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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 6:39:25 AM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline 		I've been told, recently on CM, that my mind is likely a victim of "porn contamination".

In a way, that must be true, but the femdom art didn't start the process - the brain went out and searched for ideas that reflected upon the feelings. So, the consensus seems to be that I've located all the wrong femdom art, that embodies the feelings. Some even say the right femdom art doesn't even exist.

I would think it must - considering art is merely a visualization of feelings.
But, if there is no accurate femdom art portraying anything remotely realistic (which, I must trust in art that that statement be untrue), then, that's the reason for this wholly non-visual cerebral question in the first place!

Does anyone know of a femdom image that DOES accurately portray the emotions involved in being a Domme with control over a sub?


(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 6:43:27 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMJAY
Having a great sex life is as important to us as it is to any other woman (vanilla or lifestyle), but as human beings we would like it very much if submissive men did not approach us dick first.

I can see it now. Thousands of submissive males will be walking sideways today.

Baaa rump pum pum.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MsMJAY)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 7:02:33 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium

Does anyone know of a femdom image that DOES accurately portray the emotions involved in being a Domme with control over a sub?




The thing is, femdom cartoons are not made with accuracy in mind, they're made with arousal in mind. So naturally they will have a sexual focus, exaggerate boobs and penises and butts, and depict some of the most popular male sub fantasies. They are aimed, almost exclusively, at the male sub, not the female dominant, so naturally they include the typically male fantasy elements.

By definition you're not likely to find realistic femdom drawings because that's not what they are made for. It's like trying to find a realistic action movie - they're not supposed to be accurate depictions of espionage and combat, they're supposed to get your blood pumping with big explosions and incredible feats of daring and strength. You wouldn't say 'I want to learn about the realities of working for the MI5 so which is the most realistic James Bond film?' Likewise Elementary is not how murder investigations are conducted, and Pirates of the Caribbean is just a fun story, not a documentary.

The best way to get accurate ideas is to talk to real human beings (as I see you are trying to do) and actually listen to what they say. Read non-fiction books about D/s and BDSM. And so some soul searching. Are you just looking for kinky sex? Are you hoping for a whole D/s relationship? Ask yourself what you imagine daily life would be like. Ask yourself whether you would feel happy when she sent you out to the store because she wants ice cream, or just wants to snuggle and watch tv, or wants to have sex but not including your big kink. These are the types of things that will never be made into femdom porn drawings, because they don't tend to get sub male dicks hard.

By all means enjoy your femdom art, just recognise it's a fantasy and balance it out with some reality.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 10:14:52 AM   
MsMJAY


Posts: 515
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

I would not actually ask these questions myself, no matter if I was talking to a vanilla woman or a dominant woman. But I find comparisons like this to be somewhat lacking in clarity.
For one thing, I don't think anyone would just go up to strangers on the street to ask questions like this. In the context of this forum (in which various "how to" questions are asked and discussed), it doesn't seem terribly out of line or outside of the forum guidelines.

I never said the questions were against forum guidelines. The post obviously falls within those guidelines otherwise it would not still be here.

I don't think that dominant women are an alien life form, although I can understand how such a perception can be formed from the point of view of a sub male who might already view himself as an alien life form.


If that is how they view themselves then they really need to work on themselves personally instead of trying to find another person to validate them. If a sub does not have a healthy view of himself he most certainly will not have a healthy view of me and would not be suitable as a partner.

Society tells us how we're supposed to be, how we're supposed to act, and what we're supposed to see - at least as far as how dating, relationships, and sex are supposed to work for "normal" people. For those who don't feel "normal," it's difficult to understand and perceive what "normal" actually is. It's natural to wonder whether there are others out there just as "abnormal" as they are, and that's where these kinds of threads and questions come into play.

