jeebus.... this one. OK, I read that thread already.

So, it hasn't sunk in yet that this guy who made you bleed from your ass because he thinks using lube is gay and now wants you to have to work in order that you can see your friends, it hasn't become clear he is an idiot?

I got nothing. Either you are extremely naive or you are posting to get a rise from people. I would like to think that you couldn't be this blind but alas sometimes it takes something more serious to get peoples attention. If you can't see the problems then no one is going to convince you that there is one... a bad one.

Good luck. You will need it.


_____________________________

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I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 10:41:21 AM   
Sheela22


Posts: 199
Status: offline 		Sorry for the delay. I had a meeting regarding my new job.
AthenaSurrenders : Thank you so much. I don't know what will happen if I miss couple of nights. I have to ask him about it...
Gauge : No Paris or Rome vacation is planned. My home town is 2.5 hours flight away. He wants to spend the New Year's together alone ( no plan yet) , rather than spending it at my friend's wedding
Theshytype: That's what I'm afraid the most. He doesn't let me go alone and he wants to come with me. He hates my friends and I don't want my friend's wedding get ruined because my partner and my friends cant get along
getoutnow : He calls me Panda because I'm Asian (well half Asian).

He doesn't wanna isolate me. He just doesn't like my friends. He is also a very private guy and I have a big mouth and over share stuff.

Thank you everyone. I'll ask him more about his "deal" but I probably will tell my friend that I cant attend

ETA: Had to fix the spelling mistake

< Message edited by Sheela22 -- 8/12/2013 10:54:32 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 10:42:38 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Unlike some of the other folks, I honestly AM too lazy to read the other thread. I will tell you something though.

I honestly can't remember the last time that such a high percentage of posters that I happen to respect were so overwhelmingly in agreement that somebody's Dominant was an asshole. If that's not telling you something, OP, whether you attend a wedding or not is probably going to be the least of your problems.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 10:54:56 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

Sorry for the delay. I had a meeting regarding my new job.
AthenaSurrenders : Thank you so much. I don't know what will happen if I miss couple of nights. I have to ask him about ...
Gauge : No Paris or Rome vacation planned. My home town is 2.5 hours flight away. He wants to spend the New Year's together alone ( no plan yet) , rather than spending it at my friend's wedding
Theshytype: That's what I'm afraid the most. He doesn't let me go alone and he wants to come with me. He hates my friends and I don't want my friend's wedding get ruined because my partner and my friends cant get along
getoutnow : He calls me Panda because I'm Asian (well half Asian).

He doesn't wanna isolate me. He just doesn't like my friends. He is also a very private guy and I have a big mouth and over share stuff.

Thank you everyone. I'll ask him more about his "deal" but I probably will tell my friend that I cant attend


No matter how much my husband disliked a person, he would never be so much of an asshole that he would RUIN THEIR WEDDING. You should never have to be worried about the way your partner will act in public. If nothing else, this friend is important to you, and if he isn't capable of showing her and you basic respect of spending one whole day behaving nicely then he isn't capable of basic human interaction. The fact that this is even a concern is worrying.

He doesn't want to isolate you, he just doesn't like any of your friends. Think about that. Do you really think he'd tell you that he was trying to isolate you? That's not how it works. He does it by making you or them feel so uncomfortable you naturally drift apart. He has a problem with all of your friends? All of them? What are the odds of that? The common denominator here is him.

The more you excuse his behaviour, the more you show us how bad it is.


_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 10:55:27 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
Sorry for the delay. I had a meeting regarding my new job.
AthenaSurrenders : Thank you so much. I don't know what will happen if I miss couple of nights. I have to ask him about ...
Gauge : No Paris or Rome vacation planned. My home town is 2.5 hours flight away. He wants to spend the New Year's together alone ( no plan yet) , rather than spending it at my friend's wedding

Bad move.
No decent dominant would put you in such a position to have to chose.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
Theshytype: That's what I'm afraid the most. He doesn't let me go alone and he wants to come with me. He hates my friends and I don't want my friend's wedding get ruined because my partner and my friends cant get along

Then don't risk it - don't take him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22 
getoutnow : He calls me Panda because I'm Asian (well half Asian).
 
As long as it is done in a nice way and not snarky or derogatory.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
He doesn't wanna isolate me. He just doesn't like my friends. He is also a very private guy and I have a big mouth and over share stuff.

From everything you've posted, this is exactly what he is doing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
Thank you everyone. I'll ask him more about his "deal" but I probably will tell my friend that I cant attend

I wouldn't bother to ask.
I would tell him you are going and going alone and it's NOT up for debate.
And personally, I would have another bag packed and stashed somewhere and not bother returning.

Seriously Sheela, you are just making up excuse after excuse for this jerk you call a master.
Everyone is trying to tell you that, but you aren't listening.

How can I say this without sounding too nasty????
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS TOSSPOT BEFORE HE DOES YOU SOME SERIOUS HARM!!

