FieryOpal
Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
Empty handed is not so much the issue, it's more having over 100 pages of cmail and still feeling UNINSPIRED.
When I say empty-handed, I mean a few promising prospects not panning out. Sometimes it starts off well with a good rapport, then lo & behold, out come the weird-ass fetishes & kinks that are outside of my Neutral Tolerance Zone. Plus, I'm not into S&M so that already rules out most kinksters.
Yes, it's disappointing to finally meet a prospective candidate and not click on all levels, the most important one being sexual chemistry by this stage of the "courting game/courtship." We could have had a romantically mental connection, but then the physical doesn't line up in person. This is how some of my male sub friendships have evolved; since I don't do FWBs, my Friend Zone is strictly platonic.
quote:
ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
I am selective of who I meet so my meetings are few and far between despite many emails and requests. Also, I think most actually get scared they might like me TOO MUCH and they fear the entrapment involved in pushing forward. If they were just horny net geeks, they wouldn't divulge as much personal info as they do. And though they might like talking to just any vagina, mine has been doing kegels so long I can probably break a pencil in half.  Dare I ask why yet to collar a sub if your experience has been so very different? Apologies if too intrusive.
You are preaching to the choir.  One factor with submissive males is that they tend to be romantically shyer than other men. I'll return a compliment (even if it sounds over the top) with an expression of appreciation or with a compliment if I can find cause for one. This tends to warm them up a bit, feel less intimidated and act more natural.
Another thing I keep in mind is alleviating the seriousness of my tone (which can get lectury) with humor, and this helps to break the ice. I try to create a feeling of emotional safety, as precursor to developing trust, balanced by my no-nonsense approach. It's a bit of a juggling act, in that sense.
I will say this, though, a *true* submissive craves to be owned with every fiber of his being, as well as being dominated & controlled. If you encounter a "sub" who doesn't express this fervent wish, chances are he's into the kinky BDSM part but not a suitable submissive for a D/s-M/s relationship dynamic.
I don't mind telling you that I haven't had a RT sub since last summer, when my last sub had to move away to a different corner of the country. We both agreed it was best to release ourselves from our D/s obligations so that I could find another sub partner and likewise he would be free to find a new Mistress.
You can choose from any combination of the following impediments:
-- Don't want play partners. Not interested in being a Top or in being serviced casually. If I were flexible in this regard, I (and most any other Domme) could probably line up every single lunch hour during the week with no shortage of willing male bottoms & fetishists, but that's not my style.
-- Too picky? At my age I know what I want and what I don't want and am less willing to make compromises or end up settling. My sub has to be masculine and sub only to me, not to just anybody else or around other Dominants.
He can't be a masochistic pain sl-t or any other kind of sl-t. A *junkie* who has complementary obsessions/fixations with my own is a different story.
-- I'm a sapiosexual, so if a sub can't cut the mustard intellectually or provide me with the level of mental-verbal foreplay needed, it ain't gonna happen.
-- I really really really cannot overlook lack of virility, a sub who isn't a good lover or who can't excel in vanilla-ish sexual relations ... or small penis size. Sorry, can't do it. I'm not a Size Queen, but I do have minimum standards, for Pete's sake. 
quote:
ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
Agreed, which leads me to believe that some proDommes and finDommes might also be as dominant as myself though subs are under the impression we live in rubber suits 24/7 and don't have any actual lives or interests outside of BDSM. That doesn't spell "lasting relationship" to me.
... Some assume non-pro & pro alike all have private Dungeons in our homes, replete with every possible bondage device imaginable. That we walk around all day in 6-inch stiletto-heeled black leather boots, fishnet-gartered stockings with open-crotch thong panties (ready to be orally serviced at the snap of our fingers), wearing either black leather or brocade-laced corsettes, cracking our riding crop or whip while puffing on a VA Slims 120mm out of a long pencil-shaped cigarette holder, blowing smoke in their faces and up their asses. 
quote:
ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
No, I REQUIRE both for longevity. I owned my prior sub for 10 years. My live-in, so I already have been seasoned with him and other playmates to know what I require. I have also had many playmates over the years when my focus was less on exclusivity and longevity.
Like most of us, I also require vanilla & kink compatibility. I came from a marital D/s, so I do seek (sub) husband material, a gentleman mature enough to have had similar life experiences in terms of personal growth, family values, and who is ready to retire somewhere with me in a couple of years in our little tropical paradise together.
What I have encountered in nearing (40ish)/middle-aged (45-55+) males who do have D/s-BDSM experience is that many are never-been-married bachelors with commitment issues, have never settled down to become properly domesticated and haven't assumed the responsibilities of raising a family (so are therefore deficient in the areas of life experiences which develop well-adjusted personal growth). They are exceedingly needy emotionally and/or have maladaptive co-dependency issues, along with unrealistic fetishy kink expectations. 
quote:
ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
That remains to be seen in the case of most subs, I'm so far removed from most Ds they have encountered I'm not even quite sure where to begin, LOL.
OMFG, you have no idea! Well yes, obviously you do, perhaps in dissimilar ways given that you're a generation younger than I am. 
_____________________________
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau
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RE: Dommes and money - 
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