Believe me as women we know better than anyone the constraints that society will try to place on people. However I don't see the posts from women asking men about their dicks and what they want sexually from women, or what "tasks" they would like women to perform for them in a relationship. But "normal" is not hard to understand if a sub is after something more than his sexual kinks. The rules do not change just because someone may feel like this forum is the answer to all their kinky problems.

I agree that the average woman can always find a man who wants to have sex with her, but to be honest, it's not that much different for the average man and his ability to find a woman who wants to have sex with him. But even in vanilla or lifestyle relationships which don't start off "dick first," sooner or later, sex and intimacy are likely to enter into the picture. That's where it can get a bit complicated, although it may be a male trait to try to want to simplify things. It's not simple, yet we want it to be, and therein lies the trap that some men fall into.

Its the "sooner or later" that I am referring to. And I do not see too many posts from women here asking men what they want sexually from women or what tasks they would like to see the women in their relationships perform. Sex will come up but it cannot be conversation number one. Neither can a man come to me with a bunch of bad information he got from women on the internet. (And nothing personal ladies, but if any woman tells a man that I am in a relationship with, what I want from him then that is bad information.)

It only becomes complicated when a sub male thinks I am something other than a woman. The question should not even be how to treat "Dominant woman" it should be "how should you treat a woman." The same rules apply. Most of the vanilla men I have dated and currently date are more polite, more gentlemanly, and frankly more submissive than the so called submissive guys who tend to approach me. If anyone wants to know why there are so few Dominant women in the lifestyle- this is a big factor.

/color]





(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 10:29:21 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Ilyrium,

You are a perfect example of a man that objectifies, categorizes and insults women and men, by your actions on these forums. I have seen you get credit for writing a good profile and while it may be expressive and says exactly who you are and that may be good, I think it a shame. That a man can get credit for objectifying women and insulting the very women you claim to want to serve, when it is all a kinky secret you wish to hide away from your real life. You do more in the way of setting back the Fred Flintstones of the world and putting certain women in a category of the dirty women that are to be used for your pleasure, than many others.

It isn't that you enjoy 'art' that is the problem. It is that you make 'art' something that is compared to real life women and they are to fit into your 'artful' use of them. You come to this forum and act as if it is your little playground and want to know why we don't fit or do the things you expect us to do based on your desire for 'art'. You speak of service without a clue as to what it really is and you make it dirty and disrespectful with the way you wish it all to be.

How is it service to come clean and please a dominant woman, when you wish to keep her a secret and your dirty little secret... that polishes your knob and lets you eat her pussy... in your time, when you think you can afford some time to visit and be of service when it is nothing more than a shameful thing you do with a shameful woman that is there for your escape and enjoyment? Have you once thought about how you disrespect women and call it kink, art, good sex and service?

You continue to hang on to your fantasy, despite what many have said here.

Some may just say you are doing your thing and its okay... you just don't want bdsm or kink to be a part of your life in certain ways... that anything goes and no one should say anything about your kink because it isn't their kink. Well, how open minded of them.

I am going to tell you here and now... your shameful objectification of dominant women and insult to those that live a certain lifestyle, including men that relate to us differently, is obviously deeply rooted in your 'artful' brain. You are proving to be the example of the many men that join you in this shameful behavior of calling something that it isn't based on your visual pleasure of all things cartoonish and unrealistic expectations that valuable women are to be compared to it, provide it and then disappear while you go back to your more presentable life until you desire a bit more of your dirty little secret.

Women have fought to make headway in all things and you try to keep us in the stone-ages for your pleasure. So go enjoy it... I am sure you will have women rushing to cater to your 'kink' of degrading women and good submissive men. Stupid people are everywhere. There are needy women that would jump at being your dirty little secret.

However, you won't find many dominant women that are willing to be objectified for your pleasure and that is exactly what you are doing. You are insulting not only our kink, but our gender and various other things.

