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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 9:05:38 AM   
Moderator3


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Status: offline 		Please enjoy the current 'findom' and 'money domme' type threads that we have going, as there won't be any new ones for a while.

(This isn't meant as a hijack and no response to my post is 'needed'.

Thank you

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 10:13:37 AM   
mnottertail


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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 12:05:04 PM   
TNDommeK


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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 12:05:48 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		Well, it's happened to me twice this week where I met subs who would be amazing, very compatible, just quintessential...n the vanilla sense. And the perfect sub IF ONLY HE DIDN'T THINK BDSM PORN AND PRODOMMES IS WHAT LIFESTYLE DOMMES ACTUALLY DO. Didn't know the difference between a sex worker and someone seeking a relationship, go figure.
One I especially adored because of his mind, in a vanilla sense, his experience with overcoming difficulty and his unwavering sense of ambition. However, he has ONLY dealt with prodommes and vanilla relationships. He told me he would love to see me in heels and a leather skirt *cringe worthy*. I mean, that's fine if I'm in the mood to play dress up but I could tell he ODed on BDSM porn etc. Then he actually asked me if I knew divine bitches. I almost pissed myself. Really? No, I don't know who those people who profit off my lifestyle are. No, I don't, sorry. I hope those bitches are divine though.
I don't know, it kind of killed it for me. Our conversation didn't end well, so yea, I think the prodommes are great and all but it's weird when they are somehow seen as lifestyle "celebrities" and the rest of us are what? Emulating to be them? Rather than vice versa? It is angering, frustrating, yes. So apparently now selling your ass online and touching multiple sub dicks is seen as impressive, how cool. GotSteel interesting stats, and makes sense in the current status quo.
Akasha, I envy your prior arrangement with the hubby, it sounds quintessential for myself.
That is one area where FieryOpal and I disagree. I like paying my way, and don't mind picking up the tab if my subbie is at my beck and call. The sub I mentioned prior picked up the tab when we went out to eat, I didn't like it. Perhaps role reversal seeps into that aspect of my life. Not sure how to label it.
If a fellow is retired though, that works too but then the age difference would emerge and who wants that? (Been there, done that).

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 8/15/2014 12:07:30 PM >

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 12:25:21 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Cuz I be old-fashioned like dat, call it my romantic lover fetish hearkening back to the (olden) days of chivalry...

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
<snip>
That is one area where FieryOpal and I disagree. I like paying my way, and don't mind picking up the tab if my subbie is at my beck and call. The sub I mentioned prior picked up the tab when we went out to eat, I didn't like it. Perhaps role reversal seeps into that aspect of my life. Not sure how to label it.


... and if he makes it that far, I can *whip* up some mean, bad-ass home-cooked meals.

(Saffron doesn't come cheap, esp. when rubbed all over one's body. )

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 1:10:46 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
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From: Dante's Inferno
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Cuz I be old-fashioned like dat, call it my romantic lover fetish hearkening back to the (olden) days of chivalry...

In all fairness though, it's also the days when men were head of household, so perhaps I try to be contemporary in every aspect of my life? Who knows.
quote:


(Saffron doesn't come cheap, esp. when rubbed all over one's body. )


Neither are Louboutins darling, but that's never stopped me before.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 8/15/2014 1:11:09 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 1:18:21 PM   
thompsonx


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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
what is interesting to me is the variances in human behavior. When the women felt that all they were getting from their money was sex and kinky play and controlling for the money they were putting out, they left. Whereas many male submissives complain that they pay the money and still don't get the sex and kinky play, but still get plenty of controlling.

Perhaps they are shoping in the wrong store.

It's a bit ironic, isn't it that...in some instances, despite the old saying...you DON'T get what you pay for?


If I don't get what I pay for I take my business elsewhere.

I have to admit to some curiosity over the next thing that comes to mind. On average, who would pay over a longer length of time for NOT getting what they're paying for...female submissives or male submissives?


The most guillible?

I happen to think you are mainly right regarding commitment issues but while men having problems with commitment have been...and still are...the norm, today you see more and more women with commitment issues. Among cohabiting couples, 41% of the men are not completely committed to their partner while the percentage of women that are not completely committed has risen to 26%.

I am pretty sure that more than 26% of women in "committed" relationships have higher aspirations.




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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 1:20:19 PM   
thompsonx


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ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

(Saffron doesn't come cheap, esp. when rubbed all over one's body. )


It goes on the inside hon.

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 2:46:58 PM   
FieryOpal


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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

(Saffron doesn't come cheap, esp. when rubbed all over one's body. )

It goes on the inside hon.
Are you getting fresh with me?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 3:22:40 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel


quote:

ORIGINAL: CalentraDomme
To each their own, but I don't like being hounded after I have told the sub that I am not a fin Domme, in respect to him giving Me money as if every woman has her price.


So it looks like a couple people are under the impression that you're receiving money from strangers on the internet as you've used the word giving here instead of offering. Would you clarify? Did you actually just mean that he was offering you money or were you taking money from this guy?



