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RE: Dommes and money - 8/13/2014 8:33:35 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalentraDomme
To each their own, but I don't like being hounded after I have told the sub that I am not a fin Domme, in respect to him giving Me money as if every woman has her price.


So it looks like a couple people are under the impression that you're receiving money from strangers on the internet as you've used the word giving here instead of offering. Would you clarify? Did you actually just mean that he was offering you money or were you taking money from this guy?

(in reply to CalentraDomme)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dommes and money - 8/13/2014 11:23:08 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Are you sure you've thought that through, Lookie? Me, I wouldn't mind being bought, now and then. The notion gives me a bit of a stiffy, truth to be told.


For those looking to get sold there's a charity auction going on Friday in RI: https://fetlife.com/events/268756

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dommes and money - 8/13/2014 4:35:01 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline 		thompsonx -

What if the Domme "does it like a Dom"? Instead of "asking," she dictates: "I'll be in charge of your money." Does asking versus commanding make it different?

Should submissives be asking male Dominants if they will be requiring financial gain through controlling their money?

Are the male Doms being asked if they charge or if they take a continuous TRIBUTE, called the submissive's paycheck?

My point is that some Dominants wish to profit by the use and control of expanded funds - the funds of the submissive.

If when women take the money, they're whores; then when the men take the money, they're whores.

Calling it, "taking charge" when it's a guy and calling it, "charging" when it's a woman, is just sexist propaganda with no roots in rationale, logic or reality.

Some Doms & Dommes profit financially off the backs of their submissives and other Doms & Dommes, choose NOT to profit. It's not a male or female thing... it's a FinDom and FinDomme thing.

(in reply to thompsonx)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dommes and money - 8/13/2014 8:02:03 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV
It's not a male or female thing... it's a FinDom and FinDomme thing.


Where are these FinDoms?

(in reply to BecomingV)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dommes and money - 8/13/2014 8:06:08 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Just to add into the discussion mix:

One big difference though is that...in the majority of cases...male finDominants are going to be having sex and engaging in kinky play with their submissive with or without the money.

From what I've seen and read on these boards...in many cases...the male submissive is NOT getting sex or kinky play with their finDomme without the money.

And if that is true, then on one hand, the female submissive is getting...what...for her money? Her bills paid? A better car...or an education...or a better house to live in? Plus sex and kinky play and control (though these come with or without the money). Of course, if they split...she may not see a dime of what was turned over. On the other hand, the male submissive is getting...what...for his money? Sex? Kinky play that may involve some of his wants? (he's certainly not getting it without the money). His bills paid? A better car or an education? Things she needs or wants? Of course, if they split...he may not see a dime of what he turned over.

If the above is true...and sex and kinky play ARE tied into the money, then the dominant is being paid in part...no matter how miniscule the dominant/submissive try to make it...for their "favors". Does that not make them a sex worker?

Digs out my old battle-worn umbrella

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 8/13/2014 9:00:14 PM >

(in reply to BecomingV)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dommes and money - 8/13/2014 10:27:27 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Are we simply going by what you feel the definition of a fin Domme is or are we going to go by an actual definition? Bc that would help a lot of this.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 5:11:46 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel


quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV
It's not a male or female thing... it's a FinDom and FinDomme thing.


Where are these FinDoms?


I can think of 2 right off the top of my head who had no problems sitting at home while their subs went to work and supported them. Now I admit they never called themselves findoms but they did come up with excuse after excuse on why they couldn't go out and get jobs. Interestingly enough, their relationships didn't last very long.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 8:11:15 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Are we simply going by what you feel the definition of a fin Domme is or are we going to go by an actual definition? Bc that would help a lot of this.
I'll tell you what...having seen the discussions regarding findominance and "tributes" and all the "agreement" over what it is and is not, I believe that what I posted certainly matches up with what a lot of other dominants and submissives think it is.

And...If you'll look closer at my post...I stated that this is what I've observed , not what I believe or not believe. I did that for the purpose of having someone honestly disagree with the observation, not snark because I hit a nerve.

