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Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/7/2016 10:17:37 PM

cindyluvNY

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I was reading a post about BDSM and dating sites. The posters said that typically women "date up" and men "date down". So that means if Barb was "dating up" and met Dan, that means Dan was "dating down" and met Barb.

I was wondering if this is just the opinion of a few. I wanted to ask a general question and see if people believe that women date up and men date down

Post #: 1

RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/7/2016 10:54:30 PM

DaddySatyr

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This is an issue with so many different facets ...

There have been times in my life where I spent time with a lady whom I knew I would never "commit" to (for whatever reason) because we were honest with each other and we were having fun, in the moment(s). Because we knew we weren't each others' "forever", were we "dating down"? I don't really see it, that way.

Now, I have known people who have "given up" and have "settled" for someone that wasn't their idea of perfect, also for a myriad of reasons, but only they can decide if they "dated down" or if they re-evaluated their needs and wants.

There was a time in my life where I wouldn't date any lady larger than a size 3. I was VERY young, at the time and believed that I needed to portray the right "image" because of the career I was pursuing. As I look back now: what a bunch of crap! I haven't been of that mind set since I was 22 years old.

Michael

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 1:23:52 AM

ReMakeYou

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Everyone wants to think they're dating up. The best relationships happen when both parties think they won big.

Women are more likely to "date up" in the sense that they'll go for a man who's richer/of a higher social class, but that's only if you look at one specific element. There are factors that women value more highly, there are factors that men value more highly. Which ones are common knowledge by now.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 1:28:24 AM

Greta75

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Yea, I guess we need to define up and down.

How many men usually goes specifically after women who makes like twice as much as them in salary?

But many would go after women who look so much better than they look. So they are dating up in the looks department but not dating up in the financial status department perhaps.

Women I think many do date down in the looks department, because for many, it's not a priority to have someone super gorgeous. But many do prefer someone who is equal or better in the financial department than they are.

(in reply to ReMakeYou)

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 1:39:52 AM

ThatDizzyChick

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What does dating up or down mean?

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 1:56:34 AM

BondageersT

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ha ha since I only date girls , as to going down , YES PLEASE . XX

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 2:00:44 AM

Curmudgeonly1

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Long answer short: yes.

Long answer long: the research was done decades ago. Men tend to hookup with women slightly less intelligent/wealthy/careered than themselves. The upshot being that there is a cohort of ugly, poor, stupid 40yr old men living in their mothers' basements while an unequal cohort of super smart women hang out in libraries forlornly eyeing up the lesbrarians.

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 3:38:12 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

What does dating up or down mean?

To me.

Dating down is dating someone uglier than you. Dating up is dating someone better looking than you.

Basically, you look at the person's strength and weaknesses. If they beat you on strengths, that's dating up. IF they beat you on weaknesses, that's dating down. Obviously most people look for balance and equals.

Like, if you are normally a calm rational good tempered person, and you dated a bad tempered juvenile idiot man, that's dating down too. Some women do that and I have the impression they enjoy the mothering.

Educational level can be another gauge for dating up or down. Can a PHD female date a zero education man? I don't know. Females tend to need alot of intellectual stimulation more than men, so that zero education man has to be somewhat smart despite his zero education.

More likely a PHD male could possibly date a zero education woman. Anyway, in Asia, that's common. They don't need a brainy woman. They just want a simple woman who pretty enough, and is happy to raise kids and focus on his needs.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 4/8/2016 3:42:23 AM >

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 3:47:27 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Curmudgeonly1

Long answer long: the research was done decades ago. Men tend to hookup with women slightly less intelligent/wealthy/careered than themselves. The upshot being that there is a cohort of ugly, poor, stupid 40yr old men living in their mothers' basements while an unequal cohort of super smart women hang out in libraries forlornly eyeing up the lesbrarians.

Oh well, I already know so many women who have chosen to raise kids DIY without a man. Just get from a sperm bank. And be a single mom. They rather do this alone, than hook up with one of these live in mom's basement sort of men that are left over ha!

One of my friends got twins, I think she's crazy raising them alone with a full time job. But fortunately in my country, full time domestic help is affordable so that helps her fulfill her dream of being a mom without requiring a man.

(in reply to Curmudgeonly1)

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 9:37:36 AM

MuscleBoundDom

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When I was in college the women would date up and men would date down, using your lingo.
The guys would date down because women with weight issues were easy to have sex with. The physically fit and attractive women were too much work.
Then all these women would start screaming, "Is the only thing I'm good for is sex?" LOL....

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 9:46:54 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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Completely off topic, but in response to the educational incompatibilities: I have a friend who is an English Major from Harvard, and his favorite writing companion in my collaborative writing group was a middle school dropout. She and her twin sister dropped out and ran away when they were in the 8th grade. He once told me that her writing was as perfect as he had ever seen.

Anyway, people looking at things as settling for lesser or believing they are better than or that they scored someone so much better than themselves - probably accounts for such a high divorce rate. I find it sad that people look at relationships in those terms.

ETA: One of the things that has had me lose interest in someone I'd been talking with, is realizing they were playing the odds and liked me but seemed to still be casting their net wide in case they landed someone better. I"m happy to wish them all the best, but I'm not happy to feel like I'm the consolation prize. I deserve better, as does everyone.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 4/8/2016 9:51:38 AM >

(in reply to MuscleBoundDom)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 10:12:10 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MuscleBoundDom

When I was in college the women would date up and men would date down, using your lingo.
The guys would date down because women with weight issues were easy to have sex with. The physically fit and attractive women were too much work.
Then all these women would start screaming, "Is the only thing I'm good for is sex?" LOL....

