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What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to please you? - 1/20/2014 4:46:18 PM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline 		For this thread, I will ask the question - from a man's action-oriented perspective - but before I do, as a novice submissive, I must state up front that the question itself purposefully ignores the critically important personal chemistry aspect of any loving and caring D/s relationship.

This question is solely about desired acts and action.

QUESTION:
What do you, as a Dominant woman mostly WANT your submissive male counterpart to DO for you in order to please you?

CAVEAT: Being male, I understand that many men want their cock stroked, or to be the center of attention, or whatever is focused on the male appendage; but this question isn't aimed at me, or at men in particular - it's asking DOMINANT WOMEN like you what YOU want out of your submissive men.

HOMEWORK: To get an idea, I previously surveyed surveying the web, mostly D/s FemDom art from the 1920's to date (Malteste, Sardax, Namio, Lady Carole, Czarina, etc.), and came up with this tentative list:
[ ] Sub performs housework
[ ] Sub accepts obedience training
[ ] Sub volunteers his enforced chastity
[ ] Sub is spanked or otherwise punished to experience pain
[ ] Sub is objectified
[ ] Sub pays money
[ ] Sub is helplessly bound
[ ] Sub is used as a toilet
[ ] Sub is used as a tongue or hand or other useful appendage
[ ] Sub is humiliated publicly or privately
[ ] Sub is used for cleanup activities
etc.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 5:17:27 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I want My submissive to ask Me directly, rather than try to make it some kind of percentage poll. He's serving Me. Not a category of a bunch of folks on the internet.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Ilyrium)
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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 5:27:57 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		I want him to SERVE and not expect me to service him. Don't make the mistake of thinking there will be anything remotely resembling kinky sex or play involved. That is not service.

Beyond that, what I want depends on the situation and my relationship with the person. It's completely individual.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 5:33:26 PM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline 		Depends on my whim at the time but I can tell you thing, your list doesn't even come close.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 5:36:24 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		My most meaningful act of service occurred while weeding the sidewalk cracks at a yoga retreat center while in the seva, or selfless service program.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selfless_service

Selfless service or Seva (a Sanskrit word) is a service which is performed without any expectation of result or award for the person performing it.

Religious significance

The idea of selfless service (seva also sewa) is an important concept in most Indian religions and yogic traditions. Because God is perceived as having a relationship with others, as well as oneself, serving other people is considered an essential devotional practice of indirectly serving God. Service to make life easier for others. It is one of central tenets of Sikhism. [1]

"Living creatures are nourished by food, and food is nourished by rain; rain itself is the water of life, which comes from selfless worship and service." - Bhagavad Gita, 3.14 [2]

Selfless service is also important in Christianity. Jesus often preached it (Matthew 20:25-28, Mark 9:35; 10:42-45, Luke 9:46-48; 17:7-10, John 13:12-15), and both Peter and Paul, respectively, wrote about it (1 Peter 4:10-11), (2 Corinthians 4:5, Philippians 2:5-7, Colossians 3:23-24). Christian singer Ray Boltz' song "I've Come to Serve" is about Jesus' command to His Apostles (after He washed their feet) to serve each other as He served them (John 13:12-15).

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 1/20/2014 5:37:48 PM >

(in reply to Ilyrium)
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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 5:45:16 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Selfless service is also important in Christianity. Jesus often preached it (Matthew 20:25-28, Mark 9:35; 10:42-45, Luke 9:46-48; 17:7-10, John 13:12-15), and both Peter and Paul, respectively, wrote about it (1 Peter 4:10-11), (2 Corinthians 4:5, Philippians 2:5-7, Colossians 3:23-24). Christian singer Ray Boltz' song "I've Come to Serve" is about Jesus' command to His Apostles (after He washed their feet) to serve each other as He served them (John 13:12-15).


In Judaism, the term is mitzvah. It not only refers to the act itself, but the obligation we have to perform it.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kalikshama)
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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 5:47:27 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Ah, yes, I remember my former boss's son making gift baskets for the needy at Thanksgiving as a mitzvah.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 6:20:47 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I would want my submissive to ask me what he can do for me, not ask a bunch of strangers on CM what they want.

