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Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 12:43:21 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I have a question. I am posing it because I am seriously considering becoming a Switch. Before this Q is transferred to the "Ask a Switch" forum, please consider the reason for it: I need answers from non-Switches, too (if people answer).

If I decide to become a Switch, I will do it regardless of what anyone thinks, but - I am curious why some people seem to think Switches are akin to untouchables.

If I became a Switch, I'd stay a submissive if I was with a Dominant person, and stay Dominant if I was with a submissive person, right? (Unless they were Switches, too and wanted to Switch in the middle of a scene or something).

**So what is the issue? Does that not happen often, in reality?
Is there some doubt about their "committment level" to their partners? What?

I do not want to turn this into a Switch bashing sesssion - I am just curious.
Even  I, when I was seeking a partner, would only look at Dominant profiles, even though it is obvious Switches would/could be Dominant as well. Why do some people do that? 

**The other question I have is: Is it more fun? Do you really get "double the fun"? I mean you do double the odds for a partner I suppose. Do you get more free stuff at conventions?

This is a serious question, and not meaning to offend anyone - so please don't take offense. Thanks to any who answer.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/5/2006 12:45:32 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 12:46:40 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		For the very reason that you state yourself...

Master has her/his doubts about your ability to stay Slave/Submissive always.
Slave/Submissive has his/her doubts about your ability to stay Master always.

Nobody wants back and forth except other Switches........for the most part.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 12:49:40 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Two reasons people are put off by switches, usually non switches.

1. It upsets us that you may try to usurp our roles-or dissillusion us, as to our vision of an ideal opposite match.

2. And if that is not the issue-one of care, that we may not be able to meet the needs of a switch-when we have no desire to.

I know this may seem silly to those of you who switch-but emotions are strange things, and cannot always be reconciled purely by logic.

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 12:51:05 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

For the very reason that you state yourself...

Master has her/his doubts about your ability to stay Slave/Submissive always.
Slave/Submissive has his/her doubts about your ability to stay Master always.

Nobody wants back and forth except other Switches........for the most part.

Ron


Spot on Ron, the inconsistency violates comfort zones.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 12:51:34 PM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		I was alpha slave for many years When My relationship ended I discovered I could not submit to anyone again but My craving for topping continued I learned to top and then am slowly becoming total domina. I used to say bisexual switches are just really confused people I transformed not switched but I feel the above post does have a point especially the idea of switching in the middle of a scene. I can however see that an alpha slave have a toy or play thing of their own BUT under the guidence of their dom/me while they make the general day to day limits and such the dom/me would make the final call.

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 12:55:34 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you so far, everyone, for your answers.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/5/2006 1:34:05 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to scratchingpost)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:00:47 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I actually have alot of respect for switches... I just personally can't manage it. My former Master had me top one night at a party.. a sub he was interested in. He said I sucked at it....and I puked afterwards...LOL

But those that can.. KEWL!!!


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to scratchingpost)
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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:01:16 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

**So what is the issue? Does that not happen often, in reality?
Is there some doubt about their "committment level" to their partners? What?

I would think that there would be a time when the switch would want to dominate.  Dominating me is not going to happen which leaves dominating someone else.  How could that person get what they need from that when to do so may directly usurp particular directions I have for the person as my submissive?  I would not rule out a switch in certain instances but the type of relationship I am looking for does not really jive with  someone who truly has the desire to dominate someone else on occasion.  If the person were in a particularly dominant frame of mind yet was supposed to serve me, would that pose problems?  A power struggle? 
I think the first 2 responses you got hit the nail on the head.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:03:10 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I guess I see it as something only likely to be a problem for someone who was Mono.

Someone identifying as Switch is, to me saying they want/need to express both the submissive/bottom and Dominant/Top parts of their personality. Obviously inside a Mono relationship, the only outlet for that is the one person they are involved with. If, like me, that person doesn't switch then, gosh, something of an apparent mismatch.

Personaly, being Poly, I see no problem with a girl of mine having a pet of her own and thus an outlet for the side of her that has nowhere to go with me alone. 

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:07:29 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Bingo Raven.

If I decide to return to poly in the future-switches won't then be an issue-it will stay within the family.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:07:37 PM   
Clothespingirl


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		Hi, Susan,

I'm dating two men right now, a dom and a switch.  They definitely have a different "feel".  It's a rather subtle distinction.  The dominant man is doing it because dominance is exactly what he wants, and it's all he wants.  The switch man will often use very similar words and actions, but they feel different because he's doing it to please me. So for a sub, that reduces a bit of the emotional charge.

The pleasure seems roughly equal with both of them - with the dominant man, it comes from pure emotion, and with the switch man, from a great deal of skill and experience.  I guess I'm trying to say that there's more than one way to skin a cat - or a sub!

(My switch partner actually lists himself as a dominant - that's the role he mostly takes, and he says that women wouldn't talk to him when he identified as a switch.  Silly women!  Their loss is my gain!   )

So explore and find out what you are.  Have a blast, you'll find somebody who likes you!


