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RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:25:58 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium
You're probably correct, in that I don't (yet) get it.

However, I DO get the whole concept of pleasing a woman.

Actually, I don't think you do!
You are waaaay off base.

Your only concept of pleasing a woman is within your tiny little fantasy, the way you want it.
Unfortunately, as is obvious from the replies by some very respected ladies on here, your fantasy is not something that most seem to subscribe to.
I would suggest you seek a Pro Domme that will empty your wallet in order for you to indulge in your fantasy.
My SOH read this thread with me and she just.... well, it's not repeatable, not even on here.
Suffice to say, you'd be a eunuch with rusty shears and razor wire. 

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:29:45 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium
Since relationships are so important here, to the Dommes who have kindly responded, it would be the same to me, as to them, as if they paid for their relationships. Sure, it would be easy. Relationships would, in that manner, be a dime a dozen to them.

But, it wouldn't be emotionally satisfying.

Then I have no idea what you want, and perhaps it's because you're not clear on what you want. You want a woman who will dom you, it has to be emotionally satisfying, but you don't want to have a relationship with her? How do you get "emotional satisfaction" without "relationship?"

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:34:27 PM   
Ilyrium


Posts: 189
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
You might be best served by building a relationship with a woman who likes you, where you make it clear from the get-go that you want some kind of femdom kink.


I was, at first, taken aback by your suggestion, as my gut reaction would be that vanilla women would be appalled by the suggested approach. But, upon further inspection, the vanilla approach has the direct advantage of numbers, over the fetish tack.

The problem, I think, is that at my (retired, divorced, kids well past college) stage in my life, I really have no need for relationships. Friendships yes. Relations yes. Kinships yes. Teammates, yes. But, a one-on-one-stay-together-till-we-die relationship? No.

Does that make me bad? Perhaps. But, at least saying it doesn't make me dishonest.

So, while your suggested approach might actually work just fine with slightly un-vanilla women who read and enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey, I would need it to work on fetish friends and acquaintances, of which I have none.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:38:58 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Dominant women are appalled at your approach too... that didn't stop you here.

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:39:14 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		The impression I'm getting is that you'd rather be alone.

It really isn't that hard to tell someone, "I think you're really interesting. I don't want a life partner, and I'm really kinky. If you're ok with those, I'd like to see if we can make each other happy. Could I buy you dinner sometime?"

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:41:11 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium
...I would need it to work on fetish friends and acquaintances, of which I have none.

Mayhap that your perceptions are just soooo off-beat that your 'partner' in crime needs to be equally porn-contaminated and not want anything in return for your fetish.
I do not see you bringing anything at all to the table for that type of Domme to want to know you.
I think you might be better off searching for a needle in a (non-existant) haystack in the desert.

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:42:07 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium



Since relationships are so important here, to the Dommes who have kindly responded, it would be the same to me, as to them, as if they paid for their relationships. Sure, it would be easy. Relationships would, in that manner, be a dime a dozen to them.

But, it wouldn't be emotionally satisfying.



Why do you get to have an emotionally satisfying kinky relationship with your fetishes met and the woman does not? It's a two way street.

Your kinks and fetishes seem so hardwired (and, sadly, objectifying to dominant women and women in general) you have to GIVE UP your fetish to provide a woman what she deserves equally: An emotionally satisfying relationship.

You have to relate to women without objectifying them, or compensate women for objectifying them and having them pretend they don't care or don't know.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:44:23 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

So, while your suggested approach might actually work just fine with slightly un-vanilla women who read and enjoy Fifty Shades of Grey, I would need it to work on fetish friends and acquaintances, of which I have none.


Dominant women may not even identify as kinky. They may just know that they like to wear the pants.

However, if all you want is fem dom image type stuff, and you are not willing to pay in relationship dollars, you are going to have to pay in cash.

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:53:49 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		Ok. I've read this thread a few times over the past day or so, waiting for someone to remind the OP that we remember his thread about perving and fantasizing over women in public that he felt were dressed provocatively. The other thread ( which I could not find listed in his "previous Forum posts". Possibly it was pulled?) went on for pages as well, as he got more and more graphic about what he thought these women WANTED him to think. There, again, everyone told him that his thoughts and projections onto strangers were extremely inappropriate. There, as here, he never got the message.

OP. I think you are just here to rattle cages, and this is the only way you have the courage to get your kink on. Most of us here actually live this. It's not some kinky fantasy. We are brave, normal and for the most part, very satisfied.

Please just go away now.

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 12:58:33 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Agreed!