Profile "not found."

As an aside, in order to prove a legitimate marriage for immigration purposes, the spouses must show commingling of finances. The idea is that "real marrieds" trust each other with money and asset use.

(in reply to GotSteel)
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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 4:00:38 PM   
FieryOpal


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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Profile "not found."

As an aside, in order to prove a legitimate marriage for immigration purposes, the spouses must show commingling of finances. The idea is that "real marrieds" trust each other with money and asset use.

Exactamundo, as proof positive the old-fashioned way of demonstrating an authentic union of two becoming one.

Btw GM, I respect your personal preferences, but MYTHBUSTER'S ALERT: Male heads of household were de jure in name only. In various cultures, this may be true for outward appearance's sake, but not necessarily in terms of practical application.

Anecdotally, my maternal grandmother was given charge of running the family's land holdings, which included fruit orchards and tenant farmers. When she fell in love with my grandfather, he was considered to be socially beneath her and not suitable for an arranged marriage. She finally convinced her father to approve of their nuptials based on my grandfather's smarts and business acumen, but she always ran the show the entire time they successfully raised a family of 10 children together.

My paternal grandmother was a pioneer schoolteacher, a profession which spanned many decades. She supported the family more often than not while my paternal grandfather moved their family of 6 children around as an itinerant mining engineer after they had to sell their zinc mine in Missouri early in their marriage.

The '50s household (husband as breadwinner, stay-at-home housewife) is and was a dream fulfillment or type of domestic ideal borne of the tumultuous post-World War eras where family security, prosperity and rising social status were the products of the accumulative blood, sweat & tears shed by our ancestors after centuries of (sometimes internecine) warfare, and represents a luxury in standard of living for its surviving progeny, which realistically could only be achieved during times of peace.

[Edited for typo]

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 8/15/2014 4:09:11 PM >

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 4:18:42 PM   
GoddessManko


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From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Btw GM, I respect your personal preferences, but MYTHBUSTER'S ALERT: Male heads of household were de jure in name only. In various cultures, this may be true for outward appearance's sake, but not necessarily in terms of practical application.



Ah, apologies. I was thinking along the lines of when spankings were commonplace for a man to deal his wife (along similar lines of BDSM.)

Cited: For example, the 1874 case State v. Oliver (North Carolina Reports, Vol. 70, Sec. 60, p. 44) states: "We assume that the old doctrine that a husband had the right to whip his wife, provided that he used a switch no larger than his thumb, is not the law in North Carolina."

Unlike the matriarchs in your family, until Charles the II, corrective beatings were actually common law. During this time, it was also traditional for the male to be the breadwinner, caretaker and head of household far more traditionally than the 1900's.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 4:33:45 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Unlike the matriarchs in your family, until Charles the II, corrective beatings were actually common law. During this time, it was also traditional for the male to be the breadwinner, caretaker and head of household far more traditionally than the 1900's.

No disputing many backwards laws, the uphill battle for socially progressive reforms the world over, with women and children being treated as chattel property.

But I think we both know that there are far fewer Dominant (in the context of taking leadership roles) than there are submissive (in the context of being followers) personalities since Time Immemorial.

This would apply to those of both genders, both within and without each couple's intimate interpersonal relationship dynamics, whether inside or outside of marriage.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 5:11:57 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
That is one area where FieryOpal and I disagree. I like paying my way, and don't mind picking up the tab if my subbie is at my beck and call. The sub I mentioned prior picked up the tab when we went out to eat, I didn't like it. Perhaps role reversal seeps into that aspect of my life. Not sure how to label it.
If a fellow is retired though, that works too but then the age difference would emerge and who wants that? (Been there, done that).


When I was in my late 20s and finally not a starving college student I had a bonafide fetish for picking up boytoys and paying for everything. I liked younger guys, so they were in college or right out of college just as I was starting to make some decent money. It was a huge rush to pay for dinners, bring them on business trips, buy clothes for them (and make them wear them), etc. One of my big motivations for being aggressive in my careers is that I have always eroticized the idea of having a "kept boy."

Nowadays, so man sub men are cringeworthingly cheap and blame it on the excuse of not wanting to be ripped off. I wrestle with this. Yes, if I am COURTING YOU, I pay for it. I like that. It means there are no strings. I like to send toys to guys to use on themselves. I am in control. There's no sense of obligation. But if a man is courting me or desiring my attention, he better be at least willing to go half way if not pay, and then allow me to overrule him and pay instead, if I so desire.

Akasha

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 5:34:13 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
No disputing many backwards laws, the uphill battle for socially progressive reforms the world over, with women and children being treated as chattel property.

But I think we both know that there are far fewer Dominant (in the context of taking leadership roles) than there are submissive (in the context of being followers) personalities since Time Immemorial.

This would apply to those of both genders, both within and without each couple's intimate interpersonal relationship dynamics, whether inside or outside of marriage.


