quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie



I didn't quote all of the examples given because I agree that some are of the more extreme and can't reallky be justified.  In short, the world is full of flawed individuals.  Maybe some are more flawed than others, but I tend to think some flaws are just more blatant and "public" than others. Every time I look at someone and think, "That idiot," I end up showing my own idiocy somehow; it is quite humbling.  Anyway, I have trouble standing from a pulpit and declaring who is less common sensical than I.  Surely that pulpit will fall the moment I do.
[/quote

I have similar thoughts.......Sometimes I find myself thinking * Oh yes, What an absolute twit*, quietly to myself .........and then that awful realisation that *I* have been the self -same *twit*.....in other situations. I agree that it's incredibly humbling.

The act of *being human* , in this way,has far more to do with that intricate balance of using common-sense that we own, in as many situations as we are able....and asking, or using other's ideas of it when we aren't sure.....and fucking-up and learning, other times.

No matter how we are able to write, or how superbly articulate we are, it's terribly difficult to pass to other people EXACTLY how things appear to us.

Yes, the world is populated with *flawed* individuals....if that's the sense in which we view it......I seem to have more in common with humans that embrace their * flaws* than the seemingly *righteous*.

agirl

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We have people who pack their things and cast off their lives and move across country to be with someone they have never met because they told them to.

quote:

A close friend of mine did that.  Has been happily married to him for 6 years now.

I would say that this is an exception to the rule. Erin is talking about the submissive who sold everything she owned and moved to her new Master, she met online, and then within days was being told to go back home. Home? To what? She sold everything and gave up her home. I'm sure if we all dig hard enough we can find those exceptions to the rule about that, but for the most part, there is no common sense in my opinion to someone giving up everything they own to move to someone they never even met in person.  There is no rationality in that, in my opinion. Take that and a dollar bill and it will get you a cup of coffee.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We have people who pack their things and cast off their lives and move across country to be with someone they have never met because they told them to.

quote:

A close friend of mine did that.  Has been happily married to him for 6 years now.

I would say that this is an exception to the rule. Erin is talking about the submissive who sold everything she owned and moved to her new Master, she met online, and then within days was being told to go back home. Home? To what? She sold everything and gave up her home. I'm sure if we all dig hard enough we can find those exceptions to the rule about that, but for the most part, there is no common sense in my opinion to someone giving up everything they own to move to someone they never even met in person.  There is no rationality in that, in my opinion. Take that and a dollar bill and it will get you a cup of coffee.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I'm not referring to women who have been conditioned over time. I fully understand all of the dynamics of abuse. What I don't understand is when women who also fully understand come into this lifestyle and have to ask if abuse is ok because some idiot is telling her that it's part of this lifestyle and to suck it up.

Because there are a lot of idiots out there saying that abusive behavior *is* a part of this lifestyle and should just be sucked up. And if you've come out of an abusive life then knowing what is and is not abuse can be confusing. And when there's no one around, other than the person telling you to suck up the abuse, it's hard to know what to think.

New people need good mentors and, unfortunately, there aren't many out there willing to invest their time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I find it interesting when seemingly intelligent and articulate people seem to not be able to find within themselves one ounce of common sense when it comes to WIITWD. Often times on here and in real life circumstances I encounter people who seem to be in the normal range of the intelligence scale...if not above average...but who seem to lose all sense of direction or equillibrium when it comes to matters that pertain to this lifestyle. It's almost as though there is some disconnect that happens in their brain that prohibits rational thinking when they become involved with another kinky person. It seems to me that most of the questions and issues that people have can be answered with "use common sense". Even those who are new should understand that basic concept.

Any thoughts on why this seems to occur? Do people just get so caught up in it that their judgements get clouded?

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We have people who pack their things and cast off their lives and move across country to be with someone they have never met because they told them to.

quote:

A close friend of mine did that.  Has been happily married to him for 6 years now.

