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Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 6:27:22 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Had a discussion today about when it's ok to kiss someone without permission and not be a rapey creep. My opinion is, almost never.
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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 6:29:17 PM   
splatterpunk


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Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline 		yeah. i mean, if they're about to step into the path of a fast moving bus or something.

or if they're in THE MOSH PIT. there are no rules in THE MOSH PIT.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Had a discussion today about when it's ok to kiss someone without permission and not be a rapey creep. My opinion is, almost never.



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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 6:31:08 PM   
Baroana


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quote:

ORIGINAL: splatterpunk

yeah. i mean, if they're about to step into the path of a fast moving bus or something.

or if they're in THE MOSH PIT. there are no rules in THE MOSH PIT.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Had a discussion today about when it's ok to kiss someone without permission and not be a rapey creep. My opinion is, almost never.




The OP actually was about kissing specifically.

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 6:31:14 PM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Had a discussion today about when it's ok to kiss someone without permission and not be a rapey creep. My opinion is, almost never.


Yeah, unless you're a close friend, a close relative, or Himself...you're not going to like my reaction.

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 6:31:58 PM   
splatterpunk


Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline 		well then yeah. like that picture of the sailor kissing the unsuspecting woman on v day after world war ii. so fucking trashy :(
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: splatterpunk

yeah. i mean, if they're about to step into the path of a fast moving bus or something.

or if they're in THE MOSH PIT. there are no rules in THE MOSH PIT.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Had a discussion today about when it's ok to kiss someone without permission and not be a rapey creep. My opinion is, almost never.




The OP actually was about kissing specifically.



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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 6:53:43 PM   
Baroana


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Status: offline 		It is an atrocious feeling to get kissed by someone who's pushing himself on you. And people do it in the darndest times and places.

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 7:03:40 PM   
DaddySatyr


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Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		I'm a bit confused. The title mentions touching but, apparently, we're really talking about kissing.

So, now I need to know if we're talking about the way I was raised - in European families - where we hugged and kissed on the cheek, all the time or if we're talking about tongue tonsilectomies?

I am definitely a hugger and a cheek kisser, if I feel fairly close with a person. It's just how I was raised. Don't get me wrong. I'm not the guy hugging everyone at a party but, if you've been invited to my house, you're getting a hug and a couple of cheek kisses, as you cross the threshhold and I've always believed that if someone will accept a hug, they won't mind a little "corner of my mouth on their cheek" type kiss.

Now, there have been times when a few of my more hyper-sensitive male friends have offered some slight objection but, they understand that it is just a show of affection that means nothing sexual.

However, I'm guessing that we're talking about the other kind of kiss. The one that is almost always wrong unless there is a pretty deep level of intimacy.

I guess the simple answer would be: If she's never touched my winky, of her own volition, there's no reason for me to be probing her mouth with my tongue.



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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 7:04:11 PM   
Aylee


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Status: offline 		What kind of kiss are we talking about? Where you give a hug and kiss on the cheek? Or where you try and force your tongue past the uvula?

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 7:09:08 PM   
Baroana


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

What kind of kiss are we talking about? Where you give a hug and kiss on the cheek? Or where you try and force your tongue past the uvula?



What I had in mind when writing the op was ANY kiss. Hand, cheek, whatever. I think it's time to spread the message that it's not ok.

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 7:30:04 PM   
DesFIP


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From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		From a stranger? Never.

But I'm accustomed to the peck on the cheek from and to people I really am not very intimate with. Europeans and South Americans do this a lot. So when seeing an acquaintance from such a culture, it doesn't bother me. And therefore, it doesn't much bother me from anyone.

It's a cultural thing. Doesn't mean anything.

Hand kissing though, most likely will make me roll my eyes at you and lower you in my estimation.

And in a work environment, almost always inappropriate. If a female coworker comes in and says she's engaged or pregnant then other females can be excused for hugging her and saying congratulations.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 9/3/2013 7:34:55 PM >

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 7:37:45 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Had a discussion today about when it's ok to kiss someone without permission and not be a rapey creep. My opinion is, almost never.


When I'm in a relationship with him. Period.

ETA: After reading further...if it's just a peck on the cheek like in a European greeting, I'm ok with it. I'm not thrilled with it but I can accept it and shrug it off. If a man takes my hand and kisses it as in the old gentlemanly days, I might possibly smile and take it willingly if he has also shown he is a gentleman in other ways. If he's kissing my hand and trying to ACT like a gentleman but is only coming off as creepy then I would pull my hand away and wipe it off on a napkin.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/3/2013 7:42:09 PM >

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/3/2013 8:34:32 PM   
tommonymous


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Joined: 1/21/2013
Status: offline 		I'd make a cultural allowance. I'd also back off when someone starts to invade my space outside those specific circumstances.

After that, things get tricky. As a straight male, I'm almost automatically at fault when I punch someone who's made me uncomfortable in this way. To riff on a line in The Way of the Gun: In America, straight men cannot punch women or gay men without being at fault. (I understand the history, but that doesn't preclude the possibility of shitty behavior on the part of women or gay men.)