I thought... you know, nobody could be this... ignorant. He's seeking attention... stirring the pot... trying to get his kinky fill of trouble making, insulting what we do and our person, all while he wanks because he can't get anything in a healthy manner.

I am reminded of a certain poster from long ago and only wish I had seen his earlier posts.

Craigslist is too good for him.

(in reply to Blonderfluff)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 1:05:10 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ilyrium


That still doesn't change my sincere desire to better understand what Femdom women actually DO with their submissive men - it just may make the answer a lot less interesting. If that is the truth of the matter, then, well, that's the truth of the matter.

I know a LOT more now, about the answer, than I did just a few days ago, and, for that, I thank you!


You have been getting a lot of input from women who want dominant roles in relationships, desire service, etc.

But I will also answer from a completely kink-oriented, top POV as a very kinky woman who has a hardwired need/lust to sensually torment men and use men for my pleasure.

What do I need from these men? I need them to surrender to me without self indulgence.

Do you feel your kinky desires are really self indulgent? I do. Based on the way you talk about it, how little empathy you seem to have for the women you are supposed to be serving. It's like the guy who is so obsessed with oral that the woman feels like a clit attached to a warm body yet he thinks he is a rockstar for his obsessive ability to go down on a woman for 4 hours. And he also sucks at giving oral, because the act is full of self indulgence; he is so aroused by his own performance and his perception/fantasy of her receiving oral that he is completely unaware of her presence, reactions, arousal. Women fake completion to end the ordeal because he has no clue what is going on with her emotionally.

Even giving oral is "all about him."

I get off on making a man surrender to my lusts which include bondage, humiliation, S&M, and, yes, things like oral. But the minute I feel that a man is using me like a fetish object and not paying any attention to what's going on - his inability to "connect" - his false bravado that "well she is so WET I must be doing another amazing job" when in reality he's slobbering and disgusting on my private bits.

Akasha



_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Ilyrium)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 1:09:44 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		ROFLMAO!

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 1:14:47 PM   
MsMJAY


Posts: 515
Joined: 3/17/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

Why do you say it's unhealthy? I certainly never said that. Some people are non-conformists and seek out friends/dating partners who are equally non-conformist. I don't think there's anything unhealthy about marching to a different drummer.

You said: "the point of view of a sub male who might already view himself as an alien life form."
"For those who don't feel "normal," "others out there just as "abnormal" as they are."

I consider those to be unhealthy ways to view yourself. You may not think so, but I personally would not want to be in a relationship with anyone who thought they were abnormal and looked to me to validate that they are normal or worse thinks I am "abnormal" too"

It depends on where you look. There are women's magazines I see at the checkout stand which offer advice to women as to "what turns men on." There may not be as many posts here from women asking men about related topics, but there are some. But there are plenty of daytime talk shows, advice columns, self-help and how-to books out there dealing with sex and relationships. Someone must be buying them.

If that advice in those magazines actually worked those magazines would most likely be out of business wouldn't they? Yes there is plenty of advice and self help in every type of venue. Why then, does there still seem to be so much confusion and failure where relationships and sex are involved? Possibly because people want to look everywhere for advice except to the person that they are in the relationship with.

Oddly enough, my observation is that women tend to ask other women about what men want. It's actually the same for most men, as men will tend to ask other men for advice about women. Posts such as the OP are actually somewhat rare here, even for men. I don't see that many of them either.


My observation has been that a woman is usually not going to ask anyone what her husband wants sexually from her. Now a woman may ask another woman about where to find something or how to do something particular that her husband has already expressed an interest in, but I have never in my life had a woman ask me what her husband wanted from her sexually. I seriously doubt that there are too many men that would even admit that they were not pleasing their wife/woman to another man. So I really do not think most men go around asking other men what their own women want from them sexually. (your mileage may vary)

Then why does anyone bother asking for or giving advice at all? Personally, I probably wouldn't ask for advice around here.

By all means...Ask. Give. Advise. The problem is what you ask and how you ask it. Most women on these forums are very careful to make a distinction between giving advice and giving masturbation material. Men come here all the time trying to get us to give them wank fodder or comparing us to porn. Forgive the women for being careful about what type of questions we will and will not answer. But much of it has to do with the phrasing. Basing your question on internet Femdom art is not likely to be met with eager participation around here.

Ultimately no matter what anyone else tells you, you still have to go to the other party in the relationship and find out what they think. Especially if it has to do with sex or kink. What I want in my kink will tell you absolutely nothing about what any other woman on this forum wants.


I don't doubt this at all, although being polite and gentlemanly is the easy part.

If it were that easy more submissive men would be doing it.


