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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/11/2014 7:34:31 PM   
FluidFlame


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/19/2014
Status: offline 		Eh, I'm not really into it. If a sub wants it then there would be very lengthy discussions about it and out of the both of us, I'm certain that Fluid would never do it to anyone and I would rarely do it.
I'd only do it if a sub that I've had a long relationship with seriously begged for it and even then I'd wouldn't be completely comfortable.
Not a hard limit for me but something that I'm just not a fan of.

Now the rest of the body is pretty much fair game, I'm just not comfortable with face stuff.

~Flame

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/12/2014 6:24:27 AM   
CatharsisKentUK


Posts: 31
Joined: 2/22/2014
Status: offline 		I find face slapping very hot. One of the hot things about it for me is that it can come completely out of nowhere. It requires absolutely no preparation, privacy, foreplay or warning. It's over in an instant but the effect it has on me is profound. I wouldn't be thrilled about any kind of public setting but if the dominant had the wherewithal to be very discreet, I would accept that. I would never condone anything that could make innocent bystanders concerned.

Obviously the context matters. I enjoy face slaps in many contexts, mockery and derision being chief among them.

Nothing too hard and avoiding the eyes etc. It's the shock of it that affects me, rather than the force used. I have even been backhanded in the face but that was more a flick of the wrist than any real impact. Stung like fuck though and instantly commanded my full attention.

So put me in the 'yes' camp.

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/12/2014 6:49:40 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I enjoy face slapping in play.
But I don't understand what you mean by outside the bedroom? You mean if a man gets angry with his girlfriend, is it okay to slap her in response? Of course not! Just like it's not acceptable to rape her! But if it's consensual rape play, like consensual face slapping, then it's okay.

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/12/2014 6:52:55 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
Put me in the category of I always thought the idea was HOT!! But reality wasn't.

It really turns me on though, the reality felt really good for me. But it's all about pressure. I don't like being slapped so hard, and anyway, if he doesn't want his handprint on my face, he better not slap me hard.

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/12/2014 8:40:17 AM   
petitespot


Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Not ok? When is it not ok in your opinion?
Ok? When is it ok in your opinion?

Some women like being slapped around in the bedroom. If this is you can you explain why.
I'd like to define the nature of the attitudes I've been finding surrounding face slapping.





It was ok whenever he chose to do it.
It was instant headspace for me.

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/12/2014 9:39:34 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		It is often said by the ladies on these boards that they need a sarcastic font, perhaps I am in need of a rhetorical font. Many different things can cause tjm and most of them are different for different people. There is no way to that one thing or another will cause it, which was my point. Yes there are ways to reduce the risk but that can be said of a lot of different bdsm activities. (you will note that is why I gave Des credit for being aware of what could happen) You make is sound as if tmj will happen no matter what a person does and that slapping should just not be done. My issue with that is that if it is not your jaw you don't really need to tell people not to do it. Warm them, maybe. Educate them, sure. But tell them what they should and should not do, yeah No.

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/12/2014 9:45:10 AM   
UllrsIshtar


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

It is often said by the ladies on these boards that they need a sarcastic font, perhaps I am in need of a rhetorical font. Many different things can cause tjm and most of them are different for different people. There is no way to that one thing or another will cause it, which was my point. Yes there are ways to reduce the risk but that can be said of a lot of different bdsm activities. (you will note that is why I gave Des credit for being aware of what could happen) You make is sound as if tmj will happen no matter what a person does and that slapping should just not be done. My issue with that is that if it is not your jaw you don't really need to tell people not to do it. Warm them, maybe. Educate them, sure. But tell them what they should and should not do, yeah No.



With all the super-risky-only-a-crazy-person-would-do-that-it-may-not-even-count-officially-as-BDSM-and-should-never-be-done! stuff that I engage in, I estimate that the chances of me dying in some sort of horrible accident you'll end up reading about on 'Alternative Lifestyles in the News' is about 130% every single time I play...

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/12/2014 3:25:07 PM   
fluffyprincess


Posts: 64
Status: offline 		Face slapping only in the bedroom for me, not out in the real world among others who don't understand.

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/12/2014 4:20:03 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		hahaha That was very close to my line of thought, well that and don't tell me what to do. Between knives, fire, guns, and a set of fingernails that have required an e.r. visit before most people I know would be happy if I just slapped them.

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/12/2014 4:33:08 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

Hmmm. For me, I'm very funny about my face. No choking. EVER. No face slapping. EVER. I have never really delved into why, I just know it's instant anger and complete shutdown.