I hoped that you could see with a bit of information and expression of how you are coming off, but you will not see because you continue to hold on to your fantasy. Being a very intelligent and educated man, one would think that you could get it... thus the contamination comments and the feeling that more than one dominant has about you, that you will never get it. So therefore, your objectification of women is intentional and a choice.

How's that working for you?

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 11:06:22 AM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium

Does anyone know of a femdom image that DOES accurately portray the emotions involved in being a Domme with control over a sub?



Yes, I personally know of dozens. But they are private between my partners and me. Sorry.

My guess is you're still not getting it. An accurate femdom image could be the radiant smile on your dominant's face as her feet are being massaged exactly the way she likes it. It could be the look of relief she displays when she hands you the grocery list and knows you will be back in a few minutes with what she needs. It could be the earnest look of concern in her eyes as you share something difficult or hurtful that your boss or your sister or long-time friend said or did. It could be the innocent, closed-lash image of your dominant in peaceful sleep early in the morning as you rise ahead of time to prepare her coffee just the way she prefers it, then serve it to her in bed when she wakes. It could be the broad smile and hug of appreciation you receive when you check the odometer of her car, note that it's time for an oil change and tire rotation, then either do it yourself or take it somewhere for her.

Not the wanky images you were hoping for? Sorry again. Do you see the common theme here? These are the images of a happy, satisfied woman who can and will probably want to be very generous indulging your kinky desires. If you skip that all-important crucial step of pleasing her in every way important to her, you get nothing unless you pay for it. Even then, where is the connection? Where is the affection? Where is the genuine power exchange?

As is often said here on these forums: you will pay in time and attention or you will pay in money. Pick your preferred currency and get comfortable with it.

And I agree, if you haven't already, get rid of the 'action' pictures on your profile. As is also repeatedly stated on these boards, women process imagery differently than men. We will not see your pictures and fantasize ourselves in them with some guy we haven't met and therefore don't give 2 figs about. We will see them and think 'wank-centric and clueless about women. Next!!'

That is all from me on this thread. I'm about out of words to continue paraphrasing the same concept yet again.


< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 1/23/2014 11:14:52 AM >

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 11:42:46 AM   
MsMJAY


Posts: 515
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium

Does anyone know of a femdom image that DOES accurately portray the emotions involved in being a Domme with control over a sub?




here is one


here's another one



And this one always gets me hot

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 11:49:09 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline

I love it MsMJay! Perfection!

Thank you...

(in reply to MsMJAY)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 11:50:41 AM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMJAY
I don't see the posts from women asking men about their dicks and what they want sexually from women, or what "tasks" they would like women to perform for them in a relationship.


I don't frequent those posts, if they exist, but, I would agree they probably don't exist in teh same number and vein as the questions of men asking women such questions.

It seems to me, (a guy), that guys are as simple as a dog. It doesn't take a whole hellova lot to figure us out, as many of you have figured me out. We (at least "I") aren't in the least complicated in what we're looking for.

The distance, between the sexes, appears to be that what we're looking for isn't always the same thing.

It seems that women, in general, here, are asking questions about "why" men do what they do, or about "relationships" and how to understand them. Whereas, I, as a guy, want to know more the "what" and relationships really, are a dime a dozen for me.

I can have any (vanilla) relationship I want. They are as easy to get as women find it to have sex. But, in "my" life, relationships aren't all that much of a need, just as, for women, sex isn't all that much of a need.

Hence, I think the reason for the misunderstanding of me, about women, and, perhaps (although that's not my beef), the reverse of women for men.

(in reply to MsMJAY)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 11:54:22 AM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMJAY
here is one
here's another one
And this one always gets me hot


Aaaaurrrrrgggggghhhh! Yuck!
Those are disgusting!

In the words of our famous Supreme Court judge, I know [that's not femdom art] when I see it!

I'm flaggiong the censors immediately!!!

:)

(in reply to MsMJAY)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 11:57:00 AM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMJAY
I never said the questions were against forum guidelines. The post obviously falls within those guidelines otherwise it would not still be here.