To be honest Fiery, this is why I find this specific argument most interesting. If by the statistics of mail D women on the site receive, and just how popular this site is for seeking an adequate D/s dynamic, why then are threads such as this one so popular as compared to let's say, Bondage and Gear. It makes me wonder if the prodommes and findommes really do outnumber lifestyle D's, both male and female to such an extent. My search for my sub has been disappointing.
1: They never want to actually meet offline, they are like weird chat robots who think it's normal to carry on aimless virtual conversations promising this or that. What is even the point of that? (Way to waste time hat could be used doing other things like, oh say, riding a jetski.)
2: They act like it's completely OK to waste time unless being charged by the hour. It's like they're compelling you to charge them by the minute, which is pretty hmmm...what'a a gentle word? I can't think of an adjective that wouldn't be ridiculously offensive. I am pretty tactile, that alone is a huge part of my dominant nature. I like to actually have my way physically with someone sometimes within limits so yea, pretty sure I am a D. The subs act like they have NO IDEA how to proceed at all and then when a thread gets an incredible amount of views, it's about findommes or Ds and money.
3: Why do we ALL have to be tied into the monetary aspect of this lifestyle because we own a vagina? Really? That gets pretty old. Not all female D's are out only for your pockets, some of us actually like using ropes and restraints on our significant other. Keeping it really simple. I just want someone who is THERE, and who'll always be there. That's it. I'm territorial and possessive. He needs to be able to handle that.
4: They act like name dropping some fetish model is supposed to wow me after I thought said sub was just so amazing and perfect. Then trying to recapture the moment is an uphill climb that may never happen.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 8/15/2014 5:38:43 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 6:30:49 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: AAkasha

But if a man is courting me or desiring my attention, he better be at least willing to go half way if not pay, and then allow me to overrule him and pay instead, if I so desire.

Would it be ok if he offered to arm wrestle you for it?

< Message edited by thompsonx -- 8/15/2014 6:34:59 PM >

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 6:31:45 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
<snip>
It makes me wonder if the prodommes and findommes really do outnumber lifestyle D's, both male and female to such an extent. My search for my sub has been disappointing.

On this site? Without a doubt, yes, based on what my male sub pals tell me, some of whom have been on here for many years, a few of whom I knew before I signed up.
I found my two previous subs on other dating sites. There have been a handful I've had under consideration (tentatively promising sub candidates, for those who don't know what being *under consideration* means, a kind of pre-grooming or conditioning process I employ) from this site, but none of those have panned out after our intro meetings, either due to lack of sufficient chemistry or not passing inspection. You are not alone with coming up empty-handed.

quote:

1: They never want to actually meet offline, they are like weird chat robots who think it's normal to carry on aimless virtual conversations promising this or that. What is even the point of that?

My experience has been the opposite--guys who press to meet right away before I've conducted my screening process to my satisfaction. Perhaps this is because most of the men on here are HNGs-Horny Net Geeks - of any persuasion - seeking embodied vaginas, preferably natural-born?

quote:

2: ...I am pretty tactile, that alone is a huge part of my dominant nature....
3: Keeping it really simple. I just want someone who is THERE, and who'll always be there. That's it. I'm territorial and possessive. He needs to be able to handle that.

I want the tactile interaction of real time also, of full ownership rather than half-arsing it, incidentally. To tell you the truth, I haven't met a Dominant yet who isn't territorial, although not all are physically possessive; I'm one of the extremely possessive ones in every respect.
This is what separates the D/s subs from the kinky BDSM bottoms, although both types are sub-fevered/frenzied like there's no tomorrow.

quote:

4: They act like name dropping some fetish model is supposed to wow me after I thought said sub was just so amazing and perfect. Then trying to recapture the moment is an uphill climb that may never happen.

Although compatibility has to extend to vanilla aspects in addition to the matching of kinks & fetishes, is it possible that you are overly focused on vanilla compatibility at the expense of D/s suitability?
The reason why I say this is because my first sub after my late husband had all the bells & whistles of being a desirable vanilla prospect, in that he was successful, a VP corporate attorney, had a good sense of humor and was interesting, but he was a complete dud as a submissive. A wank fantasist with zero experience looking to get his freak on.
My last sub was intelligent, masculine and personable, with some but not too much experience (i.e., not requiring a lot of reprogramming), but he had done his homework to uncover what it was he thought would be pleasing to Dommes. He didn't lead with his own kinks & fetishes. His greatest asset (besides being modestly hunky ) was his teachability and willingness to set aside pre-conceived mental scripts.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 6:32:17 PM   
thompsonx


Posts: 23322
Joined: 10/1/2006
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

(Saffron doesn't come cheap, esp. when rubbed all over one's body. )

It goes on the inside hon.
Are you getting fresh with me?

Only if you would like me to.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 6:32:57 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		NM. Stupid comment.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 8/15/2014 6:33:26 PM >

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RE: Dommes and money - 8/15/2014 9:23:38 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thompsonx
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Are you getting fresh with me?

Only if you would like me to.

Only if you know how to cook with freshly prepared saffron properly, fella.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to thompsonx)
Profile   Post #: 80
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