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RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 4:44:02 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

In the recent post about sex slaves Archer and Caretakr made interesting points that female sex slavery is about more than just being there for sex-on-demand. They mention a courtesan-style training, as well as the ability to read, and adapt to, the dominant's sexual needs.

This is exactly what I mean when I refer to an interest in sexual slavery. For me, it would never comprise the whole of my submission to a dominant, anymore than doing housework would comprise the whole of my submission.

But it is definitely one aspect of my personality that I seek the courtesan/harem-girl mindset, and the hope is, that by doing so, it pleases the dominant, who has likely come across many women in his past who use sex as a weapon/reward.

My belief is that sex slavery can be pleasing in more than just a sexual way. That's the dynamic that makes it submissive for me...that it puts sex back under the authority of my male partner.

Many men are gun-shy about truly expressing themselves as sexually aggressive as they might wish, simply because of such issues with past women in their lives. I love the aspect of being an instrument to free-up that beast.

How the sex-slave side of my mindset is linked to my submissive nature has puzzled me up to now, but I think their posts on this made it a lot clearer for me.

I'd be interested to hear any thoughts about female sex-slavery...from all sides.



A lot of that describes a serious part of the dynamic between my owner and I.  I'm not really sure how to elaborate on it other than its about creating (as odd as it sounds) a space where the dominant feels absolutely free doing precisely what they want, getting precisely what they want, and getting it well (quite frankly sexual skills is a learned skill, not an innate one that all people have).  For us the whole space where they feel free to do precisely what he wants to do is more a general sort of thing that also extends to sexually but also extends to non-sexual areas of service as well as extending control to whatever areas he wants.  But it literally took years to gain the privilege to provide that form of service (sexual) to him and to gain his trust to be able to do it.

C~

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 7/20/2006 4:45:09 PM >

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 4:55:17 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

But it literally took years to gain the privilege to provide that form of service (sexual) to him and to gain his trust to be able to do it. 


Exactly, And this is why a guy is going to go the extra distance to keep a treasure like that. We have to deal with overcoming a lot of really screwed up anti-male programming to go there. It's been inculcated in to us that we deserve to have our throats torn out, if we dare to be "male chauvanist pigs."

So it's a case of us, and them. Takes a lot of convincing to really know in one's gut, that a girl isn't actually the enemy.

That you are not welcoming a viper into the nest.

And that's the saddest thing of all. That you have to even feel that way.



(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 5:07:22 PM   
Dollbecky


Posts: 197
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Okay I have read all the posts ..and I am confused ..
Isnt sex meant to be all about creating a space where you and your partner are safe to express the deepest needs and fufill each others desires, to accept each others needs and quirks with joy as well as push each other towards more intensity...
Thats not a gender thing or even a BDSM thing ...its just normal sex .....
I understand its the non sex things that rock BDSMers world but is it really that hard to find ?

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 5:18:42 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		It's the overall combination that's so hard to find.

Too many specialists,not enough generalists.

(in reply to Dollbecky)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 5:31:34 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dollbecky

Okay I have read all the posts ..and I am confused ..
Isnt sex meant to be all about creating a space where you and your partner are safe to express the deepest needs and fufill each others desires, to accept each others needs and quirks with joy as well as push each other towards more intensity...
Thats not a gender thing or even a BDSM thing ...its just normal sex .....
I understand its the non sex things that rock BDSMers world but is it really that hard to find ?



One would think that is what normal sex should be however we all know it is not.  Sex is used as a tool to get one wants, a weapon to be used against another.  It is also withheld. 

With Master i am open and honest about my likes/dislikes, what He does with that is then up to Him.  If i have pleased Him usually i will get something i truly like/enjoy.  This is given by Him, never mine to just take.  If i have displeased Him, which is not often, He takes what He wants regardless of me.  That is how it should be.  Remembering at anytime He it is His right to take whatever He wants. 
i enjoy being used for His pleasure, as it pleases me that i have been able to please Him whether it be through something i do or someway He uses me as a tool for His pleasure.

This i believe is the difference between those in this life and the nilla people.

owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to Dollbecky)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 5:33:46 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		When sex became an accepted female domination tool, men got the shaft.

(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 5:34:07 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Miss, I have a special type of punishment that I like to administer.