Of course, but I wasn't sure what you meant when you asked if these were "typical" questions.

quote:


If that is how they view themselves then they really need to work on themselves personally instead of trying to find another person to validate them. If a sub does not have a healthy view of himself he most certainly will not have a healthy view of me and would not be suitable as a partner.


Why do you say it's unhealthy? I certainly never said that. Some people are non-conformists and seek out friends/dating partners who are equally non-conformist. I don't think there's anything unhealthy about marching to a different drummer.

quote:


Believe me as women we know better than anyone the constraints that society will try to place on people. However I don't see the posts from women asking men about their dicks and what they want sexually from women, or what "tasks" they would like women to perform for them in a relationship.


It depends on where you look. There are women's magazines I see at the checkout stand which offer advice to women as to "what turns men on." There may not be as many posts here from women asking men about related topics, but there are some. But there are plenty of daytime talk shows, advice columns, self-help and how-to books out there dealing with sex and relationships. Someone must be buying them.

quote:


Its the "sooner or later" that I am referring to. And I do not see too many posts from women here asking men what they want sexually from women or what tasks they would like to see the women in their relationships perform.


Oddly enough, my observation is that women tend to ask other women about what men want. It's actually the same for most men, as men will tend to ask other men for advice about women. Posts such as the OP are actually somewhat rare here, even for men. I don't see that many of them either.

quote:



Sex will come up but it cannot be conversation number one. Neither can a man come to me with a bunch of bad information he got from women on the internet. (And nothing personal ladies, but if any woman tells a man that I am in a relationship with, what I want from him then that is bad information.)


Then why does anyone bother asking for or giving advice at all? Personally, I probably wouldn't ask for advice around here.

quote:



It only becomes complicated when a sub male thinks I am something other than a woman. The question should not even be how to treat "Dominant woman" it should be "how should you treat a woman." The same rules apply. Most of the vanilla men I have dated and currently date are more polite, more gentlemanly, and frankly more submissive than the so called submissive guys who tend to approach me. If anyone wants to know why there are so few Dominant women in the lifestyle- this is a big factor.



I don't doubt this at all, although being polite and gentlemanly is the easy part.






(in reply to MsMJAY)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:00:30 PM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
You are a perfect example of a man that objectifies, categorizes and insults women and men, by your actions on these forums.


Sadly, you're probably correct.
I am not looking for a relationship.
I'm looking for kinky sex.
So, I'm asking questions, about kinky sex, of people, who care more about relationships, than they do about kinky sex.

Now, I guess that makes me bad.
But, for some reason, I still don't feel like a jerk about it.
I guess that makes me even worse.

But, at least, I'm being honest about what it is that I need and want.
I'm NOT saying anyone else is dishonest (as how would I know) - but - if by being honest with my questions, I am found out to be "disrepectful" of women, in general ... well ... I guess I "am" being disrespectful of women.

That still doesn't change my sincere desire to better understand what Femdom women actually DO with their submissive men - it just may make the answer a lot less interesting. If that is the truth of the matter, then, well, that's the truth of the matter.

I know a LOT more now, about the answer, than I did just a few days ago, and, for that, I thank you!

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:01:03 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Another misconception that women don't need sex. Why do you think they make all those toys that look a bit like certain parts of a male?

We like sex just as much as men do and our men know it.

If you are really interested in learning something... you might tone down the opinions and actually listen long enough to learn, rather than evaluating things you clearly don't understand.

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:02:23 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium
I can have any (vanilla) relationship I want. They are as easy to get as women find it to have sex. But, in "my" life, relationships aren't all that much of a need, just as, for women, sex isn't all that much of a need.

You might be best served by building a relationship with a woman who likes you, where you make it clear from the get-go that you want some kind of femdom kink.

