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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/25/2016 3:06:29 PM

ThatDizzyChick

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Another place to look is your local sex toy store, they often have a bulletin board, or the staff often knows what is where. That's how I found swing events when I first got into swinging.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/25/2016 3:06:49 PM

ResidentSadist

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http://findamunch.com/ verifies their links and info. Put your city in the search box.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/25/2016 3:41:33 PM

LilJuly76

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in regards to events in my area, I live in a city where it's not really kink/BDSM friendly, all the actual BDSM people mainly stay private within their own relationships. The Dominant I'm involved with owned a club before they decided to shut it down, I used to go twice a week, for play time or sometimes we would hold events and classes that paid some good money. Been to a couple of munches, been to a few MAsT meetings but that's about it, so the events page for my area didn't really do anything for me.

For me it's a vision thing, when you are blind in one eye, online colours depending on what combinations very hard to see for me. Example: I have a hard time reading the print when the background is black, here I don't at least.

That's why I always try to help newbie submissives especially in the area of who they automatically hook up with before they even get to know them. When they go to fast, that's what I call sub frenzy. I get frustrated with the newbies that got the bulk of their knowledge from BDSM porn and they really think they know it all when some of us old pros tell them what being a submissive or slave is really like in a relationship, it's not 24 hours of kinky sex.

I don't care who the person is, nobody has the right to out anyone to any job or family member, I been there and I don't agree with it when someone decides to do that to someone else.

That being said I do know there are certain jobs out there that would fire a person for having that kind of personal life. Last year or the year before around here, a judge had to step down because a former partner decided to out her in the news for being kinky.

and as for sock accounts welcome to the internet, every area of online has kooky people making more then one account to do something to someone. thanks to some of you letting me know that WD had like 20 accounts on here, finally blocked him.

Years ago I used to write fan fiction I had a nut online following me around to call my stories down, I finally stopped writing. So I know what kooks are like as well.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/25/2016 5:44:46 PM

shiftyw

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I have to say...I'm on fet and I can't find anything in my town. Closest event is an hour and half's drive.

But that said- I'm not a real "community person"- so all I think is that Fetlife might have less creeps, maybe. but I doubt it.

I think it will just stay the same as it ever was, and people should relax. I'm just glad I snuck in there before this.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/25/2016 6:05:20 PM

ThatDizzyChick

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quote:

Closest event is an hour and half's drive.

Ohh you Americans are so cute. An hour and a half is local up here.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/25/2016 6:52:58 PM

Bhruic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

~~That's interesting. What was the reason Fet stopped accepting members?~~
NVM found it. I've said it before... KinkyToo had made some good headway on that site... It's a damn shame whatever happened to make them lose interest. It could have been big.

They claim - or rather leaked a rumour - that they shut the doors because of an infiltration of bots creating bogus profiles. They also vaguely mentioned something about trolls and socks. Now they have implemented a "by invitation only" system, but only paid members can invite people to join, and the number of invites you get is based on how much you pay.

I personally think it is a manufactured "crisis" , and a totally unworkable "solution" designed to soften people up for the eventual introduction of a paid only subscription format.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 7/25/2016 6:53:44 PM >

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/25/2016 8:42:16 PM

ThatDizzyChick

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quote:

I personally think it is a manufactured "crisis" , and a totally unworkable "solution" designed to soften people up for the eventual introduction of a paid only subscription format.

A likely possibility.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/25/2016 10:52:21 PM

Gauge

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Well, let's start at the beginning...

It's not for prestige or anything, but I can say with relative confidence that I would have gotten an invitation.

You would have... but my woman? Who, by the way, knew exactly no one into this?

quote:

I heard of it from one of my Leather Elders and, had I listened to him in the first place, I'd probably be member twenty thousand and something, rather than member <just under forty thousand, whatever> that I am.

I heard of it here... the woman I love just happened on it one day. She had no one to invite her, she was alone thinking she was fucked up with the way she felt. She had no idea what this was about.

quote:

That aside, I just don't think it's all doom and gloom.