(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 5:40:39 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Miss, I have a special type of punishment that I like to administer.


yikes, was that in response to something i said?

owned 

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 6:26:50 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		fast reply,

I have offered every intimate partner I have ever had the aspect of using me for their own satisfaction. Sooner or later I would say "use me anyway you want", these words only turned on my exhubby, and I suppose we ended up married because of the sexual openess. The few other men I have said this to froze when these words came out of my mouth. It was as if they couldn't handle that concept. Here was a woman willing to give her power to them, and they froze. It did not arouse them. Sooner or later my true sexual nature could not be hidden from my partner, it would always bubble to the surface even though I had no name for it such as "submissive" or "slave".

It got to the point where I quit saying it. The service remained intact though. Cooking and cleaning and laundry service, making grocery lists, helping fix a car, bartender, and masseuse. I was this to every vanilla boyfriend and to my exhusband. Again, most men I knew were uncomfortable with this level of giving, just as they were uncomfortable with my sexual giving...

Now I am with someone that understands these things about me, that this sexual giving and the service are all rooted in the same pot so to speak. To me it is wonderful to please whether I am orally pleasing him or making him a martini with lemon. He takes what I have gleefully given, and yet he knows the value because he has had other experiences with other women that didn't make themselves sexually available in the middle of the night, or wouldn't awaken him with a blow job, or wouldn't wash his body after making a drink. It is far different to have a woman that will change her schedule to fit yours rather than shrug off the time she lost with you because she would rather watch Letterman. To me giving at this level is the essense of who I am. Does this make me a sex slave? I suppose on some level, because there is something about the idea that I would never deny him access to my body, because to do so would hurt that essense. I do not know if that makes sense, but there it is.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/20/2006 6:29:45 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Owned1)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 6:34:53 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I only want someone who has the balls to treat me like the down and dirty slut that I am. So, I understand the OP's desire.

Barbie and Ken? Pffft. I prefer the rough stuff.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 6:46:16 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Owned, no, that was directed at "Missturbation."
Julia, I don't think you'd have to say that twice to any Dom on this site!

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 6:47:08 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

fast reply,

I have offered every intimate partner I have ever had the aspect of using me for their own satisfaction. Sooner or later I would say "use me anyway you want", these words only turned on my exhubby, and I suppose we ended up married because of the sexual openess. The few other men I have said this to froze when these words came out of my mouth. It was as if they couldn't handle that concept. Here was a woman willing to give her power to them, and they froze. It did not arouse them. Sooner or later my true sexual nature could not be hidden from my partner, it would always bubble to the surface even though I had no name for it such as "submissive" or "slave".

It got to the point where I quit saying it. The service remained intact though. Cooking and cleaning and laundry service, making grocery lists, helping fix a car, bartender, and masseuse. I was this to every vanilla boyfriend and to my exhusband. Again, most men I knew were uncomfortable with this level of giving, just as they were uncomfortable with my sexual giving...

Now I am with someone that understands these things about me, that this sexual giving and the service are all rooted in the same pot so to speak. To me it is wonderful to please whether I am orally pleasing him or making him a martini with lemon. He takes what I have gleefully given, and yet he knows the value because he has had other experiences with other women that didn't make themselves sexually available in the middle of the night, or wouldn't awaken him with a blow job, or wouldn't wash his body after making a drink. It is far different to have a woman that will change her schedule to fit yours rather than shrug off the time she lost with you because she would rather watch Letterman. To me giving at this level is the essense of who I am. Does this make me a sex slave? I suppose on some level, because there is something about the idea that I would never deny him access to my body, because to do so would hurt that essense. I do not know if that makes sense, but there it is.


You stopped making it a transaction, and gave freely. So he could do the same with you.

That's why it all works.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 6:51:39 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I’ll take a somewhat different view than many expressed because sex is very important to me. I came into BDSM by door number 2, the sex door. I started with rough sex and spanking. It all grew from there.

Yeah, service and all is good and can even make you feel sexy, but making her perform sexually makes me feel even sexier. A day of having her play Geisha girl, wash my truck, lay out my clothes and shine my shoes is charming, but it doesn’t create the sweaty screams for both of us I’m after.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 7/20/2006 6:52:37 PM >

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 7:07:59 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

When sex became an accepted female domination tool, men got the shaft.


Wow, Caretakr... you sound so terribly bitter.  Someone must have hurt you badly to have turned you into a such a misogynist.

Okay... I'm really going to step into here but...

[rant]

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

...let me come home to a yard you just totally manicured.......a spotless house, dinner on the table...



