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RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 8:44:49 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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When I am in a relationship it is always kinked AND vanilla.
I love sex. I love sensation. I love orgasms and Oh.. and I really love sex.
In and out, flipped over and fucked twice.. yeah, I love sex.
BDSM for me is best to relieve anxiety although I do enjoy it for sensation. But sex is bonding. Sex is pleasurable.
I never understood why people would think "vanilla sex" and only think it is missionary style (which still is pretty damned good!).

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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Post #: 21

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 10:34:27 AM

freedomdwarf1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I never understood why people would think "vanilla sex" and only think it is missionary style (which still is pretty damned good!).

Even with dead straight 'missionary with the lights off' means the one on top is in a very controlling position.
So, according to pg4g's exclusion list, that wouldn't count as 'nilla sex either (rule #1).

For some people, even having sex in daylight is considered kinky!
My step-daughter thinks that anything beyond a quick kiss & hugs is kinky and must be done exclusively at night, in the bedroom, with the lights off, curtains closed, missionary style only, man on top, and without foreplay. She won't even indulge in touching anywhere 'private' unless it's part of her sex regime and only ever at night.
Anything outside of that is mega-kinky and not for her. Strange girl!

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 22

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 3:21:27 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Ok, this question is a little awkward and personal, so feel free not to answer.

Does anyone here have vanilla, no BDSM, no D/s sex with your partner? Just pure enjoyment and contentment without any of the kink or dominance structure there? I know most of the people here are heavily kinky and/or D/s, but does anyone still do vanilla at times, and if so, why?

quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Ok, so by vanilla I suppose I'm referring to:

1. No dominance or controlling person. Both are equals in it, no power dynamic, no one is in control. Both treat each others as equal in love making.
2. No pain-related or any kinky activities. Simple vaginal, anal or oral sex.
3. No bondage elements.
4. No scenes, just sexual love making.

Sort of a time-out from the power dynamic and kink, and just enjoying each other, like a traditional romance movie.

I'm a person that considers there is SEX(we all know what THAT is), D/s(power exchange) and, then, BDSM(the kinky activities). In my opinion, you can have any of them separately or any combination of two or all three during the same time period. In light of that, most of the time it's not vanilla, once in awhile it is. Of course, I'm including strap-on under simple anal sex, after all it is anal sex, just the genders are reversed is all.

NBMG

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Post #: 23

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 3:49:27 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

We're both super busy, and often exhausted.

Yep, sometimes we engage in the nasty art of lazily humping at one another's bits with the lights off.

It's life.

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Post #: 24

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 4:23:03 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
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I've gone back into 2 vanilla relationships since I discovered myself. Neither worked. That being said, even what others would consider "vanilla"sex, when I'm in a D/s dynamic, the term "vanilla" defined by the OP, still has the power exchange. I'm not a bedroom only /s, so I guess vanilla would be impossible.
It's not always kinky BDSM, though. Not by a long shot.

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Post #: 25

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 5:03:52 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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lol well that is just silly.
I took his comment to mean sex, non controlling in a "you are my property and you will do as I say", type of way, otherwise missionary would be kinky based on someone ending up on top.

I know that for some people lights on would mean kinky, hell, my mother never got undressed in front of my dad.. but even for those people sex was still standard missionary and not controlling. Of course.. in the case of my mother she would have never chosen to have sex unless my dad hadn't expected it. And if she would be the model than there is no such thing as non controlling, missionary sex. lol wow.. catch 22.

I do think that if your step-daughter thinks the description below is the right way she is a bit messed up. But... lol if she is anything like me she might LOOK ordinary, seem a bit prudish, but engage is over the top wickedness that must be hidden lest someone think she is a freaky girl.
lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I never understood why people would think "vanilla sex" and only think it is missionary style (which still is pretty damned good!).

Even with dead straight 'missionary with the lights off' means the one on top is in a very controlling position.
So, according to pg4g's exclusion list, that wouldn't count as 'nilla sex either (rule #1).

For some people, even having sex in daylight is considered kinky!
My step-daughter thinks that anything beyond a quick kiss & hugs is kinky and must be done exclusively at night, in the bedroom, with the lights off, curtains closed, missionary style only, man on top, and without foreplay. She won't even indulge in touching anywhere 'private' unless it's part of her sex regime and only ever at night.
Anything outside of that is mega-kinky and not for her. Strange girl!

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 26

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 6:58:36 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

My current situation is "open"...I have one "regular" vanilla boyfriend (more friend than romanticI). We have been together for a few years, on and off. Sex with him is really good but it is the equivalent of trying to eat fat-free chocolate..temporarily satisfying but the hunger quickly comes back. I tried to intro some rougher interaction (heck, like someone above pointed out...he considers anal too kinky) & he could not do it. On the other side, I have been involved with MN for close to a year. He is my "rough fix".