Nor do I... although someone that is unsure of what they are feeling may well simply bugger off to some other site or give up entirely due to Fet's policy.

quote:

ETA: I have to tell you, I'm really impressed with the people from the UK. This change happened and "BAM"! They started organizing.

Get out webpages up. Get community organizers together. Not "woe is me" but "what do we do". That kind of drive and ambition is amazing!

I want to start a site, and create an app for "kinksters". I have the drive and the determination, I am simply not sure who can help me where I lack.

LP, you have my respect, I hope you know that... but my opposition of Fet's choice is born out of the fact that there are not a whole hell of a lot of sites or outlets where people such as us can find each other. Fet limiting its membership to invite only strangles those that are sincerely seeking... note the word sincerely.

:)

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 4:45:42 AM

LilJuly76

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I could see that coming

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 6:26:41 AM

Bhruic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

quote:

I personally think it is a manufactured "crisis" , and a totally unworkable "solution" designed to soften people up for the eventual introduction of a paid only subscription format.

A likely possibility.

I posted something to that effect in the tech support forum on Fet, which is moderated by the owner of Fet... And my post was deleted.

Make of that what you will.

No... My mistake. Looked for in the wrong place.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 7/26/2016 6:38:36 AM >

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 6:36:34 AM

LilJuly76

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I don't know, if you don't have the money to run a site then don't run it, people shouldn't expect people to pay for their online sites. Last I heard real life is expensive enough. bills, food, rents, mortgages etc....

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 6:42:19 AM

Bhruic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

I don't know, if you don't have the money to run a site then don't run it, people shouldn't expect people to pay for their online sites. Last I heard real life is expensive enough. bills, food, rents, mortgages etc....

I don't know if I can agree with that. As you say... People expect to pay for a service, and you get what you pay for. Especially in this milieu, a nominal fee does solve a lot of problems with socks, trolls etc..

My problem with Fetlife is the way they are going about it - rather dishonestly - and the fact that the site is so feature poor that a fee seems a bit much for what you would be getting.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 7/26/2016 6:43:02 AM >

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 7:07:21 AM

LilJuly76

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it doesn't really offer that much. most sites have trolls etc, it's the nature of the beast I guess, I was lucky I had a site once but I was partnered with someone that knew web design, so even though it was free he did these magnificent designs every couple of weeks to change things. and yes we had trolls as well.

Yeah sneaky is not good, be straight up about what they plan to do so people are aware of it at least.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 7:17:49 AM

WhoreMods

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
I don't know if I can agree with that. As you say... People expect to pay for a service, and you get what you pay for. Especially in this milieu, a nominal fee does solve a lot of problems with socks, trolls etc..

My problem with Fetlife is the way they are going about it - rather dishonestly - and the fact that the site is so feature poor that a fee seems a bit much for what you would be getting.

That said, look how shitawful alt.com is as a site, and they've been charging a fee for longer than fetlife has even existed.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 7:29:11 AM

LilJuly76

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yeah alt.com was crap, someone recommended that site years ago to me and all people wanted was sex, so I left and never went back to that one.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 7:36:16 AM

Bhruic

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Well yes... But alt.com is a site with a slightly different philosophy. They exist to extract money from you, and they supply their own bots and socks to give the appearance of higher membership, and try and hook you for even more money for "features" even after you have already paid... A total scam site.

Even though Fet's ownership are incompetent at design and programming, and don't really seem to understand their own community, at least their hearts seedmed once to be in the right place... Although they also play the fake membership numbers game by refusing to delete dead accounts. Of the 4.5 million members they claim, I can't imagine more than 500k of them are actually real active members.

Especially since - and this boggled my mind when I recently learned it - you didn't even have to use a legit email address to join before they closed the doors. You could literally create as many profiles as you wanted... And some have claimed creating as many as 2500 profiles!!!

And Fetlife actually encouraged the creation of multiple profiles... Probably to enhance their ad revenue.