I would say that this is an exception to the rule. Erin is talking about the submissive who sold everything she owned and moved to her new Master, she met online, and then within days was being told to go back home. Home? To what? She sold everything and gave up her home. I'm sure if we all dig hard enough we can find those exceptions to the rule about that, but for the most part, there is no common sense in my opinion to someone giving up everything they own to move to someone they never even met in person.  There is no rationality in that, in my opinion. Take that and a dollar bill and it will get you a cup of coffee.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We have people who pack their things and cast off their lives and move across country to be with someone they have never met because they told them to.

quote:

A close friend of mine did that.  Has been happily married to him for 6 years now.

I would say that this is an exception to the rule. Erin is talking about the submissive who sold everything she owned and moved to her new Master, she met online, and then within days was being told to go back home. Home? To what? She sold everything and gave up her home. I'm sure if we all dig hard enough we can find those exceptions to the rule about that, but for the most part, there is no common sense in my opinion to someone giving up everything they own to move to someone they never even met in person.  There is no rationality in that, in my opinion. Take that and a dollar bill and it will get you a cup of coffee.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

fast reply:
 
Nobody gives you a damn handbook when you enter the wonderful world of bdsm (or life).  Each person has to feel their way around, mess up and hopefully learn.  As most know, I have done my share of that.  It wasn't the best way to do things, but I have learned a lot.  I think that so-called "common sense" can't be generalized... to the outside world being beaten with a belt holds none. 
 
It is very easy to sit and say what someone should do, or shouldn't do.  We have all done it and probably had it done to us.  I have learned that I have no clue what I would do until faced with the situation myself, no matter how many times I played out in my head that I could have been "smarter". 
 
I can now sit back and look at what I did recently and say "I wish I would have waited till this thing was taken care of" but I didn't.  I have had to pay the price for it and continue to on a daily basis.  Did I learn something? Yes.  Will I do it again ever?  I have no idea.  I can't answer anything until it were to come up again.  I had the offer to do that before and never did it.  This time was different, next time might be also.
 
I don't accuse anymore, I don't try to tell someone they are dumb because they do something, if I can't understand their reasons... I just chalk it up to the fact that I am not them and have no idea what filters anything in their lives comes thru.  I may see them on here some, but in truth.. I don't know them and what they face in their daily lives.  That is what takes away my right to sit in judgment. 
 
                                andrea (ticia)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We have people who pack their things and cast off their lives and move across country to be with someone they have never met because they told them to.

quote:

A close friend of mine did that.  Has been happily married to him for 6 years now.

I would say that this is an exception to the rule. Erin is talking about the submissive who sold everything she owned and moved to her new Master, she met online, and then within days was being told to go back home. Home? To what? She sold everything and gave up her home. I'm sure if we all dig hard enough we can find those exceptions to the rule about that, but for the most part, there is no common sense in my opinion to someone giving up everything they own to move to someone they never even met in person.  There is no rationality in that, in my opinion. Take that and a dollar bill and it will get you a cup of coffee.

Thank you MistressOfGa. It's ok though. No matter what anyone on here ever attempts to point out...there will always be those who want to point out the exceptions to the rule as if it makes the "rule" flawed. It doesn't make the rule flawed...it makes the outcome of the exceptions lucky. Yes, I was referring to the recent post...but only in part. I was also referring to the countless submissives I have seen over the years get themselves into that very same situation...with the very same outcome. Sure I know people who are exceptions to the rule too. But that doesn't mean that the rule isn't the more common sense approach. It is sometimes easier to label me as critical, intolerant, unsympathetic and self righteous than it is to say...hey, maybe using more common sense is a good idea. Having to be responsible for applying common sense to your own life seems to be about as popular as being personally responsible for anything else. The message that I was trying to get across is that just because you enter into this new world, it doesn't make all of the common sense you would normally apply in making decisions null and void.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

Something everyone seems to ignore is that this is a totally different culture. There are completely different ways of looking at *everything*. The language is different. Polite behavior is different. Clothing is different. "Toys" are different. With the addition of on-line porn playing with extreme fantasy and making it seem like the norm within WIIWD, people come in confused. There's no guide book to read and know how to find out what is real and what is fake. There are few people who will bother with a newbie who is full of questions and trying to find their way in the morass of information and misinformation that is out there. People stumble and fall in the process of learning because they don't know where using their "common" sense is appropriate and where it is not. Some of what I learned as "common courtesy" is considered dangerous behavior in the community. Knowing where to draw the line can be difficult. Then there's the fact that different places have different rules. Different Dom/mes /Master have different requirements that go directly contrary to what others require.