An approach I've successfully used when meeting women on vanilla sites is to say, after we have emailed a bit, or maybe on the first phone call, "I'm really enjoying getting to know you. I hope we meet in real life and really like each other. I want to tell you something about me. Hopefully you'll think it's a positive, but, either way, you have a right to know. I'm pretty kinky. For example I really enjoy doing (X thing). It's very important to me. I hope that wasn't too forward, not trying to be creepy, just trying to be honest."

I've never gotten a "you're gross" response. Women have said things like, "That sounds wonderful," and, "That's too bad, I don't think we'll be compatible," but they've never been mad at me for being direct.

Then, when you do have that first date, she has an idea of what she'd be getting into.

Also, my (possibly inaccurate) read on you is that you want a vanilla relationship with lots of kink, as opposed to a female-led relationship. So I wouldn't discount vanilla if I were you. Some of those vanilla women are quite experimental.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:05:40 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Thank you Ilyrium, for teaching me something about myself.

I now believe castration is an option.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:10:07 PM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
My guess is you're still not getting it. An accurate femdom image could be the radiant smile on your dominant's face as her feet are being massaged exactly the way she likes it.


You're probably correct, in that I don't (yet) get it.

However, I DO get the whole concept of pleasing a woman.

In point of fact, I embody the desire to please, and to not only strive to invoke her bidding, but to also endeavor to evoke her orgasmically uncontrollable shivers, and, yes, that comprises a host of physical responses, including that wonderfully satisfied radiant smile bestowed upon me for my actions.

I think my major "mistake", if any can be categorized, is in thinking that there is something specific, of interest to Dommes, for the submissive to "DO" in order to accomplish that lofty but well-intentioned goal.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:13:11 PM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
Another misconception that women don't need sex.


Good catch. Mea culpa.
What I meant, and what can't be proven, but, which seems to be a fruit borne out of this discussion, is that women don't (generally) need sex OUTSIDE a relationship.

Men, and I really don't speak for men, so, to be more clear, I only speak for myself, I can be perfectly happy serving a Dominant woman for HER pleasure, yet, outside of a relationship, per se.

Again, I guess that makes me bad, but, at least, it doesn't make me dishonest.

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:15:24 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		So are you married?

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:17:58 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium
In point of fact, I embody the desire to please, and to not only strive to invoke her bidding, but to also endeavor to evoke her orgasmically uncontrollable shivers, and, yes, that comprises a host of physical responses, including that wonderfully satisfied radiant smile bestowed upon me for my actions.

If you want this without a relationship, my question to you is whether you have disposable income. I know a foot fetishist in real life who finds most of his partners on SeekingArrangement.com. It works out pretty well. He buys her groceries and gives her some spending money, she kicks him in the balls with a lovely pair of heels, everybody's happy.

Or,if you want to use CM, if there are findommes who live local to you, you could write them and say, hey, I don't have a fin fetish, but I would like to be dominated from time to time, and maybe I could take you shopping, or put a smile on your face in some other way?

That's probably the fastest way for you to get a semi-relationship going with a woman who will enjoy topping you.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:25:20 PM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
If you want this without a relationship, my question to you is whether you have disposable income.


While I have plenty of disposable income (I'm very comfortably retired after having sold much stock recently), rest assured, I am fully cognizant that to hire a woman for almost any kind of sexual act is trivially easy, and has been so since the beginning of time. Out here, in the south bay, all I need to do is type "bdsm" into redbook, for example, and fifty hookers within 20 miles of locale will shout out their names, saying "pick me!".

Alas, as is evidential in my profile, I abhor the so-called FinDomme (I call it the same words that the police do). Paying for sex, to me, even paying for kinky sex, is NOT what I'm after.

Since relationships are so important here, to the Dommes who have kindly responded, it would be the same to me, as to them, as if they paid for their relationships. Sure, it would be easy. Relationships would, in that manner, be a dime a dozen to them.

But, it wouldn't be emotionally satisfying.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 60
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