A nominal paid subscription would mostly solve all their problems... But they should have the guts to simply announce that honestly. Tell existing members that they will enjoy the benefit of continued free membership, but that new members must pay to join.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 7/26/2016 7:50:50 AM >

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 7:42:59 AM

WhoreMods

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True. alt.com probably isn't a very fair comparison.

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 8:01:12 AM

NookieNotes

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So, Yes, Fet does use ALL of their numbers in their Ad promotions, but they do not skew their traffic for sales, mostly because they can't. Or, at least, they couldn't, until they changed their ad format.

It used to be run by a large commercial ad supplier, that had reports and so on. You got what you paid for. Now, you purchase one ad of 80, and you MUSt show it to the whole country, and you get X number of views... but the views don't matter as much for local stuff...

That said, it's silly how they are handling this. They didn't even try the basic steps, and knowing what I know about how adult sites work (having worked behind the scenes at many), they could have cut down by 80% quickly, and enjoyed the 20% that kept boosting their numbers.

But then, we've all seen what trolls can do to a site.

It got so annoying for me, here, that I took a break.

Glad to be back, though. (Hey, ya'll!)

*smiles*

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 8:10:14 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
You would have... but my woman? Who, by the way, knew exactly no one into this?

Good Morning, Gauge.

Yep. Part of the point behind the thread. There was no Fet when I moved from CO to GA and didn't know anybody when I got there, either. I did have prior kink experience, so it was the old "go where the kinky people go" method. That's part of the reasoning behind this thread. The "if you don't know anybody, what do you do" kind of thing.

quote:

I heard of it here... the woman I love just happened on it one day. She had no one to invite her, she was alone thinking she was fucked up with the way she felt. She had no idea what this was about.

Precisely right.

This site actually might go up in traffic until they figure out what to do with that invite system over there. So, we're kind of back to what it was before in the times prior to 2008 as far as how to find the kinky people. If the real thing is for new people to find stuff, hopefully, talking about other methods besides Fet leads to that.

quote:

Nor do I... although someone that is unsure of what they are feeling may well simply bugger off to some other site or give up entirely due to Fet's policy.

They might and I'm certainly not saying that isn't one of the possibilities. Some people, frankly, will try harder than others. Some will try again later. Some might take the suggestions on this thread. No way to tell.

quote:

I want to start a site, and create an app for "kinksters". I have the drive and the determination, I am simply not sure who can help me where I lack.

There absolutely are people on this site who could help with that. People way smarter than me and with different skills.

quote:

LP, you have my respect, I hope you know that... but my opposition of Fet's choice is born out of the fact that there are not a whole hell of a lot of sites or outlets where people such as us can find each other. Fet limiting its membership to invite only strangles those that are sincerely seeking... note the word sincerely.

:)

Yeah, and it's cool. I actually know I'm in the minority opinion on this one.

At the same time, whether we agree on an invite only policy or waiting list, or anything else Fet is doing, we still have to look at what we have right now. Like everybody else around here, I've recommended Fet to all kinds of new people just because they stumbled on this site. Right now, that's not really a viable option because all they are going to get is that waiting list page.

If we really say that we want to help people find munches, events, kinky folks, etc, we have to have directions to point them in. Things like independent web pages to local groups or the munch directory. (Can't suggest enough that if the local group doesn't have a webpage, this would be the time to get one up.) How to do it other than Fet is an instrumental tool right now.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 7/26/2016 8:11:25 AM >

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RE: How to find kinky people without Fet - 7/26/2016 8:40:39 AM

Bhruic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I want to start a site, and create an app for "kinksters". I have the drive and the determination, I am simply not sure who can help me where I lack.

Drive and determination are critical components for success, but what you also need is excellent UX design targeted at the specific needs of the individuals in the community, real, professional, programmers that can handle the features and security you need and can work in a continuous integration development framework, and money... a fair chunk of money.

The hobby sites, made with off the shelf tools, ultimately crumble under their own weight.

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