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RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/19/2014 1:14:26 PM

FightingChains

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To answer the OP,

I'm sure its a lot easier for me because there is a measure of equality and evenness in our relationship. Power can shift dramatically, but always returns to the centre the moment that ... *cough* things *cough*... are over. So we have done vanilla, and we actually lamented how we miss just fun sex between us, so we'll be picking that up between us.

I'm sure for a lot of people into D/s as part of the definition of the relationship this is a harder question to answer. Even if sometimes their sex would seem vanilla, there's the underlying element of knowing who's really in charge all along, so would that be vanilla? I'm actually not sure whether that fits into the meaning that the OP set out or not. If it doesn't, it would be impossible for these people to do vanilla anyway.

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RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/19/2014 3:06:10 PM

AlexisANew

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

And to me, BDSM requires toys.

Sure, have rough sex with me, hold me down and slap me around a little if it's what gets you off. Pull me over your knee and give me a spanking, telling me I'm not allowed to get up if it's what gets you going. Hell lets go swinging if it's an interest of yours, and watch me have a threesome with a this young hot couple. If I love ya and wanna please you I'll play along.

BUT... none of it gets *me* off.
Because none of registers as kinky *to me*. And none of it ticks of the things that get *me* going. I don't feel dominated when I'm pulled over somebody's knee and spanked after being told to stay there. I just don't. On a good day, I'll feel happy about making him happy. On a bad day I'll just plainly feel annoyed that we're doing yet another thing to get him off with me getting nothing. What it doesn't do... ever... is turn me on.

There are VERY few things a Top/Dom can do that don't involve toys that get me going, so for me it's just easier to help them understand what I want and need to pose that 'no toys = no kink'.

But the beauty of this is, BDSM is so broad and so wide that our likes and our differences can go anything from similar to nothing in common at all.

In my earlier years of BDSM, which also included a lot of D/s, I couldn't imagine sex without dominance, I couldn't imagine ever having a lover who wasn't into the darker elements of BDSM. I spent years being wild, doing things that even people into BDSM disproved of. I found my dark side and it became my spark for life. As the years pass by my yearnings get less. I'm far milder now than what I was. I don't need a masochist who needs extreme pain to get off any more. I guess I did it all, then did it all again and again until it became boring and I was into it so deeply I couldn't get any darker. The only way for me to change things was to modify what I do, lighten up, enjoy sensual, enjoy giving lighter sensations. Tools? I've had just about every tool made for the BDSM market and I sold just about everything because the only tools I now use on rare occasions are my knives, my med kit, canes and one very heavy 30 fall flogger I had specially made for me years ago. Tools have become (to me) a bit silly. They feel gimmicky. My hands, fists, feet, teeth and my voice are far more impulsive and just feel more real.

< Message edited by AlexisANew -- 3/19/2014 3:07:21 PM >

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RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/19/2014 3:34:25 PM

FightingChains

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'd say yes, you're a sadomasochistic switch. Or just greedy, lol.

Greedy, definitely greedy!

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RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/19/2014 4:11:07 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FightingChains
I'm sure for a lot of people into D/s as part of the definition of the relationship this is a harder question to answer. Even if sometimes their sex would seem vanilla, there's the underlying element of knowing who's really in charge all along, so would that be vanilla? I'm actually not sure whether that fits into the meaning that the OP set out or not. If it doesn't, it would be impossible for these people to do vanilla anyway.

*chuckles* I love how complex people can be. For Carol and I it plays out exactly the opposite. I don't think we could really do kinky sex via D/s because the D/s part is just too normal. If we wanted to do something kinky it'd have to be some other abnormal thing -- or maybe with her topping. But honestly if I were to go grab Carol out of the basement right now she'd experience annoyance at the interruption and happiness that I was stepping up in that particular area (which needs some work) but what would make her hot would be the sex itself. The D/s part is just too normal to feel like much of anything.

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RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/19/2014 6:08:28 PM

littlewonder

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Master and i have a lot of missionary sex because to me at least, it's hot. I mean, he's the dominant one on top of the submissive one, with his weight all upon me, holding me down. I mean how much more bdsm can you get? But others here would call that "vanilla". To me it's anything BUT vanilla. So yeah...like I said earlier, I have a very difficult time figuring out what is bdsm and what is vanilla.

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RE: Vanilla Sex? - 3/19/2014 7:05:19 PM

FieryOpal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Master and i have a lot of missionary sex because to me at least, it's hot. I mean, he's the dominant one on top of the submissive one, with his weight all upon me, holding me down. I mean how much more bdsm can you get? But others here would call that "vanilla". To me it's anything BUT vanilla. So yeah...like I said earlier, I have a very difficult time figuring out what is bdsm and what is vanilla.

Oh yeah, the missionary position is still hot (despite what some others say, which I'd echoed earlier), although I like it better when my legs are pulled up and wrapped around. Forgot what the name for that is--modified missionary?

Favorite hands down was, is, and will probably always be doggie-style, though.

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