As for your list, the only thing on it I can see wanting specifically is for him to do some housework for me. I like cleaning but there are some things I don't like and I would dearly love for him to do them for me. Otherwise, I don't consider the rest of your list service. Sure, I enjoy spanking, but that's not service, that's play.

To answer your question What do you, as a Dominant woman mostly WANT your submissive male counterpart to DO for you in order to please you?, well, it entirely depends on the place, time and situation. But I'd want him to do whatever it is willingly and without grumbling about it.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to kalikshama)
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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 6:49:53 PM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
I would want my submissive to ask me what he can do for me, not ask a bunch of strangers on CM what they want.


Understood.
But, one can LEARN more by asking Dommes, at large, than the small (very small) percentage that are local enough and interested enough to be a potential Domme.

So, one can learn MORE by asking here - than by emailing every Domme within 30 miles the same question (don't you think?).

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 7:30:42 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium
But, one can LEARN more by asking Dommes, at large, than the small (very small) percentage that are local enough and interested enough to be a potential Domme.

So, one can learn MORE by asking here - than by emailing every Domme within 30 miles the same question (don't you think?).


Sure a person can learn more by asking a larger sample. But if you want to know what "your" Domme wants of her submissive, what we think doesn't matter. Only what she thinks.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 8:08:14 PM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
what we think doesn't matter. Only what she thinks.


Ah, but I haven't yet met a Domme ... so ... alas ... there's nobody to ask except you! :)

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 8:23:31 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		You can ask every single Domme in the entire world what they would want but then you could meet the one you are going to serve and she could want something completely different from all the rest. Thus asking everyone who is not your Domme does absolutely nothing for you.

Would you ask every single woman in the world, what would you want your husband to do? What good would that do? You could meet that one woman who doesn't want any of that at all. Then what? Are you going to dictate to her that she's doing it all wrong because all the other women said differently?



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Ilyrium)
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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/20/2014 8:48:36 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		I realize I am exhausted, but... a mans action oriented perspective is femdom art? Oh god, the mind pictures. Wank, wank... I can think of no other action that could come of that.

What could it possibly matter what a dominant woman wants if this is only role play? Are we talking role play here?

I want nothing... nothing I tell you.

PS... reading about oral and car mechanics in the same sentence, about made me gag.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 1/20/2014 8:49:43 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 6:01:12 AM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
a mans action oriented perspective is femdom art?


You have a good point.
But, in the absence of actual play, all we have left are our ideas, and, the ideas of others.
Since "my" predilection is to please someone else, it's really "their" ideas (within limits) that I wish to fulfill.

How else, other than inquisitions such as googling and asking here, would you suggest I get ideas for how to serve a Dominant woman?

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 7:13:32 AM   
MissessMia


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline 		I've only skimmed the thread but I think I understand that you are trying to learn about Dommes as a whole to get a better understanding of what to expect if/when someday you find the One that you were meant to serve. It is a relative. I disagree with some that you shouldn't ask CM but I would do the same in your shoes. What could be better than giving your future 100% before it even happens?

What I want as a Domme is for my submissive to LIVE to make me happy. That could mean decorating my morning coffee tray with sugar cookies or some other creation of his own doing without direct orders from me. It often means that he does something that I don't have to ask of him, above and beyond the lists and lists of things I give him to do, and the extra mile is truly what it is that makes me happy. He is brilliant at going above and beyond in terms of little gifts because he adores Me.

For me, being treated as though I truly am his everything and him showing me by giving me everything he has to give every day is what I want from my submissive.

< Message edited by MissessMia -- 1/21/2014 7:14:15 AM >

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 8:16:13 AM   
FriendlyMuppet


Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia



What I want as a Domme is for my submissive to LIVE to make me happy.


It took me years of service to finally discover that THAT is what I was seeking as well (as the one serving). And I'm not making this post to be self-serving, but to point out that it took me those many years to figure out that's what I was actually seeking. In that learning phase, I explored so many things, thought I wanted so many different things and saw the whole idea of service from so many facets that seemed to change on an almost daily basis. Going from one dominant to another, I kept thinking that I was learning some inner truth about what ALL of them wanted, and what I slowly discovered was that I was basically serving my own needs and pretending to myself that I was actually learning what THEY wanted.