(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 1:15:17 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Just out of morbid curiosity, I googled "Ilyrium".
It's a fantasy RPG game and also a World of Warcraft scenario.

That just about sums up the OP - pure fantasy.

'Nuff said. 

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 1:22:55 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		This whole thread reminds me of this meme - just substitute the OP for the girl and dominant women for the cat:



_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 2:32:21 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 8:25:54 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Completely different approach.

A couple of pages back, OP, you got asked how what you are doing is working for you. I never saw that question answered directly, but I'm going to hazard to guess not that good. You're not meeting Dominant women. I doubt you'd be writing these threads if you were getting the kinky sex that you say you want so bad. To Me, that says that what you're doing doesn't work.

Now, an intelligent person, which you claim to be, would look at that and realize that what you're doing is failing to get results. Personally, I would have to think that after a while, what I and all of these posters have told you would sink in at some point. Reading this thread has given Me very entertaining visions of it soon becoming necessary that we get an Acme anvil, Wile E. Coyote style, and maybe, just maybe, that might work. If nothing else, it makes Me laugh, so thank you for that.

The best kink advice that you're ever going to get, OP, is to stop thinking that kink changes everything. How many fuck buddies do you have right now? Women who just want you to come over, get your rocks off, and leave?

I am truly amazed that folks have to tell someone in your age bracket that most women don't want just a fuck buddy. It doesn't have to be a forever and ever relationship. However, most women want something more than a quick once off or to be somebody's booty call.

Still, since this thread has been so entertaining, you seem to have an interest in animated stuff, and you want something realistic about Dominant women, I'll leave you with this. It seems to fit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drcTRzO2wMk


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 8:28:36 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Ironically, the thread at the top of Ask A Master is about a woman who has been in a 4.5 year non-relationship where she and the guy were each other's fetish delivery system a few days a week. So it's possible to get what the OP says he wants. I'm just not convinced he really wants it.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 8:37:05 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Ironically, the thread at the top of Ask A Master is about a woman who has been in a 4.5 year non-relationship where she and the guy were each other's fetish delivery system a few days a week. So it's possible to get what the OP says he wants. I'm just not convinced he really wants it.

Oh, I'm not saying it's impossible. Does that thread sound to you like somebody who is happy being just that? Does that thread lead you to believe that the OP knows she's just being that fetish delivery service or do you believe she thinks it's a relationship?

If I asked you the stone cold, hard truth of your opinion about that thread, I don't think it would be pretty.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: What do YOU want your submissive male to DO to plea... - 1/23/2014 9:36:39 PM   
HandyD314


Posts: 12
Joined: 6/22/2010
Status: offline 		I mean no insult and you don't have to answer, of course, but is English your first language, Ilyrium? Sometimes concepts are hard to translate, even to one who speaks a second language fluently.

I kind of skimmed this thread as there is a lot to read. Men are generally very visually oriented and most pornography and less pornographic depictions are very much aimed at men and male arousal. Speaking as a male Dom, there must be some kind of emotional connection in any relationship. It seems the kind of activities you seek are purely physical to you, but I would wager if you looked deep enough inside, you would find some kind of emotional reason or drive. It may or may not be a positive emotion. Some people choose submission because they hurt or think they need to be punished, and that sexual or physical submission will fulfill that need. Some people are taught from a very young age that that is all they are meant for. Society tends to think that young women are more prone to the negative self image, but young men are equally suggestible and often develop warped self images, too.

There are people who want to play at being submissive once in a while, too. That is great. It is a good way to learn about oneself and ones limits. It can also be great fun! There is a hazard, though. People can take advantage and you will get hurt. If you are lucky it will only be your wallet that stings. Professionals or trustworthy friends are the best Dommes (or Doms) for those who only play, in my opinion. Again, there is nothing wrong with simple play, just be careful.

In choosing to serve someone beyond the moment, you are choosing to give a part (or sometimes all) of yourself to another. A part of your very core, your being. Giving it of your own free will can not be done without a strong emotional connection. It requires trust and, yes, love.

I suspect that most of the Dommes you find on Collarme who aren't professional or finDommes actually care about their subs. Perhaps not all will show it outwardly. The emotional connection runs both ways. It has to, or the submissive partner will be used up and damaged or destroyed.
As each person is unique and individual, the manner in which they serve or the services they require will be unique and evolve. Sometimes it can be as simple as being there when needed. It can be being the silent force behind a successful person. It can be painting the walls or buying gifts. It is rarely a physical gift that is given a Dominant. All that I require from my sub is herself. That can be much more and harder than it might seem.

Just my 2 cents.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 80
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