THIS. signed, someone who has been on both sides of the kneel.
(EDITED to add an "s")

< Message edited by SorceressJ -- 3/12/2014 4:34:36 PM >

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/13/2014 3:57:47 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		***I didn't really keep on top of the replies so this post may be a bit long.***


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I don't believe violence is part of a loving, caring relationship.

Put me in the "Never OK" column.

DaddySatyr,
Do you consider bottom spankings violence? They can be very much part of a loving caring relationship... What about the idea of spanking the other cheeks do you dislike so much?




quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I think some people automatically assume that face slapping in non play situations is done in anger or with more force than necessary. That's simply not the case.


Good morning to you to LadyPact,
That difference between what is appropriate inside/outside "play situations" is giving me some problems. It's probably just another divide between a "sceneing", BDSM type of mindset, and a "non-sceneing", D/s one. I play of course. I have different sensibilities in public/private situations. But it doesn't switch on and off so much in my case as it seems to with others.




quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Slapping outside the bedroom/punishment? That's so not happening.





Some theory here: Your face represents who you are as a person. Striking someone's face can be psychologically damaging since it's a violent rejection or correction of who they are. It's definitely up there with the things that can trigger a nasty emotional mine.

ChatteParfaitt,
I do love your theorising.
I tend to agree. Face slapping can impart a very interesting psychological impact. Or as Kali says... "psychological juice."
I'd like to hear anymore thoughts you have on this!




quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
p.s. edited to clarify that face slapping in any other context outside of play I would view as physical abuse (the same as hitting someone in any way that has nothing to do with play/session). BDSM is not a cover for physical abuse.

fucktoyprincess,
That really seems like a very narrow minded view to me... There is a world of possibilities outside of whatever "play/sessions" that you participate in. What if someone doesn't perform scenes and the like?

The idea that, unless someone's relationship conforms to what's familiar to you, it's probably abuse. Is not very impressive.

Dominance & Submission isn't a game to some people, its just how they roll. Surely trying to incorporate it into their daily lives rather than just a playtime, doesn't mean it's abuse.

You said this seems like an S&M activity to you. I can see that. Though I see it as a D/s activity, so we may be picturing different things.

What do you or your partner get out of face slapping?




quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

(I have no idea what happened to my first post, my phone is crazy and at most of it. Hope this helps.

MissImmortalPain,
I write my posts on a phone as well, and have experienced the frustration of having it eat my long well thought out posts! Now rather that play Russian roulette with it, if I know I will be taking a while with a post, I just compose my it in the little notepad app that comes standard with most phones, and when it's ready. "Cut-Paste".




quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

For us, it's always ok. Sometimes he slaps me because it turns us both on. Other times, he slaps me if he's upset with me or wants to get my attention about something. The difference is in how hard the slap is and his attitude with it.

Even before I met him, I enjoyed slaps in and outside of the bedroom. But for me, I was never the inside the bedroom only type of person.

littlewonder,
You mention the two types of slapping there. The one thats a turn on and one that signifies he is upset with you. You said you enjoyed slapping inside and outside the bedroom. I take that to mean not solely within a sexual context.

Can you explain a bit more about what exactly you experience when receiving the disapproval/upset with you type of slaps?




quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I enjoy face slapping in play.
But I don't understand what you mean by outside the bedroom? You mean if a man gets angry with his girlfriend, is it okay to slap her in response? Of course not! Just like it's not acceptable to rape her! But if it's consensual rape play, like consensual face slapping, then it's okay.

Greta75,
What I mean by "Outside of the Bedroom", is... Outside of a sexual context, not when it's a kinky turn on but when meant as a correction or rejection of someone's behaviour.

There's been a lot of talk lately about what consent is. If as a condition of entering into a relationship with someone. The sub agreed to take whatever treatment that her dom decide to inflict upon her. Then I think it only stops being consensual if she is prevented from leaving.

Although I can see that this opinion does skirt quite close to domestic violence territory, so does most of what I dabble in. So I'm definitely open to discussion about it.

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 3/13/2014 4:51:04 AM >

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/13/2014 4:26:18 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I don't believe violence is part of a loving, caring relationship.

Put me in the "Never OK" column.




DaddySatyr,
Do you consider bottom spankings violence? They can be very much part of a loving caring relationship... What about the idea of spanking the other cheeks do you dislike so much?



Other than a very light, playful tap on the ass (maybe as we're walking up the stairs), I don't do "spankings". To me, that's violence. Sorry. It is what it is (to me). Hitting of any kind is a huge no-no to me.