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 8:58:23 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi


quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel


quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV
It's not a male or female thing... it's a FinDom and FinDomme thing.


Where are these FinDoms?


I can think of 2 right off the top of my head who had no problems sitting at home while their subs went to work and supported them. Now I admit they never called themselves findoms but they did come up with excuse after excuse on why they couldn't go out and get jobs. Interestingly enough, their relationships didn't last very long.
Interesting that, when all they were getting for their money was sex and kinky play and being controlled and "guided", the women soon left.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 10:14:09 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi


quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel


quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV
It's not a male or female thing... it's a FinDom and FinDomme thing.


Where are these FinDoms?


I can think of 2 right off the top of my head who had no problems sitting at home while their subs went to work and supported them. Now I admit they never called themselves findoms but they did come up with excuse after excuse on why they couldn't go out and get jobs. Interestingly enough, their relationships didn't last very long.


There are relationship dynamics that fit every mold. Some submissive men would prefer to work hard at their job and have a 'goddess' to take care of - and hey, if they can afford it, who is to judge?

I've lived what some subs crave - I own a business and work full time and for more than half of my relationship with my boytoy/husband, he stayed at home and did everything domestic and was essentially at my beck and call. Trust me, it was a full time job. I have been into a grocery store maybe 3 times in 10 years. He would even go out and navigate MAC and Sephora to get me makeup. He would buy me clothes, bring them home, then return the ones I did not like. He was also my professional assistant, my driver, and there at the snap of my fingers. He baked fresh bread several times a week and made amazing meals. All I had to do is work. I loved my career (most of the time) so it was perfect and I made enough to support us both because we didn't live an extravagant lifestyle.

About three years ago I lost an anchor client and at the same time he had an amazing job opportunity he wanted to pursue. It was a huge adjustment. Financially it sealed the gap, but not having him around all the time was hard for me. Plus, he works long days too, so coming home I have to be realistic he isn't in peak shape to just roll over and be my minion. He also has a very demanding exercise schedule that he used to fit in wherever he wanted, now he has to do it after work, so he gets home late a a few days a week. Result? No home cooked meals unless they are late or he's able to whip something up fast.

Do I prefer this? Well, no. But now that my business rebounded and I replaced the client, and he's working full time, we have a lot of extra income we're aggressively saving. We have talked about him leaving his fulltime job and coming back to "stay at home" partner, and maybe that will happen, but for now, it's very prudent to just save the money. Plus he enjoys his job for the most part.

But the dynamic is VERY different and took a LOT of adjusting too. We locked horns a lot when he would get home and I wanted to snap my fingers and demand him into service because I had a shitty day. Truth be told, he had shitty days too. He wants to serve me and please me above ANYTHING, but that does not mean he doesn't have bad days. A solid foundation and good communication solves most of these issues. We found good middle ground. I own the weekends. Period.

Akasha



_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 10:35:41 AM   
Sissy3itch1388


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/7/2014
Status: offline 		I can understand a lot subs frustration over the whole financial domination thing. I myself have been into this lifestyle for most of my adult life and sadly (despite my good looks) have had no real experience. I have tried multiple sites like ALT.com, BDSM.com, strap-on singles.com, and its affiliates, with no REAL hits. I get the feeling that most of the "Mistresses" around 20 to 28 maybe 30 just want money. I guess they found about about financial domination online and said,"hey I will give it a shot.". Hell I have seen some girls on here who don't know a thing about bdsm nor care yet they want money or tribute. The way I look at it is that if you truly have interest in this lifestyle and want to explore real, passionate bdsm relationships then money should NOT be the greatest common denominator. It makes you look shallow and furthermore, if your a true Dom, then you should not be trying to rely on other peoples finances so much. This is just the way I feel however so don't take it personal if anyone disagrees please.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 5:27:40 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline
ORIGINAL: BecomingV

thompsonx -

What if the Domme "does it like a Dom"? Instead of "asking," she dictates: "I'll be in charge of your money." Does asking versus commanding make it different?

Nope

Should submissives be asking male Dominants if they will be requiring financial gain through controlling their money?