_____________________________

"Cheeky bitch"

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:10:34 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I really do appreciate the insight being brought to me, here - and hope from the bottom of my heart this is not hurtful to Switches (it may be nothing they haven't heard before anyway). I am truly seeking insight here.

Actually, on a personal level, I know I get so "into" the person I am with that if they were Dom (or submissive) I can honestly state (for now) that it would not occur to me to want the "flip side" when I was with them (really). Because that would maybe hurt them. There must be Switches out there who feel that, too.

I have no experience being a Switch - so I am just postulating. But  - I can't see myself saying to a committed submissive: "Hey, I really want you to spank me now", knowing they are just not into it, or insisting I get my "needs met" knowing that is not something they really want to do (ever). Ditto for being with a Dominant.

Yes, being Poly would solve some of this if one were a Switch, I suppose.

Thanks for reading...

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/5/2006 1:16:11 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:14:49 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Spot on Ron, the inconsistency violates comfort zones.



       Yes, heaven forbid anyone should violate the nifty little rules so well established in the chatrooms or step outside the convenient boxes we are all supposed to stay inside.  Gotta watch the 'comfort zones' of the insecure who will protest just a bit too much to be convincing.

     To the OP, be who you are and declare it with pride.  Switching is a lot more common than the image obsessed losers wanking in Mommy's basement will ever know or admit.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:15:19 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		That's the hard thing susan,a lot of people don't get involved with switches, not out of contempt-but because we don't want to hurt them.

But for whatever reason, rejection is going to hurt.

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:17:36 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Spot on Ron, the inconsistency violates comfort zones.
 


     Yes, heaven forbid anyone should violate the nifty little rules so well established in the chatrooms or step outside the convenient boxes we are all supposed to stay inside.  Gotta watch the 'comfort zones' of the insecure who will protest just a bit too much to be convincing.

   To the OP, be who you are and declare it with pride.  Switching is a lot more common than the image obsessed losers wanking in Mommy's basement will ever know or admit.


Can you try to be just a LITTLE more contemptuous of people you neither know or understand?

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/5/2006 1:18:41 PM >

(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:19:46 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
Actually, on a personal level. I know I get so "into" the person I am with that if they were Dom (or submissive) I can honestly state (for now) that it would not occur to me to want the "flip side" when I was with them (really). Because that would maybe hurt them. There must be Switches out there who feel that, too.


I have certainly met girls like that... actualy I've had a couple of girls who where switch in the past and there was only one where it became an issue that resulted in the ending of the relationship. It certainly can be done, an some girls do honestly not switch whilst submitting to a fully Dominant person. With all bar that one, it wasn't that they didn't "want to hurt my feelings" but rather that who I am drew out their submissive side only.

It is simply how identifying as switch is percieved (at least by me) in the want/need to express both sides which can only realy be accomplished by finding another switch OR going down some varient of a poly situation.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:20:44 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe I will just lie (as was suggested). It seems to be such a huge deal for some folks - and they have a right to want what they want - they really do - no argument there. I could always be the one doing the approaching (I have no problem with that, when I decide to seek a partner).

Of course now I've already "outed" myself I guess. I am not sure what I want, I'm really just not (heck I've only had one partner in my whole life, and can say that I think I lean more toward submissive, but can see myself Switching - I tried to visualize it the other day, for hours on end, and It wasn't as big a deal for me to do that as I originally thought it might be.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/5/2006 1:21:23 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:21:29 PM   
findmedaddy


Posts: 254
Joined: 5/18/2006
From: Maine
Status: offline 		A man I loved and who loved me broke up with me over this....I can't switch, it just isn't in me, and he needed me to. I sure don't think of him as untouchable, just someone who needs something I can't provide.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:27:32 PM   
EndConfusionNE


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/5/2006
Status: offline 		Susan:
 
Dominance and submission are personality traits.  It is genetic that we all have these traits within us.  Like all personality traits, in different individuals these traits will show up in different ways and in different degrees.
 
We all have it within us to be kind.  But some people are rarely kind.  We all have it within us to be mean.  But some people are rarely mean.  Similarly, we all have it within us to be both dominant and submissive.  Even the most submissive of us can turn dominant if, for example, our children are threatened.  Even the most dominant of us submits to a boss, a customer, a professor, a traffic cop or whatever.  We all both dominate and submit in our lives.
 
Where things can become confusing is when we try to be both at the same time, or both within the same relationship.  The old comedy line, "Who's on first?" can become "Who's on top?"
 
OTOH, we can have clearly defined areas within a relationship within which we "switch" "roles".  I wish I owned a woman who is an accountant.  LOL!  I'd gladly defer to her accounting expertise and let her keep the books and do the taxes!  Let her hell!  I'd order it to be so.

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Switching and Social Death - 7/5/2006 1:28:16 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Can you try to be just a LITTLE more contemptuous of people you neither know or understand?


     Well, I could, but I seem to have gotten past the explosion that follows having that particular button pushed.  My comments weren't intended as a personal attack against you Caretakr, but against the "guardians of the faith" in general. 

      And yes, I have a great deal of contempt for those who consider themselves experts on things they have never actually done. 

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 20
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