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RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 8:20:52 AM

anniezz338

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I feel race is percieved by many to be related to culture and even religion. It may be narrow minded because not all of those are always related but it is seen that way for many. I will be the first to admit it is not the race more than it may be the culture and religion involved for me. It's always cool to find someone who knows who Foghat is. I enjoy having someone who's culture is close to mine.

So i feel the race description is a preference and do not feel it is racist. For those who feel otherwise, hey, whatever floats your boat. I may seem like a racist to you but I do not see myself as a racist.

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(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 41

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 8:26:03 AM

Greta75

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quote:

I feel race is perceived by many to be related to culture and even religion. It may be narrow minded because not all of those are always related but it is seen that way for many.

Well, honestly, when I see a white person, I'm already thinking, this white person probably doesn't believe that his children is going to be his insurance policy. Because it's their culture to take care of their own retirement. And it's probably 99.9% true for white people. I don't see anything wrong with that.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/28/2014 8:27:07 AM >

(in reply to anniezz338)

Post #: 42

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 8:26:57 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
What do you think? Is describing yourself as white or black or some other ethnicity racist?

I don't find anything racist about him stating a fact. He is a white male.
I state in mine that I am Hispanic with Spanish, native and French heritage. Experience has taught me that for some people ethnicity is more than important. As I have no other ethnic ties to supposed "tells" that I am Mex-Amer, I let people know up front so they can either accept that now, or dismiss me and move on. Making things clear from the start makes sense to me, regardless of whether one is black, white, or café.
Although I will say it is unusual for someone who is white to make that a defining statement of identity, more often than not it is assumed unless otherwise stated.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
How about those who only want a white woman or a black man or whatever?

It has been my experience as an ethnic member of society that people want what they want. I also have standards of what I find acceptable in my mate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
The black bull has certainly become quite the stereotype in our sub-culture, is that racist?

I actually never heard of this until it was mentioned here recently on a thread. It looks like it goes hand in hand with the mythology of black men being more endowed and virile than other races. I don't find it surprising but it may be racist. However, people want what they want.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 43

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 8:40:26 AM

MsMJAY

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I am black. When meeting me it is the most obvious thing about me so why would it be racist to say what I am? Some people could care less about race. Some are very particular about race. The first time I did an online profile without a pic I had people get angry because they started conversing with me through messages only later to find out I was a black woman. There are a lot of people in the lifestyle who prefer partners of their own race and others who prefer partners of a different race. There are many, many Fetlife groups devoted to this.

Most people still prefer to date inside of their own race. There is nothing wrong with that choice and it does not necessarily make them racist. Its a preference much like my preference to only date submissive men. This lifestyle is built upon people who have very discriminating tastes for who they want as a partner. When meeting people online your profile should give them as much relevant information about yourself as possible; including race. It does matter to a lot of people.

_____________________________

"The higher; the fewer."
It's not impossible. It's I'm possible

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 44

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 8:54:02 AM

LadyMondenschein

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First of all, greta. He could change to another religion if he wanted, because Islam is a peaceful religion about free choice. It's the nutjobs & the extremists who take it out of context & make it bad for the rest of them. But he doesn't want to. Nor do I expect him to give it up. And I did not HAVE to change to Islam.. I WANTED to. Vive la difference!
I guess every country has laws or cultural mores on the subject of religious intermarriage. What, if any, was your initial religious upbringing?
Islam is NOT an obstacle to love. Look at how many Muslims there are in the world.
And BTW, my fiance is not a "typical muslim"..he is highly advanced in his world views.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 45

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 9:30:45 AM

MsMJAY

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Joined: 3/17/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

So I agree, there is much hidden racism here. However, for the purposes of this thread, I am interested in getting input as to how saying your white appears.

In the instance that began this discussion, the person had a pic and he is clearly white, he'd checked off Caucasian from the ethnicity box, then he stated in his profile that he was white. It seemed a bit of overkill to me, but I admit I could have been being overly sensitive.

Which is why I began this thread, to get other's ideas on the subject.

Maybe he has had a few bad experiences. I have a sub male friend who is multiracial, checks "mixed" on his profile, and he has a pic; but a lot of people mistakenly believe he is white. He identifies as black. He has had people get completely offensive and crazy with him they conversed with him and found out that he was black. Now he puts in his CM profile in big bold letters "I am mixed with BLACK." It minimizes confusion.