Yup

Are the male Doms being asked if they charge or if they take a continuous TRIBUTE, called the submissive's paycheck?

If not why not?

My point is that some Dominants wish to profit by the use and control of expanded funds - the funds of the submissive.

If when women take the money, they're whores; then when the men take the money, they're whores.

That sounds about right but amongst professional sex workers the term "whore" is often indicative of some one who fucks for free. They prefer the term prostitute, sex worker or provider.

Calling it, "taking charge" when it's a guy and calling it, "charging" when it's a woman, is just sexist propaganda with no roots in rationale, logic or reality.

This comes under the heading of preaching to the choir.

Some Doms & Dommes profit financially off the backs of their submissives and other Doms & Dommes, choose NOT to profit. It's not a male or female thing... it's a FinDom and FinDomme thing.

Yup

(in reply to BecomingV)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 6:50:50 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		[Brackets mine]
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant [Post#45]

And if that is true, then on one hand, the female submissive is getting...what...for her money? Her bills paid? A better car...or an education...or a better house to live in? Plus sex and kinky play and control (though these come with or without the money). Of course, if they split...she may not see a dime of what was turned over.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant [Post#49]
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel
quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

It's not a male or female thing... it's a FinDom and FinDomme thing.

Where are these [male] FinDoms?

I can think of 2 right off the top of my head who had no problems sitting at home while their [fem]subs went to work and supported them. Now I admit they never called themselves findoms but they did come up with excuse after excuse on why they couldn't go out and get jobs. Interestingly enough, their relationships didn't last very long.
Interesting that, when all they [female submissives] were getting for their money was sex and kinky play and being controlled and "guided" [by their male Dominant], the women soon left.

CD, you were making sense in your earlier post, but then you lost me with your last comment. What was the point you were trying to make there? How is that "interesting," in light of the fact that females are typically relationship-minded & oriented (vis-à-vis needing to make trust-based emotional investments), whereas males stereotypically have commitment issues--on both sides of the kneel and ESPECIALLY in between?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 7:11:40 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Are we simply going by what you feel the definition of a fin Domme is or are we going to go by an actual definition? Bc that would help a lot of this.
I'll tell you what...having seen the discussions regarding findominance and "tributes" and all the "agreement" over what it is and is not, I believe that what I posted certainly matches up with what a lot of other dominants and submissives think it is.

And...If you'll look closer at my post...I stated that this is what I've observed , not what I believe or not believe. I did that for the purpose of having someone honestly disagree with the observation, not snark because I hit a nerve.



Oh darlin, you don't quite no me well enough to say if I'm being snarky, which I wasn't. I was actually asking a straight up question. And for the record just bc more than one person has an opinion doesn't mean it's right.
There is an actual definition of what fin dommes are, I was trying to help out your "observation". But hey, do you.
I'm just saying if it were me, I would want to be educated on a subject I knew nothing about.

^that was snark :)

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 8:24:29 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Are we simply going by what you feel the definition of a fin Domme is or are we going to go by an actual definition? Bc that would help a lot of this.
I'll tell you what...having seen the discussions regarding findominance and "tributes" and all the "agreement" over what it is and is not, I believe that what I posted certainly matches up with what a lot of other dominants and submissives think it is.

And...If you'll look closer at my post...I stated that this is what I've observed , not what I believe or not believe. I did that for the purpose of having someone honestly disagree with the observation, not snark because I hit a nerve.



Oh darlin, you don't quite no me well enough to say if I'm being snarky, which I wasn't. I was actually asking a straight up question. And for the record just bc more than one person has an opinion doesn't mean it's right.
There is an actual definition of what fin dommes are, I was trying to help out your "observation". But hey, do you.
I'm just saying if it were me, I would want to be educated on a subject I knew nothing about.

^that was snark :)
I love when people assume.

Look again...I posted that I posted what I observed. Nowhere did I state that I believed what I observed...or did not believe it. Nor did I state that I don't know how it's defined. Nor did I state that I know nothing about it.

And you're right, just because most people have an opinion on a subject that differs from yours, that does not make them right. But when it comes to a subject such as findomming, I'd have to say that it doesn't make them wrong either.