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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/13/2014 4:59:14 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		ChatteParfaitt,
I do love your theorising.
I tend to agree. Face slapping can impart a very interesting psychological impact. Or as Kali says... "psychological juice."
I'd like to hear anymore thoughts you have on this!

Psychologically speaking, if the heart is the seat of all emotion, then the face is the seat of all personality.

The term "physiognomy" refers to features of the face and how they are used to infer the character or temperament of an individual.

Although they is much debate over if and how you can use physiognomy to convey identity, scientists do agree that the face (and appearance in general) has great psychological impact.

Here's an article:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2811283/



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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/13/2014 11:07:17 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
***I didn't really keep on top of the replies so this post may be a bit long.***

Good morning to you to LadyPact,
That difference between what is appropriate inside/outside "play situations" is giving me some problems. It's probably just another divide between a "sceneing", BDSM type of mindset, and a "non-sceneing", D/s one. I play of course. I have different sensibilities in public/private situations. But it doesn't switch on and off so much in my case as it seems to with others.

I think what you've really got here are three different categories. Play, not play but in private, and public. (By public, I mean not at lifestyle type gatherings.) I don't really do the "in public" part anymore than I'd walk down the street and just decide to flog someone.

Just on a personal level, I see what you are saying about sceneing/non sceneing. For Me, it would come down to do you own that person or not. For example, it wouldn't surprise Me a bit for this activity to be conducted between Kana and littlewonder because they have that kind of dynamic. He's not abusing her when he does this in a non play aspect. Granted, for most folks, face slapping has a psychological impact. That's why it's powerful and not in a 'force' kind of way. Heck, I've slapped people on the ass with far more physical force than I've ever hit anyone on the face. Still, when this topic comes up, most people automatically envision a hit with as much power and/or swing as possible. That's just not necessarily the case.



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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/13/2014 8:16:38 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

littlewonder,
You mention the two types of slapping there. The one thats a turn on and one that signifies he is upset with you. You said you enjoyed slapping inside and outside the bedroom. I take that to mean not solely within a sexual context.

Can you explain a bit more about what exactly you experience when receiving the disapproval/upset with you type of slaps?



What I mean is that when he's slapping me during play, it's hot and turns me on. When he slaps me when he's trying to get my attention or he's upset with me, I don't exactly enjoy it but I don't see it as abuse either. It's the same as punishment. I don't enjoy punishment but I don't see it as abuse either. It simply means I deserve what I get because that's what I agreed to being in a relationship with him.

When he slaps me when he's upset with me, it makes me cry. It makes me realize just how I fucked up and just how upset he is with me and the last thing on earth I want to do is make him upset with me. It's one of the most awful feelings in the world.



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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/14/2014 1:27:59 AM   
lana2Bgood


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/3/2012
Status: offline
quote:

When he slaps me when he's upset with me, it makes me cry. It makes me realize just how I fucked up and just how upset he is with me and the last thing on earth I want to do is make him upset with me. It's one of the most awful feelings in the world.

Hi LittleWonder--I said 'yeah that sounds fine' with everything you said here-- till you got to this. . When you talk to abused women that choose to stay with their abuser that's pretty much what they say too --that they deserve it because what they did wrong made him angry or upset. It was their fault that it happened You may have 'fucked up' --we all do from time to time-- but that doesn't mean you deserve to be hit in the face in anger. (Or even slapped hard which can damage the neck.)
That said, if that's how you(Little Wonder) like it, so be it. You're an adult and it's your relationship. I just wouldnt want other women to read this & think that this is a universally acceptable way for a dominant man in a D/s relationship to act, --to hit his sub in the face when he's mad at her. *

To answer the OP's question: A light slap or slaps on the cheek for a controlled punishment or for an attention getter might be okay [ So far he (my dom) has shown no inclination to slap or whip me any place other than my bottom or upper thighs plus holding me or pulling me firmly by the hair] What's beyond my hard limits would be in public or in retaliation because he's upset or angry at me.
jmo
lana
*UNLESS she really consents to this and wants it as part of her relationship

< Message edited by lana2Bgood -- 3/14/2014 2:56:35 AM >

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/15/2014 12:26:42 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

Not ok? When is it not ok in your opinion?[/bold]When it is done without a certain amount of knowledge of the facial structure including nerves, muscles, ligaments and their relationship to each other. In any relationship I am in, when it is done out of anger. The only people ever allowed to slap my face in anger were my parents & that's because they believed that it was one sure-fire way of shutting up someone who could be too much of a smart-ass for his own good (who? ME???)
When it is done in public.
When it is done non-consensually.
When it is done with the intention of doing harm (bad pain) and not hurt (good pain)
When done for the purpose of "outing" your partner, in terms of giving an indication to the public as to what the two of you are into when the partner is not o.k. with that
[bold]Ok? When is it ok in your opinion?[/bold]When I have a partner who agrees to it after the usual discussion of pros/cons/likes/needs/wants.

quote:

]Some women like being slapped around in the bedroom. If this is you can you explain why.
I'd like to define the nature of the attitudes I've been finding surrounding face slapping.



