RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to please you?

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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 5:30:33 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium

as a novice submissive, I must state up front that the question itself purposefully ignores the critically important personal chemistry aspect of any loving and caring D/s relationship.

As a lifestyle, lifetime dominant it is absolutely impossible for me to ignore critically important personal chemistry and love. Without it, acts are merely acts and worth nothing, except to a professional who makes her living this way.

What you see in porn and read on femdom sites is there to make money. The content has no actual bearing on what a dominant woman might like her partner to do; disregard it as a benchmark.

Now let me try to answer the question posed in your OP. I guarantee it will fail the wank test.

I just had a wonderful short visit with Huck. Here's what he did that had me melting with adoration:

1. Drove 250 miles in each direction though he could stay less than 24 hrs due to work.
2. Brought fresh dungeness from San Francisco, and lots of it so I got my fill.
3. Indulged my cats as though they were his own children.
4. Walked around town and along the waterfront hand in hand with me.
5. Went out to breakfast with me at 3 in the afternoon, because breakfast sounded good to me then. Tried to pick up the tab (I didn't let him this time, but I appreciate the offer.)
6. Inquired about a difficult situation in my personal life, and listened patiently while I got it off my chest.
7. Massaged my feet and scratched my head by a warm fire until I was completely satisfied, even though he was dead tired.
8. Wrapped me in his arms all night long so I felt warm, cherished, protected and connected with love.
9. Kissed and hugged me profusely at the crack of dawn before he had to leave.
10. Texted me with xoxoxoxoxo, that he arrived safely a few hours later, and would call me later tonight.

Absolutely vanilla, right? Yet, he gets the best of my twisted, kinky side when I desire to engage it.

I offered him a checklist when after a long friendship we considered playing, but he said he felt he knew me well enough to do with him whatever I wanted. The rest unfolded organically and beautifully.

(in reply to Ilyrium)

Post #: 21

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 8:37:29 PM

Pyramus

Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
What you see in porn and read on femdom sites is there to make money. The content has no actual bearing on what a dominant woman might like her partner to do; disregard it as a benchmark.

From my quick perusal of the femdom porn links provided, it would seem that there is an inordinate nearly universal focus by femdoms on the erect male penis.

Might that not be so?

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 22

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/21/2014 9:10:44 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl
I would want my submissive to ask me what he can do for me, not ask a bunch of strangers on CM what they want.

Understood.
But, one can LEARN more by asking Dommes, at large, than the small (very small) percentage that are local enough and interested enough to be a potential Domme.

So, one can learn MORE by asking here - than by emailing every Domme within 30 miles the same question (don't you think?).

I'm just so glad you're so informed.

(in reply to Ilyrium)

Post #: 23

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 10:29:58 AM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium

HOMEWORK: To get an idea, I previously surveyed surveying the web, mostly D/s FemDom art from the 1920's to date (Malteste, Sardax, Namio, Lady Carole, Czarina, etc.), and came up with this tentative list:

Take out d/s and consider: If you asked a woman how she wanted a man to please her, but you offered her nothing but a list of porn scenarios to choose from, how well do you think that would go over?

Ask the open ended question and don't narrow the field of possible responses because those are responses you like and did "homework" on.

-----------------------------------

The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It only took 100 years for men to realize that perhaps they should protect their brain too.

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to Ilyrium)

Post #: 24

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 10:47:43 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I am a sub, but would love a submissive male to shovel my car out from 10 inches of snow!

(in reply to evesgrden)

Post #: 25

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 11:56:00 AM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyramus

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
What you see in porn and read on femdom sites is there to make money. The content has no actual bearing on what a dominant woman might like her partner to do; disregard it as a benchmark.

From my quick perusal of the femdom porn links provided, it would seem that there is an inordinate nearly universal focus by femdoms on the erect male penis.

Might that not be so?

It is indeed quite so, which perfectly illustrates my point. Those pictures are not provided by an actual lifestyle femdom who is using them for the express purpose of celebrating the sheer joy of femdommery. They are pictures meant to cater to and generate the almighty dollar from the (mostly) men who fetishize them, whether actually drawn by male or females.

As for focusing on the erect penis, every time I see the stupid cartoon drawings of a male undergoing rude and painful penetrations of gargantuan strap-ons or other huge implements, or about to get his dick and balls chopped off, that penis is a mile high and stiff as a board while his face is in a rictus of agony.