A definition? I've seen several. From several Dommes on various threads. From various internet sites. I know which definition sounds most ethical and honorable to me. But that doesn't make me right.

Of course...it doesn't make you right either. Unless you have some special accreditation I didn't know about...?



(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 9:08:20 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		No,no accedidations...just the ability to see things from different perspectives. But there are a select few of us who aren't rinsers or fin ducks. Those of us who actually have relationships with our subs, who actually control the finances and engage in a D/s dynamic.
But I've yet to hear about that..
Instead I've read about how you feel I'm being snarky or how I'm tryin to be right. All I'm simply trying to enlighten you on is there are actual fin dommes who aren't sex workers, who aren't tryin to "make a quick buck" and who actually take pride in what they do.


< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 8/14/2014 9:09:58 PM >

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dommes and money - 8/14/2014 9:28:06 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

No,no accedidations...just the ability to see things from different perspectives. But there are a select few of us who aren't rinsers or fin ducks. Those of us who actually have relationships with our subs, who actually control the finances and engage in a D/s dynamic.
But I've yet to hear about that..
Instead I've read about how you feel I'm being snarky or how I'm tryin to be right. All I'm simply trying to enlighten you on is there are actual fin dommes who aren't sex workers, who aren't tryin to "make a quick buck" and who actually take pride in what they do.

If you'll note, in the first post that I made that prompted a response from you, nowhere did I say that ALL fin Dommes were sex workers. But somehow, you felt or assumed or believed that's what I was saying.
I really can't help that...

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 5:16:56 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		NM..
You know what... You're right.

< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 8/15/2014 5:32:27 AM >

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 6:12:00 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi
I can think of 2 right off the top of my head who had no problems sitting at home while their subs went to work and supported them. Now I admit they never called themselves findoms but they did come up with excuse after excuse on why they couldn't go out and get jobs. Interestingly enough, their relationships didn't last very long.


So....would you consider those 2 cases of "legitimate fetishes", were those couples dynamics healthy or can you just think of a couple of lazy guys.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 8:35:42 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

[Brackets mine]
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant [Post#45]

And if that is true, then on one hand, the female submissive is getting...what...for her money? Her bills paid? A better car...or an education...or a better house to live in? Plus sex and kinky play and control (though these come with or without the money). Of course, if they split...she may not see a dime of what was turned over.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant [Post#49]
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel
quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV

It's not a male or female thing... it's a FinDom and FinDomme thing.

Where are these [male] FinDoms?

I can think of 2 right off the top of my head who had no problems sitting at home while their [fem]subs went to work and supported them. Now I admit they never called themselves findoms but they did come up with excuse after excuse on why they couldn't go out and get jobs. Interestingly enough, their relationships didn't last very long.
Interesting that, when all they [female submissives] were getting for their money was sex and kinky play and being controlled and "guided" [by their male Dominant], the women soon left.

CD, you were making sense in your earlier post, but then you lost me with your last comment. What was the point you were trying to make there? How is that "interesting," in light of the fact that females are typically relationship-minded & oriented (vis-à-vis needing to make trust-based emotional investments), whereas males stereotypically have commitment issues--on both sides of the kneel and ESPECIALLY in between?
what is interesting to me is the variances in human behavior. When the women felt that all they were getting from their money was sex and kinky play and controlling for the money they were putting out, they left. Whereas many male submissives complain that they pay the money and still don't get the sex and kinky play, but still get plenty of controlling.

It's a bit ironic, isn't it that...in some instances, despite the old saying...you DON'T get what you pay for?

I have to admit to some curiosity over the next thing that comes to mind. On average, who would pay over a longer length of time for NOT getting what they're paying for...female submissives or male submissives?

I happen to think you are mainly right regarding commitment issues but while men having problems with commitment have been...and still are...the norm, today you see more and more women with commitment issues. Among cohabiting couples, 41% of the men are not completely committed to their partner while the percentage of women that are not completely committed has risen to 26%.



< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 8/15/2014 10:20:38 AM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 60
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