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 27

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 7:16:29 PM

Extravagasm

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
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quote:

ResidentSadist post20: Sometimes when I wake up at night with some, I just shove it in her without tying her up first, beating her or any foreplay leather, vanilla or otherwise. Sleep rape is vanilla right?

Hysterical and absolutely true.
If it were D/S, the sub would be expected to wake up and obey;);)

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Post #: 28

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 7:20:49 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Honestly, for me it would depend on the person. In Huck's case, I just like the person he is, what he stands for, his values and what we do together. A lot of it is flat-out kinky with some lazy, sweet vanilla thrown in. There is no established power dynamic. God forbid I ever call him my sub! He takes such good care of me in the way so many dommes want to be served, but publicly I would never call it 'service' because I don't think he views it that way.

Instead of putting relationships with people in boxes, I'd rather enjoy individuals without defining a structure.

< Message edited by MistressDarkArt -- 3/10/2014 7:22:30 PM >

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 29

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 7:23:25 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Extravagasm

quote:

ResidentSadist post20: Sometimes when I wake up at night with some, I just shove it in her without tying her up first, beating her or any foreplay leather, vanilla or otherwise. Sleep rape is vanilla right?

Hysterical and absolutely true.
If it were D/S, the sub would be expected to wake up and obey;);)

If knew I had good reason to love RS!!
NOTHING is hotter than "sleep rape". Heck, I went on and on about it for so long my vanilla FWB tried it. Ok...maybe a little bit hotter is sleeping tied up and THEN sleep rape

(in reply to Extravagasm)

Post #: 30

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 8:08:58 PM

pg4g

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Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
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[Post deleted]

< Message edited by pg4g -- 3/10/2014 8:11:34 PM >

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Post #: 31

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 8:28:25 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Most of the time it has been plain ol' vanilla. And that ain't bad. Occasionally it has been more interesting. That last part seems to have my attention.

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Post #: 32

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 9:11:49 PM

SweetAnise

Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
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I would say yes. Sometimes good ole fashion fucken excuse me making love is just fine.

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Post #: 33

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/10/2014 9:13:25 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Ok, this question is a little awkward and personal, so feel free not to answer.

Does anyone here have vanilla, no BDSM, no D/s sex with your partner? Just pure enjoyment and contentment without any of the kink or dominance structure there? I know most of the people here are heavily kinky and/or D/s, but does anyone still do vanilla at times, and if so, why?

Sex with Vanilla ice cream is awesome.

Chocolate fudge topping just adds all the more.

(in reply to pg4g)

Post #: 34

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/11/2014 12:42:12 AM

Inghammar

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/25/2012
Status: offline

Probably never will with her. In day to day life she's shy, prudish, and has less than zero interest in sex. However put a hood on her and set her to 'gimp' mode it's a completely different story.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 35

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/11/2014 7:29:42 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

Ok, this question is a little awkward and personal, so feel free not to answer.

Does anyone here have vanilla, no BDSM, no D/s sex with your partner? Just pure enjoyment and contentment without any of the kink or dominance structure there? I know most of the people here are heavily kinky and/or D/s, but does anyone still do vanilla at times, and if so, why?

The power structure is ALWAYS present in everything we do because it's simply who we are...with or without each other. It's our personalities. He's a dominant personality. I'm a submissive personality. Those are ever present in us. It's not just a role we play with each other. Now, do we do sex without any kind of kink or play? Yup, more often than not really. Why? Because we're tired or don't have time for anything else or just because we enjoy having "vanilla" sex. And because we're a normal couple like any other couple.

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Post #: 36

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/11/2014 8:16:44 PM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
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Vanilla can be good.
But eventually you want to add sprinkles

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 37

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/13/2014 3:25:40 PM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
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by that definition nope. sex with out kinky fantasies or actions has no interest to me. I AM ALWAYS, even if it's just in my head thinking of our sex along the lines of something kinky, either him dominating me, or medominating him. or begging him to do sweet and wonderfully nasty things to me. And there is always dirty talk and him at least spanking me.

< Message edited by LittleGirlHeart -- 3/13/2014 3:29:26 PM >

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Post #: 38

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/13/2014 3:42:30 PM

RemoteUser

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Joined: 5/10/2011
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Would I, yes; have I, no.

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Post #: 39

RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/17/2014 10:33:41 AM

rockspider

Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
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I have been in to kink in more than 40 years, but I still don’t get this idea of either the one or the other. Variety is the spice of life, as they say and I never had problems with that.

(in reply to RemoteUser)

Post #: 40

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