Were I into those things, I would NOT want to see an erect prick. The sadist in me would want to see that thing shriveled in fear and discomfort to match his face, with the balls drawn up in protection until they disappear into his belly. I would want him to endure something unpleasant for him to provide, not necessarily enjoy the act itself.

My bottom line is: I think of penises perhaps 3% of the time I devote to my relationships. The rest is spent developing a fully-formed relationship with my partner. Should the appendage fail (which happens frequently at our ages) it is of no significance to me; I want the good man attached to it.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 1/22/2014 12:25:10 PM >

(in reply to Pyramus)

Post #: 26

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 12:25:56 PM

Ilyrium

Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
The content has no actual bearing on what a dominant woman might like her partner to do; disregard it as a benchmark

I was afraid of that.

Too bad. I really liked some of them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
As for focusing on the erect penis ... The sadist in me would want to see that thing shriveled in fear and discomfort

I was afraid of that too!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt
Should the appendage fail (which happens frequently at our ages)

Luckily, I'm not afraid of that!

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 27

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 1:57:18 PM

thracia

Posts: 38
Joined: 1/12/2013
Status: offline

With all the snow shoveling comments here, I would like to ask the dominant women here what percentage of tasks they want their subs to perform are sexual versus non sexual.

(in reply to Ilyrium)

Post #: 28

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 2:06:32 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

If sexual contact is a task... we wouldn't be a good match. lol

If in play I demand something, even then it isn't a task... it is fun.

Look guys... this isn't a scientific formula that can be worked out. We are women. We tend to be strong women. Trying to cater to us or figure all of us out in a matter of what is this, how much do you want... just rings of manipulation to me, rather than true wishing to figure us out to please us. It seems more that you want to know the formula so that you can get to where you want to be and has a tone of the in-general summation of what one must do to get one.

Just be who you are and show us that. We will let you know if you are getting it right. If you aren't, then maybe you need to see a few things. If we tell you how to do it, how truthful is what you do with us? It is automation, method... like method acting. Most of us will spot that quickly and will want no part of it.

Get to know each person as an individual as we hope to know you as one.

Edit to add for clarity: Asking questions etc is a fine way to learn things. However, when the questions focus around sex or a kinky focus and what you can expect to get in this aspect of a relationship... is where I see the lacks.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 1/22/2014 2:10:19 PM >

(in reply to thracia)

Post #: 29

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 3:03:30 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia
With all the snow shoveling comments here, I would like to ask the dominant women here what percentage of tasks they want their subs to perform are sexual versus non sexual.

In tk's case, I keep telling him that I refuse to waste the talent......

Has he shoveled snow? Yes. Does he do dishes? Yes. Helps to cook breakfast. Helps to clean the dungeon. Carries My bags. Constantly asks what he can do for Me.

He would have never gotten to the sexual if he wasn't everything else that he is, first.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to thracia)

Post #: 30

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 3:06:50 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia

With all the snow shoveling comments here, I would like to ask the dominant women here what percentage of tasks they want their subs to perform are sexual versus non sexual.

To me, sexual acts are not 'tasks' at all. They are fun. As for actual tasks, I'd say about 97% to 3% sexual. The important point is I will not be at all interested in the sexual aspect unless the actual tasks are met FIRST.

Guys, please get a clue. Other than money, there are no shortcuts, and in my case even money will not get you your kinky fantasy scene if you can't convince me you appreciate me as a person first, not a fetish delivery system.

To be on the safe side, assume ZERO percent of dominant women would assign the term 'task' to sexual acts. Sexual acts in and of themselves are ridiculously abundant to us without us needing to do anything more than be female.

Think of it this way: if you had the opportunity to reach into a bowl of 1000 pennies or a bowl of a single thousand dollar bill, which would you choose?

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 1/22/2014 3:42:22 PM >

(in reply to thracia)

Post #: 31

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 4:59:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
In Judaism, the term is mitzvah. It not only refers to the act itself, but the obligation we have to perform it.

Maimonides' eight levels of charity comes to mind.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 32

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 5:53:32 PM

MsMJAY

Posts: 515
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia

With all the snow shoveling comments here, I would like to ask the dominant women here what percentage of tasks they want their subs to perform are sexual versus non sexual.

Is this a typical question you would ask or think it important to know if you were meeting vanilla women?
Are any of the questions the OP asked the type of questions a man would ask to learn how to treat a future vanilla partner?
If I were one of the vanilla women you knew from your regular life would you even need to ask if I wanted more sexual or nonsexual things from a potential partner?