It took all of those experiences (and the reason I'm writing this) to realize that even though other submissives who had done the trials before had told me something similar to this, it wasn't until I was ready to understand that what I would eventually seek would come from finding an individual to whom I desired to serve and then to make myself into being whatever she wanted and needed of me. I know it sounds pretty simple, but when you're in the seeking phase, and I keep reading so many threads that are so like I was way back then, you find yourself convinced you know it all, or can be all to all.

These days, I find myself serving female friends of mine not even in the lifestyle, finding ways to make them happy and making their lives better. They don't even have to know I'm submissive, but in the end I get great pleasure knowing that I did something that made them smile or just relieved that something was taken off their plate of things they have to do. Yeah, it's not going to get any femdom porn written about it, but fortunately, I'm way past that kind of thinking these days.

_____________________________

My Novels:
The Cell's Door: http://amzn.to/19I6VA1
Forced to Serve: http://amzn.to/108DByv

(in reply to MissessMia)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 8:30:41 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		I do believe there is a disconnect on this thread and the reason is, we have lifestyle dominants with a man that sincerely wants to serve WHEN he serves on a part time basis and in ROLE PLAY. I do believe one can sincerely play his part, but the lifestyle domina isn't interested in being a dirty little secret kept from the rest of his orderly life... the one he visits to get his kink on.

Actually, I think the OP is a lot better than a lot of others that show up here wagging something, but is still in that area of play, that makes it play rather than a respect for a dominant and what we do.

Whether he realizes it or not, he has belittled dominant women down to... the dirty little secret fantasy mistress that he wants to go to see, that will allow him his fantasy of submissive play and that isn't just sexual. Which seems to be the case with many others that show up around here.

He has been respectful in his disrespect, yet as fantasy filled as many others.

Ilyrium, I can see some hope for you believe it or not and you may be headed in the right direction by asking questions, but I don't see many dominant's giving you that chance. What you need to understand is that this is not role play for most of us. This is how we live. The typical dominant woman is not your fantasy player that will allow herself to be whittled down to a fantasy... though we can surely be one... we are far more than that. We typically are strong, independent women that fend for ourselves in life and are not expecting a submissive to pick up the slack of our lacks.

When you can see what we all do, including the submissive aspects of it all, without the negative, dirty little secret aspect, you may understand a bit better. While one says... I just wish to serve and will clean and do whatever my dominant wants and yet her position in your life is hidden from the rest of your life and is at the moment based on cartoons and fantasy, you have degraded both dominants and submissives that take this far more seriously.

I am not sure that is your intention, but the bottom line is that this is what you have done. Rather than reading or watching things that play into the kink, I think it would be very nice if you could actually meet a d/s couple that would willingly show you how this role reversal type of relationship can actually be more than role play. Take a seat if you will and hold your questions for the moment, until you can see dominant woman as more and actually see yourself as more. You miss the beauty of a d/s relationship and what it could provide you, if you were able to see the benefits. When you see more of the reality... and not the sexual play... see dominant women as someone you would respect rather than kinkily serve, you may get a clue or two you didn't expect.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 1/21/2014 9:29:42 AM >

(in reply to MissessMia)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 8:33:55 AM   
MissessMia


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/20/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FriendlyMuppet


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissessMia



What I want as a Domme is for my submissive to LIVE to make me happy.




These days, I find myself serving female friends of mine not even in the lifestyle, finding ways to make them happy and making their lives better. They don't even have to know I'm submissive, but in the end I get great pleasure knowing that I did something that made them smile or just relieved that something was taken off their plate of things they have to do. Yeah, it's not going to get any femdom porn written about it, but fortunately, I'm way past that kind of thinking these days.


Stealth submission. :) That is serious submissiveness in my opinion: Selfless serving.

(in reply to FriendlyMuppet)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 8:50:58 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Thank you FriendlyMuppet, for such a great post!

(in reply to MissessMia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 4:43:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium
How else, other than inquisitions such as googling and asking here, would you suggest I get ideas for how to serve a Dominant woman?

That's kind of the point. It's the woman that you are dealing with that matters. If that woman isn't in the picture, it's just mental masturbation.

If you honestly want to serve a Dominant woman, here's what you missed on your little list. Listen to her about the way SHE wants whatever it is that she wants. It's not a popularity quiz. It's not what other people think. If you're going to say it's all about her, then let it, sincerely, be about HER.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 20
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