Coming into this is very confusing. While it seems that using common sense and common courtesy should be easy enough, I've learned that it isn't always the best way to go.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We have people who pack their things and cast off their lives and move across country to be with someone they have never met because they told them to.

quote:

A close friend of mine did that.  Has been happily married to him for 6 years now.

I would say that this is an exception to the rule. Erin is talking about the submissive who sold everything she owned and moved to her new Master, she met online, and then within days was being told to go back home. Home? To what? She sold everything and gave up her home. I'm sure if we all dig hard enough we can find those exceptions to the rule about that, but for the most part, there is no common sense in my opinion to someone giving up everything they own to move to someone they never even met in person.  There is no rationality in that, in my opinion. Take that and a dollar bill and it will get you a cup of coffee.

I also know someone that did that.. she was my girlfriend and we were together for four years.  Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't.  What may be right, or even seem right to one person, doesn't to the other one.  None of us..NONE have any right to call anyone anything, or put them down when they don't do what we think they should.  I am sure many things in every persons life could be called stupid, or irrational..how is it my right..or yours..or anyone elses to decide that? 
 
You don't sit to think how that person is hurting now, or what they are having to face for their decision.  Maybe they wish they hadn't done it, maybe they are glad they did.  Only the person that went thru that can say for sure.  I get so tired of people resorting to name calling though, just because someone doesn't do or say something in the percieved "correct" manner.
 
It must be nice to walk thru this life in perfection, never doing anything wrong, or making any mistakes.  I wish I could say the same, but luckily I can't...or unluckily...guess I will let you all judge that.
 
                                  andrea (ticia)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

We have people who pack their things and cast off their lives and move across country to be with someone they have never met because they told them to.

quote:

A close friend of mine did that.  Has been happily married to him for 6 years now.

I would say that this is an exception to the rule. Erin is talking about the submissive who sold everything she owned and moved to her new Master, she met online, and then within days was being told to go back home. Home? To what? She sold everything and gave up her home. I'm sure if we all dig hard enough we can find those exceptions to the rule about that, but for the most part, there is no common sense in my opinion to someone giving up everything they own to move to someone they never even met in person.  There is no rationality in that, in my opinion. Take that and a dollar bill and it will get you a cup of coffee.

I also know someone that did that.. she was my girlfriend and we were together for four years.  Sometimes things work, sometimes they don't.  What may be right, or even seem right to one person, doesn't to the other one.  None of us..NONE have any right to call anyone anything, or put them down when they don't do what we think they should.  I am sure many things in every persons life could be called stupid, or irrational..how is it my right..or yours..or anyone elses to decide that? 
 
You don't sit to think how that person is hurting now, or what they are having to face for their decision.  Maybe they wish they hadn't done it, maybe they are glad they did.  Only the person that went thru that can say for sure.  I get so tired of people resorting to name calling though, just because someone doesn't do or say something in the percieved "correct" manner.
 
It must be nice to walk thru this life in perfection, never doing anything wrong, or making any mistakes.  I wish I could say the same, but luckily I can't...or unluckily...guess I will let you all judge that.
 
                                  andrea (ticia)

Oh good Lord....I am in NO way sitting in any kind of judgement. I posted my opinion, like I said, that and a dollar will get you a cup of coffee. I did not call ANYONE names, nor did I start this thread. I posted to it, it doesnt mean I agree or disagree. Yes, as a matter of record, I do think it is irresponsible to sell your house, move you and your family to another state to meet someone you met only online. The key word here is *I*. It is only what I feel. I didnt say you were stupid. I said it is irresponsible behavior, in MY opinion. If you dont want other peoples opinions, don't post about what is going on in your life on an open forum.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
But is calling this person "stupid" really productive?  Who and what does it serve?