I cannot understand why so many men think that Dominant women are some kind of alien life form.
Dominant women on this board pretty regularly state that we would like to meet partners who are in this for something more than just sex.
Sex is not that big of a deal for most women. We enjoy it but the average woman (regardless of looks) can always find a man who wants to have sex with her. The hard part is finding a man who wants something more than that.

Having a great sex life is as important to us as it is to any other woman (vanilla or lifestyle), but as human beings we would like it very much if submissive men did not approach us dick first.

(in reply to thracia)

Post #: 33

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 6:01:46 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Ilyrium - I don't think the femdom pictures on your profile are doing you any favors. Many women will look at them and assume you are heavily influenced by porn and femdom art, which is not a positive.

Reread Rawni's posts - she's trying to help you.

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 1/22/2014 6:04:31 PM >

(in reply to Ilyrium)

Post #: 34

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 6:18:50 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia

With all the snow shoveling comments here, I would like to ask the dominant women here what percentage of tasks they want their subs to perform are sexual versus non sexual.

I wasn't aware that sex is a "task." I always thought sex was fun and something to be enjoyed, not a task on a to-do list. If my sub ever thought of sex as a "task," then he wouldn't be getting it anymore.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 35

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 6:31:14 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMJAY

I cannot understand why so many men think that Dominant women are some kind of alien life form.

Fatal case of porn contamination, pure and simple.

quote:

<snip>as human beings we would like it very much if submissive men did not approach us dick first.

Here, here. Hear, hear.

(in reply to MsMJAY)

Post #: 36

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 6:42:45 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Dick first? hahahahahaha That was a good one!! lol

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 37

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 8:34:47 PM

Ilyrium

Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Many women will look at them and assume you are heavily influenced by porn and femdom art,

Yikes! I am!
So, they'd be right.
But, I see your point, nonetheless.
Time to remove the pictures (after all that work to make them aesthetic too!).

Thanks for the advice.
Maybe it's time to go back to the cute puppy on the leash! :)

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 38

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/22/2014 9:29:39 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
Status: offline

I may have been very, very wrong. I was trying not to be that jaded ol witch you all know so well. I flunked. ROFLMAO!

(in reply to Ilyrium)

Post #: 39

RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 5:49:08 AM

Zonie63

Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMJAY

quote:

ORIGINAL: thracia

With all the snow shoveling comments here, I would like to ask the dominant women here what percentage of tasks they want their subs to perform are sexual versus non sexual.

Is this a typical question you would ask or think it important to know if you were meeting vanilla women?
Are any of the questions the OP asked the type of questions a man would ask to learn how to treat a future vanilla partner?
If I were one of the vanilla women you knew from your regular life would you even need to ask if I wanted more sexual or nonsexual things from a potential partner?

I cannot understand why so many men think that Dominant women are some kind of alien life form.

I would not actually ask these questions myself, no matter if I was talking to a vanilla woman or a dominant woman. But I find comparisons like this to be somewhat lacking in clarity.

For one thing, I don't think anyone would just go up to strangers on the street to ask questions like this. In the context of this forum (in which various "how to" questions are asked and discussed), it doesn't seem terribly out of line or outside of the forum guidelines.

I don't think that dominant women are an alien life form, although I can understand how such a perception can be formed from the point of view of a sub male who might already view himself as an alien life form. Society tells us how we're supposed to be, how we're supposed to act, and what we're supposed to see - at least as far as how dating, relationships, and sex are supposed to work for "normal" people. For those who don't feel "normal," it's difficult to understand and perceive what "normal" actually is. It's natural to wonder whether there are others out there just as "abnormal" as they are, and that's where these kinds of threads and questions come into play.

quote:

Dominant women on this board pretty regularly state that we would like to meet partners who are in this for something more than just sex.
Sex is not that big of a deal for most women. We enjoy it but the average woman (regardless of looks) can always find a man who wants to have sex with her. The hard part is finding a man who wants something more than that.

Having a great sex life is as important to us as it is to any other woman (vanilla or lifestyle), but as human beings we would like it very much if submissive men did not approach us dick first.

I agree that the average woman can always find a man who wants to have sex with her, but to be honest, it's not that much different for the average man and his ability to find a woman who wants to have sex with him. But even in vanilla or lifestyle relationships which don't start off "dick first," sooner or later, sex and intimacy are likely to enter into the picture. That's where it can get a bit complicated, although it may be a male trait to try to want to simplify things. It's not simple, yet we want it to be, and therein lies the trap that some men fall into.

(in reply to MsMJAY)

Post #: 40

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