ETA: I won't be helping to spread your message since, as I said above, I do believe that there are times when it is okay.

< Message edited by tommonymous -- 9/3/2013 8:35:42 PM >

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/4/2013 2:43:06 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		context is everything. as a cultural greeting, or goodbye then while I may not be hugely comfortable with it i'll accept it. same with the old gentlemen and hand kissing. other than that keep your hands and anything else off of me.

DrG and I went for a meal over the weekend and while watching a group of grandparent age people with one said grandchild I noted that one of the men touched one of the waitresses. I commented on this to DrG and a little later he said that he had also seen this guy touch her. She was a young girl in either her late teens or early twenties, but no matter how old she was it was inappropriate touching. I didn't like it and had I been with him i'd have commented on it. had I have been her I would also have commented on it, but she didn't. Himself did suggest that because of this guys age that maybe it was a 'thing' like a gentlemanly guiding hand. however, in this day and age, and the way things have moved on so much it's just not appropriate to assume that what you are doing is acceptable.

I can see it as been difficult from both side of the coin.

needles

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/4/2013 4:26:14 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I agree context is everything. Some people are more touchy feely than others, and *some* use that as a cover for inappropriate physical touch or kiss.

Since I'm the type that can and will freeze a man's cojones off with a look, it doesn't bother me. I make it clear what is and what is not appropriate when dealing with me. *Very* few men have needed me to give them that look more than once.

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/4/2013 5:30:08 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		I do a lot of cheek kissing with my closest friends and relatives. A hug and a quick cheek kiss. For my friends that weren't quite used to it, they looked at me like Id violated their space with wide eyes. I think they like it now. Its how I show my love for them. Romantically, its the right moment thing for most people. Stealing a kiss and they aren't feeling it sucks. Ive put my my hands on someones chest before to keep them from it. Its not like I was leaning in giving the come hither look.

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/4/2013 6:38:57 AM   
Hillwilliam


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Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I see 2 times when it's appropriate to touch someone without permission.

1. Crowded noisy room and you need to pass thru. A gentle touch on the shoulder accompanied by "Excuse me please".

2. Something fast and painful/dangerous is headed their way and they don't know about it.

Both have happened and I've never had a problem with the first and after the person realized what could have happened, I have been thanked for the second.

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/4/2013 6:42:43 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		Women aren't the only people who don't like strangers kissing/touching them. I personally do not like anyone invading my private space. I'll make allowances for people I know, certain situations (funerals, weddings, emergencies etc). Aside from that, don't fucking lay a finger on me. I view the world as me having a six-foot bubble of personal airspace around me at all times. Enter that at your own risk. And I don't care how cute/hot/drunk/horny someone is-I can, will, and have put women in their place for not asking first.

Guys who do that have found themselves staring down a very angry man. I don't do 'bro-hugs' unless its something that falls within my exclusions I listed above. It's okay to tap me on the shoulder if you want to get by-I'm not sociopathic to that extent, but go no farther. My friends and associates are fully cognizant of this and respect that. I'll allow a stranger one chance because they don't know my stand on this. Once. Fuck up again and they will find themselves in a very ugly situation.

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/4/2013 8:25:18 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		If your cultural norm is kissing, then you better keep your cultural norm the hell away from me.

It is absolutely correct that both men and women are offenders as well as victims. Personally for me, I have felt awkward when kissed by women. However, certain men have made me feel downright violated.

In this day and age, lips are over the line of what is ok to assume you can touch someone with. If it is ok in other countries, then do it there.

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/4/2013 8:55:55 AM   
Gauge


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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

If your cultural norm is kissing, then you better keep your cultural norm the hell away from me.

It is absolutely correct that both men and women are offenders as well as victims. Personally for me, I have felt awkward when kissed by women. However, certain men have made me feel downright violated.

In this day and age, lips are over the line of what is ok to assume you can touch someone with. If it is ok in other countries, then do it there.



Oh... I see where this is headed now. The victim mentality in this country is so rampant. You have a voice don't you? Then use it and speak up if it offends you to the point of feeling violated. Don't ask people from other cultures to change what is normal to them just so they can conform to your way of thinking. Rather wear a big sign on your head saying NO TOUCHING ME WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION. That should solve the problem for you.

Me? I am just not that uptight.

I have known Middle Eastern men, they have hugged and kissed me... their friends did the same because that is their culture. There are a few people I know as acquaintances who have hugged and kissed me, that I judge on a case by case basis. Sure it is a little strange because that is not our norm but you know what, I am all about embracing other cultures and different, harmless ways of showing that you care about someone.



< Message edited by Gauge -- 9/4/2013 8:56:19 AM >

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RE: Inappropriate touching - 9/4/2013 8:57:28 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Just do the phony "air kiss".

Then you have offended no one.

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