Can't speak for every woman on here...only the ones I have been with and their reasons for it. The reasons have ranged from one who liked ONE quick slap when she got mouthy or displayed attitude. It was the only physical deterrant to behavior she or I ever wanted because the flogging/spanking/paddling/caning were all about play...not punishment to one who liked Me to slap her several times as I was finger-fucking her while also using verbal humiliation. For her, it set her free to that "slut" level she liked to reach.
In any of the cases where I used...or would use...slapping, I would stay within that "hurt/bring to attention" zone rather than the harm zone. I don't do anger with physicality well and I know that about myself. In ways that I have no mental/emotional problem with and in some ways that I do. It's the ones that I do that I try to avoid. Relationships-anger-physicality...not a good fit for me.
Knowledge of the facial structure and nerve supply within the face has led me to a knowledge of where I want to hit and how hard and with how much of my hand. That works for me.

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/15/2014 9:07:10 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lana2Bgood

quote:

When he slaps me when he's upset with me, it makes me cry. It makes me realize just how I fucked up and just how upset he is with me and the last thing on earth I want to do is make him upset with me. It's one of the most awful feelings in the world.

Hi LittleWonder--I said 'yeah that sounds fine' with everything you said here-- till you got to this. . When you talk to abused women that choose to stay with their abuser that's pretty much what they say too --that they deserve it because what they did wrong made him angry or upset. It was their fault that it happened You may have 'fucked up' --we all do from time to time-- but that doesn't mean you deserve to be hit in the face in anger. (Or even slapped hard which can damage the neck.)
That said, if that's how you(Little Wonder) like it, so be it. You're an adult and it's your relationship. I just wouldnt want other women to read this & think that this is a universally acceptable way for a dominant man in a D/s relationship to act, --to hit his sub in the face when he's mad at her. *

To answer the OP's question: A light slap or slaps on the cheek for a controlled punishment or for an attention getter might be okay [ So far he (my dom) has shown no inclination to slap or whip me any place other than my bottom or upper thighs plus holding me or pulling me firmly by the hair] What's beyond my hard limits would be in public or in retaliation because he's upset or angry at me.
jmo
lana
*UNLESS she really consents to this and wants it as part of her relationship



This is what we agreed to. This is what I am comfortable with. If you see it as abusive, that's on you, not me.


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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/15/2014 9:11:50 PM   
pg4g


Posts: 296
Joined: 12/31/2013
From: Australia
Status: offline 		I'm curious, though, LW... what if he's angry about something, blaming you, and it isn't your fault?

I'm certainly not judging, but it's one of my biggest worries with punishment dynamics, and with hitting in anger etc. Though, I'll be honest, that's tainted by my father, who would find things to blame me on to abuse me, so I can't get into punishment, slapping, domestic stuff like that. It's just a concern I have that a dominant/master may... misuse their authority. But that's just me.

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RE: Face Slapping. In and Outside the bedroom... - 3/15/2014 9:14:42 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pg4g

I'm curious, though, LW... what if he's angry about something, blaming you, and it isn't your fault?

I'm certainly not judging, but it's one of my biggest worries with punishment dynamics, and with hitting in anger etc. Though, I'll be honest, that's tainted by my father, who would find things to blame me on to abuse me, so I can't get into punishment, slapping, domestic stuff like that. It's just a concern I have that a dominant/master may... misuse their authority. But that's just me.


why the hell would he blame me for something that isn't my fault? I don't have relationships with little boys.

And being upset does not equal anger. Neither one of us angers easily. For us to become angry it would have to basically be the end of the world lol.
As for misusing his authority, again, why would I be in a relationship with such a person and with a person I cannot give my entire trust to? Neither of us are children.


I really worry about people who are so distrusting of every person that they cannot be in a healthy relationship because they think that everyone is going to hurt them.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 3/15/2014 9:15:46 PM >

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