Were the men honest, and saying the only reason they were fucking them was because they were fat and easy? If not, then those men were plain and simple lying assholes.

If the attractive women were too much work, the men were either lazy or insecure; afraid to be rejected or thinking only with their penis.

Either way, they were cowards or liars or both.

(in reply to MuscleBoundDom)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 10:21:40 AM

PeonForHer

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FR

I read of some piece of research somewhere that men tended to feel more comfortable with a woman they considered to be more attractive than them, while women tended to be more comfortable with a man they considered to be less attractive than them.

I can't be bothered to look for this research and it could all be garbage, of course.

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 11:12:00 AM

MuscleBoundDom

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Joined: 9/24/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

quote:

ORIGINAL: MuscleBoundDom

When I was in college the women would date up and men would date down, using your lingo.
The guys would date down because women with weight issues were easy to have sex with. The physically fit and attractive women were too much work.
Then all these women would start screaming, "Is the only thing I'm good for is sex?" LOL....

Were the men honest, and saying the only reason they were fucking them was because they were fat and easy? If not, then those men were plain and simple lying assholes.

If the attractive women were too much work, the men were either lazy or insecure; afraid to be rejected or thinking only with their penis.

Either way, they were cowards or liars or both.

No, these men did not tell those women that the only reason he was dating her was for sex. If he did that then she wouldn't have anything to do with him. The reason the attractive women were too much work was because they were "dating upward." They wanted men who were tall, good looking, and generous.

The funny thing is when you check out dating sites, the women who are fit and attractive and over 40, they have in their profile, "I'm looking for my Prince Charming. I've spent over 20 years in a bad/abusive relationship and I refuse to settle for less." So they dated upward, yet these "upward men" weren't worth a damn either.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 11:22:07 AM

Cinnamongirl67

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

FR

I read of some piece of research somewhere that men tended to feel more comfortable with a woman they considered to be more attractive than them, while women tended to be more comfortable with a man they considered to be less attractive than them.

I can't be bothered to look for this research and it could all be garbage, of course.

Throw the garage out the window. Stick with your gut.

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 11:27:09 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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Musclebounddom,

People seem to repeat the same cycles of bad choices even when they think they are using different qualifiers.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 4/8/2016 12:07:23 PM >

(in reply to MuscleBoundDom)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 2:56:56 PM

DocStrange

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Joined: 6/10/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Yea, I guess we need to define up and down.

How many men usually goes specifically after women who makes like twice as much as them in salary?

But many would go after women who look so much better than they look. So they are dating up in the looks department but not dating up in the financial status department perhaps.

Women I think many do date down in the looks department, because for many, it's not a priority to have someone super gorgeous. But many do prefer someone who is equal or better in the financial department than they are.

I always searched for that woman who made 2X of me. Never did find her LOL. One can dream!

To the OP:
I have seen it go both ways. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen a good girl fall for the biker dude versus the guy in school studying for a 4 year degree. I have also seen the woman who wants that large rock on her finger and she is not going to settle for the cashier at Walmart. She only wants a lawyer or doctor.

In all honesty I think it is a mix that is not slated one way or the other. When true love finally strikes, all bets are out the window.

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(in reply to Greta75)

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 4:37:31 PM

FieryOpal

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From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou

Everyone wants to think they're dating up. The best relationships happen when both parties think they won big.

Women are more likely to "date up" in the sense that they'll go for a man who's richer/of a higher social class, but that's only if you look at one specific element. There are factors that women value more highly, there are factors that men value more highly. Which ones are common knowledge by now.

The type of person you prefer to date may not be the type of partner you end up with. The latter is much more complex than simply going by looks, education level, or apparent worldly success. Those are the extrinsic factors, which ties in with certain levels of shallowness. Intrinsic qualities can carry as much or more weight.

Regardless of what basic criteria you might have in mind, the difference lies in potential. A woman is much more likely to see the potential in a man and to envision a projected future partnership unfolding than a man will with a woman. With men, it's more likely that they will assess a woman's desirability to him on face value.

In general, though, a man feels more intimidated by a woman of greater intelligence when it comes to making a relationship commitment. It still isn't uncommon for a woman to have to "dumb" herself down around a prospective partner. Less men are intimidated nowadays by a woman who is more successful professionally than he is, or who makes more money than he does, because he will directly benefit from their shared resources.

I have known women who pick boyfriends based on looks rather than on their social currency. Sometimes this has to do with wanting to have more attractive-looking babies. It really does depend on what a person's priorities in life are, and how hung up they may be when it comes to appearances or gaining the perceived *approval* of others.

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 4:39:39 PM

AtUrCervix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cindyluvNY

I was reading a post about BDSM and dating sites. The posters said that typically women "date up" and men "date down". So that means if Barb was "dating up" and met Dan, that means Dan was "dating down" and met Barb.

I was wondering if this is just the opinion of a few. I wanted to ask a general question and see if people believe that women date up and men date down

Of course they do....chics got it going on....they got the deal.

(in reply to cindyluvNY)

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RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/8/2016 4:53:45 PM

respectmen

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As its always women rejecting nearly every male on the website while they are just the average fatass, men are usually having trouble finding any woman interested. It's fair to say that women these days generally do only want to date up.

These BDSM sites are full of fat, middle aged, unemployed women, with a ton of kids, who think they are "it"...when really they deserve to be laughed at and put in their place.

An SSBBW on disability pension would most probably have a better chance in getting her kinks on than the average male on this site.

(in reply to AtUrCervix)

Post #: 20

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