_____________________________

"The higher; the fewer."
It's not impossible. It's I'm possible

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 46

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 10:06:01 AM

PyrotheClown

Posts: 1950
Joined: 5/18/2009
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you know,maybe I'm a lil jaded over my few years by having neo nazi coworkers,classmates,cellmates,ect..

I just really don't give two spits bout minor racism or even the ever present passive racism.

if someones race makes some one else a lil queezy,un easy,ect.who cares

One of the biggest prejudices right now is that of homophobia,and there are people who are homophobic but understand that they homophobic but do not seek to inhibit their fellow citizens rights or way of life in the slightest
you find them here on this website all the time
but then their are those who deny that they are homophoic and try to disguise their own phobias and bias by claiming that homosexuality is a choice and other such nonsense doctrine.

if some one is slightly sapienphobic(my own word) who cares
it like some one who is Xocolataphobic(afraid of chocolate,pun intended) .
it's when they try to rationalize their own phobias into stupid actions is it a problem

(in reply to MsMJAY)

Post #: 47

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 10:46:17 AM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

I feel race is perceived by many to be related to culture and even religion. It may be narrow minded because not all of those are always related but it is seen that way for many.

Well, honestly, when I see a white person, I'm already thinking, this white person probably doesn't believe that his children is going to be his insurance policy. Because it's their culture to take care of their own retirement. And it's probably 99.9% true for white people. I don't see anything wrong with that.

So your first thought when seeing a white person is their insurance and you automatically assume all Arab's are wife beaters? I think you need to open up your mind. There are a shit ton of white people on welfare with no insurance policy or retirement fund. I know Arab's who are from the Middle East. Some are Muslim, some are not. All the ones I know are respectful of women. I know a few women who were bear by their white husbands. Someone's race does not determine how they act.

And to give my two cents on the OP's question. I don't think stating your race is racist. However it's a bit difficult for me as I'm bi-racial. I'm often referred to as simple black because I'm not 100% white even though my father was black with a bit of Irish and my mothers roots are European. And I have mixed feelings about people who only date one race or won't date people of a certain race. My father had three relationships I was aware of, my mother , step mother , and his college girlfriend. They are all white. So he preferred white women even though he was black. However I once dated a guy for about six months but it never became an exclusive relationship. Years later he told me it's because he decided he didn't want a "black girlfriend" at the time. To me that was narrow minded and ignorant. So I'm not sure where I stand on that issue.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 48

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 11:20:46 AM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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I have really no problem if somebody isn't attracted to certain ethnic features (I hate the word race - it's so freaking misleading) and attracted to other ethnic features, it's a bit like some like certain hair colours and others hate it. A guy who's looking for the statuesque 6'2 Nordic Goddess is hardly going to end up with an Italian looking woman with red hair who's a bit shorter (I guess I could always wear stilts or high platforms), we like what we like, personally I've never been too attracted to guys that are blonde, or guys who are very slight of build (I don't like beefcake but I also don't like it if they seem fragile, just doesn't float my boat).

Kali, just a thought I had, I could be wrong here, the guy who said "he wasn't ready yet", maybe he wasn't ready to tell his family? Pretty hard to imagine that it still happens in this time and age, but I'd be surprised if it was different. In any case, it's his loss.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 49

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 12:46:34 PM

BitYakin

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Joined: 10/15/2005
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I see Greta's point absolutely,
she is saying, if religion A supports a despicable act, and person B finds this act despicable, then logically person B should COMPLETELY REJECT religion A which condones said despicable act.
by practicing religion A you INDIRECTLY support said despicable act wether you PRACTICE said despicable act or not...

its like if someone was against capitol punishment and I was for capitol punishment, me and that person should get along like two peas in a pod because I never ACTUALLY EXECUTED ANYONE, same could be said for a whole myriad of issues such like abortion as in I am for abortion and you are against abortion but its OK cause I never actually HAD an abortion....

yes I TOTALLY SEE GRETA'S POINT

< Message edited by BitYakin -- 2/28/2014 12:47:24 PM >

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 50

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 1:02:51 PM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMJAY

I am black. When meeting me it is the most obvious thing about me so why would it be racist to say what I am? Some people could care less about race. Some are very particular about race. The first time I did an online profile without a pic I had people get angry because they started conversing with me through messages only later to find out I was a black woman. There are a lot of people in the lifestyle who prefer partners of their own race and others who prefer partners of a different race. There are many, many Fetlife groups devoted to this.