Have I said that plainly enough??

(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 11:08:02 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Sheela - let's look at this another way. This friend who is getting married. Imagine she phoned you up and said 'I'm so happy, I'm getting married! The only thing is, last month he told me I no longer get any say in the relationship and have to do as he says. He also makes me have anal sex without lube, even though it makes me bleed, and he won't let me see my friends.' What would you think? Wouldn't you be worried? Wouldn't you want her out of there.

DO NOT MISS THIS WEDDING. It will hurt her deeply, and she is one of the people you will need to pick up the shattered pieces of your self-worth once this train wreck is over.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 11:08:25 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:



ORIGINAL: Sheela22
getoutnow : He calls me Panda because I'm Asian (well half Asian).


That dont make a lick of sense, why not call you a yellow-crested cockatoo?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 11:11:28 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22

He doesn't wanna isolate me. He just doesn't like my friends.


And the end result is.....he isolates you.

Go with the asshole rule: If you meet 1 person and you think they're an asshole, they're probably an asshole.
If you meet 3 people and think they're all assholes, they might be assholes. If you meet 10 people and you think they're all assholes....you're the asshole.

I'll tell you that if he doesn't like any of your friends, there's a problem....and it's not your friends.



Master doesn't like all of my friends. In fact, he thinks a couple of them are beyond annoying. But, he wouldn't stop me from speaking to them or being with them.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 11:17:05 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

No matter how much my husband disliked a person, he would never be so much of an asshole that he would RUIN THEIR WEDDING. You should never have to be worried about the way your partner will act in public. If nothing else, this friend is important to you, and if he isn't capable of showing her and you basic respect of spending one whole day behaving nicely then he isn't capable of basic human interaction. The fact that this is even a concern is worrying.

He doesn't want to isolate you, he just doesn't like any of your friends. Think about that. Do you really think he'd tell you that he was trying to isolate you? That's not how it works. He does it by making you or them feel so uncomfortable you naturally drift apart. He has a problem with all of your friends? All of them? What are the odds of that? The common denominator here is him.

The more you excuse his behaviour, the more you show us how bad it is.


Agreed!

_____________________________

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(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 12:14:01 PM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
http://datingasociopath.com/
Gradually, he will isolate you from those people who give you support. He will make comments, so that you fall out with those people. He knows that having you alone and isolated from support is where he thrives best. He doesn’t want you to talk to other people, who might warn you off of him.

Maybe those people close to you did try to warn you. But with his help, you shut out those friends, after all they were just jealous, bitter, they don’t have what you have?

Please read the link I posted.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 12:22:59 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		I think this guy is more of an abuser than a dom or master. However, if she chooses to stay with him considering all that has been said against such action, there is really nothing more we can do except try to locate the city she lives in so we can send flowers when this asshole kills her.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 12:26:04 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I know. She just keeps coming up with excuses to justify his bad behavior and I'm just concerned that she's going to end up a statistic.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 12:37:19 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

The more you excuse his behaviour, the more you show us how bad it is.



Agreed.

But, I have a hard time believing she would have asked this question in the first place without knowing what kind of response she would have received. (I'm keeping my complete thought regarding this to myself).

Regardless of what type of person he is (my opinion doesn't matter here), lack of communication and trust seem to be pretty evident here. I've never known a successful relationship without those.


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 12:40:51 PM   
Sheela22


Posts: 199
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Sheela - let's look at this another way. This friend who is getting married. Imagine she phoned you up and said 'I'm so happy, I'm getting married! The only thing is, last month he told me I no longer get any say in the relationship and have to do as he says. He also makes me have anal sex without lube, even though it makes me bleed, and he won't let me see my friends.' What would you think? Wouldn't you be worried? Wouldn't you want her out of there.

DO NOT MISS THIS WEDDING. It will hurt her deeply, and she is one of the people you will need to pick up the shattered pieces of your self-worth once this train wreck is over.


Even if he let me go alone it wouldn't be fair to him. He will be alone all by him self on new year's . If he comes with me I will be so nervous because I don't want any fight at my friend's wedding . Plus it wouldn't be fair to him if I ask him to spend the new year's with people he doesn't like.
Initially I set a deadline for our current relationship ( if things don't get better ill leave). If I decide to leave I guess I can attend the wedding.

_____________________________

I type from my IPad.. please excuse my typos

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 12:42:20 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Who was with him last new years, and the new years before that, and before that, and........

He will live.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: What would you do? - 8/12/2013 12:50:01 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sheela22
Even if he let me go alone it wouldn't be fair to him. He will be alone all by him self on new year's . If he comes with me I will be so nervous because I don't want any fight at my friend's wedding . Plus it wouldn't be fair to him if I ask him to spend the new year's with people he doesn't like.


Yes, God forbid he should be an adult and make a sacrifice of a few hours for someone he loves.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Sheela22)
Profile   Post #: 40
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