You know what?  I can manicure a lawn, keep a spotless house, prepare a five-star quality seven course meal... and a heck-of-a-lot more.  Sheesh... I did all that for the 22 years I was married, including raising three mini-doms... AND was the breadwinner, too!

(Yeah... I'm a masochist.)

Pfft... I don't need a Master to do those things!  If by getting pleasure doing those things for someone makes me a slave, then I'm a slave who served four Masters at the same time!  Hell... I'm SuperSlave!

Any idea what was missing in that little arrangement?  A dominant man that I could look up to... one who could meet MY needs.

SURPRISE!  I have needs.  And guess what?  They include sex.  And kinky sex, too!

Yes, I gain pleasure from serving. I gain even more pleasure knowing that I've served well and am appreciated for my service.  But you know what?  I can serve anyone, anywhere, anytime if my service is just domestic chores and the like.  I could get a job as a maid to satisfy that need.

Have you ever thought about why a woman would even want to be a slave to a master?  Have you ever even asked?  I'll lay odds it isn't because she can't get service related work anywhere else.

Relationships ARE a two way street... even if one is dominant.  It really isn't ALL about you.  Believe it or not, she's looking to have her needs met, too.  And that just might include being made to feel special, being appreciated for her efforts, *gasp* feeling loved, and yes... enjoying a healthy, if perhaps kinky, sex life where she can continue to be of service.  Who knows... serving sexually might even turn her on!

Honestly... if dominants would stop looking for just eye-candy, quit asking for BDSM checklists right out of the chute, and start asking potential subs about what skills, talents and abilities they DO have (and I don't mean oral skills and the ability to swallow), they might actually find one who meets ALL their needs.

*sighs*  But that's a whole other rant.

So enough with the trashing submissives and slaves in general just because you can't get a woman to serve you the way that you want.

And by the way... sex can only be a domination tool against a man IF sex is important enough to the man to let it be.

[/rant]


< Message edited by losttreasure -- 7/20/2006 7:21:26 PM >

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 7:32:34 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		losttreasure.. are you saying I am a slave for my son?? I had the sinking feeling that this might be the case....smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 7:36:31 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

losttreasure.. are you saying I am a slave for my son?? I had the sinking feeling that this might be the case....smiles


Think about it.  Motherhood is the ultimate slavery. 

< Message edited by losttreasure -- 7/20/2006 7:38:07 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 7:38:32 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Shrugs......I'm making a statement about a common attitude in vanilla women. They use sex for control, so I stay away from them. I don't like whores who make me pay for it.

I'm resigned to this dynamic-and not accepting it.

But I'm not the one who is bitter about feeling undesirable-due to age.

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 7:48:21 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		well losttreasure, that is the nice thing about having the kids raised, they no longer enslave us like they do when we were younger. We have more free time for that kinky sex you were talking about. I know when I was younger I was too damn tired to want to get busy all the time... now I have plenty of time to please my Dom that I used to spend running after my kid. This is the best time of our life, I tell ya!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 8:02:47 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr
You girls want a REAL man?

Don't be Barbie.


And yet so many men fall for her. I just don't get it. Even my ex., as dominant as he is, found himself a woman who pretends to be submissive to him, but screams like a psycho-bitch everytime she doesn't get her way. ::sigh::

I hate Barbie, the bitch has everything.

Didn't Ken leave Barbie for Blaine? His male australian lover? Hard to tell with these fickle dolls/action figures these days.

As far as flipping his switch, how about surprise him by cleaning the house, putting on a vinyl nurses outfit, greeting him at the door and them tying him to the diningroom table for a medical exam? Sounds like fun to me...

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Female Sex Slavery - 7/20/2006 8:03:12 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Shrugs......I'm making a statement about a common attitude in vanilla women. They use sex for control, so I stay away from them. I don't like whores who make me pay for it.

I'm resigned to this dynamic-and not accepting it.

But I'm not the one who is bitter about feeling undesirable-due to age.


*looks around*  You know... I don't see many vanilla women around here, and I don't think this thread is about vanilla women.  Your acerb comments seemed to include those submissives that you refer to as "princesses", and you stated that in the BDSM world there are too many specialists and not enough generalists.  If I've misunderstood who you were directing your venom at, I apologize.

I don't believe I accused you of feeling undesirable due to age.  What this supposed to be some counter-attack against me?

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 40
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