Most people still prefer to date inside of their own race. There is nothing wrong with that choice and it does not necessarily make them racist. Its a preference much like my preference to only date submissive men. This lifestyle is built upon people who have very discriminating tastes for who they want as a partner. When meeting people online your profile should give them as much relevant information about yourself as possible; including race. It does matter to a lot of people.

I agree with this statement wholly. A few weeks (months?) ago, another forum regular questioned me on some phrases along those lines in my profile, and made me defensive about it. I don't see myself as racist, per se, just because I prefer someone of my own ethnic heritage. When I see it listed on a profile, I just assume they put it there for the benefit of someone looking at it to see if person #1 is amenable, and since they're not, the can move on. Convenience for others is what I'm trying to say.

I've worked with black people before (and loathe any hyphenated subgroup-I consider that institutional racism at its worst), and I see them merely as people. Some good, some bad, some in-between. Just like myself. The problem I see is, is a lingering sense of guilt some people have merely because they were born 'white', and they feel they 'owe' it to another ethnic group to make amends.

Here's my take: I owe nobody nothing for what happened decades and centuries before I was born. Period. If everybody on this forum were able to see their entire genealogy, they'd find both slaves and slavers among the cast of characters. My direct ancestor from Ireland (a white Catholic) was sold to a ship captain in Belfast in 1888. Note that date, please. Sold. And then resold upon hitting the shores of the Land of the Free to a chimney-sweep to climb up dirty chimneys to knock out the dirt because he was only seven and small-framed.

No one 'owes' me jack shit for that. It is what it was, and is just history now. I won't amend my preferences in order to make someone else happy for what happened to their ancestors. That's why a lot of people walk on tenter-hooks when discussing 'racial matters', especially if they happen to be white. That's why I don't bother with worrying about what someone states as their preferred mating partner. It's truly none of my business.

< Message edited by MasterCaneman -- 2/28/2014 1:03:42 PM >

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(in reply to MsMJAY)

Post #: 51

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 1:06:11 PM

ThePrincessKali

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Joined: 9/19/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitYakin

I see Greta's point absolutely,
she is saying, if religion A supports a despicable act, and person B finds this act despicable, then logically person B should COMPLETELY REJECT religion A which condones said despicable act.
by practicing religion A you INDIRECTLY support said despicable act wether you PRACTICE said despicable act or not...

its like if someone was against capitol punishment and I was for capitol punishment, me and that person should get along like two peas in a pod because I never ACTUALLY EXECUTED ANYONE, same could be said for a whole myriad of issues such like abortion as in I am for abortion and you are against abortion but its OK cause I never actually HAD an abortion....

yes I TOTALLY SEE GRETA'S POINT

As the bible states, you can't mix fabrics. And if I have a daughter I will definitely not support selling her into slavery. So I suppose I can't associate with Christians.

(in reply to BitYakin)

Post #: 52

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 1:09:48 PM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

As the bible states, you can't mix fabrics. And if I have a daughter I will definitely not support selling her into slavery. So I suppose I can't associate with Christians.

LOL, but you don't strike me as stupid enough to associate all Christians with selling their daughters into slavery ;)

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 53

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 1:14:30 PM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

I have really no problem if somebody isn't attracted to certain ethnic features (I hate the word race - it's so freaking misleading) and attracted to other ethnic features, it's a bit like some like certain hair colours and others hate it. A guy who's looking for the statuesque 6'2 Nordic Goddess is hardly going to end up with an Italian looking woman with red hair who's a bit shorter (I guess I could always wear stilts or high platforms), we like what we like, personally I've never been too attracted to guys that are blonde, or guys who are very slight of build (I don't like beefcake but I also don't like it if they seem fragile, just doesn't float my boat).

Kali, just a thought I had, I could be wrong here, the guy who said "he wasn't ready yet", maybe he wasn't ready to tell his family? Pretty hard to imagine that it still happens in this time and age, but I'd be surprised if it was different. In any case, it's his loss.

He actually tried to get back together with me years later so apparently he got over it. He said he had always found me attractive but just wasn't open to having a black girlfriend. (Side note: I don't like being referred to as black or white as I'm a halfie for the most part lol.) His family was fine with it. He was ok with "dating" but wasn't ready to have a full blown relationship with someone who wasn't white. The whole time I thought he had commitment issues and then I found out later it was bc of my race. My skin isn't very dark and my features aren't really "black" so many people don't realize I'm bi-racial. I've had guys ask me out and then after a couple dates find out I'm half black and decide to stop seeing me because of that. So I get if you're not attracted to specific features but if you will dump someone later on bc you find out they're a different race then you assumed, that's when I have a problem.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 54

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 1:17:40 PM

BitYakin

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Joined: 10/15/2005
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that would be 100% up to you...

I mean really, was that a question a statement or sarcasm?

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 55

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 1:20:39 PM

ThePrincessKali

Posts: 424
Joined: 9/19/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

As the bible states, you can't mix fabrics. And if I have a daughter I will definitely not support selling her into slavery. So I suppose I can't associate with Christians.

LOL, but you don't strike me as stupid enough to associate all Christians with selling their daughters into slavery ;)

Oh no lol I was just making a point that just because you don't agree with certain aspects of a religion, that may be very outdated, doesn't mean you can't associate with anyone who practices said religion. I'm sure we could find a flaw with everyone religion out there. That doesn't mean I won't associate with people just because they practice it. For example: I'm a strong advocate of gay rights. The bible speaks against homosexuality. I still have Christian friends. I just don't associate with extremists or those who are against gay rights. I'm not very well versed on Islam but people have stated in this forum that in Islam they view women as being lesser than men. Not everyone who practices may agree with this. So I wouldn't shut someone out solely because they're Arab or a Muslim. If that specific individual felt women were lesser then I wouldn't befriend them. But I wouldn't put down an entire race or religion based on one belief.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 56

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 1:22:20 PM

ThePrincessKali

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Joined: 9/19/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitYakin

that would be 100% up to you...

I mean really, was that a question a statement or sarcasm?

Sarcasm. I just think if you're going to put down all Muslims because you disagree with one aspect of their religion then you should feel equally about all religions. Otherwise it's just being prejudice.

(in reply to BitYakin)

Post #: 57

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 1:32:02 PM

LadyConstanze

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Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

He actually tried to get back together with me years later so apparently he got over it. He said he had always found me attractive but just wasn't open to having a black girlfriend. (Side note: I don't like being referred to as black or white as I'm a halfie for the most part lol.) His family was fine with it. He was ok with "dating" but wasn't ready to have a full blown relationship with someone who wasn't white. The whole time I thought he had commitment issues and then I found out later it was bc of my race. My skin isn't very dark and my features aren't really "black" so many people don't realize I'm bi-racial. I've had guys ask me out and then after a couple dates find out I'm half black and decide to stop seeing me because of that. So I get if you're not attracted to specific features but if you will dump someone later on bc you find out they're a different race then you assumed, that's when I have a problem.

That would wind me up too, I mean if it is some description (like olive skin, very pale skin, dark skin) no issue with it at all, but a girlfriend is a girlfriend, not black, white, yellow and all the other inaccurate skin colours, it would really piss me off, especially if that's the reason that he wasn't ready to have commitment. And dumping somebody because of that, I think you were the one who had the lucky escape.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 58

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 1:34:47 PM

BitYakin

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Except for one lil detail, she never said she wouldn't associate with them, or socialize with them, she said she would never consider one as a LIFE PARTNER...

there are a ton of people I'd have a drink at the bar with I wouldn't have sex with!

< Message edited by BitYakin -- 2/28/2014 1:37:33 PM >

(in reply to ThePrincessKali)

Post #: 59

RE: Do descriptors such as white (or black), make a per... - 2/28/2014 2:00:36 PM

LadyMondenschein

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Joined: 12/1/2009
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And I bet there's a gazillion times more people than that who wouldn't have sex with you, bityakin.

(in reply to BitYakin)

Post #: 60

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